1. health and fitness
2. disorders
3. mental disorder
4. panic and anxiety

Bouncing Back:
The Neuroscience of
Resilience and Well-Being
Momentous Institute
April 10, 2015
Linda Graham, MFT
linda@lindagraham-mft.net
www.lindagraham-mft.net
Linda Graham, MFT
Marriage and Family Therapist – 25 years
Bouncing Back: Rewiring Your Brain for
Maximum Resilience and Well-Being
2013 Books for a Better life award
2014 Better Books for a Better World award
linda@lindagraham-mft.net
www.lindagraham-mft.net
There are no mistakes when there is learning.
- Julia Butterfly Hill
 The brain learns from experience
 People can learn to respond differently
 To manage stress
 To bounce back from adversity
 People can choose new experiences that
 Create new coping strategies
 Rewire old coping strategies
 People can strengthen their response flexibility
 To recover their resilience and well-being
Resilience
 Deal with challenges and crises
 Bounce back from adversity
 Recover our balance and equilibrium
 Find refuges and maximize resources
 Cope skillfully, flexibly, adaptively
 Shift perspectives, open to possibilities, create
options, find meaning and purpose
Resilience for Students
 Manage impulses, appropriate behavior
 Curiosity, openness to learning and change
 Process-encode information into memory
 Use information creatively and productively
 Imagine, think, plan
 Navigate social world, social intelligence
 Empathic interactions with others
 Develop identity, core values, moral compass
 Contribute to larger community, world
Resilience
 Hardiness: capacities to last, to endure, to persevere,
to follow through, capacities of determination and
grit.
 Coping: Face and deal with disappointments,
difficulties, even disasters; bounce back from
troubles, from adversity, from the unexpected, from
the truly awful.
 Flexibility: Adaptability, capacity to shift gears
It is not the strongest of the species that
survives,
nor the most intelligent that survives.
It is the one that is the most adaptive to change.
- Charles Darwin
Between a stimulus and response there is a
space. In that space is our power to choose
our response. In our response lies our growth
and our freedom. The last of human freedoms
is to choose one’s attitude in any given set of
circumstances.
- Viktor Frankl, Austrian psychiatrist,
survivor of Auschwitz
Evolutionary legacy
Genetic templates
Family of origin conditioning
Norms-expectations of culture-society
Who we are and how we cope….
…is not our fault.
 Given neuroplasticity
 And choices of self-directed neuroplasticity
 Who we are and how we cope…
 …is our responsibility

- Paul Gilbert, The Compassionate Mind
6 C’s of Coping
 Calm
 Compassion
 Clarity
 Connections to Resources
 Competence
 Courage
Calm
 Manage disruptive emotions
 Tolerate distress
 Down-regulate stress to return to baseline
equilibrium
Compassion
 Being touched, moved by experience of pain and
suffering
 Flow of kindness, tenderness, care and concern
toward experiencer of pain and suffering
 Wise action to alleviate pain and suffering
 One cannot live with sighted eyes and feeling heart
and not know the misery which affects the world.
- Lorraine Hansberry
 Compassion is a verb. – Thich Nhat Hanh
Clarity
 Pause, become present
 Notice and name
 Step back, dis-entangle, reflect
 Shift perspectives; shift states
 Discern options
 Choose wisely – let go of unwholesome,
cultivate wholesome
Connections
Increasing the social connections in our lives is
probably the single easiest way to enhance our
well-being.
- Matthew Lieberman, UCLA
author of Wired to Connect
Competence
 Empowerment and mastery from changing old
coping strategies, learning new ones
 Embodying, “I am somebody who CAN do
this.”
 You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to
surf. - Jon Kabat-Zinn
Courage
 Using signal anxiety as cue to:
 Try something new
 Take risks
 Move resilience beyond personal self
Practices to Accelerate Brain Change
 Presence – primes receptivity of brain
 Intention/choice – activates plasticity
 Practice – creates new pathways, new more
resilient habits of coping
 Perseverance – installs change
Modern Brain Science
Neuroscience technology is 25 years old
The field of neuroscience is so new,
we must be comfortable not only
venturing into the unknown
but into error.
