1. No category

By Robert and Susan Irwin
Sexual Satisfaction for the Christian Wife
Some of the techniques within this book are sexually and emotionally powerful.
Although these techniques and activities can have dramatically positive effects
on your (and your spouse’s) physical and emotional well-being, people that have
high blood pressure, heart disease or a generally weak condition should proceed
slowly. If necessary, consult a physician before implementing any included
techniques.
Nothing within this publication should be considered medical advice.
Sexual Satisfaction For The Christian Wife™ is a publication of SPI Publications.
Additional copies of this publication can be obtained at:
www.christiansexhelp.com
Copyright © 2000-2010. All rights are reserved and no reproduction or
distribution of this publication can be made without express written authorization
of the authors.
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Sexual Satisfaction for the Christian Wife
Additional Christian Marriage And Sex Resources
You can also find the following resources for improving your Christian marriage
and sex life on www.ChristianSexHelp.com:
Sexual Skills For The Christian
Husband was written specifically for
Christian husbands. It includes all of the
latest scientific research regarding male
sexual response, pleasure, and orgasms.
Unlock the Vault Of A Lifetime of the Most
Intense, Satisfying And Frequent Sex
You’ve Ever Had...Sex That Leaves You
Both Exhausted And Refreshed With
Pleasure... And Bonds You Together Like
"Relationship Super Glue"...
Have Sex As God Intended For You And
Your Wife...With Intensely Pleasurable
Sexual Sensations And "Soul Bonding,"
Experiences That Can Only Be Found
Within The Christian Marriage Bed.
Sexual Skills For The Christian Husband
Sexual Satisfaction For The Christian
Wife is the perfect complementary book to
Sexual Skills For The Christian
Husband. It was written specifically to
help Christian women to become more
sexually responsive and fulfilled...no
matter their past experiences.
It includes all of the latest scientific
research regarding female sexual response,
pleasure, and orgasms. Learn how to
unleash any woman's sexual response and
satisfaction! Learn the secrets that have
helped thousands of Christian women to go
from non-orgasmic to multi-orgasmic!
Susan Irwin has put together a step-bystep roadmap that will lead any woman to
a more pleasurable and fulfilling sexual life.
Sexual Satisfaction For The Christian Wife
3
Sexual Satisfaction for the Christian Wife
Premature No More is the result of
Robert's personal struggle with PE, early in
his marriage and his subsequent
overcoming of this issue. He has addressed
the issue of PE in his other books…but
never in this detail. There was so much
ground to cover that he felt that it was
necessary to create a resource specifically
dedicated to overcoming PE.
It contains the same step-by-step solution
that he utilized to overcome his own
problem with PE and is the same approach
that he recommends to the men he
personally coaches.
The real message of this book is that there
IS hope. If you are willing to learn and
follow a few simple techniques, you CAN
overcome premature ejaculation and its
negative effects in your marriage and sex
life.
Premature No More
When Your Husband Is Never In The
Mood will give you support, comfort and,
more importantly, solutions to help you
help your husband to overcome his lack of
sexual desire.
If your husband struggles with a lack of
sexual interest, this book is the answer.
Co-written by Susan Irwin, this book
provides all of the secrets to re-igniting any
man's libido. Low male sexual desire is one
of the biggest, yet least talked about,
problems that many Christian marriages
face. It causes untold frustration, pain and
resentment within marriages.
Fortunately, this is a problem that can be
relatively quickly and easily overcome...if
you utilize the right strategies and
techniques...in the right way! This book
has helped hundreds of couples to
transform their married sex lives.
When Your Husband Is Never In The Mood
4
Sexual Satisfaction for the Christian Wife
With Tastefully Illustrated Sexual
Positions For Christian Couples, you
won't have to settle for even one more
boring night in your sex life. You'll learn
the advanced sexual positions, tips, tricks
and techniques that are the surest way of
bringing fun, excitement and endless
variety to your married sex life.
Without a doubt, the biggest cause of
marital and sexual frustration is...boredom!
If you don't start making your sex life an
adventurous journey, filled with new and
exciting things to explore and do, neither
of you are going to be all that excited
about sex anymore. That is exactly why we
have created a "first of its kind" new book,
"Tastefully Illustrated Sexual Positions
For Christian Couples." In just minutes
from now, you can have the most
comprehensive resource of fun, sexy and
creative positions for Christian couples
ever!
Tastefully Illustrated Sexual
Positions For Christian Couples
Sexual Fun And Games For Christian
Couples will help you to take the sexual
part of your Christian marriage to the next
level!
In just minutes from now, you can have
the most comprehensive resource of fun,
sexy and creative sex ideas for Christian
couples ever...right at your fingertips.
This book includes...




Sexual Fun And Games For Christian Couples!
5
Over 50 Ideas For "home made"
sexual accessories.
Over 30 Ideas For Exciting Sexual
Environments.
Over 200 Sex Games And Activities
Over 100 Creative Lovemaking
Techniques
Sexual Satisfaction for the Christian Wife
300 Sex Questions For Christian
Couples will be the "spark" that ignites the
sexual passion in your marriage again!
Before you can communicate, sexually, you
need to learn how to
communicate...verbally.
The questions in this book are specifically
designed to allow you and your spouse to
learn everything possible about each
other's sexual needs, desires, likes and
dislikes. With 300 Sex Questions For
Christian Couples, you will find it infinitely
easier to learn your spouse's deepest,
innermost thoughts and emotions
regarding sex.
And, we have proven, for over ten years,
that the REAL first step to a better sex life
is...better communication!
300 Sexual Questions For Christian Couples
The Keys To Better Sex In Christian
Marriage Collection is the result of over a
decade of our research, counseling and
writing. It contains virtually every resource
we offer:
The Keys To Better Sex In Christian Marriage
6
-Sexual Skills For The Christian Husband
-Sexual Satisfaction For The Christian Wife
-Premature No More
-When Your Husband Is Never In The Mood
-The Ultimate Guide To The G Spot
-Tastefully Illustrated Sexual Positions
-Sexual Fun And Games
-She Loves God, Me & Sex!
-300 Sex Questions
-101 Romantic Ideas
-Sexy Coupons
-Healing Touch Massage
-The Art Of Kissing
-The Keys To Better Sex Audio Outline
Sexual Satisfaction for the Christian Wife
Table of Contents
Introduction: From the Authors
God’s Gift Of Sex
Your Greatest Sexual Asset: Your Mind
Anatomy And Sexual Response 101: The Basics
Female Anatomy And Sexual Response: Advanced
The “Magic Key” To Your Sexual Potential
Help Your Husband To Be A Great Lover
Become A Sexual Explorer
The Perfect Sex Position
Advanced Play Bonus: Your G spot
Advanced Play Bonus: The Female Ejaculatory Orgasm
A Letter To A Very Loved And Blessed Husband
7
8
10
18
26
35
49
61
76
82
89
98
106
Sexual Satisfaction for the Christian Wife
Introduction: From the Authors
“Eat friends, drink and imbibe deeply, O Lovers!”
~Song of Solomon 5:1
“Love is not the dying moan of a distant violin - it's the triumphant twang of a bedspring.”
~S.J. Perelman
Unlike my previous book, Sexual Skills For The Christian Husband™ (SSCH), this book was
written with my wife, Susan.
Christian women have few places to go for solid sexual advice. Secular resources tend to
ignore the “bigger picture” issue of where God fits into the mix. Christian resources tend
to avoid the level of specifics and detail (the “technical” stuff) that is necessary to see
significant impact on your sexual capabilities.
But, the biggest problem with most sex books is that they were written solely by
someone that has never experienced what it was truly like to be a female sexual beinga man! To avoid that shortcoming, I persuaded Sue to participate in the research (no
pun intended) and writing of this book. In addition, she was the first level editor of all
drafts.
After the success of SSCH, Sue and I had the privilege of interacting and counseling with
hundreds of couples, from around the world.
Time and time again, we received requests from Christian wives to write a book that
was specifically for them- a book that would help them to experience the same level of
sexual excitement and fulfillment that we were seeing with Christian husbands.
Before beginning this book, we surveyed over 300 women regarding their sexual
problems, questions, concerns and frustrations.
Overall, women desired, essentially, the same things that their husbands did- more
frequent, more fulfilling and more exciting sex, while better pleasing both their
husbands and God. The specific topics that we have chosen to include in this book are
issues and questions that were most commonly submitted to our survey.
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Sexual Satisfaction for the Christian Wife
This book is our gift to you. And our greatest hope and prayer is that it leads you on a
path to a more intense, passionate and intimate relationship with both your husband
and God.
Sincerely,
Robert & Susan Irwin
http://www.christian-sex.net
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Sexual Satisfaction for the Christian Wife
God’s Gift Of Sex
“Christianity is almost the only one of the great religions which thoroughly approves of the body - which
believes that matter is good, that God Himself once took on a human body, that some kind of body is
going to be given to us even in Heaven and is going to be an essential part of our happiness, our beauty,
and our energy…Christianity has glorified marriage more than any other religion: and nearly all the
greatest love poetry in the world has been produced by Christians. If anyone says that sex, in itself, is bad,
Christianity contradicts him at once…”
~C.S. Lewis
“I'd like to meet the man who invented sex and see what he's working on now.”
~Author Unknown
This book is, primarily, a “how to” manual for your sex life. It is not intended to be a
theological exposition of all things sexual. But, as Christians, it is necessary that we
evaluate all areas of our lives with respect for God’s opinion and his words (Scripture)
on the matter.
In that spirit, let’s look at the main themes that we find, regarding sex and sexuality, in
Scripture.
God created sex and is pleased with our participation.
Sex was God’s idea. He created it and encourages us to participate in it.
In fact, God’s very first command to us included a reference to sex. In Genesis 1:22, it
says, “And God blessed them, saying, be fruitful, and multiply.”
Adam and Eve showed no indication of shame or hesitation regarding sex or their
sexuality. In Genesis 2:25, it says, “they were both naked, the man and his wife, and
were not ashamed.”
Some, falsely, believe that sex became sinful after sin entered the world.
This is not true- you can find many endorsements of sex, within marriage, throughout
both the Old and New Testaments, well after the fall.
In Proverbs 5:18-19, the loving father tells his son, “Let your fountain [your reproductive
organs] be blessed, and rejoice [or sexually enjoy] the wife or your youth…let her breasts
satisfy you at all times; and always be enraptured with her love.”
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Sexual Satisfaction for the Christian Wife
In Mark 10:6-9, Jesus endorses the marital sexual union. He says, “But from the
beginning of the creation God made them male and female. For this cause shall a man
leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife; and
[the two] shall be one flesh.”
In Hebrews 13:4, it states, “Marriage is honorable in all
and the bed undefiled.”
Within a Christian
marriage, there is
no conflict between
sex and holiness.
It is critical that we remain aware of the fact that sex
was one of God’s initial creations and that he declared it “good” (Genesis 1:31).
We must never make the mistake of comparing God’s good, pure, and wonderful, gift of
marital sex with the pale and twisted representations of sex and sexuality that we are
presented by the world. This is not just to avoid sin. It is to give us the freedom and
gratitude to participate in sex as God intended.
Unless we are convinced that God approves of our sexuality, we may have difficulty
experiencing everything that he has made available to us, sexually, without unnecessary
internal conflict or hesitance.
Within a Christian marriage, there is no conflict between sex and holiness.
Christians have a pretty bad reputation when it comes to sex and sexuality.
