girlFrieND BLUEPRINT 3.0
GIRLFRIEND BLUEPRINT 3.0 GIRLFRIEND BLUEPRINT 3.0 By Craig Miller By CRAIG MILLER GIRLFRIEND BLUEPRINT 3.0 Welcome to the Girlfriend Blueprint, revision 3. I intend to update this book frequently and you’ll receive live updates for free. The book is broken into two different parts… Part one is about compatibility factors and making sure you have the highest chance of finding that one girl who’s really great for you, so you can enjoy a long lasting, happy relationship free of problems and drama. Part two is about getting a girl from the courting stage into a relationship, so if you’ve got a girl you’re seeing right now you can follow a simple process to make her your girlfriend. PART ONE: FIND THAT GIRL Chemistry is a hard thing to predict, because often, you really don’t know until many months of being together how good it’s going to be. Further, chemistry is not static, its always changing and it could be great one month and not so great the next. So I’ve chosen to rely on proven factors, determined through research, of what the “long lasting” couples have in common and giving you practical, discreet tools to see if those factors exist between you and the girl you’re interested in. I put “long lasting” in quotes, because really, you could have lots of different criteria for what makes a relationship great and that’s going to change from guy to guy. Here are the key categories determined to influence longer lasting relationships… • • • • Personality factors Physical factors (your looks, etc) Static Attributes (your family background, nurturing, etc) Changeable Attributes (your income, etc) We’re only going to be focusing on the first two, because that’s what you have control over. By building on existing research from a variety of sources, these two categories breakdown into the following factors… 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. Trust Intimacy Positivity / optimism Financial values Agreeableness Introvert / extrovert By CRAIG MILLER GIRLFRIEND BLUEPRINT 3.0 7. Spirituality / religion 8. Cultural values Before we move forward, in case you’re curious, the list you just read is compiled from commonalities between the Bross Bennett Compatibility Quiz (BBCQ), E-Harmony matching factors, general formulas for more modern online match making sites, OKCupid.com’s compatibility research, Corrine Sweet’s formula for love and my own personal experience working with hundreds of clients for nearly 10 years. Corrine Sweet’s “Formula For Love”, based on a survey of over 2,000 women looks like this… L = 8 + .5Y - .2P + .9Hm + .3Mf + J - .3G - .5(Sm - Sf)2 + I + 1.5C L = the predicted length in years of the relationship Y = the number of years the two people knew each other before the relationship became serious P = the number of previous partners of both people added together Hm = the importance the male partner attaches to honesty in the relationship Mf = the importance the female attaches to money in the relationship J = the importance both attach to humor (added together) G = the importance both attach to good looks (added together) Sm and Sf = the importance male and female attach to sex I = the importance attached to having good in-laws (added together) C = the importance attached to children in the relationship (added together) Perhaps the most important general finding from all studies, was that the single most important predictor of relationship length were commonalities. Differences can initially be appealing, but they’re not so cute after two years. Online dating site OKCupid allows users to answer questions for compatibility matching and allows them to rank the questions from 1-4 in terms of importance, a 1 meaning “not that important” and a 4 meaning its “mandatory” their match gives the same answer. The site actually weighs matches using a point system where you’re given a whopping 50 points for answering the mandatory questions the same as your match and only 1 point for answering “not that important” to your match’s mandatory questions. In other words, commonalities are given extreme importance. For men, the site found similar personality and strong commonalities are 87% likely to be a predictor for relationship satisfaction. The strategy I’m about to lay out for you is strongly based on finding and confirming commonalities between you and the other person, so let’s get into some practical tools you can use to make that happen quickly, easily and discretely. By CRAIG MILLER GIRLFRIEND BLUEPRINT 3.0 Practical Compatibility Tools There are three types of testing tools to evaluate compatibility: questions you can ask, activities you can do together and actions you can observe in the other person. With that said, I’d like to give you two big warnings about the tools I’m about to hand you… Warning #1: If you’re hanging out with a girl you like, don’t get too caught up in evaluating. Enjoy yourself, don’t make her feel like you’re evaluating her or she’s under pressure. Only about 2-3% of your time should be spent actively evaluating, while the other 97% should just be enjoying yourself. Warning #2: What I’m about to tell you is not guaranteed to predict compatibility. These are just tips that are effective the vast majority of the time, but you certainly could find a