- Richard Mendius, M.D.
Neuroscience of Resilience
 Mindfulness meditation improves attention
and impulse control; students get better
grades, higher SAT scores; schools have less
violence, less bullying
 Oxytocin (neurostransmitter of safety and
trust) can calm a panic attack in less than a
minute
 Kindness and comfort protects against stress,
trauma, psychopathology - lifelong
Neuroplasticity
 Growing new neurons
 Strengthening synaptic connections
 Myelinating pathways – faster processing
 Creating and altering brain structure and
circuitry
 Organizing and re-organizing functions of brain
structures
Mechanisms of Brain Change
 Conditioning
 New Conditioning
 Re-Conditioning
 De-Conditioning
Conditioning
 Experience causes neurons to fire
 Repeated experiences, repeated neural firings
 Neurons that fire together wire together
 Strengthen synaptic connections
 Connections stabilize into neural pathways
 Without intervention, is what the brain does all
the time
 Conditioning is neutral, wires positive and
negative
The brain is shaped by experience. And because
we have a choice about what experiences we
want to use to shape our brain, we have a
responsibility to choose the experiences that
will shape the brain toward the wise and the
wholesome.
- Richard J. Davidson, PhD
Pre-Frontal Cortex
 Development kindled in relationships
 Executive center of higher brain
 Evolved most recently – makes us human
 Matures the latest – 25 years of age
 Most integrative structure of brain
 Evolutionary masterpiece
 CEO of resilience
Functions of Pre-Frontal Cortex
 Regulate body and nervous system
 Quell fear response of amygdala
 Manage emotions
 Attunement – felt sense of feelings
 Empathy – making sense of expereince
 Insight and self-knowing
 Response flexibility
 Planning, decision making
New Conditioning
 Choose new experiences
 Gratitude practice, listening skills, focusing
attention, self-compassion, self-acceptance
 Create new learning, new memory
 Encode new wiring
 Install new pattern of response
Re-conditioning
 Memory de-consolidation – re-consolidation
 “Light up” neural networks
 Juxtapose old negative with new positive
 Neurons fall apart, rewire
 New rewires old
Modes of Processing
 Focused Attention
 Tasks and details
 Deliberate, guided change
 New conditioning and re-conditioning
 De-focused Attention
 Default network
 Mental play space – random change
 De-conditioning
De-Conditioning
 Default network
 De-focusing, loosens grip of attention
 Creates mental play space, free association
 Can drop into worry, rumination
 Plane of open possibilities
 Brain makes new links, associations
 New insights, aha!s new behaviors
De-Conditioning
 Imagination
 Guided visualizations
 Guided meditations
 Reverie, daydreams
 Brain “plays,” makes own associations and
links, connect dots in new ways
 Reflect on new insights
Keep Calm and Carry On
Serenity is not freedom from the storm
but peace amidst the storm.
- author unknown
Calm
 Manage disruptive emotions
 Tolerate distress
 Down-regulate stress to return to baseline
equilibrium
3 Motivational Systems
 Threat-protection
 cortisol
 Satisfaction-reward
 dopamine
 Soothing-comfort-caregiving
 oxytocin
Window of Tolerance
 SNS – explore, play, create, produce…. OR
Fight-flight-freeze
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Baseline physiological equilibrium
Calm and relaxed, engaged and alert
WINDOW OF TOLERANCE
Relational and resilient
Equanimity
 PNS – inner peace, serenity…. OR
Numb out, collapse
Hand on the Heart
 Touch – oxytocin – safety and trust
 Deep breathing – parasympathetic
 Breathing ease into heart center
 Brakes on survival responses
 Coherent heart rate
 Being loved and cherihed
 Oxytocin – direct and immediate antidote to stress
hormone cortisol
 Pre-empts stress response
Calm through the Body
 Hand on the Heart
 Hugs
 Body Scan
 Progressive Muscle Relaxation
 Power Posing
Power Posing
 Amy Cuddy TED talk
 Before important meeting or interview:
 Stand tall and straight, like mountain pose in
yoga
 Lift your arms in triumph