Within popular culture, Christians are portrayed as either sexually repressed or sexually
deviant hypocrites.
This is predictable- Jesus told us that the world would not understand us (actually, he
said it would hate us) because of Him.
So, this wouldn’t be a problem, if we did not sometimes (unconsciously or consciously)
accept these false ideas, as well.
It is understandable. Many of the “authorities” to which we seek guidance have, at
times, given us incorrect information regarding Christian sexuality and its relationship to
pleasing God (holiness).
These false ideas can have particularly strong negative effects on Christian women.
Many times, we have heard Christian women express their confusion with this topic in
the following ways:
“How can I be pleasing to God and be a sensual, sexual, woman?”
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Sexual Satisfaction for the Christian Wife
“I can not imagine that being that passionate is very lady like…”
“My husband would never respect me if I did that…”
“Isn’t sex the least important aspect of a strong marriage?”
Within Christianity, as explained by C. S. Lewis above, there is no struggle between
holiness and sexuality (within marriage).
The idea that we are to avoid physical pleasure to achieve spiritual holiness is not a
Christian concept.
It was proposed by the philosopher Plato and it is where we get the term “platonic.”
Followers of this “platonic” philosophy look at the physical world, including sexuality, as
lesser “shadows” of the better, “spiritual” things. It pitted the physical and spiritual
against each other. To pursue one was, by definition, to lose the other.
Unfortunately, this idea has, at times, found its way into the church, despite Scripture’s
clear message otherwise.
God created sex for our
pleasure.
Within Scripture, especially regarding the marital
sexual union, no objective person could believe that
God promotes this idea. Within marriage, we are to
integrate our holiness and physical being (sexuality).
If this was not the case, why would God have chosen the physical act of the marital
sexual union as a metaphor for his love for us?
In Ephesians 5:31-32, Paul says, “That is why a man will leave his father and mother and
be united with his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This is a great secret, but I
am talking about Christ and the Church.”
In general, Paul is comparing the marriage relationship to God’s relationship with his
church, but his use of the words “one flesh” make it clear that he is also, specifically,
referring to the marital sexual union, as well.
Paul had no qualms about comparing sex to our relationship with God.
God created sex for our pleasure.
Scripture talks about the pleasures of sex frequently
As we reviewed, The Song of Solomon demonstrates God’s blessings of the pleasures of
sex.
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Sexual Satisfaction for the Christian Wife
One of greatest women of the Scriptures, Sarah, was concerned about her sexual
relationship with Abraham being pleasurable, despite being well into their nineties!
In Genesis 18:12, she says, “After I am waxed old, shall I have pleasure, my lord
(Abraham), being old, also?”
As a woman, you have physical evidence that God intends for you to experience
pleasure in sex. You have one a part of your body that has NO other purpose but
physical pleasure- your clitoris.
The clitoris is very similar to the male penis (in structure and purpose), with the same
number of nerve endings (pleasure receptors) and it is one tenth the size! This means
that the sexual pleasure potential of the female clitoris is immense- greater than any
other sexual organ!
Sex serves many purposes. But pleasure is one of God’s primary intentions for sex.
God intended sex to be a playful, creative, and variety-filled.
C.S. Lewis said, in his book The Four Loves, “Sex that is too serious is deprived of the
romp and fun that is essential to a healthy enjoyment of sex.”
In fact, sex is one of the reasons that I am thoroughly convinced that God has a sense of
humor.
Otherwise, why would He have invented sex in the first place?
Martin Luther said, “The reproduction of mankind is a
great marvel and mystery. Had God consulted me in
the matter, I should have advised him to continue the
generation of the species by fashioning them out of
clay.”
God intended sex to be a
playful, creative, and
variety-filled.
Leonardo da Vinci agreed: “The art of procreation and the members employed therein
are so repulsive, that if it were not for the beauty of the faces and the adornments of the
actors and the pent-up impulse, nature would lose the human species.”
If you have ever stopped to actually consider what is happening during sex, you would
have to admit that there are probably more graceful and less sweaty ways to accomplish
procreation.
Unless, of course, that was EXACTLY how God intended it.
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Sexual Satisfaction for the Christian Wife
God is very clear about what he considers “off limits” for Christians, sexually:
o
o
o
o
o
o
o
Fornication (Gal 5:19, 1Cor 7:2 & 36
Adultery (Ex 20:14, Mt 5:27)
Homosexuality (Lev. 18:22, Ro 1:26-27)
Bestiality (Lev. 18:23 & 20:15-16)
Prostitution (Lev. 19:29)
Incest (Lev. 18:6)
Sex outside of marriage (Mt 19:4-5, 1Ti 3:2 & 12)
But, we can assume that anything that does not fall into any of the above prohibitions is,
within marriage, acceptable and blessed by God.
This means ANYTHING that both you and your husband find pleasurable and fun, should
be explored.
Sex was meant to be playful and with few restraints or inhibitions.
As Lewis Smedes, professor of theology at Fuller Seminary says, “God made us body
people. Bodies are meant to play and-we can add-to be played with.”
Christian liberty means that “the marriage bed is undefiled.” (Heb. 13:4).
My wife and I sometimes find ourselves doing sexual activities that some might consider
fairly wild. But, there are other activities that I would imagine some couples consider
fairly standard that either my wife or I are not comfortable with; those activities may
(most of the time) be “off limits.” But, these limits are self imposed, not God imposed.
As C. S. Lewis stated, "Sex in itself cannot be
God intended sex to be
moral or immoral any more than gravitation or
nutrition. The sexual behavior of human beings can.
a “mutually fulfilling”
And like their economic, or political, or agricultural,
experience in which we
or parental or filial behavior, it is sometimes good
REGULARLY participate.
and sometimes bad. And the sexual act, when
lawful-which means chiefly when consistent with
good faith and charity-can, like all other merely natural acts ("whether we eat or drink
etc.," as the apostle says), be done to the glory of God, and will then be holy. And like
other natural acts it is sometimes so done, and sometimes not."
God intended sex to be a “mutually fulfilling” experience in which we REGULARLY
participate.
In 1 Corinthians 7:2-5, Paul tells us, “But because sexual immorality is so rampant, every
man should have his own wife, and every woman should have her own husband… A
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Sexual Satisfaction for the Christian Wife
husband should fulfill his obligation to his wife, and a wife should do the same for her
husband… A wife does not have authority over her own body, but her husband does. In
the same way, a husband doesn't have authority over his own body, but his wife does…
Do not withhold yourselves from each other unless you
agree to do so for a set time in order to devote yourselves to
…it is fair to say
prayer. Then you should come together again so that Satan
that God expects us
does not tempt you through your lack of self-control…”
There are several very important concepts in this passage:
to do our best to
sexually fulfill our
spouse.
1) Obligation- Sexual activity with your partner is
considered an obligation by God.
2) Surrender of authority- both the husband and wife surrender authority over
their own bodies to their partner.
3) Sexual activity, within marriage, is to be practiced regularly, with abstinence only
to happen when mutually agreed upon- and, only for the purposes of fasting and
prayer.
4) Regular sexual activity, within marriage, has the benefit of helping us to avoid
non-blessed sexual activity or sin.
I am very sensitive to the fact that many couples struggle with one (or both) partner’s
lack of interest in sex.
Some Christian couples are forced to face up to certain “realities:”
-Some people have physical or psychological limitations
-Some people have “baggage” related to past relationships or abuse, etc..
-Everyone has differing levels of sexual knowledge, skill and interest.
But, the Bible makes it clear that if you have chosen to enter into a marriage
relationship, participating in sexual activity with your spouse is one of your
responsibilities. You are obligated to sexually fulfill your spouse to no less a degree than
you are obligated, conversationally, financially or spiritually.
I think it is fair to say that God expects us to do our best to sexually fulfill our spouse.
Recently, I have received quite a few emails from Christians that are terribly frustrated
because their spouse is “not interested” in sex.
Again, being sensitive to all of the physical, emotional and psychological reasons that
someone might avoid sex, I think that it could not be clearer in Scripture-participating in
sex with your spouse is one of your duties and obligations!
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Sexual Satisfaction for the Christian Wife
God does not tell us to fulfill our obligations only when we are “interested” or excited
about fulfilling them. We are to fulfill our marital obligations because it is right to do so.
If you or your spouse has difficulty fulfilling marital sexual obligations, I have two pieces
of advice:
1) The spouse not struggling with a lack of sexual desire or enjoyment should
demonstrate their unconditional love and support by being patient. This does
not mean that they stop expecting sex. But, it does mean that they should be
sensitive and patient, possibly learning to live with “less sex”-until the problem is
resolved.
2) The spouse struggling with a lack of sexual desire or enjoyment should consider
themselves obligated to “fixing” the situation through prayer, counseling or
medical intervention-and be open to participating sexually until they have
worked through the problem.
We are not doctors or professional counselors. Consequently,
we are not qualified to make specific suggestions relative to how
to overcome such problems. So, I recommend strongly that you
pray about these issues and pursue professional help, if
necessary.
We are to fulfill our
marital obligations
because it is right to
do so.
But, I will tell you, from personal experience, that if both
spouses are willing to take the above approaches, miracles can happen!
Early in our marriage, my Wife had difficulty having an orgasm through intercourse.
Although she has always been highly sexual and had no problem with achieving orgasms
in many other ways, she could not achieve an orgasm through intercourse.
This was the case for the first few years of our marriage.
Despite this, we had an absolutely amazing sex life! We just made sure that she had
every opportunity to climax in other ways.
I did my best to never make it an issue and she made sure that I was satisfied in many
other ways.
Then, one day, almost magically, she began to have the ability to climax during
intercourse.
And, I will tell you, that we were like kids with a new toy for several weeks! We really
took advantage of this new, fun activity.
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Sexual Satisfaction for the Christian Wife
Ultimately, in my opinion, there was some “mental block” that
was making it difficult for her to climax in this particular way.
We had never made it a huge pressure-filled issue. So, when
the timing was right, the “block” went away. And, we were able
to benefit from this fortunate change.
God is in control of
everything, including
your sex life!
What was most important was that we hadn’t allowed this issue to affect our passion,
atmosphere of unconditional love or the frequency of our lovemaking.
God is in control of everything, including your sex life!
As a Christian woman, you have the unique advantage of taking any problems, concerns
or frustrations to God.
This book is intended to supply you with the tools and techniques that you will need to
supercharge your sex life.
But, for those areas of your marriage and sex life that you still find yourself struggling
with, you can take them to God in prayer.
God wants your marriage and sex life to be everything that He intended and all you have
to do is ask Him for His help.
Do not forget that he is telling you and your husband, “Eat friends, drink and imbibe
deeply, O Lovers!” (SOS 5:1)
Review
Before you continue, take a minute to reflect on the following…