girl who is great, yet does not pass some or all of these tests. Ok, with that said, lets jump into the three tools you can use… Tool #1: Get Clear On Your Goal Before you can find compatibility, you must first get clear on what you want. Below I’ve included an extremely important exercise. It might seem basic to you and there’s a tendency to want to skip it under the excuse that “I already know what I want” or “I’ll know it when I see it.” The truth, is that most men haven’t taken proper time to consciously identify everything. This process will bring all your criteria to the forefront of your brain. Second, it will reinforce the importance of these traits for you, so that when you meet a girl you can be much more sure, much faster, if she is what you’re looking for. So finally, this all adds up to more confidence. The clearer you are on what you want, why you want it and why you think that’s awesome will make you more confident, which in and of itself will attract more women. You always hear women say how attractive it is to meet a man who “knows what he wants” and this is going to help build that in you. EXERCISE: Get What You Want What do you want your ideal relationship to look like? To begin the exercise, get out a blank sheet of paper, draw two lines so you’ve got three columns. On the left side you list factors for an ideal relationship, such as... • • • • How much time you spend together? How often are you having sex? What activities do you do together? What types of rules do you have? By CRAIG MILLER GIRLFRIEND BLUEPRINT 3.0 In the second column you write why this is important. In the third column you grade the item 1-3 as to how important it is. 3 being mandatory and a deal breaker, and 1 being not that important. Spend 10 minutes brainstorming on each of these sheets. Remember back to girls you’ve dated or met: what did you like most about them? When you imagine that ideal girl in your mind, what are you doing together and how is she acting? Lastly, save the sheet somewhere for later reference and to continually expand and update your list. This should be a work in progress that grows as you think of new things and changes as your tastes change. Don’t worry about getting it perfect the first time. Here are a few useful tips on this exercise… Make a list of the “perfect scenario” without worrying about being realistic Add photos to make it more solid and really drive it into your conscious mind This is a work in progress, always add to it Just in case my reasoning above wasn’t enough to do this exercise, researcher Dr. Edwin Locke found that 90% of the time setting specific goals leads to better performance and better results. In addition, researchers have revealed that people with dating goals report more satisfaction with their relationships. Finally, consider this an exercise in honestly. Researchers discovered that truthfulness, also labeled “dispositional authenticity,” is directly related to their relationship’s functionality and outcome. Women’s dispositional authenticity does not have this impact. Higher levels of openness and honesty among men lead to more intimate and constructive relationships, as well as healthier relationship function and quality. Tool #2: Get Clear On The Girl EXERCISE: The List What qualities will your ideal girl have? Repeat the first exercise again, but this time for traits for your ideal girl. These can be based on… By CRAIG MILLER GIRLFRIEND BLUEPRINT 3.0 • • • • • Physical traits Personality quirks Spirituality Religion Interests First column is the trait you desire, the second column “why this is important” and the third column rank it from 1-3. Tool #3: The Man She Naturally Chooses Take a look in the mirror and consider these questions… • What do the women you’re looking for want? • Are you the right guy for them currently? • What do you maybe need to change to get the girl you really want? • How do you make yourself the ideal guy for that girl? EXERCISE: Be The Man Again, split a blank piece of paper into two equal columns. On the left, list the qualities that would make a man perfect for your “ideal girl.” In the center, list practical actions or activities you could use to develop these qualities. Make sure the steps are specific and actionable. For example, it could be changing how you dress or exploring new interests. If you want to explore a new interest it might mean buying a certain album, reading a magazine or attending a concert or art event – and if so, which art event will you attend and where? The reason we deal with specifics is so the action is simple and easy to take. The less specific we are, the more vague the actions needed to be taken are and the harder it is to take them. Now that you’ve clear on what you want, you’re going to be a lot more confident. If you’re working to become the man your dream girl naturally wants, then you’ll get to do half the job of attracting her without having to even think about it. That means you can bring your remaining to focus to decide if she’s the girl for you or not. Looks aside, here are three types of practical “tests” you can use to find out what your chances of long term potential are. By CRAIG MILLER GIRLFRIEND BLUEPRINT 3.0 Test #1: Questions If you’re looking for a relationship, three questions stood out as the right ones to ask on a first date: • Do you like horror movies? • Have you ever traveled around another country alone? • Wouldn’t it be fun to chuck it all and go live on a sailboat? When couples agreed on one or more of these questions, it generally foretold a successful relationship. OKCupid figured this out by analyzing 34,260 real-world couples who deleted their accounts because they met someone via the site and didn’t need it anymore. 