 or
 Place hands on hips (Wonder Woman)
Mindfulness and Compassion
Awareness of what’s happening
(and our reactions to what’s happening)
Acceptance of what’s happening
(and our reactions to what’s happening)
Two most powerful agents of brain change known
to science; both foster response flexibility
Rewiring that is safe, efficient, effective
Compassion Practice
 Mindfulness
 Awareness of what’s happening
 (and our reaction to what’s happening)
 Self-Compassion
 Acceptance of what’s happening
 (and our reaction to what’s happening)
 Compassion – Common Humanity
 Wise effort in response to what’s happening
 (and our reactions to what’s happening)
Mindfulness and Compassion
Activate Caregiving System
 Mindfulness
 Focuses awareness on experience
 May I accept this moment, exactly as it is
 Self-Compassion
 Focuses kindness on experiencer
 May I accept myself exactly as I am in this moment
 Activates caregiving system
 Shift from reactivity and contraction to openness,
engagement
Caregiving System
 Activates oxytocin, hormone of safety and
trust
 Down-regulates stress hormone cortisol
 Returns nervous system to calm, equilibrium
 Creates left shift; brain more open to, engaged
with experience; larger perspective
 Common humanity – social engagement
Self-Compassion Break
 Notice moment of suffering
 Ouch! This hurts! This is painful.
 Soothing touch (hand on heart, cheek, hug)
 Kindness toward experiencer
 May I be kind to myself in this moment
 May I accept this moment exactly as it is
 May I accept myself in this moment exactly as I am
 May I give myself all the compassion I need to
respond to this moment wisely
Loving Kindness with
Self-Compassion
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Sit comfortably, focus on gentle breathing, in and out
Feel breath in entire body; let your body breathe you
Breathe into areas of physical stress, discomfort
Notice difficult emotions; incline awareness toward
contraction or discomfort
 Self-compassion phrases: “May I be….”
 Your own phrases of kindness, tenderness, care
 Rest in stillness and peace in body
One for Me; One for You
 Breathing in, “nourishing, nourishing”
 Breathing out, “soothing, soothing”
 In imagination, “nourishing for me, nourishing
for you, soothing for me, soothing for you”
 “One for me, one for you”
 Practice breathing “one for me, one for you”
when in conversation with someone
Caregiving with Equanimity
Everyone is on his or her own life journey.
I am not the cause of this person’s suffering,
nor is it entirely within my power to make it go
away,
even if I wish I could.
Moments like this are difficult to bear,
Yet I may still try to help if I can.
Positive Emotions
Gratitude
Awe
Generosity
Compassion
Delight
Serenity
Love
Curiosity
Kindness
Joy
Trust
Negativity Bias – Left Shift
 Brain hard-wired to notice and remember
negative and intense more than positive and
subtle; how we survive as individuals and as a
species
 Leads to tendency to avoid experience
 Positive emotions activate “left shift,” brain is
more open to approaching experience,
learning, and action
Positive Emotions
 Less stress, anxiety, depression, loneliness
 More friendships, social support, collaboration
 Shift in perspectives, more optimism
 More creativity, productivity
 Better health, better sleep
 Live on average 7-9 years longer
 Resilience is direct outcome
Benefits of Self-Compassion
 Increased motivation; efforts to learn and grow
 Less fear of failure; greater likelihood to try again
 Taking responsibility for mistakes; apologies and
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forgiveness
More resilience in coping with life stressors
Less depression, anxiety, stress, avoidance
Healthier relationships; more support and, less control
and/or aggression
Increased social connectedness, life satisfaction, and
happiness
A hundred times every day, I remind myself that
my inner and outer life depend on the labors of
other people, and that I must exert myself in
order to give in the same measure as I have
received and am still receiving.