God created sex and is pleased with our participation.

Within a Christian marriage, there is no conflict between sex and holiness.

God created sex for our pleasure.

God intended sex to be a fun, playful, creative, and variety-filled experience.

God intended sex to be a "mutually fulfilling" experience in which we
REGULARLY participate.

God is in control of everything, including your sex life!
17
Sexual Satisfaction for the Christian Wife
Your Greatest Sexual Asset: Your Mind
“For women the best aphrodisiacs are words. The G-spot is in the ears. He who looks for it below there is
wasting his time.”
~Isabel Allende
“Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. “
~Mignon McLaughlin
Recent studies have shown that approximately 25% of American women have never or
do not regularly achieve orgasm. Additionally, almost half of American women surveyed,
claimed to gain little or no consistent fulfillment in their sex lives. So, almost 75% of the
women surveyed gained little or no real satisfaction from sex!
I have good reason to believe that these percentages are similar within the Christian
married community. As an author and speaker on the topics of Christian marriage and
sexuality, I have had the opportunity to counsel with hundreds of couples and
individuals and I see similar patterns.
But, there is hope!
The two most important things that you need to know, regarding female sexual
dissatisfaction are:
1) The vast majority of female sexual dissatisfaction is NOT the result of physical or
serious psychological issues.
Hopefully, when you are finished trying the new “tricks” that you learn in this book,
you will realize that your sexual dissatisfaction did not result from any physical
problem.
Although, if you still find yourself significantly frustrated or experiencing serious
dysfunction or pain, please seek professional guidance from a physician.
2) Most sexual problems are not really sexual problems at all.
Most sexual problems are either relationship problems, knowledge problems or
attitude problems.
We will address relationship and knowledge issues in other chapters. First, let’s
address several mental “attitudes” that have the ability to significantly improve your
odds of sexual success.
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Sexual Satisfaction for the Christian Wife
Sex matters.
Let’s be honest. Most likely, the primary reason you purchased this book was because
you were seeking more sexual pleasure and fulfillment in your life.
But, in the back of your mind, you may be wondering if spending so much time and
effort- on sex- is really all that important.
Well, pat yourself on the back for your desire to improve your sex life, because few
things can have such positive benefits for you- and those around you.
Sex can bring you closer to your spouse and strengthen your marriage.
When sex in a marriage is good, it has very little noticeable effect on the
relationship. But, when sex in a marriage is not good, it can have dramatically
negative effects on the relationship.
No matter how skilled we become at the “technical” aspects of sex, our
relationship with our spouse is primary. Sex is our gift to make the relationship
stronger, closer and better-not the other way around.
But, within the context of Christian Marriage, sex is one of the most powerful,
spiritual, life and love affirming activities in which an adult can participate.
Sex can improve your mental, physical and emotional well-being.
According to a survey from Psychology Today, one of the quickest and best ways
to feel good about yourself is to have a rewarding sexual relationship with your
husband.
Sex can strengthen your family.
“The best sex education for kids is when Daddy pats Mommy on the fanny when he comes home from
work.” ~William H. Masters
The best marriage and sex education for any child begins in the home.
Tim and Beverly LaHaye, in their book, The Act Of Marriage, state it very well:
“The home should be the most attractive place in the world to the
children, and the mother should be the greatest attraction…
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Sexual Satisfaction for the Christian Wife
Without a warm atmosphere in your home and marriage-an atmosphere
of love, generosity, and forgiveness-your children will not know how to love…
The only person who knows how to love is the person who has been loved,
and who has seen love, who has experienced love…
The Christian home is a laboratory in which the love of God is
demonstrated…
Remember that the only course on marriage most children will ever take
is the one in their home! As fathers and mothers in a Christian home, we can
provide the best in marriage preparation for our children by having a genuine
love for each other and by learning all we can about how to express that love so
our children will have a visible, ongoing, demonstration of real love…”
Sexual dissatisfaction and dysfunction can have the exact opposite
effects, causing unneeded stress and emotional distance between husband and
wife.
Do not be mistaken: your children are very aware of the strength of your
marriage relationship.
Sex is one of those real-world gifts that God has given to us that allow us to access the
powerful and mystical connections between us and God and each other.
The more knowledgeable and skillful we become in the area of sex, the more capable
we are of utilizing this gift in a powerful and positive manner.
If you find yourself confused and frustrated, sexually, because of your lack of knowledge
or skill, I believe that you (and your spouse) are less likely to experience all of the
blessings that God offers to you (and your spouse) through sex.
You are more likely to be tempted and deceived by “the world’s” poor substitutes for
“God-blessed” sexual experiences.
Expect Sexual Fulfillment
You have every reason to EXPECT sexual fulfillment!
Most likely, you do not have any physical reason for your current dissatisfaction.
As a woman, you have a tremendous sexual potential.
20
Sexual Satisfaction for the Christian Wife
As a Christian, you can confidently expect God to intervene and do miracles in whatever
area is the source of your dissatisfaction- relationship, knowledge (you found this book)
and attitudes (both yours and your husband’s).
The only thing standing between you and an exciting, frequent and fulfilling sex life is a
little bit of knowledge, time, practice and prayer.
Stop selling yourself, your husband, and your relationship,
short.
Realize that great
sex is not natural
No one and no relationship is perfect. But, what you, your
husband, and God, can create is nothing short of beautiful and exciting.
Proverbs 23:7 tells us, “As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.”
Everything starts with your mind and your attitudes and thoughts. From your attitudes
come your thoughts. From your thoughts come your actions. From your actions come
your results.
Change your attitudes and you have a chance to change EVERYTHING!
So, DO EXPECT great sex and you are already well on your way to significant progress!
Realize that great sex is not natural
Nothing about truly exciting, mutually-fulfilling sex is natural.
Many of your “natural” sexual impulses (and your husband’s) are exactly opposite of
what you (and he) should be doing to experience satisfying, fulfilling sex.
Plus, when you consider the emotional, physical and sexual response differences
between men and women, it is a miracle that we EVER get it right!
We believe that this is by God’s design, and has many wonderful, “big picture” potential
benefits for your relationship.
But, if you continue under the delusion that you “should” be experiencing great sex, and
that it should “just happen” naturally, then you will never have the opportunity to make
the necessary changes and adjustments.
Replace your disappointment with a passionate commitment to do everything that will
be necessary to improve your sex life.
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Sexual Satisfaction for the Christian Wife
And, like anything else in your life that is valuable, this will most likely mean that
“everything” includes learning, practicing and a little bit of time.
Your commitment will also need to include a willingness to communicate with your
husband in a way that you may have never done before. Great sex will only happen
when you and your husband have the ability to
communicate your expectations, needs, and
Enjoy and benefit from the
desires, without embarrassment or fear.
sexual differences between
Stop waiting for things to, naturally, fall into
place and start DOING the things that will make
your sex life amazing.
men and women.
Enjoy and benefit from the sexual differences between men and women.
As we will discuss later, in some respects, men and women are very different.
This is particularly true in the area of sexual response.
You really only have two options when considering this fact:
1) Waste your precious time and energy denying, ignoring or attempting to change
this situation.
2) Understand, enjoy and benefit from the differences.
Scientists describe four basic stages of human sexual response:
1) Excitement
2) Plateau
3) Orgasm
4) Resolution
Within each of these stages, men and women (generally) differ in their respective needs
and responses.
Men are more easily brought to the excitement phase- usually by a visual stimulus.
Women are usually slower to enter the excitement stage and normally require
significant foreplay to truly enter this stage.
Men pass through the plateau stage quite quickly, as well. If they are not skilled at
maintaining themselves at this stage, they may either orgasm too soon or lose their
excitement (erection). Women can maintain at the plateau stage without necessarily
leading to either orgasm or loss of excitement.
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Sexual Satisfaction for the Christian Wife
Men’s orgasms are relatively brief (from ten to thirteen seconds). Women’s orgasms,
generally, are much longer (from six to sixty seconds). Men need a period of rest
between orgasms and are capable of a relatively limited number of orgasms in a given
period of time. Women are capable of multiple orgasms, with no need for rest, and are
sometimes capable of increasing intensity of orgasm as the number of orgasms
increases.
During resolution, men’s bodies are flooded with a hormone that causes sleepiness,
oxytocin. During resolution, women find that they
desire loving communication and comforting
Actively pursue your sexual
physical gestures from their partner.
fulfillment
A successful sexual encounter is the result of successfully navigating through all of the
stages of the sexual response cycle. Failure to fulfill either partner’s needs, at any stage,
can result in an unsatisfying overall encounter.
Consequently, it is critical that we understand these differences to that we can exploit
and benefit from them.
Ignoring them or wishing that they did not exist might be a valid philosophical exercise,
but it will not improve your sex life.
Instead, embrace the differences!
In fact, I would suggest, since we are talking about “attitudes,” that you consider being
grateful for these differences.
How much less interesting and exciting would our lives be if we were not forced to
better understand and adapt to our partner in these ways?
Actively pursue your sexual fulfillment.
One of the first and greatest secrets of female sexual fulfillment is that you must
ACTIVELY pursue it.
At the beginning of this chapter, I mentioned that as many as seventy five percent of
women have a less than completely satisfying sex life. Whereas, approximately seventy
five percent of men respond that they are satisfied with their sex lives.
The fundamental difference between men and women, in this regard, is that, generally,
men are more likely to pursue their sexual satisfaction, actively.
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Sexual Satisfaction for the Christian Wife
By nature, men participate in sex in a more focused, goal-oriented way than do women.
They, naturally, focus on their own pleasure and sensations and, actively, do those
things that increase their pleasure and likelihood of reaching climax.
Granted, the male sexual response is less complex and, generally, easier to fulfill. But, as
a rule, men are not afraid to ensure that sexual activity is structured in a way that
ensures that they are satisfied. They expect satisfaction and, most of the time, receive it.
This is, partially, an anatomical issue. The male penis is
obviously a sexual organ that needs to be used actively. The
female vagina appears to be a more passive sexual organsimply a receiver of pleasure.
As we will discuss later, in more detail, this is simply not the
case. The vagina is a wonderfully powerful sexual organ that is
meant to be utilized actively.
In every way,
women have more
sexual potential
than do men.
In every way, women have more sexual potential than do men.
Their sexual organs and physiological sexual responses are more complex, capable of
longer, stronger and multiple climaxes.
The female clitoris is a wonder of sexual design! Its only apparent purpose is to provide
intense sexual pleasure. It contains the same amount of nerve endings (pleasure
potential) as the male penis. Yet, it is only one tenth the size of the penis. This means,
potentially, ten times the pleasure potential!
The female’s emotional and relational connections to sex allow her to more easily tap
into the “deeper” and more spiritual aspects of her sexuality.
But, to fulfill your potential, you have to stop waiting for it to “magically” happen.
Stop waiting for your husband to “just know” what you need and want.
Stop waiting for the perfect circumstances.
Stop waiting until you lose that extra weight.
Right now, begin to go after your sexual pleasure and fulfillment.
In some respects, you may need to be more like a man and “take” your sexual pleasure.
Do not be shy. God endorses your sexual pleasure and fulfillment and your husband will
be surprised and thrilled that you are an active participant in sex.
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Sexual Satisfaction for the Christian Wife
To put yourself in the twenty five percent category of women that are sexually fulfilled,
sometimes little else is necessary than that you actively pursue it.
Review
Before you continue, take a few moments to review the following…