32% agreed on the answer to all three questions. But we can also gather a lot of further insight from these questions: they’re all related to building commonalities. Further research among online dating users who messaged each other found that the following words boosted response rate by 35-45%... • • • • • • • • zombie band tattoo literature studying vegetarian metal favorite movies (topic) Again these are referencing commonalities and at the same time there’s a lot of good evidence on questions you could ask a girl during a date. As cliché as it might sound, food, music, movies, school and art are great topics to start. PRO TIP: Look For Clues When you’re with your girl, pay very close attention to how she’s dressed, her jewelry, tattoos – everything! Giving her compliments about these things and asking follow-up questions to show your interest is a killer one-two punch to build commonalities. By CRAIG MILLER GIRLFRIEND BLUEPRINT 3.0 When you’ve used one or two of these, you can also try these broader questions that are designed to expose interest… • • • • • What did you did past weekend? What are you plans for the coming weekend? What did you do today? What area of town do you live in? Where are you originally from? Again, these questions might sound cliché, but that’s not a problem. The important part is that you sound genuinely interested in getting to know her when you ask these questions. If it sounds like you’re asking these questions because you can’t think of anything else to say, she’ll get the impression you don’t really care about the answer – or her, much less for that matter. Creating Your OWN Questions Get creative. You know what you want in your ideal girl at this point, so feel free to ask questions that will naturally lead the conversation to the answers you want. Does she love food? Does she love the same bands you love? Some men steer away from these topics for fear of losing a girl, but the goal here is to make sure she’s the best girl for you through compatibility and if she’s not a good match then the less time you spend with her, the more time you can spend looking for the right girl. So there’s no harm in cutting to the chase occasionally, just don’t be all business and make sure you both enjoy yourselfs. PRO TIP: The Ex-Boyfriend Trick Just how some psychologists argue that women are essentially looking for their father in another man, it’s also true that women look for their ex-boyfriend in a man. After all, it was a man she was strongly attracted to. I’ve found that very often, women become turned on by a guy just because he looks like their ex-boyfriend and perhaps even you might notice your interest in girls who look and act familiar to a past relationship. Here are three key questions that can give you extreme undercover insight into her desires and preferences in a man. I like to slowly move into this line of questions by moving to the topic of how long she’s been single and if she’s dating anyone interesting lately, then I’ll ask… By CRAIG MILLER GIRLFRIEND BLUEPRINT 3.0 • How long were you and your last boyfriend together? • Why did you call it quits? • I know this might sound strange, but what did you like most about him? The third question is really where the money is at. She will essentially be handing you a blueprint to her desires. Also question #2 is useful as well. If she got dumped or he broke her heart, this will likely only intensify her attraction for him and other mention in whom she finds similar traits. You may also want to find out what he was like, how they met, how the relationship started and how they transitioned from courtship to dating. Did he resist? Did he chase? How did it go down? Test #2: Activities Think of a date as a test. Choose activities you like or want to do with someone, see how she responds, actions speak louder than words. I suggest keeping the intensity of the activities low when you’re first getting to know each other and gradually raising them on the second or third date. Here are some great date ideas that can expose your dates inner personality and help you find commonalities… The Drinks Date – This is a standard one, but grabbing drinks at a bar you like is a good way to gauge her impression of you. It’s ok to take your date somewhere “nice,” but avoid taking her to a place you don’t enjoy. You want to see how she’s going to react to being a part of your life. If she likes your taste in bars, it’s a good sign. The Haunted House – I got this gem from a friend of mine. He would take girls to a local haunted house that ran year round. While it’s just for fun, you can see how she’ll react when she’s in a difficult situation she’s not expecting. This is also an incredible bonding experience as couple who successful navigate challenges together and emerge victorious (even if it’s a haunted