- Albert Einstein
Gratitude
 2-minute free write
 Gratitude journal
 Gratitude buddy
 Carry love and appreciation in your wallet
Take in the Good
 Notice: in the moment or in memory
 Enrich: felt sense in the body
 Absorb: savor 10-20-30 seconds
 Repeat: 6 times a day; install in long-term
memory
Circle of Support
 Call to mind people who have been supportive
of you; who have “had your back”
 Currently, in the past, in imagination
 Imagine them gathered around you, or behind
you, lending you their faith in you, and their
strengths in coping
 Imagine your circle of support present with
you as you face difficult people or situations
Positivity Portfolio
 Ask 10 friends to send cards or e-mails
expressing appreciation of you
 Assemble phrases on piece of paper
 Tape to bathroom mirror or computer monitor,
carry in wallet or purse
 Read phrases 3 times a day for 30 days
 Savor and appreciate
Mindfulness
Focused attention on
present moment experience
without judgment or resistance.
- Jon Kabat-Zinn
Mindfulness
 Pause, become present
 Notice and name
 Step back, dis-entangle, reflect
 Shift perspectives; shift states
 Discern options
 Choose wisely – let go of unwholesome,
cultivate wholesome
 Response flexibility creates resilience
Mindfulness and
Therapy/Counseling
 Even-hovering attention
 Unconditional positive regard
 Observing ego
 “What are you noticing now?”
 Catch the moment; make a choice
Affectionate Breathing
 Sit comfortably; breathe slowly and gently.
 Incline your awareness toward your breathing
with tenderness and curiosity
 Let the body breathe itself; notice the natural
nourishing and soothing of the body
 Feel the whole body breathe
 Allow the body to be gently rocked by the breath
 Savor the stillness and peace in the body
Soles of the Feet
 Stand up; feel soles of feet on the floor
 Rock back and forth, rock side to side
 Make little circles with your knees
 Walk slowly; notice changes in sensations
 Offer gratitude to your feet that support your
entire body, all day long
Shifting Perspectives in Nature
 BELLY BOTANY
 Select a one square foot patch of earth.
Observe patch from two feet away/above
for two minutes.
 (light and shadow, movement and stillness,
beauty and decay, life and death)
 Shift your view to the larger landscape, all the
way to the horizon.
 Reflect on shift in perspective.
Notice and Name
 Increasingly complex objects of awareness:
Sensations as sensations
Emotions as emotions
Cascades of emotions as cascades
Thoughts as thoughts
Patterns of thoughts as patterns
States of mind as states of mind
Identities, belief systems and identities as
 Mental contents, patterns of neural firing
 Awareness itself- a vast sky that clouds and storms pass
through
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Mindfulness
Catch the moment; make a choice
- Janet Friedman
Every moment has a choice;
Every choice has an impact.
- Julia Butterfly Hill
Autobiography in Five Short
Chapters – Portia Nelson
I
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in.
I am lost…I am helpless
It isn’t my fault.
It takes me forever to find a way out.
II
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I’m in the same place
But, it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
III
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in…it’s a habit
My eyes are open,
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
IV
I walk down the same street
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
V
I walk down another street.
-Portia Nelson
Connections
Increasing the social connections in our lives is
probably the single easiest way to enhance our
well-being.
- Matthew Lieberman, UCLA
Kindness is more important than wisdom,
And the recognition of that is the beginning of
wisdom.
- Theodore Rubin
Ah, the comfort,
The inexpressible comfort
Of feeling safe with a person.
Having neither to weigh out thoughts
Nor words,
But pouring them all right out, just as they are,
Chaff and grain together;
Certain that a faithful hand
Will take them and sift them;
Keeping what is worth keeping and,
With the breath of kindness,
Blow the rest away.
- Dinah Craik
Compassionate Friend
 Sit comfortably; hand on heart for loving awareness
 Imagine safe place
 Imagine warm, compassionate figure –
Compassionate Friend
 Sit-walk-talk with compassionate friend
 Discuss difficulties; listen for exactly what you need
to hear from compassionate friend
 Receive object of remembrance from friend
 Reflect-savor intuitive wisdom
Shame De-Rails Resilience
Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience
of believing we are flawed and therefore
unworthy of acceptance and belonging.
Shame erodes the part of ourselves that believes
we are capable of change. We cannot change and
grow when we are in shame, and we can’t use
shame to change ourselves or others.