Sex matters because:




Sex can bring you closer to your spouse and strengthen your marriage.
Sex can improve your mental, physical and emotional well-being.
Sex can strengthen your family.
Sex is one of those real-world gifts that God has given to us that allow us to
access the powerful and mystical connections between us and God and each
other.

Expect Sexual Fulfillment

Realize that great sex is not natural.

Enjoy and benefit from the sexual differences between men and women.

Actively pursue your sexual fulfillment.
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Sexual Satisfaction for the Christian Wife
Anatomy And Sexual Response 101: The Basics
“Men wake up aroused in the morning, we can't help it. We just wake up and we want you. And the
women are thinking, "How can he want me the way I look in the morning?" It's because we can't see you.
We have no blood anywhere near our optic nerve.”
~Andy Rooney
“To hear many religious people talk, one would think God created the torso, head, legs and arms, but the
devil slapped on the genitals.”
~Don Schrader
Let’s review some of the basics of sexual anatomy and response. It will provide a solid
foundation from which you can learn the critical, little known information that will
supercharge your sex life.
Male Anatomy
Although some men like to refer to their penis as "the muscle of love," or as a "boner,"
the penis actually contains no muscle or bones.
In fact, when not aroused, the penis is no more than a short, soft tube of sponge-like
material that provides a way to empty the bladder of urine.
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Sexual Satisfaction for the Christian Wife
The male urethra runs along the underside of the penis.
Although the penis itself is not a muscle, two to three inches of it is rooted inside the
body in the pubococcygeus musculature. This muscle is extremely important to
becoming sexually skilled and proficient. From this point on, I will refer to it as the PC
muscle. It is the same PC muscle that surrounds the female vagina and we will discuss its
importance, in detail, in a later chapter.
A strong PC muscle provides the foundation for a sexually skilled
and fulfilled life for both the male and female. It allows males to
maintain rigid erections for long periods of time and increases
sexual response and pleasure in both the male and female.
Erection is a man's
first physical
response to sexual
stimulation.
The head of the penis is called the glans. In uncircumcised males,
the glans is covered by a loose tube of skin called the foreskin.
Circumcised males have had their foreskins surgically removed, leaving their glans
permanently exposed.
When sexually stimulated, the penis becomes erect. This happens because sexual
stimulation causes valves in the veins of the penis area to close. Closing these veins
causes the spongy tissue in the penis to fill with the redirected blood flow; it grows both
longer and thicker.
The glans swells to several times its un-aroused size, and may become darkened by the
increased volume of blood. Erections occur in newborn baby boys as well as ninety year
old men. They occur several times an evening while asleep. Erection is a man's first
physical response to sexual stimulation.
Penises vary greatly in thickness and length. The size differences are largely hereditary.
They do not correlate with body size. Un-aroused size and aroused size are not
necessarily directly related; a large un-aroused penis may not increase in size as
dramatically as a relatively smaller un-aroused.
You have probably seen some of the devices sold in men's magazines and SPAM emails
(vacuum suction devices, etc.) that are presented as "Penis Enlargement" systems.
Although these devices do not specifically fulfill their promise of magically (and
dramatically) increasing the size of the penis, they are on the right track. The basic rule
of maximizing penis size is... "Use It or Lose It." Penises do tend to withdraw within the
body with lack of sexual use. Consequently, the more your husband practices his skills,
the better.
The Exercises that are included in Sexual Skills For The Christian Husband™ can promote
frequent erection, prolonged erection, and maximum erection; over a period of time,
27
Sexual Satisfaction for the Christian Wife
this can stimulate the penis over a period of months to enlarge to its maximum length
and thickness.
Although I understand some men's concern with penis size, I must emphasize that penis
size is practically irrelevant to female sexual response.
It is true that some women prefer a larger penis (in the same way that some men may
prefer larger breasts). But, penis size has very little to do with a woman's actual sexual
stimulation. We will discuss why this is (and what it means to your sexual satisfaction, in
detail, later).
Below and behind the penis is the scrotum. The scrotum is the sac of skin that contains
the testicles, the walnut-sized glands where sperm is
produced. The scrotum, and the two cords that
The prostate is an often
support the testicles, raise and lower the testicles
overlooked, yet incredibly
against and away from the body to regulate their
important, part of the
temperature. Sperm die if they're kept at body
male anatomy. It is,
temperature for very long, which is why the wives of
essentially, the “male G
men who wear tight underwear sometimes have
spot,"
difficulty getting pregnant.
With sexual arousal, a man's testicles swell,
sometimes doubling or even tripling in size. Along with the thickened, engorged
scrotum, they draw up against his body as he approaches orgasm. Men usually can't
ejaculate until their testicles are fully drawn up against their bodies.
Behind the scrotum, toward the anus, and inside the body is a gland known as the
prostate. It surrounds the male urethra inside the body directly in front of the urinary
bladder. It supplies part of the clear fluid that bathes the swimming sperm that the
testicles produce and that is expelled from the body at ejaculation.
The prostate is an often overlooked, yet incredibly important, part of the male anatomy.
It is, essentially, the “male G spot," and I refer to it as the "M spot" in my seminars. It is
often highly sensitive to stimulation, especially when there is already excitement with
erection.
Learning to stimulate your husband’s prostate during sex can add to his sexual arousal;
it is the stimulation of the prostate that most leads, in a male, to these deeper, stronger
sensations and orgasms.
The prostate is also the reason that most men find anal stimulation more pleasurable
than do women. Anal penetration in men stimulates the prostate. If you (or your wife)
are uncomfortable with accessing the prostate in this manner, it can be stimulated less
directly by applying pressure behind the scrotum to the area between the back of the
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Sexual Satisfaction for the Christian Wife
scrotum and the anus, in the valley of skin known as the perineum (pear-ih-nee-um).
This is a very important sexual area for the male. The closer a man is to orgasm; the
more likely he is to find prostate stimulation pleasurable.
A man in an advanced state of sexual arousal will often secrete a drop or two of clear
fluid from the opening of his penis prior to orgasm and ejaculation. This pre-seminal
fluid ("Pre-Cum") heralds the approach of the emission phase of orgasm. Upon
ejaculation, semen spurts from the urethral opening in the penis with enough force to
propel itself outward several inches, sometimes a foot or two. In most men, this semen
amounts to approximately a teaspoon or less in volume.
Most men’s orgasms last from between three and thirteen seconds. And, between
orgasms, most men require a rest, or “refractory period.” As men age, the required
refractory period tends to lengthen. (In Sexual Skills For The Christian Husband™, I
discuss methods for reducing or eliminating this refractory period)
Physiologically, men are definitely less likely than women to experience multiple
orgasms within a short period of time. But, generally speaking, the longer and deeper
the man’s state of excitement, the more likely that he will have the ability to achieve
multiple orgasms.
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Sexual Satisfaction for the Christian Wife
Female Anatomy
Since this is the “basic” section, let’s look at the broad overview of your sexual anatomy
and response. We will cover the little known and critical knowledge a little later.
What you see when you open your thighs are your external sexual organs, generally
known as the vulva.
At the top of the vulva is an area of fleshy tissue known as the mons veneris, or "mound
of venus."
From each side of the mound, two folds of skin extend downward to meet again at the
perineal region, just in front of the anus. These folds of skin are the labia majora (larger
lips). At puberty, most women develop hair on the mound of Venus and on the outer
areas of the labia minora (smaller lips). The labia minora actually serve to protect the
vaginal opening. Although some women have very small labia minor and some have
rather large labia minor, there is generally no difference in sexual sensitivity.
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Sexual Satisfaction for the Christian Wife
At the apex of where the two sets of lips join, beneath a “hood” of skin, is the clitoris.
The clitoris is absolutely the most sexually critical part of a woman's body; it is the exact
equivalent of the male penis, just smaller. The clitoris is so critical to your sexual
satisfaction that we have dedicated significant time to it (later).
Below the clitoris, is the urethral opening, which is utilized for urination.
The vagina is a muscular barrel about ten centimeters long, angled upward into the
body at about a 60-65 degree angle. The vaginal lining is pink and glistening. It has ribs
and folds that tend to disappear with age.
The major labia normally rest closed over the
other parts of the female genitals, protecting
them. Labia means "lips." That's more or less what
they look like under their protective padding of
hair. When a woman becomes sexually excited,
her major labia expand and flatten against her
groin, opening her genitals and exposing their sensitive inner structures.
The clitoris is absolutely
the most sexually critical
part of a woman's body
The minor labia also normally rest closed. With sexual excitement they lengthen and
thicken until they protrude well past the major labia. When a woman approaches
orgasm, the minor labia change color, depending on skin color and depending upon how
many children a woman has had, to bright red or even to a deep wine.
The clitoris, with its glans, its hood, and its shaft, appears at the upper junction of the
minor labia. When a woman is sexually stimulated, the glans clitoris enlarges at least
enough to smooth out the wrinkles in its covering of skin. In a minority of women the
glans may enlarge up to double its normal size. However little or much it swells, its
changes follow along with the changes in the length and thickness of the minor labia. As
a woman reaches high levels of sexual arousal and approaches orgasm the entire body
of the clitoris-glans and shaft- retracts inward and down toward the vagina, until the
glans is entirely hidden under the clitoral hood.
Downward from the urethral opening is the opening of the vagina. The vagina serves for
sexual intercourse and for birth. Normally the vagina is collapsed upon itself so that its
walls are touching all along its length. A woman's first physical response to sexual
stimulation is vaginal lubrication. The walls of the vagina produce lubricating fluid by a
process similar to sweating.
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Sexual Satisfaction for the Christian Wife
With continuing arousal, the vagina opens and lengthens. It produces more lubrication.
The uterus-the womb-elevates inside the body, making a tent like space above the
bottom of the vaginal barrel. At the same time the outer third of the vaginal barrel
becomes congested with blood and actually closes down smaller than its previous
opening which allows it to hold and to feel a penis of any size, from very small to very
large.
With the beginning of brief orgasm the outer third of the vagina pulses in rhythmic
contraction. This pulsing is the work of a sling of muscle, the pubococcygeus (yes, the
same PC muscle we've just discussed), that attaches to the pubic bone in front and the
coccyx or tailbone in back. The PC muscle surrounds the opening of the urethra and the
vagina.
As well, when a woman is aroused, her nipples will usually stiffen, and her breasts may
swell. The breasts of some young women grow by as much as a quarter of their original
size when they are fully excited, simply because of the blood that rushes into them.
In addition, a woman may develop what is called the sex flush... a redness of the skin on
the chest and face; although, this quickly disappears once an orgasm has been achieved.
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Sexual Satisfaction for the Christian Wife
Generally, the first feelings of orgasm occur in the lower third of the vagina and then
quickly spread through the network of involuntary muscles to the remaining two thirds.
These contractile orgasmic waves rapidly reach your womb and, although the
contractions of the womb are slower and not as regular as those of the vagina, they can
give her a deeper, more satisfying type of pleasure.
During orgasm, her anal muscles will also contract involuntarily. This, plus the fact that
this entire region is connected together by very sensitive nerve endings, is why you may
find anal stimulation (as you near) pleasurable.
Male and Female Similarities
In another section, we will discuss the differences between men and women, relative to
sexual response. The goal is to better understand the differences so that you can benefit
from them.
Interestingly, despite these differences, the male and female genitalia are remarkably
similar. And, again, you can use your knowledge of these similarities to improve your
understanding of your husband and your sexual interactions.
Sometime soon after conception, God forms the fetus into either a male or a female.
The male and female genitals develop from the same tissues in the developing fetus.
The following male and female genital areas are all directly parallel:
Male
Glans of Penis
Shaft of Penis
Coronal Ridge
Urethral Opening
Scrotum
Penile Scrotal Raphe
Penile Opening
Perineal Raphe
External Prostate Spot
Anus
Female
Glans of Clitoris
Shaft of Clitoris
Clitoral Hood
Urethral Opening
Major Labia
Minor Labia
Vaginal Opening
Perineal Raphe
Perineum
Anus
It is important to remember these similarities when you stimulate your husband.
These similarities will help you to understand where your husband is sensitive and how
that sensitivity feels.
I think that one reason many women have difficulty pleasing their man is because they
falsely assume that the man’s sexual organs and orgasm process is a mysterycompletely different from her organs. If, instead, she were more aware of the
33
Sexual Satisfaction for the Christian Wife
similarities between her and her husband and pleasured him in ways that she enjoyed
being pleasured, she would be a long way toward becoming a better lover to him.
The similarity between the glans penis and the glans clitoris partly explains why many
women don't have orgasm during ordinary intercourse. When a man's penis is thrusting
in a woman's vagina, he's directly stimulating his most sensitive organ but only indirectly
stimulating hers.
Sensual wives utilize their awareness of these similarities to become better lovers.
Because they are both hyper-aware of what stimulates them and are concerned about
pleasing their husband, they are able to intuitively find ways to please their husband.
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Sexual Satisfaction for the Christian Wife
Female Anatomy And Sexual Response: Advanced
“Love is a matter of chemistry, but sex is a matter of physics.”
~Author Unknown
“Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that
God is playing a practical joke?”
~Rita Rudner
In the previous chapter, we discussed basic male and female sexual anatomy and sexual
response. Although it is a brief and fairly solid overview, you probably found little
information that you had not already learned in eighth grade health class.
With this chapter, we delve into the latest scientific understandings of the female
anatomy and sexual response. And, it is this latest information that can have the most
dramatic impact on your sexual potential.
You have amazing sexual and orgasmic potential!
Everything about you, including your sexual response systems, was created by God.
And, when you realize how amazing your potential is, you may say, along with the
Scripture’s psalmist, “I will give thanks to Thee, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
wonderful are thy works, and my soul knows it very well.” (Psalms 139:14)
But, until recently, you may have been burdened with the myth that women have less
sexual and orgasmic potential than men.
The source of this longstanding myth is difficult to trace to one place. Many assume that
religion is to blame. Others blame cultural or political causes. No one is certain exactly
where this myth originated.
Even Masters and Johnson have admitted, “Neither totem, taboo, nor religious
assignment seems to account for the force with which female orgasmic experience often
is negated as a naturally occurring psycho physiologic response.”
The recent source of this myth is not so hard to identify- Sigmund Freud.
Whatever you think of Sigmund Freud’s other theories; it is hard to dismiss the damage
that he has caused almost two generations of women, sexually. Despite the fact that he
was not, technically, a sex researcher, his influence on sexology was inordinately large.
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Sexual Satisfaction for the Christian Wife
One of Freud’s most offensive theories was that women had the ability to have two
completely different types of orgasms- clitoral and vaginal. And, that women that relied
upon clitoral orgasms instead of (the “better”) vaginal orgasms were psychologically
defective or immature.
This started women down the path of degrading the importance of their clitoris to
sexual fulfillment. This, consequently, created a large group of women that assumed
that they were sexually inadequate or “frigid,” simply because they were not living up to
the (mostly male) sexual standards that had been thrust upon them. If they were not
sexually fulfilled (in ways almost impossible), it was their fault; they were deficient.
With so many women demonstrating an inability to be sexually satisfied and fulfilled, it
perpetuated the myth that women must have less sexual and orgasmic potential than
men.
Dr. Peter A. Martin, clinical professor of psychiatry at Wayne State University in Detroit
describes Freud’s theory:
“When I started in psychiatry, I was taught that orgasm in the female is
related to the psychosexual level of development. Thus, a mature, emotionally
healthy woman who had achieved a genital level of development should have a
vaginal orgasm…
But I have seen the emotionally
sickest of female patients report…several
consecutive orgasms. Also, I have seen
women who were the epitome of emotional
maturity in all other areas incapable of
vaginal orgasm…”
This theory is particularly laughable because it was
based upon a wrong understanding of the female
anatomy and sexual response systems.
The latest research seems
to support that female
sexual response includes
multi-layered responses
and types of orgasm.
But, because most psychologists and sex researchers were men, this myth managed to
persist for quite some time.
To be clear, it was not the “two different types of orgasms” part of the theory that was
wrong and offensive. Even the latest research seems to support that female sexual
response includes multi-layered responses and types of orgasm.
The fundamental problem with the theory was that it did not understand the
interrelated nature of these different layers and types of orgasms. They may be
different, but they are still related.
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Sexual Satisfaction for the Christian Wife
The fundamental offense was for Freud (a man) and other researchers (mostly men) to
feel morally capable of assigning a priority to vaginal orgasms over clitoral orgasms.
So, for over two generations, women have been trying to meet a male ideal of sexuality
which was fundamentally flawed in its understanding of female sexual response.
It is shocking to consider how many women lived their entire lives feeling sexually
inadequate because of this myth.
And, how many others suffered with sexual dissatisfaction because they were
attempting the impossible.
Luckily, this myth is quickly fading from general acceptance.
Dr. Ronald M. Deutsch states:
“The fact is that women who are sexually unfulfilled to some degree
appear to make up a majority of American womankind. The old idea that she is
thus, by definition, psychoneurotic is fading. For it has now been widely
demonstrated that the key to relieving such a woman is usually a true
understanding of her body and sexual role…
This is not to say that emotion cannot block sexual response. It can. And I
have no intention to convey a mechanistic view of love, which I abhor, or to
challenge the emotional or spiritual bases of love, in which I believe…
Yet the act of love remains a physical act. As we shall see, most
authorities agree that in most respects this act is not instinctive, but it is learned.
And we shall see that for most men and women, the understanding of the act
persists as a mélange of myth, confusion and superstition. As a result, in a day of
supposedly great sexual sophistication, only the unusual couple achieves
anything like the fully satisfying expression possible for most any good
marriage…
Oddly, it seems that only the useful and accurate information which is
excluded from the torrent of sexual dialogue…”
Ironically, until recently, all available scientific research appeared to contradict Freud’s
theory. Although doctors and researchers assumed that there were two different types
of orgasm, there was little evidence to support such an assumption.
Researchers had difficulty understanding “vaginal” orgasms because the actual lining of
the vagina has no nerve endings similar to those in and around the clitoris.
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Sexual Satisfaction for the Christian Wife
But, recent research has discovered that the muscles beneath the vagina mucosa (the
lining of the vagina) are well supplied with proprioceptive endings (nerve endings of the
type sensitive to pressure, movement, and stretching). These are adequately stimulated
during intercourse, and could well represent a primary sensory apparatus and would
provide, finally, some proof of the reality of the vaginal orgasm.
Let’s do the math.