house) indicate a significantly higher happiness level in their relationship. Mini Golf – I’ve heard numerous women sing the praises of mini golf as something fun and unusual for a first date. Plus it puts you both in an interesting scenario right off the bat where there’s competition involved. You can help her, compete with her and you both risk embarrassing yourselves while expose the real sides of your personality. By CRAIG MILLER GIRLFRIEND BLUEPRINT 3.0 For your second date you can bring up the intensity of the activities. You could go hiking, dancing, cooking at home or in a class, hit a concert or an art exhibit. Spending time together is undoubtedly important. When developing date ideas, bare in mind that couples who engage in “exciting” activities, such as hiking, dancing, or concerts, versus couples whose date night consists of dinner and a movie are more satisfied in their relationships. Researchers at the Stony Brook University found couples who participate in novel and arousing activities exercise their cooperation, interdependence and closeness. Test #3: Actions As important as it is for you to develop your relationship, execute challenging and thrilling dates to test the negative qualities or deal breakers on your list. Pick your top-three most critical traits and try to create an activity designed to test each one. Become closer with her while testing her to see if you can handle her negative qualities or if she has the positive qualities you desire most. For example, take a dinner date. Although it seems mundane, there is a lot to learn. Come up with your own dates. The more novel the better. Fail: If she steals food off your plate without offering a bite of hers in return. “This ‘space invading’ signals a ‘what’s mine is mine, and what’s yours is mine’ attitude,” warns Dr. Van Epp, a relationship researcher. Pass: She doesn’t dominate the conversation. She asks more questions, speaks for shorter periods and uses words which show consideration for your feelings, such as ‘perhaps’ or ‘maybe.’ Just remember, passing and failing are not related to universal criteria, they are related to the specific criteria that you are seeking in a girl, which is why it’s so important you do the exercises to get really clear on what you want. That sums up the compatibility tools section and now, onto the steps to follow to make her yours. Post-Date Debrief Again, I want to emphasize that you plan your date carefully before it starts, enjoy yourself during the date and the spend the time after the date evaluating it. You do not want to make your date feel like you’re standing there with a metaphorical clipboard judging her. This type of behavior will make her stiff, self-conscious and even upset. You want to allow the opportunity for you to both enjoy yourself and give real chemistry a chance to unfold while you By CRAIG MILLER GIRLFRIEND BLUEPRINT 3.0 both take part on a date that you carefully chose and designed. Occasionally, you’ll pepper in a few curious questions to uncover commonalities. PART TWO: MAKE HER YOURS After helping hundreds of clients get that one great girl to fall for them or to get their ex back or to get a girlfriend, I’ve found one major mistake almost all these men have in common… Most men believe that when they finally meet that one girl, they need to try extra hard to make sure it goes well. They stop doing the small, but critical things they did in the past that got other girls to like them (usually they weren’t interested in these girls) and they now start doing all sorts of extra things for that one girl they like because they reason that she’s “different” or they need to do an extra great job because it’s important this time. These strange excuses for why they suddenly needed to do these things are a clear indicator that they’re starting to make a giant mistake, leading down the path to eventually losing the girl. I’ll give you some examples… Giving a girl extra attention because they wanted the girl to know they were “really interested in her” Texting and calling more often because they didn’t want her to think they “weren’t interested” Clearing their calendar because they wanted her to know she was important and that they were serious about dating Taking things slow because “this girl is different” or they respect her more or see her as “girlfriend material” Meanwhile, I’d ask, “so how did you act with those girls who were chasing you in the past?” And the response is usually… “well, Craig, I really wasn’t that interested in those girls.” But after encouraging them to remember how they acted, it usually came out that they didn’t do nearly as much work, yet that only made these girls want them more. In the book The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand, there’s a character named Ellsworth Toohey who can argue any side of side of a debate and win because he’s so persuasive. I’m always reminded of this character when I ask my clients about the reasons they treat these “special” girls so much differently. Their brain comes up with some very persuasive and logical reasons. On paper they sound extremely believable and it’s only through experience and being detached from their situation that I know they are wrong and are only fooling themselves. The funny thing is that most