- Brene Brown, PhD
Wished for Outcome
 Evoke memory of what did happen
 Imagine new behaviors, new players, new
resolution
 Hold new outcome in awareness,
strengthening and refreshing
 Notice shift in perspective of experience, of
self
Competence
 Empowerment and mastery from changing old
coping strategies, learning new ones
 Embodying, “I am somebody who CAN do
this.”
You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to
surf. -Jon Kabat-Zinn
Learning Model
 Unconscious Incompetence
 Conscious Incompetence
 Conscious Competence
 Unconscious Competence
Coherent Narrative
 This is what happened.
 This is what I did.
 This has been the cost.
 This is what I learned.
 This is what I would do differently going
forward.
Find the Gift in the Mistake
 Regrettable Moment – Teachable Moment
 What’s Right with this Wrong?
 What’s the Lesson?
 What’s the Cue to Act Differently?
 Find the Gift in the Mistake
I am no longer afraid of storms,
For I am learning how to sail my ship.
- Louisa May Alcott
Courage
It’s as wrong to deny the possible
As it is to deny the problem.
- Dennis Seleeby
A ship is safe in harbor, but that’s not what ships are for.
- Grace Hopper
Yes, risk-taking is inherently failure-prone.
Otherwise, it would be called sure thing-taking
- Tim McMahon
Do One Scary Thing a Day
 Venture into New or Unknown
 Somatic marker of “Uh, oh”
 Dopamine disrupted
 Cross threshold into new
 Satisfaction, mastery
 Dopamine restored
Human Brain:
Evolutionary Masterpiece
 100 billion neurons
 Each neuron contains the entire human genome
 Neurons “fire” hundreds of time per second
 Neurons connect to 5,000-7,000 other neurons
 Trillions of synaptic connections
 As many connections in single cubic centimeter of
brain tissue as stars in Milky Way galaxy
How to Replenish Human Brain
 Exercise-Movement
 Sleep - Rest
 Nutrition
 Laughter-Play
 Learn Something New
 Hang Out with Healthy Brains
Exercise - Movement
 Macro
 cardio – BDNF
 Yoga, qi gong – move the energy
 Micro
 3-minute better than nothing workout
 Move your body once every hour
 Sense and savor walk
Sleep - Rest
 Macro – 8 hours every night
 Housekeeping
 Reset nervous system
 Consolidate learning
 Sleep hygiene
 Micro
 Take mental breaks; switch the channel
 Take a nap
 Mini-meditate (10 breaths)
Take Mental Breaks
 Focus on something else (positive is good)
 Talk to someone else (resonant is good)
 Move-walk somewhere else (nature is good)
 Every 90 minutes; avoid adrenal fatigue
Nutrition
 Macro
 Eat healthy!

More protein, more water, less sugar, less carbs,
less calories, less caffeine/alcohol
 Micro
 Savor (eat a raisin meditation)
 Eat one meal a day without doing anything else
Laughter-Play
 Macro
 Have a good time at family/friends
dinner/celebration
 Schedule a play date
 Schedule a silly date
 Micro
 Watch a 4-minute Happify Daily video
 Read two minutes of jokes
Learn Something New
 Macro
 Speak a foreign language
 Play a musical instrument
 Juggle
 Play chess
 Micro
 Learn a new poem, quote, flower, bird each day
Hang Out with Healthy Brains
 Macro
 Friendships, extra-curricular activities and clubs,
athletics, choir
 Practice gratitude at family dinners
 Micro
 Read 10 pages of a good book, magazine article, blog
post
 Send the link of the above to a friend
 Send a text or email of gratitude, acknowledgement,
appreciation to friend, co-worker
There is a natural and inviolable tendency in
things to bloom into whatever they truly are in
the core of their being.
All we have to do is align ourselves with what
wants to happen naturally and put in the effort
that is our part in helping it happen.
- David Richo
Mastering the art of resilience does much more
than restore you to who you once thought you
were. Rather, you emerge from the experience
transformed into a truer expression of who you
were really meant to be.
- Carol Orsborn
Bouncing Back:
The Neuroscience of
Resilience and Well-Being
Momentous Institute
April 10, 2015
Linda Graham, MFT
linda@lindagraham-mft.net
www.lindagraham-mft.net