You have two separate areas of your sexual anatomy that are capable of sexual
response and orgasms- your vagina and your clitoris.

Your clitoris has the same number of nerve
endings (pleasure receptors) as the male penis
and is one tenth the size.

You are capable of multiple, relatively long and
very intense orgasms.

Your psychological and emotional makeup allows you to tap into the relational
and spiritual aspects of sexuality.

Forget about “penis envy.” Men should be jealous of your sexual potential.
The primary “secret” to
your sexual satisfaction is
your clitoris.
The primary “secret” to your sexual satisfaction is your clitoris.
There are many powerful things for you to learn about your anatomy and sexual
response system, but none more important than the following: Clitoral stimulation is
your primary means of achieving sexual pleasure and fulfillment!
In addition to direct stimulation of the clitoris, most sexual response and orgasms are
caused by indirect stimulation of the clitoris (or its surrounding structures).
Yes, there are other amazing sexual pleasures for you to experience- vaginal orgasms, G
Spot orgasms, and ejaculatory orgasms.
But, these are the proverbial “icing on the cake.” They are not the cake!
Your sexual pleasure, response and satisfaction will all be IMMEDIATELY and
dramatically improved if you simply understand that, in one way or another, you need
to involve your clitoris in the action.
With most women, this stimulation does not have to be direct; it can be indirect, for
example, through intercourse. But, it is estimated that thirty percent of women always
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Sexual Satisfaction for the Christian Wife
require manual stimulation of the clitoris to achieve orgasm. Either way, you need to
have no shame or shyness about ensuring that you receive clitoral stimulation.
Many women that have been diagnosed as “frigid” are, actually, just under-stimulated,
clitorally!
As the head of the psychology department of a Christian college once said, “There is no
such thing as frigid wives-only clumsy husbands.”
Although I agree that sex between a husband and wife is much more than just a
mechanical, physical function, I also agree with Dr. Douglas Rosenau, theologian and
Christian sex therapist, who has said, “Sex is 80 percent
imagination and mind and 20 percent friction…”
At least on the physical level, most successful (physically)
sexual encounters are simply about friction, properly
applied. And, for women, it is primarily a matter of friction
(direct or indirect) properly applied to the clitoris.
Many women that have
been diagnosed as
“frigid” are, actually, just
under-stimulated,
clitorally!
When sex researchers started introducing mechanical devices (vibrators) into their
studies, they found that over 85% of the women that had been previously diagnosed as
“frigid” could consistently achieve orgasm when their clitorises were stimulated with
the devices.
If you are one of the seventy percent of women that can achieve orgasm by indirect
stimulation of your clitoris, you need to ensure that both you and your husband
concentrate on motions and positions that create the greatest stimulation of your
clitoris.
If you are one of the thirty percent of women that require manual, direct stimulation of
the clitoris, then you need to communicate this need to your husband. Before, during,
and after, intercourse, he needs to manually stimulate your clitoris in whatever way that
you both find enjoyable.
In some Christian sex guides, I have found a theme that I find offensive. It is the idea
that the ultimate (and most acceptable and moral) sexual activity between a husband
and wife is mutual climax, during intercourse.
I find this offensive for several reasons:
1) It implies that there is a Scriptural basis for determining which types of sexual
activity (within marriage) are more or less good.
2) It does not factor in those individuals that are (for whatever reason) not capable
of achieving this “ultimate” goal.
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Sexual Satisfaction for the Christian Wife
Outside of the clear sexual prohibitions that we discussed earlier, within marriage, there
are no logical or Scriptural bases to decide which type of sex is best.
And, for a myriad of reasons (physical, psychological), some couples may never achieve
this “goal.”
Consequently, I would never put that extra burden on a fellow Christian.
It is very possible for a couple to experience amazing (physically, relationally and
spiritually) sex without ever achieving mutual climax during intercourse.
So, do not put this burden on yourself.
The end result is the same- you and your husband are sexually and emotionally
satisfied- mission accomplished.
From this day forward, if you want to experience everything possible, sexually, you need
to understand the power of your clitoris and be proud of that power- not ashamed.
Another consistent theme that you will find in this book is your need to become an
ACTIVE sexual participant.
We have also discussed the fact that men are, generally, more satisfied, sexually,
because they are more single-mindedly focused on their own pleasure.
You need to ACTIVELY and single-mindedly focus on ensuring that your clitoris is
properly stimulated. If you did nothing else, you would eliminate most of your sexual
“problems.”
…you need to understand
the power of your clitoris
and be proud of that
power - not ashamed.
At this point, some readers may be thinking, “Well,
that would be great if I could do it all myself.”
Well, the quick answer is, “You can.”
Although there is a valid discussion about moral
and relationship issues related to masturbation (when you are alone), there are no
reasonable or valid moral issues related to masturbation when your husband is present.
You should have no shyness or guilt about touching any part of your own body during
sex- including your clitoris.
In fact, it presents several, very real, potential benefits:
40
Sexual Satisfaction for the Christian Wife
1) It will help you to learn EXACTLY what types of clitoral stimulation work best for
you.
2) It will, most likely, really turn your husband on. Most men get very excited
watching their wives masturbate (they are visual creatures, after all). And, it is a
sign that you are ACTIVELY being sensual and participating.
If you are, yet, still to shy to stimulate your clitoris yourself, direct your husband’s
fingers (or mouth) in the way that you desire for him to stimulate your clitoris. Trust me.
Most men would not care if you were asking them to wear a funny hat; if they knew that
they were turning you on, they would be thrilled!
Granted, some readers truly do have husbands that are simply not interested in “doing
whatever it takes” to unselfishly ensure that their wives are sexually satisfied. But, these
men are the vast minority.
Usually, all that will be necessary to convince your husband to properly stimulate your
clitoris (or anything else) will be that you are willing to communicate more openly and
honestly; and that you are willing to risk the initial potential embarrassment of
discussing such topics.
Risk the embarrassment! It will be MORE than worth it.
Secretly (or not so secretly) most men can imagine nothing better then knowing that
their wife is a sensual, sexual creature- and that she finds him sexually attractive and
wants to share her sensuality with him.
You have different types of possible pleasure: experience them ALL.
Once you are fully and consistently experiencing the pleasures possible through
stimulation of your clitoris, you can take advantage of the many other types of pleasure
that are available to you.
Within your body, generally, and within your sexual organs specifically, you have two
different types of nerve endings or pleasure producing structures:
1) Standard friction-oriented nerve endings (clitoris).
2) Proprioceptive, nerve endings that are sensitive to pressure, movement and
stretching (areas surrounding the vagina wall, G Spot area, anus).
Any sexual or erogenous zones within your body possess pleasure potential, primarily,
because they contain a relatively large concentration of nerve endings.
And, within these areas, you will have either one or the other type of nerve endings or a
combination of both.
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Sexual Satisfaction for the Christian Wife
The female sexual organs are wonderfully complex structures that have the potential to
simultaneously stimulate multiple areas and both types of nerve endings.
Externally, the female vagina is structured in such a way as to allow for the stimulation
of the clitoris in both direct and indirect ways.
For example, during penetration, movement of both the inner and outer lips creates a
pleasurable “tugging” movement that stimulates the clitoris.
Internally, the entire female pelvic area is lined and crisscrossed with various layers of
muscles.
The first layer of pelvic floor muscles consists mostly of sphincters, ring-like closing
muscles (urinary passage, rectum, birth canal) that close these openings. They are fairly
weak.
Their relative weakness can be demonstrated by the fact that it is very difficult for
women with “stress incontinence” are forced to rely on the more external urinary
sphincter to close the urinary passage, and have a difficult time doing so.
But lying within these outer muscles layers is an EXTREMELY STRONG muscle which is
almost two inches thick. It is called the pubococcygeus (PC) muscle because it connects
from the pubis (the bony part of the front of your pelvis), to the coccyx (the end of your
spine). SEE DIAGRAM BELOW.
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Sexual Satisfaction for the Christian Wife
In the past, it has been referred to as a portion of the levator ani, which gets its name
from the fact that it can lift the anus.
As you can see in the diagrams, the three canals pass through the muscular floor. And,
each passage is surrounded by a net of interlocking muscle fibers from the PC, for a
length of up to about two inches. The fibers run both lengthwise along each canal and
surround each as sphincters. Thus, the rings of muscle around each passage can be
squeezed shut at will.
It is the sphincteric action of that part of the PC surrounding the urinary passage which
fails in urinary incontinence: the PC cannot squeeze the passage shut.
As we will discuss, the PC muscle can be exercised to increase its strength. This strength
helps to fix urinary incontinence. It also can have DRAMATIC effects on your sexual
pleasure and response!
In the next chapter, we will discuss, in more detail, the importance of your PC muscle
and EXACTLY how to easily and quickly strengthen it for increased sexual pleasure and
response.
For now, you simply need to understand that you possess two completely different
paths to sexual pleasure- friction and pressure (proprioceptive). This is true throughout
your entire body, but particularly true within your vaginal area.
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Sexual Satisfaction for the Christian Wife
This knowledge is critical for two reasons:
1) It doubles your potential pleasure.
If you and your husband ACTIVELY explore both types of pleasure, your
options and variety are much increased.
2) It will help to better guide you and your husband to properly stimulating you.
One of the biggest mistakes many men make is applying the wrong type of
motion (stimulation) to a certain area.
If you husband is using friction on the inside of your vagina, this will be neither
pleasurable or climax producing. But, if he understands that, in this area, he
should be applying slow, strong, pressure, he will find that you respond much
better.
As the two of you experiment with ALL of the different ways in which you can
produce sexual pleasure (and climaxes) with each other, you will learn which
combinations of stimulation are most effective (and fun).
You need time to reach sexual satisfaction.
After the under-stimulation of the clitoris, the second biggest mistake that many
couples make is that they do not recognize the significant differences between men and
women in their sexual response cycles.
These are VERY REAL, physiological differences between men and women.
The basic stages of sexual response and gender differences:
Stage
Males
Females
Excitement
Primarily visually created
Develops fast
Maintained with little focus
If lost, easily regained
Moves quickly to orgasm
Plateau
Generally, very brief
Less easily maintained- either moves
to climax or loss of excitement easily.
Orgasm
Ten to thirteen seconds.
Six to sixty seconds.
Refractory period needed between No refractory period necessary.
orgasms.
44
Primarily Emotionally Created
Develops more slowly
Requires more conscious focus
If lost, more difficult to regain.
Moves more slowly to orgasm
Generally, longer.
More easily maintained.
Sexual Satisfaction for the Christian Wife
Limited number of orgasms within a
certain period of time.
First orgasms, generally most intense.
Unlimited orgasms possible.
Later orgasms generally most
intense.
At every stage of the sexual response cycle, women require more time for their
complete satisfaction and fulfillment.
You must know that this is simply a physiological fact, not a “problem with you.
As Dr. David Reuben, best-selling author of three books on sexuality says:
“Many of the women who have been solemnly diagnosed as frigid are
simply under-stimulated sexually. Under the old rules, once a man delivered an
erect penis into the vagina, the responsibility for reaching her orgasm shifted to
the woman. It just isn’t that way. No woman deserves to be labeled sexually
frigid unless her sexual partner provides her with at least enough mechanical
stimulation to trigger the orgasmic reflex.
For the average couple, the needed stimulation is about eight minutes of
actual intercourse or seventy-five to eighty pelvic thrusts. This assumes, of course,
a reasonable amount of foreplay- enough to start vaginal lubrication- and an
emotional atmosphere of mutual affection. Under these circumstances, the
average woman should be able to reach orgasm a good part of the time.
What if she can’t? Then she may be suffering from some degree of
orgasmic impairment based upon underlying emotional conflict. But if her
partner furnishes her with a rapid entry, a few half-hearted thrusts, a quick spurt
of sperm, and a mumbled apology, it is more likely his problem than hers.
Tragically, the man who cannot delay his orgasm and thus prolong his
erection long enough to satisfy his partner expends a tremendous amount of
time and energy trying to convince her that she is to blame…
It would seem much more sensible for him to undertake the cure of his
own disease rather than invent a new one- delayed female orgasm- to prove
he’s normal.”
Once you realize that this is simply a physiological fact and not a “problem” with you,
you are free to start to utilize this fact to improve your sexual response and pleasure.
It will also help you to determine EXACTLY where the real problem(s) are to be found.
Unless you require very unusual amounts of time and stimulation to achieve climax,
there is a good chance that the problem rests with your husband- not you.
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Sexual Satisfaction for the Christian Wife
He may need to be more sensitive to your need to “warm up” during the excitement
phase.
He may need to learn how to delay his orgasm long enough to fulfill your physiological
needs through both the excitement and plateau stages (we will discuss in a later section
how you can help him to do this).
He may need to be willing to manually bring you to climax.
He may also need to be willing to bring you to successive climaxes.
This is one of the main reasons that we talk about great sex not being “natural.” If either
the man or woman is not willing to “stretch” outside of their “natural” impulses and
cycles, there is little chance of mutual satisfaction.
Again, it is critical that you ACTIVELY utilize this knowledge that your sexual fulfillment
requires more time.
Communicate this need to your husband.
Expect that your need for more time (and the proper atmosphere) will be met.
Work with your husband to help him to delay his orgasms (more about this later).
Use your vagina as an active sexual organ.
Although your vagina appears to be, essentially, a passive sexual organ, it has much
potential as an active sexual organ.
In fact, for your ultimate sexual fulfillment, you will need to learn to produce pleasure
for yourself (and your husband) in both passive and active ways.
Dr. Charles Lloyd, a leading sex authority, comments:
“In our society, adult women are often
incapable of sexual aggressions and
assume an inactive role during marital
intercourse…
Use your vagina as an
active sexual organ.
Frequently they do not experience clear cut orgasms…
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Sexual Satisfaction for the Christian Wife
Societies in which there is training for the sexual role usually produce a higher
degree of aggressiveness in sexual activity with vigorous participation by the
woman and much more regularly complete and satisfactory orgasm…”
The “training” that Lloyd refers to involves teaching young women how to actively
utilize their vagina during sex. In one African tribe, no girl may marry until she is able to
exert strong pressure with the vaginal muscles.
The use of the PC muscle provides a clear mechanism for such participation. It offers a
concept of the vagina, not merely as a passive receiver of action, but as an actor.
Almost forty years ago, Van de Velde described this concept:
“…the whole structure of the female organs accentuated by the working
of the …muscles…is an apparatus for gripping and rubbing the male sexual organ,
during and after its insertion or immission into the vagina, and thus to produce
the ejaculation of seed or sperm cells, in the culmination of excitement, and at
that same time by pressure and friction, to ensure this orgasm, or some of
pleasure and ecstasy, in the woman also…””
The action (motion) that Van de Velde was describing is made possible, primarily, by the
PC muscle. In the next section, we will discuss how you can easily and relatively quickly
strengthen your PC muscle. But, for now, just know that you goal should be the
capability of making your vagina an ACTIVE sexual instrument. For you (and your
husband) to experience complete sexual fulfillment, you will need to be able to use your
vagina to “grip” and “rub” your husband’s penis- not just as a passive receptacle for it.
Yes, the G Spot and female ejaculation exist!
At the end of the book, you will find two bonus chapters, “The G Spot” and “Female
Ejaculation.”
I have purposely positioned these chapters at the end of the book because I do not want
to confuse you. Although both the G Spot and female ejaculation are very real, they are
more difficult to achieve (for most women) and should be considered fun topics to
explore- not pressure-filled goals.
Yes, the G Spot and female
You could go your entire life without experiencing
either and still have a completely satisfying and
ejaculation exist!
fulfilling sex life. But, if you are in the mood (and
have the time), you and your husband may want to explore the possibilities.
For now, I just want to draw your attention that these two topics are further proof of
your sexual and orgasmic potential.
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Sexual Satisfaction for the Christian Wife
Review
Before you continue, take a minute to consider the following…