girls tell men “just be yourself” and, while it might sound cliché, that’s actually spot on advice. The problem is that that’s easier said than done. You need actionable steps in By CRAIG MILLER GIRLFRIEND BLUEPRINT 3.0 order to follow through with this advice, like “wear a white t-shirt.” So part two, we’re going to focus on are practical steps to “be yourself,” or more accurately: be the self that naturally attracts women. I’m not going to give you any magic lines, but what I am going to do is help you systematize the way you normally act around those women who start chasing you and help you use that same strategy with the women you really do like. So Why Do You Need A System? Can’t you just stop acting the way you’re acting and go back to normal now that I’ve told you this? Unfortunately, it’s not that simple. When a guy is around an attractive woman or a girl he likes, his behavior and thinking start to change. You’ve seen those scenes in movies where the guy turns into a bumbling idiot when the hot girl starts talking to him. He starts stuttering, he even says things do not even make sense. Unfortunately, this process only happens to men when the two first meet and for women, this is typically a turnoff and a subtle signal that this guy is not right for her. Recently a study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology found that a man’s IQ drops significantly after having a conversation with an attractive girl. After the conversation, men were asked a series of questions and had trouble answering basic information such as their phone number or address. The point is: when you really like a girl, when she’s really hot, when she’s better than all the rest and when it really matters most that you bring you “A game,” your own brain is sabotaging your efforts. Why? Who knows. Perhaps it’s to make sure the right men are coupled with the right women to ensure a successful continuation of our species – but really, it’s not important. The important part is what to do about it. After playing professional ice hockey for a portion of my life, I realized a very similar thing happens in sports. When it’s “game time” you get nervous. You can’t think the way you can when the pressure is off. You can’t tell yourself to remember things – that part of your brain is shut off. That’s why athletes and sports teams spend so much damn time practicing. Practicing actively builds the patterns and habits in their brain that will continue to operate on autopilot once that other part of their brain goes offline in an intense situation. By using a system, you can rely on the system and trust it, even when your brain is clouded or shut down. The most important thing to remember here is this: you absolutely cannot rely on your own judgment in these situations. I’ve found my clients overanalyzing, changing their opinions and behavior from how they normally act and defending it to me like it’s the best decision, even if it’s clearly not. By CRAIG MILLER GIRLFRIEND BLUEPRINT 3.0 In their cases, I was able to see the situation with a clear perspective and offer my expertise to help them finally find the path success by giving them a systematic approach. The goal of the system is to recreate that natural unattached guy, who is friendly and thinking... “I like this girl so far... it may work... it may not... I’m not thinking too much about it right now… this is not a big deal either way…” So before we jump into the system, let’s talk about self-diagnosis. Are you starting to become brainwashed by that girl you’re into? 4 Signs You’re Emotionally “Brainwashed” By A Girl 1. How much are you thinking about her? How much more or less than other girls who liked you in the past? 2. Are you starting to think she might be the one or you’re “in love” with her even though you haven’t had sex yet or haven’t been dating consistently for a three months? 3. Do you fantasize about doing things together? I ask these questions to my clients because they usually expose a strange tendency that all humans have to mentally “project.” Projecting is where we imagine a person having the ideal qualities we secretly crave from a relationship partner. You start to imagine doing activities with a girl, rather than reflecting on real life and what you’ve actually done together. You imagine how this person will act, what they will say and do, you imagine yourself in love with them, even though you barely know anything about them and your thoughts and feelings defy all logic –the truth is that she may not feel anything like this in return for you. Projecting is a dangerous thing, but just by being aware of it, we can conquer it. Just ask yourself: is it reasonable or logical for me to be thinking these thoughts? If I’ve only spent one hour with a girl am I really “in love?” If I’ve never really talked with a girl or only stared at her from a distance, is it logical to think she’d be great for me? Of course, it is totally ok and logical to admit your feelings of lust and that you’d be more than willing to sleep with a girl from the second you see her. Men Fall Faster. It’s also important to know that when we’re interested in a girl, that’s also the time when were most likely to mistakenly assume she’s just as interested in us. The reality is, she’s likely less interested at that point in time. A study found men indicated they were falling for a girl after an average of just 3 dates, while women took 12 dates, so the men got emotionally involved much faster than women. Keep in mind that when you feel this these deep feelings of desire early on, the woman is By CRAIG MILLER GIRLFRIEND BLUEPRINT 3.0 likely not on the same page as you yet – another reason to calculate your steps using a system. To further backup this study, a second study found that most couples say they exchange keys to each other’s homes between the 12th and 14th date, which is almost exactly when a woman starts to feel those feelings of desire. In my experience, a woman’s desires start to surpass the man’s after a few weeks of regular dating and sex – hence the 6 date mark that women indicated in the study. So with that being said, here’s my 3-Step Emotional Control System (ECS) for success… THE 3-STEP ECS SYSTEM Step #1: Past Success Reference Points (SRPs) The goal with Step 1 is to use your past behavior as reference for success and to help you uncover your naturally attractive qualities and behaviors so you make sure you don’t accidentally throw those away when they really matter. Here are criteria from past successes that you want to pay special attention to… Behaviors. How did you act in the past, even if you weren’t interested in these girls? Did you have any bad habits, even things some women might consider a little rude? Are there anything things you did to hint to a girl that you weren’t interested, but she kept pursuing you? Topics. What topics did you discuss? Statistics. What was the frequency and length of your activities like phone calls, dates and text messages? What times of the day and what days of the week did you stay in contact? Go back and look at anything you can as REAL proof. This is always better than estimating. Make a journal and compile what you usually do when women are interested in you. Keep track of all the three factors above. Make your journal entries as systematic as possible, for example, “If THIS happens then do THAT” type of stuff. Make it very simple like a manual to install a cable box or setup a new computer. The goal here is to get to know YOURSELF and how you normally act when you’re naturally attracting women. Step #2: Baseline Behavior The term “baseline behavior” refers to how you normally act around a girl who finds you attractive and helps you ensure you’re not overdoing it. Think of it as going to the doctor and getting your heart By CRAIG MILLER GIRLFRIEND BLUEPRINT 3.0 rate or blood pressure measured. The doctor can then mark the measurements down on your chart and tell you if its higher or lower than it was in the past and if that’s better or worse for you as an individual. I like to use the term “active disinterest” to explain the techniques I’m about to teach you, because this really is an active technique that you are consciously implementing. Typically, disinterest is not planned, but because we cannot rely on our brains to behave normal, we need to re-create our normal behavior that has naturally attracted women in the past. Let your attention drift. When you’re hanging out with your best friend, chances are, you miss about 20-30% of what they say. It either goes in one ear and out the other or you need to ask them to repeat it, but you aren’t paying full attention 100% of the time. You may be staring into space, thinking about something else, getting a text message, etc. I recommend occasionally letting your attention drift, asking her to repeat something or getting pulled away from the conversation by an important text. Warning: Do NOT come across as rude here. Once you employ these techniques you must be apologetic and they must be used sparingly. Also, when letting your attention drift, do not stare at other women. Take extra time in the bathroom. When I go to the bathroom on a date, I sometimes like to take an extra 60-90 seconds and keep my dating waiting. You can always apologize and say you guy a surprise phone call once you return. It’s good to instill a small bit of curiosity in her, like, “is he coming back?” or where you are and what you’re doing. Slap that look off your face. When we really like a girl our brain triggers a certain “love struck” look on our face causing us to smile excessively. Some smiling is good, it communicates to the other person you’re enjoying their company, but try match the amount you smile with her smiling. Don’t struggle answer EVERY question. Again, much like the attention drifting, answering every question is giving too much attention. A great way to avoid answering a question is to get sidetracked on another topic. You can say something like, “oh, I’ll tell you about that in a second, I just thought of the funniest thing and I want to tell you before I forget…” Don’t give excessive information. Talking about yourself is an easy way to kill a conversation because the spotlight is on you, not her, and talking too much about ourselves is shown to bore others in many cases. Second, keeping a sense of mystery about yourself is critical. If you give away too much, you risk killing her excitement. Try to answer questions with a few short words or a sentence, then ask a return question that puts the spotlight