You have amazing sexual and orgasmic potential!

The primary "secret" to your sexual satisfaction is your clitoris.

You have different types of possible pleasure: experience them ALL.

You need time to reach sexual satisfaction.

Use your vagina as an active sexual organ.

Yes, the G Spot and female ejaculation exist!
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Sexual Satisfaction for the Christian Wife
The “Magic Key” To Your Sexual Potential
Earlier, we discussed some of the negative influences on female sexuality within the
recent past.
There may be no more positive influence on female sexuality than the research
introduced by Dr. Arnold Kegel.
His work in the area of female sexuality, specifically related to the PC (pubococcygeus)
muscle, has thrown open the doors to sexual satisfaction and fulfillment for millions of
women.
The results of his research, Kegel exercises, are so universally and dramatically effective
at solving the problem (female sexual dissatisfaction) and are so simple and easy to
perform, that they could be considered “the magic key” to your sexual fulfillment.
And, like so many other “world changing” scientific discoveries, they were discovered by
accident!
Dr. Kegel was a specialist in female disorders. In 1940, he was working with a patient,
Mrs. Wilson, to help cure her urinary stress incontinence. Almost five percent of women
experience urinary incontinence. It is when laughing, coughing, or sudden movement
causes urinary leakage.
Dr. Kegel explained to Mrs. Wilson that her problem was most likely caused by a
weakened PC muscle. And, before he referred her for surgery, he suggested that she
attempt to exercise and strengthen the muscle.
Ronald M. Deutsch, in his book, The Key to Feminine Response, explains:
This muscle ran between the legs, from front to back, like a sling. It was
wide and strong. In fact, it formed the floor of the pelvis, the lower trunk. It was
the base of support for the bladder, part of the rectum, the birth canal and the
womb.
In women, three passages penetrated this muscle to empty outside the
body- the rectum, birth canal and the urethra, or urinary canal. Kegel believed
that, since the birth canal passed through the muscle and was firmly attached to
it, childbirth could damage the muscle. And since the urinary passage was
supported by the same muscle and kept closed by it, a weak muscle might mean
poor urinary control. The muscle might be strong enough to hold back urine
ordinarily. But, with extra stress, some of the fluid would push through. Kegel
also believed that the muscle might be strengthened.
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Sexual Satisfaction for the Christian Wife
Mrs. Wilson was one of several stress-incontinence patients who agreed
to try special exercises. In less than two months, the distress and embarrassment
had ended.
Today these exercises, known as the Kegel exercises, are standard
technique in cases of stress incontinence. For most patients, they succeed and
make surgery needless.
Shortly after Mrs. Wilson had gained urinary control, she confided to Dr.
Kegel that something else had happened. For the first time in fifteen years of
marriage, she had reached orgasm in intercourse. She wanted to know if this
could be associated with the exercises.
Kegel was skeptical. But then he heard the same thing repeatedly from
women given instructions for the exercises. He wondered about the possible
mechanism.
To understand Kegel’s reasoning, one must know something of the pelvic
floor muscles. They are composed of several layers. The outermost layer is made
up mainly of sphincters, ring-like closing muscles. These muscles close the outer
openings of the urinary passage, rectum and birth canal. They are relatively weak.
For example, women with stress incontinence usually depend upon the more
external urinary sphincter to close the urinary passage, a job it can only do
imperfectly.
But lying inside these outer muscle layers is an extremely strong muscle,
more than two fingers thick. It is known as the pubococcygeus, for it runs from
the pubis, the bony prominence at the front of the pelvis, to the coccyx, the end
of the spine.
Picture the three canals passing through the muscular floor. Each passage
is surrounded by a net of interlocking muscle fibers from the PC for a length up
to about two inches. The fibers run both lengthwise along each canal and
surround each as sphincters. Thus, the rings of muscle around each passage can
be squeezed shut at will.
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Sexual Satisfaction for the Christian Wife
It is the sphincteric action of that part of the PC surrounding the urinary
passage which fails in stress incontinence; the PC cannot squeeze the passage
shut. Exercise gives it strength enough to function properly.
What has this to do with sexual satisfaction? Kegel knew that the PC
surrounded the vagina in the same way. And he began to find a surprising
number of women had PC weakness.
In fewer than one of three women the muscle had relatively good tone,
making a rather firm straight platform and performing well. Among these
women, urinary incontinence was a rarity. Childbirth was easier for them. The
birth canal seemed rarely to be damaged in delivery. And sexual responsiveness
tended to be good.
But in at least two of three women the PC was relatively slack and weak.
It sagged much like a hammock; and organs sagged which it was meant to
support. Among these women, childbirth was more likely to be difficult. Birth
canal injuries were far more common. Incontinence appeared after children
were born, and sometimes as early as their own childhoods. Sexual satisfaction
was unusual.
Oddly, the strength of the PC seemed unrelated to the general muscular
strength of the patient. Female athletes might have poor, slack PC musculature.
Some frail, sedentary women had good tone. The explanation was that the PC
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Sexual Satisfaction for the Christian Wife
was suspended between two fixed bony structures. Therefore, it was unaffected
by the use of other muscles. It stood alone.
Gradually, Kegel developed a way to exercise and strengthen the PC. In
1947 the USC School of Medicine established a clinic in which he could continue
his work, and in 1948 his work won the annual award of the Los Angeles
Obstetrical Society.
Though Kegel’s primary interest had not been in sexual problems, he felt
obligated to pursue the sexual component of his findings. At his clinic, he began
to accept referrals from the American Institute of Family Relations of women
who failed sexually.
One patient had been affectionate and found pleasure in physical love,
but could not attain orgasm. In fact, she felt little physical stimulation once
intercourse began. She had been psychologically normal.
When he examined the patient, Dr. Kegel showed her two molds to
demonstrate his findings. These molds, called moulages, had been formed by
inserting a special soft plastic material into the vagina. When the material had
shaped itself to the organ, it was removed, making an almost perfect model of
the vaginal passage.
One mold was made from the vagina of a woman with good PC muscle
tone. It looked something like a squeezed tube. Wide at the opening, it
narrowed for a space of about two inches, then widened again. The narrowing
showed the squeezing action of a strong PC. Throughout the narrowed portion,
the mold rippled slightly, the ripples made by the pressure of tightening muscle
bands, row on row. These bands were the spreading fibers of the PC. They made
the vagina a strong, muscular organ.
The second mold was made from the vagina of a patient who had never
experienced true orgasm. It looked rather like a straight sided funnel,
broadening steadily from its opening towards the top. Its walls were virtually
unmarked by muscle pressure. Clearly the PC was weak. The organ had poor
support and little strength.
’The second mold,’ the doctor told her, ‘approximates your own
condition. You can see that the vagina from which this mold was made cannot
exert the pressure which is an essential for good sexual function.’
Why is the ability to exert pressure important? The answer to this
question explains to many experts the ancient puzzle of how the vagina can
provide sexual satisfaction when it appears to contain almost no nerve endings.
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Sexual Satisfaction for the Christian Wife
The solution is explained this way by Dr. Terence F. McGuire and Dr.
Richard M. Steinhilber of the Mayo Clinic: ‘According to current data, the muscles
beneath the vagina mucosa (the lining of the vagina) are well supplied with
proprioceptive endings (nerve endings of the type sensitive to pressure,
movement and stretching). These are adequately stimulated during intercourse,
and could well represent the primary…sensory apparatus…It would appear that
the vaginal orgasm is a reality…’
In other words, the muscle which surrounds the vagina is rich in sensitive
nerve endings. Doctors failed to find these endings because their search was
limited to the lining of the vagina…
Since these nerves are outside the vagina, it takes firm pressure from
within to stimulate them. In a wide, slack vagina, the male organ makes poor
and infrequent contact with the walls of the passage, thereby stimulating nerves
in the musculature very little…
Some primitive and oriental
If the vagina narrowed to a tight,
people have observed the
firm channel by the contraction of the
need for such muscle control
surrounding muscle, the male organ will
and strength and teach young
press and push these muscles, giving
women accordingly.
strong stimulation. Stimulated, the
muscles will respond with an automatic
contraction which increases the contact, thus helping to build the tension which
leads to feminine climax…
This phenomenon had long been suspected by some observers. As early
as the turn of the century, Dr. Robert L. Dickinson reported that he could identify
women likely to fail sexually by examining them. He wrote, ‘The size, power,
reactions and rhythm of contraction of the pelvic floor muscles give information
concerning vaginal types of coital orgasm…’
In one of his early case records he noted: ‘Levator is not very good. I
taught her to use the muscle.’ And he adds, ‘It seems very important that many
women are able after instruction to get something which they call orgasm,
when they failed before instruction.’
Some primitive and oriental people have observed the need for such
muscle control and strength and teach young women accordingly. In one African
tribe, no girl may marry until she is able to exert strong pressure with the vaginal
muscles. Other cultures have noted that sexual performance is often poorer
after childbirth because of the stretching or injuring of the birth canal. In some
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Sexual Satisfaction for the Christian Wife
Muslim countries women actually follow the appalling custom of packing the
vagina with rock salt after giving birth, in order to make it contract.
After their study of sexual response in many societies, Ford and Beach
concluded: ‘There is considerable evidence to support the belief that distention of
the vaginal walls resulting from insertion of the penis is an important factor.’
Widespread reports now confirm this conclusion. Dr. Donald Hastings, of
the University of Minnesota, comments: ‘The exercise and contraction of the
voluntary muscles which form the pelvic floor and surround parts of the vagina
are important for…enhancement of sexual pleasure.’ He adds, ‘Some of the
‘secret’ sexual practices of other cultures depend upon the strength and
cultivation of the vaginal muscles.’
And Dr. John F. Oliven, of New York’s Columbia Presbyterian Hospital,
reports in his textbook on sexual problems for physicians and other professionals:
‘The most important hypesthetic [lack of feeling] syndrome occurs in connection
with vaginal over-relaxation. To the patient
herself this may appear to be a matter of
PC muscle exercises are
insufficient contact between the penis and
truly the “magic key” to
vaginal walls. However, there is evidence that
your sexual pleasure and
relaxed walls are hypesthesic walls, because
fulfillment.
the sub-mucosal ‘deep-touch’ nerve endings,
which are responsible for the greater part of
so-called vaginal sensation are minimally represented if their vehicle- chiefly the
pubococcygeus- is hypotrophic [weak through underdevelopment or
degeneration].’
Oliven ends by saying, ‘Thus, probably no degree of bulk immission
[insertion] can completely overcome these women’s diminished sensation.’ In
other words, when the vaginal walls do not contract so that they offer pressure
and resistance, sensation is likely to be limited indeed, regardless of the size of
the male organ.’”
PC muscle exercises are truly the “magic key” to your sexual pleasure and fulfillment.
Deutsch agrees:
“The exercises which strengthen the PC muscle are safe, simple and not
fatiguing. Aside from the sexual benefit they seem to provide, they improve and
give support to the organs of the pelvis. Such support has been found by experts
to reduce the number of the childbirth injuries to the mother and to shorten the
time of delivery, thus increasing safety for the child…
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Sexual Satisfaction for the Christian Wife
Many women can contract the PC muscle on conscious command by
merely learning it exists. And Dr. Kegel has pointed out that some woman can
achieve satisfaction for the first time just by being made aware of the muscle
and its role in the sex act.
But if the muscle is weak, as it is in most women, awareness is unlikely
to be enough. Not only must the woman learn conscious control of the muscle;
she must strengthen it with exercise. ‘And it is a rare woman,’ says Dr. Kegel,
‘who cannot benefit from increased strength of the muscle.’
Gaining control, however, can be difficult without guidance. Most women,
when they are asked to contract the vaginal muscle, begin by trying to contract
the smaller, weaker external muscle, many make greater and greater efforts,
contracting muscles of the abdomen, lower back, the hips and thighs. These
muscles have no link to the PC. And, in fact, one may be certain that the
exercise is done incorrectly if one experiences muscle fatigue.”
Kegel Exercises
Dr. Kegel devised an eight week program of vaginal (PC)
muscle exercises that has been accepted, worldwide,
because of its virtually 100% success rate in developing
sexual response.
First, you must learn how
to recognize and
consciously control your
PC muscle.
Kegel exercises will require concentration and regular
application, but virtually all women can be taught how to contract the PC muscle.
First, you must learn how to recognize and consciously control your PC muscle. The
simplest way to do this is the following:
The next time that you are in the bathroom (and when your bladder is relatively full), sit
on the toilet.
As we discussed earlier, one of the functions of the PC muscle is to stop the flow of
urine from your urinary tract. But, your external muscles also have the ability to do this.
So, be sure that your knees are spread fairly widely apart.
Once your urine flow has begun, try to stop it.
Deutsch explains:
“In nearly all women, this effort automatically contracts the PC muscle.
This signifies little about strength, for the muscle can stop urine flow in most
women unless there is extra stress. But it teaches the feeling of the PC
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Sexual Satisfaction for the Christian Wife
contraction. After a few trials, most women can recognize the sensation and
can repeat the contractions at any time, anywhere, using the occasional
interruption of voiding only as a check. Each contraction exercises the muscle (PC)
surrounding the vagina.
There is little physical effort, though concentration is needed at first.
‘Once the contraction is learned,” says childbirth educator Dr. Mary Jane
Hungerford, “it takes little more effort than to close an eye. In fact, it can be
done as rapidly as you open and shut an eye, though when exercising, the
contraction should be held for about two seconds.’
Once control of the PC is learned, women are instructed to begin exercise
with five or ten contractions before arising in the morning. The contraction
seems to be easier at this time.
And at first, the exercises should also be tried whenever urine is voided.
“With good control,” says Dr. Hungerford, “urine can be released a teaspoon at a
time.”
How much exercise is needed? The plan can be varied widely, but a
usual recommendation is for some ten contractions in a row, made at six
intervals during the day. This makes sixty contractions in all. Though it may
sound laborious, each contraction need take no more than a second. Each group
of ten contractions might take ten seconds. Six sessions in a day would make a
total of one minute.
Gradually, the number of sessions and the number of contractions made
in each can be increased. For example, twenty contractions in a session would
bring the six-session total to a hundred and twenty a day. Dr. Kegel suggests that
each voiding of the urine be an opportunity for exercise. If this is done three
times a day, adding exercise before arising, when retiring and at one other time,
the initial program is completed.
The program should then be stepped up, for the contraction becomes
almost effortless. Many women find that thirty contractions in a session is a
comfortable number, and can be done in a minute once training is under way.
There is no rush to increase, but eventually most women find that two hundred
and three hundred contractions a day are easily achieved, spaced throughout
the day at convenient times. This would make a total of three hundred
contractions in that day’s exercise. Dr. Kegel says most patients reach a total of
about three hundred a day in some six weeks. By this time, control of voiding is
usually very good, though in some women with especially weak musculature ten
weeks might be needed. Most women can note sexual and other changes
within three weeks, but nevertheless are urged to continue.
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Sexual Satisfaction for the Christian Wife
How long? After six to eight weeks, when the three hundred a day
pattern has been reached, further exercise is usually not necessary. One reason
is that the normal state of the PC is not full relaxation. To do its job of pelvic
support, it stays in a state of partial contraction and tends to maintain its
strength. Without such partial contraction, for example, urine would not be
normally retained. The PC relaxes completely only under anesthesia.
The exercises strengthen this steady state of contraction. After a few
weeks, a mold of the vagina shows a markedly changed shape. Moreover, sexual
activity helps preserve the new muscle tone in several ways.
First, it appears that the steady state contraction is heightened during
intercourse. Second, sexual stimulation seems to produce mild reflex
contractions of the vaginal muscles. Third, many experts counsel women to
make occasional conscious contractions as a technique of intercourse, as we
shall see in greater detail. Finally, in sexual climax, the PC contracts involuntarily,
strongly and rhythmically, from four to ten times, at intervals of about four-fifths
of a second. (The feeling of release and the disappearance of tension follow this
contractile burst.)
At the American Institute of Family Relations, women are counseled to
use the new contractile ability in intercourse consciously at first, squeezing firmly
and slowly. In fact, a series of conscious contractions are recommended before
the entrance of the male organ. This is thought to help set the stage for the
function of the muscle as an automatic reflex. And it appears to heighten sexual
tension, which is desirable, since it is the buildup of such tension, which,
reaching a summit seems to trigger the orgasm…
Van de Velde describes the motion: “The whole structure [of the female
organs] accentuated by the working of the …muscles…is an apparatus for
gripping and rubbing the male sexual organ, during and after its insertion or
immission into the vagina, and thus to produce the ejaculation of seed or sperm
cells, in the culmination of excitement, and at the same time, by pressure and
friction, to ensure the orgasm, or some of the pleasure and ecstasy, in the
woman also”
How intrinsic in intercourse is this pattern? Some reports indicate that it
occurs through simply awareness and strengthening of the vaginal musculature.
Dr. Hungerford again:
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Sexual Satisfaction for the Christian Wife
“In childbirth education we teach the contraction exercises…at first, in
teaching the exercises, I made no mention of the sexual value. I taught them only
in terms of childbirth.
But, within weeks after I began teaching, one woman took me aside
before class to say she had experienced orgasm in intercourse for the first time.
The same thing happened repeatedly. Many women seem to think this was the
most important thing they got from the courses and report they have taught it to
others with the same result…”
In their book, The Act of Marriage, Tim and Beverly LaHaye describe their experiences
with teaching Dr. Kegel’s exercises to the many couples which they counseled:
Occasionally, I have encountered resistance to these exercises from
Christian wives. In one such case, a mother of five and married almost twentyfive years said, “Pastor, it all seems so unnatural to me. If God had wanted for
me to get more sensation during lovemaking, He would have made them that
way.” I explained to her that He did originally, and that her five births and
natural aging process had so relaxed them that they were of little help to her,
and the older she grew, the more she would need them toned up through
exercise.
Quite reluctantly, she went home to try, but admitted she had little faith
it would work. Still, she did her exercises diligently, and as she reported later,
“Within one month I experienced sensations I had never felt before. Within five
weeks my husband, who had been experiencing a little trouble maintaining an
erection, noticed the added dimension of excitement in our love life. Now we
both think our next twenty-five years of love will be more exciting than the first
twenty-five.”
Some women who refused to try it for their own benefit were prevailed
upon to attempt it for the sake of their husbands. Before the eight weeks were
up, several of them acknowledged their first orgasmic fulfillment in many years
of marriage. Eight weeks isn’t really very long for an experiment that may bring
lifelong benefits. Try it- the chances are that you will like it.
To summarize the general Kegel program:
1) Learn the sensation of contracting your PC muscle by learning how to stop your
urine flow. Be sure to keep your knees wide apart and do not utilize any external
muscles to achieve this stopping of the urine flow. When practiced, you should
be able to let your urine exit in amounts as small as a teaspoon at a time.
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2) Start by only doing the exercises when in the bathroom. Remember, if you are
truly exercising the PC, you will experience no fatigue and contractions should
last only between one and two seconds each.
3) Within a few days, add a session of exercises when you wake and when you are
going to bed.
4) Start with sets of ten contractions and work towards sets of twenty contractions,
six times per day.
5) Within a few weeks, work towards doing forty or fifty contractions per session,
six times per day.
6) After six to eight weeks, if your PC muscle is sufficiently strengthened, reduce
your exercise to several times per day, when the mood strikes you.
Many women have found value in the use of various “Kegel
exercisers” that can be found quite easily on the Internet. Generally,
they are one of two types of devices: either a clamshell device that is
inserted into the vagina and squeezed shut or a barbell-like device (as
pictured to the right) that allows additional resistance. Either are
useful and worth considering.
Once you start to see a noticeable improvement in your sexual response begin to
ACTIVELY utilize your vaginal muscles during intercourse. You will be amazed at the new
and exciting sensations that you and your husband will experience!
Now that you understand the “magic key” to your sexual and orgasmic potential, we will
move on to helping you identify and eliminate other potential road blocks to your total
satisfaction.
Review
But first, let’s review a few key points about your PC muscle…

Dr. Arnold Kegel should be one of your personal heroes!


Strengthening the PC muscle is one of the most reliable methods of increasing
sexual sensation and response in women.

Most women have PC muscles that are not ideally strengthened.

When properly toned, the PC muscle will allow you to ACTIVELY participate in
sexual activity, using your vagina to "grip" and "rub" your husband's penis during
intercourse.

PC muscle exercises, when done correctly, are simple, easy and non-fatiguing.
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
A six to eight week PC exercise program should bring your PC back to "original"
condition.