back on her. By CRAIG MILLER GIRLFRIEND BLUEPRINT 3.0 Be slightly late. This is something you really need to calibrate to your dating environment. For myself, with the age of the women I date and the city that I date in, women are usually around 10 minutes late almost like clockwork. You should aim to show up about 2-5 minutes after her. Sometimes I hang out at a bar next door and then make my way over after she notifies me she’s arrived. PRO TIP: The Late Text If you like to joke around, here’s a great text you can send – just make sure you’re at the venue already and you’re sure she’s there too but she has not seen you. At this point you can text… “Hey, I’m going to be about 30-40 minutes late” This is best for a first date, because at this point, the person doesn’t know you to well and may even get up to leave after receiving a text like this, but you can step in, smile and tell her you were here and were just kidding around. Again, this is good for men who have a good sense of humor, because you don’t want her taking you seriously. Let her know you have plans later (which you may choose to miss). This one is good for FIRST dates only as well. About 15 minutes into the date you can casually mention something about plans you have right after the date. The plans don’t have to be real and its best if they are casual plans, that way, if the night is going well and you’d like to extend the date, you can do so, without it sounding strange you’re skipping out on your prior plans. Texting rules. Calling or texting too much (length of message), too often and too soon will kill your chances. Again, men make the excuse that they’re worried she’ll think they aren’t interested, but this is rarely ever the case. 90% of men lose a girl due to neediness, not lack of attention. You’d have to totally ignore 2-3 attempts of her to contact you IN A ROW to make her think you weren’t interested, I’m talking totally dissing her here. Typically if I text a girl and don’t hear back early in the courting stage (before we’ve slept together), I’ll wait 24 hours before texting a second time and rarely will I text a third time unless it’s one final attempt. Afternoon is also a great time to text a girl and really gives things that “relationship” feel. Err on the side of disinterest. If you’re going to err on one side, err on the side of disinterest. Neediness kills attracting at lightning speed and there is rarely anything you can do to fix it once the damage is done. Rarely does a man lose a girl over disinterest. Finally, just to sum up all the techniques above, the goal here is NOT to act rude. Texting constantly during a date can make you look immature, unfriendly and inconsiderate. The goal is to act HUMAN! Texting, starting at other women, ignoring her purposefully, showing up unreasonably late By CRAIG MILLER GIRLFRIEND BLUEPRINT 3.0 Step 3: The Behavioral Compass The goal of the behavioral compass is to know which way you’re really headed. The compass can either be the journal you’ve written about your past behavior when women were interested, it can be a close friend that you trust (male or female) and it can also be the girl you’re interest in. The Journal We’ve gone over this already, but just to touch upon it quickly, if you’ve done the journal exercise earlier, you should have clear notes, both qualitative (your behaviors) and quantitative (times, lengths, frequencies), on how to act. Just take 15-30 minutes to compare your recent actions to your past actions to get clarify on if you’ve been changing your behavior. The Friend(s) Run a summary of your date or recent actions by a friend you trust to get their reaction. Tell them you don’t trust yourself to make the best decisions and you’d really value clear input from someone who isn’t involved in the situation. Often, even a guy who is worse at dating than you are (or who is just bad in general) can give you very clear insight into your situation, simply because he’s not emotionally evolved in it. Women constantly use each other as a compass. After living with a girl as a roommate for three years, I’ve seen her friends come to her again and again and again to get her feedback on their situation, not because she’s some expert, but because her head is clear and she can offer advice from someone who is uninvolved. Mirroring This is perhaps the best way to keep yourself in check. “Mirroring” is body language term for matching someone’s behaviors. You can watch her, see how she’s reacting to the situation and follow her pace to make sure you’re not overdoing it. I suggest mirroring behaviors like: smiling, laughing, body language (is she facing towards you, away or neutral?), eye contact, length and frequency of phone calls and text messages and more. You can also mirror more complex body language behaviors to increase interest even further, but I don’t want to get too off topic here. PRO-TIP: The Morning After Phone Call Credit to my good friend Glenn for penning this one. He was telling me a story about one of his own mentors and how they were on the phone and he was asking him how he could get a girl to really fall for him after they had slept together. His mentor’s response: what would you do back when you were a kid with a girl you liked? Glenn said, “well, I guess I’d call her the next day.” Bingo. By CRAIG MILLER GIRLFRIEND BLUEPRINT 3.0 After sleeping with a girl you can give a call the next day (no, not just a text message) and spend 30-60 minutes on the phone with her. This will make a huge different in the likelihood that she will end up your girlfriend and your actions subconsciously communicate to her that you want her to be your girlfriend. Remember, if you treat her like your girlfriend, this is usually enough to tip the scales once you’ve started sleeping together. Women usually reason this way: if he’s treating me like his girlfriend then he must want me to be his girlfriend! PRO-TIP: The Good Night Phone Call Credit to my mentor Justin for this gem. To kick this off, text your girl around 8 or 9PM on a week night, ideally Sunday – Wednesday, the nights she’s least likely to be out late with friends. Asking “hey how’d your day go?” is a good warm-up text and then following up with “any exciting plans for tonight?” is a good way to gauge if she’s home alone. If she’s home alone then call her immediately after she responds to that second text message and you’ll have the best chance of her picking up the phone and having free time to chat. At this point, it’s just time to get to know her, ask her about her day and tell her anything exciting that’s happened to you, but most importantly, this phone call ensures that you will be the last thing on her mind before she goes to sleep, which is very powerful. Usually these late night “just before bed” calls are the types of calls a girl will have with her boyfriend, so again, by following the steps that she followed with past boyfriends, you are creating those same feelings within her for you. The Final Nail In The Coffin Remember, this guide in not a guide about seducing a woman and getting her into bed. I have more than one course on that topic and that is not the purpose of this blueprint. So assuming you’ve slept together at least once, you want to continue sleeping together at least once a week. Sex is a very powerful factor so having multiple sex sessions during dates and per week are both important and lead you faster towards boyfriend and girlfriend territory. Continue to do activities that she would only do with her boyfriend… By CRAIG MILLER GIRLFRIEND BLUEPRINT 3.0 • • • • • • Sleepovers Trips together Bringing her to social events as your “date” Holding hands Calling her before bed Keeping a toothbrush or other items for her at your place Again, as long as you treat her like your girlfriend, she will start to assume that she is your girlfriend. Now, to make sure you don’t overdo anything and to make absolutely she you do not chase, just continue to treat her like your girlfriend and let her bring up the topic of exclusivity. The first time she brings the topic up, it can sometimes build more anticipation if you let her know you really like her and you want more time to get to know her. This lets her know you really enjoy her company yet you’re still being responsible and evaluating the situation to see how things play out. Chances are, the second or third time she brings up the topic may be the breaking point in which she gives you an ultimatum to either become enter a relationship or she will need to find another man who she can get what she wants from. Do not be shaken by these ultimatums. The fact she is giving you an ultimatum makes one thing extremely clear: she is very interested in you and is laying it all out on the table. Keep in mind, research has found that most couples get into an “exclusive” relationship after 6 to 8 dates, which usually equates to two months. As I mentioned before, a second study found couples exchange keys to their homes between dates 12 to 14. My own personal experience pins a girls “where are we at?” talk at the 3 month mark and then a second “ultimatum” talk at the 6 month mark. This is usually the best and most exciting time to agree to enter a relationship, but personally, I would always enter a relationship with an “it’s great so far, let’s see how it goes” attitude. No expectations, everything could turn wrong tomorrow, but so far, everything is great. I like this attitude because I feel it’s not just realistic, but it will keep you balanced and level headed. Women are often the ones to blow the potential of a relationship out of proportion, but by being realistic you can keep yourself (and your partner) more sane. By CRAIG MILLER GIRLFRIEND BLUEPRINT 3.0 In Conclusion As you can see, the “girlfriend” process is much different than the seduction process. It’s longer term and it requires much more knowledge about yourself, what you want and how you typically act. But with that being said, the great news is that the biggest mistake men make is trying to do too much, which means the solution is easy: just do less. We’ve covered some extremely specific, actionable steps to do less and win the attraction and interest of that one great girl and hopefully derail and patterns of failure from your past. I hope this blueprint was hopefully to you, good luck, and I’ve love to hear both your success stories, experience and suggestions to improve this blueprint for men going forward in the future! You Wingman, Craig Miller By CRAIG MILLER
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