PC (Kegel) exercises- try them, you'll like them!
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Help Your Husband To Be A Great Lover
“Getting married for sex is like buying a 747 for the free peanuts.”
~Jeff Foxworthy
“See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.”
~Robin Williams
"Sex is identical to comedy in that it involves timing."
~Phyllis Diller
If your husband has “room to improve” in the area of his sexual skills, try not to be too
hard on him; he was smart enough to marry you and, with a little bit of communication
and practice, you can teach him how to be your dream lover.
In this section, we will discuss some of the more common complaints that we receive
from frustrated wives- and their solutions.
Premature Ejaculation
A young couple on the brink of divorce visited their pastor for marriage counseling.
The pastor asked the wife what she thought their biggest problem was.
She responded, "My husband suffers from premature ejaculation."
The pastor turned to her husband and inquired, "Is that true?"
The husband replied, "Well not exactly, it's her that suffers not me."
In reality, premature ejaculation can be a source of suffering for both the husband and
the wife.
If not addressed correctly, this problem can have devastating effects on both your sex
life and your marriage. But, if addressed correctly, it can become the catalyst for
bringing you closer to your husband, sexually and emotionally.
The generally accepted definition of premature ejaculation is described by Masters and
Johnson in the following way: “Ejaculation occurs prematurely if the woman does not
reach orgasm during intercourse at least 50 percent of the time.”
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Sexual Satisfaction for the Christian Wife
In my opinion, the only valuable definition of premature ejaculation has to be specific to
you and your husband. Is the average duration of your husband’s erections before
ejaculation causing either you or him to be dissatisfied, sexually?
Dr. David Reuben, best-selling author of three books on sexuality, has proposed the
following:
For the average couple, the needed stimulation is about eight minutes of
actual intercourse or seventy-five to eighty pelvic thrusts. This assumes, of
course, a reasonable amount of foreplay- enough to start vaginal lubricationand an emotional atmosphere of mutual affection. Under these circumstances,
the average woman should be able to reach orgasm a good part of the time.
I think that his definition of “normal” is more helpful because it addresses the fact that
your (and your husband’s) sexual satisfaction is a more complicated and interrelated
matter than just the specific time and number of thrusts invested.
In most successful sexual interactions, you also need to consider foreplay, afterplay and
the emotional atmosphere (your relationship).
For men that have an inability to avoid ejaculation for the “average” of eight minutes
and seventy-five to eighty thrusts, if the couple excels in the other areas, the potential
dissatisfaction is significantly reduced.
And, sometimes, men that have the stamina to last hours leave their wives dissatisfied
because they fall short in one of the other areas. A stiff penis is a very important
method for giving you satisfaction, but it is not the only method available.
I do not say this to downplay any dissatisfaction that you currently may be experiencing.
I simply want to put the discussion in its proper context.
I mentioned earlier that I have a particular “chip on my shoulder” about Christians (or
sex therapists) that assume that all sexual satisfaction and fulfillment can be measured
only during intercourse. And, I think that it is this sort of thinking robs many couples of
their opportunity to experience amazing and fulfilling sex because, in some way, they
do not live up to someone else’s idea of what is “normal.”
That being said; lets address some of the causes of premature ejaculation.
Lack of Practice
By far, the greatest cause of premature ejaculation is a lack of understanding on the
husband’s part regarding his sexual response cycle and the fact that he has a great
ability to change and improve what appears to be a naturally imposed limitation.
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Your husband must realize that most premature ejaculation is not (in the vast majority
of situations) a physical problem. It is also not, necessarily, a psychological problem.
Most likely, it is simply a lack of training and, primarily, a lack of practice!
Learning to maintain an erection for any given length of time is very similar to learning
most any other skill- practice makes perfect, assuming that he expects to succeed at
increasing his ability to maintain an erection without climaxing for longer and longer
periods of time.
And, the best news is that this type of practice is very fun and should involve you!
Overcoming premature ejaculation is a team activity. For your husband to achieve
significant progress, you must be willing to help.
Squeeze Control Exercises
The most widely accepted method for a couple to overcome a husband’s premature
ejaculation problem is called the “squeeze control” procedure. It was developed by
Masters and Johnson.
In his book, Intended for Pleasure, doctor and Christian sex authority, Dr. Ed Wheat
discusses some very important considerations as you begin to implement your
“practice” with the squeeze control procedure:
Recognizing and admitting that a problem exists is half the battle won.
Too many couples simply go on for years accepting premature ejaculation, not
even realizing that they have a problem. A few couples would rather not
contemplate a change where they have failed so often in the past. It becomes
easier and easier to remain in the same old rut, rather than to get on the road to
a solution.
The husband’s problem is easier to remedy than the woman’s; so, men,
you no longer have to be the hare. With the methods we will discuss, you can
slow down to be of great help to your wife, and at the same time gain
satisfaction and confidence in yourself!
Although it is essential at the beginning for the husband to admit that he
has the problem of premature ejaculation, both he and his wife should view this
as a “couple” difficulty, requiring “couple” cooperation to find the solution.
Husband and wife need to covenant together to follow through a relatively short
program of practical exercises that will definitely help in a matter of a few
weeks…
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…The wife must understand that the squeeze control technique IS NOT
effective if done by the husband on himself. She must be involved! With her full
cooperation and willingness to learn and apply certain basic principles, and with
warm personal involvement expressed openly, this troublesome marital problem
can be solved. Much greater sexual pleasure will be the reward for both partners.
You may have been dealing with this problem for some time, so do not expect
immediate results. Done in the proper atmosphere of love, acceptance and mutual
expectation, practicing this procedure should be a stress-free, fun and bonding
experience.
The ultimate goal of this procedure is to provide your husband with the ability to
maintain an erection and delay his climaxes for, essentially, as long as he desires.
Each stage of the procedure is progressive and involves attempting to avoid orgasm for
longer and longer periods of time. So, the goal of the exercises is to avoid orgasm. But,
do not get too upset if an “accident” happens- it will. Focus on your progress (increased
climax delay), not your “accidents.”
Participating in this procedure is (believe it or not) a wonderful opportunity for you and
your husband to improve both your sex life and your marriage. This is because it forces
you to focus on the MOST important factors in both your marriage and your sex life:
communication and your unconditional love and acceptance.
If you can work together to overcome this (relatively) small problem, you will be
infinitely better equipped to create an overall more exciting marriage and sex life!
The basic concept of the procedure is very simple. You are systematically helping your
husband to increase his ability to delay his climax when sexually aroused.
You do this by progressively increasing the length of time and level of stimulation that
he experiences and by actively stopping him from ejaculating- by squeezing his penis, in
a specific way. You then resume your stimulation and repeat the process. Over time,
you will be training him to increase his stamina dramatically.
Before we give you the specifics of the procedure, it is important that you understand
the most important lessons that you and your husband need to learn.
1) He needs to learn to recognize the very distinct physical sensation that comes
just before ejaculation.
When I work with men on this issue, I tell them to begin to “rate” their sexual
sensations on a scale from one to ten, relative to their closeness to climax. For
example, he might rate his initial few moments of erection and excitement as a
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“two” on this scale. But, as he approaches “the point of no return” of climax his
rating will be an “eight” or “nine.”
This knowledge of how close he is to “the point of no return” is critical. As he
approaches this point he (or you) needs to reduce or eliminate stimulation to
allow him to drop back down on the sensation scale.
Over time, simply knowing that he has control over this scale of sensations, will
give him additional confidence.
And, this knowledge is very helpful whenever he feels the need to avoid climax.
He will simply know that it is time to adjust his position or motions or speed;
whatever is necessary to bring him back down the sensation scale.
2) Secondly, you and he need to be conscious of the fact that stimulation of certain
parts of your husband’s sexual anatomy are more likely to push him up the
sensation scale (and closer to climax) than others.
We discussed earlier, the similarities between his and your sexual anatomies.
For you, the clitoris is the primary structure that you utilize to create the
“tension” that results in climax.
For him, it is the glans of his penis. The glans’ most prominent structure would
be considered the “ridge” that forms the separation between the “head” of his
penis and the shaft.
Just as for you with the clitoris, most of his sexual “tension” is created through
direct or indirect stimulation of his glans.
This knowledge is helpful in both increasing and decreasing his sexual tension. If
you desire to bring him to a higher level on the sensation scale, focus stimulation
near his glans. If you desire to reduce his sensation or tension, avoid this area
and focus on less sensitive areas.
This knowledge is also important when you consider why, ideally, this procedure
should be a “couple” event. Although your husband may learn to increase his
stamina by himself, it is much more difficult to maintain this level of control once
he has inserted his penis into your warm, wet vagina. This is primarily because
God has designed the vagina to perfectly stimulate his glans.
He needs to gain control under the “real life” circumstances of actual intercourse.
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Part of the strategy is to teach him how to minimize the stimulation of
intercourse, directly on his glans. But, for this skill, there is nothing like the real
thing!
3) You must both re-learn how to increase your touching and physical
communication while taking the focus off of orgasm as the goal.
Because of past failures, you both may be a bit weary of too much touch and
physical interaction.
This is exactly the wrong approach for solving the problem. The goal is to
distinctly separate your sensual touching and physical communication from
climax. Instead of reducing your sensual potential, this will increase it. When you
have the ability to explore and push the limits of each other’s sensations,
without fear of climax, you will learn how to deepen and lengthen your general
sexual experience.
Phase I
Goal:
Increase your physical communication as a couple.
Activities:
1) Practice spending time together, touching, holding and fondling.
2) Do what your husband finds physically pleasing: massage, rub and stroke his
entire body (other than his genitals).
3) Do not have intercourse.
4) Learn to simply enjoy your closeness.
5) Follow this phase for at least two sessions.
Phase II
Goal: For your husband to learn to clearly recognize his sexual sensations, particularly
his “point of no return” so that he can let you know when it is time to do “the
squeeze.”
Activities:
1) Your husband must concentrate very carefully on his own sensations, not
yours.
2) The recommended position is one in which you sit with your back against the
bed’s headboard, while he lies in front of you (his legs over yours) with his
head towards the foot of the bed. This position allows for long, comfortable
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sessions and gives you easy access to his genitals for both stimulation and
“the squeeze.”
3) You are to play and caress your husband’s genitals, paying special attention
to his glans (or wherever he finds pleasurable.
4) When he is close to the “point of no return” (climax), he needs to let you
know (verbally or physically) that it is time for you to do “the squeeze.”
5) As soon as he achieves complete erection, you want to begin the squeeze
technique. To do this, you place your thumb on the underside of his penis,
about one half inch below the slit opening where the shaft ends and the
penis begins. You then place the first two fingers of that hand on the
opposite side of the penis, with one finger above the ridge and one finger
below the ridge. (See drawing below)
6) You then squeeze your thumb and two fingers together with very hard
pressure for about four seconds.
7) You then quickly release this pressure.
8) After ten or twenty seconds, bring him back to erection and repeat the
squeeze.
9) Repeat this cycle every three or four minutes for approximately twenty
minute sessions.
10) It may be helpful to utilize lubricant. It will better replicate the feeling of your
vagina.
11) DO NOT (at this stage) move to intercourse.
12) When finished with the session, bring your husband to climax.
13) Be sure that your husband brings you to climax in whatever way you desire,
besides intercourse.
Phase III
Goal: For your husband to be able to maintain his erection (motionlessly) within your
vagina for up to twenty minutes before he ejaculates.
Activities:
1) Have your husband lay on his back and stimulate him to an erection.
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2) When he is close to climax, have him signal this to you so that you can utilize
the squeeze technique.
3) You should repeat this stimulation and squeeze cycle several times.
4) Then insert his penis into your vagina, by straddling him in a sitting position.
Slowly and gently, lean forward and utilize the up and down motion of your
vagina to bring him to an erection.
5) After he achieves an erection, you should remain almost motionless. You are
allowing him to gain more control.
6) If your husband indicates that he is nearing climax, raise your body and do
the squeeze. Then, gently reinsert his penis.
7) Attempt to maintain this position (his erect penis in your motionless vagina)
for up to twenty minutes before he climaxes.
Phase IV
Goal: For your husband to be able to keep his erect penis in your vagina, with minimal
motion, for up to twenty minutes before climax.
Activities:
1) Prepare for intercourse with gentle foreplay.
2) Straddle your husband and lean forward onto his penis, this time utilizing
gentle, slow movements.
3) Allow your husband to control the thrusting motion. This will allow him how
to learn to control his sensations without moving too quickly towards climax.
4) Continue this slow, minimal thrusting for up to twenty minutes. Use the
squeeze technique if necessary.
5) ONLY NOW allow your husband to climax within your vagina.
Phase V
Goal: To learn how to have COMFORTABLE intercourse in the side-to-side position (See
illustration below).
Activities:
1) Initiate foreplay
2) Initiate the lateral position (below).
3) Ensure that your husband has a pillow beneath his head so that he is
comfortable.
4) Utilize this position, for up to twenty minutes, before he climaxes. This
position is very helpful because it allows for your husband to very
comfortably focus ONLY on his sensations and it allows him to more fully
control the motions and his sensations.
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Phase VI
Goal: To give your husband the opportunity to maintain long-lasting control.
Activities:
1) Utilize the squeeze technique once per week for six to eight months.
2) Your husband should see significant improvements in his control within two
to six weeks.
3) Total success is achieved when your husband has the ability to delay his
climax until he chooses.
Special Note:
All of this “practice” will most likely have a positive effect on you! You will most
likely find yourself feeling more sensual and sexual than ever before. Utilize these new
feelings to expand your own sexual potential. ALWAYS ensure that you receive release
and climax during these sessions. It is best, though, during these procedures, to have
your husband stimulate you in some way other than intercourse.
Lack of knowledge
I once heard Jerry Seinfeld say, “There's very little advice in men's magazines, because
men think, I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked.”
There is more than a grain of truth in that joke. Despite the fact that most boys and men,
today, have (too much) access to sexual material, practically none of this material is
actually helpful in making him a wonderful lover to you.
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Besides the “basics” that he might learn in health class, he most likely has never seen or
been given much accurate information regarding male sexual performance.
I believe that this is why my book, Sexual Skills For The Christian Husband™ has been so
successful. Christian men are starving for solid, “God approved,” advice regarding ways
to increase their sexual skills.
As a rule, your husband probably knows much less about how to please you (and
yourself) than you might have thought.
Compounding the problem is the fact that great sex is not a “natural” process. This is
the case, no matter how much you and your husband love each other.
This is fact particularly affects the husband because his “natural” sexual impulses can
lead to the greatest disconnect in your mutual satisfaction. If he does not consider your
needs for foreplay and afterplay, your possibilities will be limited. If he can not maintain
an erection (at least during your critical pre-climax time) long enough to bring you to
orgasm during intercourse, you will both be somewhat disappointed.
Seek out solid, science-based resources.
So, it is critical that he (or you) ensures that he learns everything that he can about how
to make the sex in your marriage great. And, he needs to seek this advice from solid,
science-based sources. Ideally, these resources would also factor God into the mix. I
would suggest that he (or your) obtain and scour any of the resources that I list at the
end of this book. All will be tremendously helpful.
He needs to understand that you require more time.
As Phyllis Diller stated above, sex is about timing.
To achieve your goal of a great, mutually-fulfilling sex life, your husband will need to
understand that, especially during the excitement and plateau stages of your respective
sexual response cycles, you will need more time than he does.
Not all men know this. As I have said, it is not something that most men would have
been taught.
You need to communicate to him, verbally or physically, where you are in your level of
excitement.
Let him know that you need a sufficient amount of foreplay to help you to actively enter
into the excitement phase.
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Let him know that, just because your vagina shows some signs of lubrication, this does
not necessarily mean that you are “ready to go.”
Make it clear to him that you are willing to work with him and do whatever is necessary
to make it possible for him to maintain an erection long enough to please you both.
If he accidentally climaxes too soon, gently let him know that you were left unsatisfied
and expect him to help you to reach climax still.
You are his best “resource.”
Once he has obtained a solid understanding of the “physics” of sex, the most important
knowledge that he needs is what pleases YOU.
You purchased this book because you desired to increase your sexual pleasure and
fulfillment or, possibly, to improve your marriage. Neither of these goals are obtainable
if you are not willing to drop your inhibitions and shyness about communicating about
sex.
Assuming that you husband has a solid understanding of the mechanics of sex (and that
he is concerned about your needs), YOU will be the biggest factor in whether he
becomes your dream lover.
You MUST communicate your needs and desires.
You have to, IMMEDIATELY; drop any expectations that you may have that “he should
just know.” You are giving him TOO MUCH credit. As a rule, only you will ever know
exactly what you want, when you want it, and how you want it.
Unless your husband is very unusual, he desperately wants to know how to give you
pleasure.
Yes, he has the duty to “surprise” you and to anticipate your needs and desires in most
other areas. But, in the area of your sexual needs, you should not wait until he “figures
it out.” You will most likely be waiting quite awhile and you both will suffer. This life is
too short to waste one more minute accepting less than you have to, sexually.
Lack of confidence
Men’s self esteem is directly related to their sexual prowess. And his self esteem in
other areas of his life is directly related to his performance, sexually.
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Consequently, when a man experiences frustration or failure, sexually or otherwise, this
frustration can very quickly lead to “sexual disaster.” Especially as a man ages, little
sexual “hiccups” have the potential to become sex killing.
The most important factor in helping your husband to avoid or overcome such negative
situations is, again…YOU.
He is capable of overcoming or achieving almost anything if and when he feels that you
love and support him.
Dillow and Pintus, in their book, Intimate Issues, describe several relevant stories:
Janette told us that when her husband was in despair over losing his job,
the most effective comfort and encouragement she gave him was to love him
physically.
Shelly, married to an intense man, said that when her husband had spent
his day at the office slaying dragons with little success, she knew she could
comfort him and help him to relax by making love to him.
Ginny shared this touching account with us: “My husband was heaped in
a chair, deeply discouraged. A friend had betrayed him. ‘Honey take off your
shirt and lie on the bed. I’ve got hot oil and am going to massage the tension out
of your muscles.’ As I rubbed his shoulders and back, I could feel his tension
evaporate. I took off his remaining clothes and massaged the rest of his body.
Then I comforted him with my love. It wasn’t a sensuous time of lovemaking or a
glorious time of intimate oneness. It was a time of giving comfort. When he
sighed deeply and fell asleep, I felt such joy because of the love I had been able
to give.”
Please do not misunderstand. I am, in no way, implying that it should be “all about him,”
all of the time.
What I am proposing is that, especially in the area of his sexual confidence and
performance, you need to be VERY sensitive in how you communicate with him.
If you are going to overcome his lack of skill or confidence, it will only happen if you are
willing to be patient, supportive and loving, despite the present situation.
Many women make two fundamental mistakes when they encounter sexual problems
or “rough patches” in their marriage:
1) They take the problems, personally, and blame themselves.
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Do not falsely assume that if your husband is struggling, sexually, that it is your fault.
It, most likely, has NOTHING to do with how you look, your weight, or your cooking
skills.
You must not accept the “pornographic” standards and ideas around us that directly
tie sexiness and sensuality to looking like a supermodel.
Your husband married YOU and loves YOU. Most likely, despite his sexual
performance, he is very attracted to you and desires to please you.
In short, what makes ANY woman most attractive to a man is that a woman finds
him attractive and wants him- not that she looks like a supermodel.
Be that woman that makes him feel wanted and needed and he will do almost
anything necessary to reward your support and love.
2) They reduce sexual and physical interactions.
This is understandable; neither you nor he want to experience the pain of failure
after failure. But, it is exactly the opposite approach necessary to solve the problem.
During times when your husband is experiencing sexual frustration or problems, he
needs to know (even more) that you still love and want him, sexually and otherwise.
In some ways, you need to step up your sexual and physical contact.
Although, it is important that this sexual and physical contact is separate, if
necessary, from situations in which you may create a stressful, potentially painful
“failure” for him.
If he is struggling with impotence of some degree, you will need to work around this
(temporary) problem by having frequent, passionate and mutually-fulfilling sex in
ways that do not rely upon him maintaining a rigid erection.
If he is struggling with premature ejaculation, you will need to allow him to sexually
please you, after he has climaxed, with his fingers or mouth.
Eventually, most of these temporary problems will pass. But, you need to
consciously utilize these situations to bring you closer together, not further apart.
If you suspect that your husband has serious physical or emotional problems that are
causing a true lack of sexual potential, please pursue professional help.
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But, by a vast majority, these problems are solvable and temporary. He will just need
your loving, supportive help to overcome them.
With few exceptions, male sexual problems are the result of either fear or a lack of
confidence. You can help him to avoid both of these emotions.
Additionally, men can experience sexual performance (impotence) problems because of
the following:
1) Alcohol
2) Obesity
3) Smoking and Tobacco Products
4) Drugs
5) Other negative feelings
6) Dismay over decreased vigor
7) Any unusual stress
8) Seeing sex as sin
If you think that any of the above may be the cause of your husband’s lack of
performance, by all means address each issue as necessary.
But, don’t forget that, usually, the real issue is that your husband is too focused on his
lack of performance. You and he need to create some “successes” together that will
allow him to feel more confident.
Review
Let’s take a moment to review this section…

Premature ejaculation is, normally, not caused by a serious physical or emotional
deficiency.

Masters and Johnson's squeeze control procedures are a universally accepted
method of overcoming premature ejaculation.

Great sex is not natural and you and your husband need to seek out all available
resources to ensure your sexual satisfaction.

Your husband needs to understand that you need more time than he does to
achieve sexual fulfillment.

You are your husband's best resource for learning what will please you:
communicate with him.
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
Men's self esteem and their sexual performance are integrally linked.

When experiencing a lack of sexual performance or confidence, your husband
needs MORE love, support and PHYSICAL attention.

Most likely, your husband's performance problem is temporary and can be
overcome with your patience and support.
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Become a Sexual Explorer
You now have all of the technical knowledge that you will ever need to have the
opportunity to make your married sex life amazing.
But, all of the technical knowledge in the world will not actually lead to an exciting and
fulfilling sex life unless you become a sexual explorer.
What would it look like to be a sensual, yet holy, sexual explorer?
Our best Scriptural reference for sexual exploration is the Song of Solomon.
The Song of Solomon (SOS) is a beautiful and explicit description of the sexual
relationship between Solomon and his new bride, Shulamith.
What does Scripture tell us about Shulamith’s journey of sexual exploration?
She was responsive to her husband.
“Make my garden breathe out fragrance, let its spices be wafted abroad. May my
beloved come into his garden and eat its choice fruits!” (4:16)
She was adventurous.
“Come my beloved, let us go forth into the field; let us lodge in the villages. Let us
get up early to the vineyards; let us see whether the vine hath budded, and its
blossom is open, and the pomegranates are in the flower: there will I give thee
my love.” (7:11-12)
She was uninhibited.
She tells her husband exactly how to make love to her and dances provocatively for him.
“Awake, O north wind; and come, thou south; Blow upon my garden, that the
spices thereof may flow out. Let my beloved come into his garden, and eat his
precious fruits.” (2:6)
“How beautiful are thy feet in sandals, O prince's daughter! Thy rounded thighs
are like jewels, the work of the hands of a skilful workman. Thy body is like a
round goblet, wherein no mingled wine is wanting: Thy waist is like a heap of
wheat set about with lilies. Thy two breasts are like two fawns that are twins of a
roe.” (7:1-3)
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She was expressive.
She is not afraid to express her love and passion, verbally.
“My beloved is mine and I am his.” (2:16)
“Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest, so is my beloved among the
trees of the forest, so is my beloved among the young men.” (2:3)
She was sensuous.
Shulamith thinks sensuous thoughts about her husband, even when he is not present.
“My beloved is white and ruddy, the chiefest among ten thousand…His head is as
the most fine gold; His locks are bushy, and black as a raven… His eyes are like
doves beside the water-brooks, Washed with milk, and fitly set… His cheeks are
as a bed of spices, As banks of sweet herbs: His lips are as lilies, dropping liquid
myrrh… His hands are as rings of gold set with beryl: His body is as ivory work
overlaid with sapphires… His legs are as pillars of marble, set upon sockets of fine
gold: His aspect is like Lebanon, excellent as the cedars…His mouth is most sweet;
Yea, he is altogether lovely. This is my beloved, and this is my friend, O daughters
of Jerusalem…” (5:10-16)
As all of this physical, sensual activity is taking place, God Himself is in the room
observing.
And, his verdict is one of approval. He states, emphatically, “Eat friends, drink and
imbibe deeply, O Lovers!” (5:1)
Drs. Dan Allender and Tremper Longman, in their book, Intimate Allies, say, “A taste of
God is found in sexual foreplay, heightened arousal, orgasm and quiescence.”
She was creative.
You need to look no further than SOS to find creative ideas for “spicing up” your sex life.
Just follow Shulamith’s example.
She made creative use of fragrance.
“My lover is to me a cluster of henna blossoms from the vineyards of En
Gedi.” (1:14)
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She made creative use of words.
“How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful! Your eyes are
doves. Beloved…
How handsome you are, my lover! Oh, how charming! And our bed is
verdant.” (1:15-16)
She made creative use of names.
“Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest is my lover
among the young men. I delight to sit in his shade, and his fruit is sweet to
my taste.” (2:3)
“You are a garden locked up, my sister, my bride; you are a spring
enclosed, a sealed fountain…
…Your plants are an orchard of pomegranates with choice fruits,
with henna and nard…
…nard and saffron, calamus and cinnamon, with every kind of
incense tree, with myrrh and aloes and all the finest spices…
…You are a garden fountain, a well of flowing water streaming
down from Lebanon.” (4:12-15)
She made creative use of dance.
“Come back, come back, O Shulammite; come back, come back,
that we may gaze on you! Why would you gaze on the Shulammite as on
the dance of Mahanaim?” (6:13)
“How beautiful your sandaled feet, O prince's daughter! Your
graceful legs are like jewels, the work of a craftsman's hands.
Your navel is a rounded goblet that never lacks blended wine. Your
waist is a mound of wheat encircled by lilies.” (7:1-2)
Becoming a sexual explorer means that you have no fear about exploring all angles of
your (and your husband’s) sexuality.
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Explore being both passive and active
There are wonderful sexual joys to be explored on both sides of the passive/active scale.
Most women are too passive in their sexual relationships, consequently I have stressed
throughout this book that you should be an active participant.
Yet, there is an inherent thrill to being the passive partner. Both you and your husband
should try being the passive receiver of pleasure, on occasion.
There is a real, inherent, thrill to being under the control of your partner.
On the other hand, there are different and equally thrilling, inherent, thrills to being the
aggressor or “giver” during sex play.
Do not allow yourself (or your husband) to get hung up on what you think the
“traditional” sexual roles are “supposed” to be. If you do, you will both miss out on
quite a bit of fun.
Utilize every square inch of your (and his) body.
By necessity, this book has focused, primarily, on the genitals.
Don’t do this during your lovemaking.
Every square inch of both of your bodies has sensual and sexual possibilities. Do not
waste a single possibility!
Make your bedroom a shrine to your love life.
Do everything that you possibly can to make the environment in your bedroom
conducive to romance and sexual exploration.
If there is one room in the house that you go out of your way to keep clean, make it the
bedroom.
Do whatever you can afford to decorate your bedroom in a comfortable, inviting and
sensual way.
Put a lock on your bedroom door to ensure privacy.
But, do not get stuck in your bedroom.
As they say, “Variety is the spice of life.” No where is this more important than in your
willingness to get out of your bedroom for sexual activity.
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If the kids are not home, move the fun to the living room or kitchen or bathroom.
If you can afford it, go to a hotel.
Allow yourself to be blessed by modern technology.
In many ways, the Internet is wasted on Christians. Although there are many wonderful
things to be found on the Internet, there are also many disgusting and immoral things.
In two areas, modern technology expands the possibilities in your married sex life:
1) Lingerie
There are now thousands of sites available that sell lingerie. In the privacy of
your home, without needing to venture into a seedy “adult store,” you can
browse and order just about any type of lingerie that you or your husband might
find sexy.
You may have to search around a little to find those sights that are purely
lingerie shops, not porn sites, but there are many of these.
2) Adult toys
If you and your husband enjoy and are comfortable playing with adult toys, you
also, now, have the opportunity to shop and order these types of products
without having to visit your local “den of iniquity.”
Don’t hesitate to learn from others (especially Christians).
Fortunately, these days, it is not so difficult to find solid, non pornographic sources for
ideas to be more creative with your romantic and sexual lives.
Your local Christian book store probably has five or ten great books, filled with creative
ideas.
One if the today’s leading romance experts is Michael Webb. He is also a Christian. He
runs an entire, very popular site at:
www.theromantic.com
Be sure to check out his site; you will find hundreds of great romance ideas.
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As a “thank you” for ordering this book, you also received a FREE copy of one of
Michael’s most popular books, 101 Romantic Ideas. Enjoy!
Review
Before you continue, take a minute to reflect on the following…

On your journey to becoming a sexual explorer, follow the example of the Song
of Solomon’s Shulamith:

She was responsive to her husband.

She was adventurous.

She was uninhibited.

She was expressive.

She was sensuous.

She was creative.

Becoming a sexual explorer means that you have no fear about exploring all
angles of your (and your husband’s) sexuality.

Utilize every square inch of your (and his) body.

Make your bedroom a shrine to your love life.

But, do not get stuck in your bedroom.

Allow yourself to be blessed by modern technology.

Don’t hesitate to learn from others (especially Christians).
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The Perfect Sex Position
"I like sexual intercourse because of its amazing power of producing a celestial flood of emotion and
exaltation of existence which , however momentary, gave me a sample of what may one day be the
normal state of being for mankind in intellectual ecstasy."
~George Bernard Shaw
It is important to preface the next few chapters by reiterating that you should not let
anyone other than you or your husband determine what is “normal” or best for your
relationship.
On some levels, mutual orgasm through intercourse possesses some unique potential. If
you understand that sex is, partially, a bioelectric process, then you can see that mutual
orgasm through intercourse can be very special.
“The perfect sex position” is universally accepted as one of the best techniques for
achieving this experience. But, some couples may never achieve this experience. This, in
no way, precludes that couple from a completely satisfying and fulfilling sex life.
But, I am of the school of psychotherapy/sexology that believes that a complete and
fulfilled sex life is a prerequisite for a human to be healthy, particularly emotionally and
psychologically.
This school of thought assumes that sexual arousal and orgasm are bioelectrical
processes that are directly related to the function and health of the rest of our body's
organs and bioelectrical processes.
Further more, I believe that the male and female genitalia are the exact complements of
each other, designed for the purpose of allowing male and female, when properly
joined, to create and complete a larger bioelectrical circuit.
Only with the potential of this larger, shared circuit can we fully and properly utilize and
release the sexual electricity/energy that pulses through us.
And, if sexual arousal and orgasm are not properly used to continually circulate this
sexual energy/tension within the body, then this "bottling up" of energy will cause
health and psychological problems.
Similarly, only the synergy and potential created by this correctly completed "sexual
circuit" is capable of allowing both male and female to achieve their individual sexual
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potential; theoretically, the best, most exciting and fulfilling orgasms and climaxes can
only be created through this method.
Although I realize that not all psychotherapists and sexologists may agree, I am still in
very good company:
Dr. Wilhelm Reich referred to this "proper, complete orgasm" as Orgastic Potency. In
1927, he defined it, in Function of the Orgasm, as "the capacity for the surrender to the
flow of biological energy without any inhibition, the capacity for complete discharge of
all dammed-up sexual excitation through involuntary pleasurable contractions of the
body. Not a single neurotic individual possesses orgastic potency; the corollary of this
fact is the fact that the vast majority of humans suffer from a character-neurosis."
Alfred Kinsey said "intercourse between husband and wife is one of the most completely
mutual activities in which two individuals may engage...[simultaneous orgasm] is the
maximum achievement which is possible in a sexual relationship."
One of the physical indications of the proper flow and discharge of this "orgastic" energy
is the warm, "melting" feeling that both men and women describe as being part of their
deepest and most fulfilling orgasms. "The Perfect Sex Position" is the most reliable and
effective ways for both men and women to achieve this type of "melting" orgasm.
I can not take credit for the "Perfect Sex Position." It was introduced to the study of
sexology and championed by a psychotherapist named Edward Eichel. In 1977, he
delivered a paper to the Congress of Medical Sexology in Rome in which he named this
position the "Coital Alignment Technique (CAT)" and said that its benefits included "a
synergic effect that rejuvenates the whole psyche." In earlier works by Masters and
Johnston, as similar position was referred to as the "Coital Override" position.
I will let Dr. Reichel describe this position first:
"The documentation that I'm about to present is the result of several
years of work with couples in a psychotherapy practice in which each couple
underwent a two-year program. This consisted of weekly psychotherapy
sessions, and every third week a sex seminar in which they discussed and
formulated what I am calling a sexual alignment.
The sexual alignment consists of a positioning that is specifically aligned
to give genital contact, a coordinated form of sexual movement-very specifically
coordinated-and what I would term complete genital contact, with the inference
that there is a genital 'circuitry.'
He then put up a slide presentation. The first slide showed a man riding
high on the woman with his penis bent in a north-south direction inside the
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vagina. This is the first part of the alignment. Eichel commented that it "differs
from what might be considered the normal female supine position inasmuch as
the male is up forward. And the base of the male penis-the external base-presses
into the clitoris.
And direct contact is kept with the clitoris. He continued, "Here we have
a slide showing the penis in a normal positioning, where it would not connect to
the -it might intermittently or not at all connect to-the clitoris."
And with the next slide, "This is another diagrammatic presentation
where instead of the penis operating upward and downward in the vaginal barrel
without contact with the clitoris, here it is up forward rocking on the clitoris. The
phenomenon might be called 'clitoral excursion,' as documented by Dickinson.
This sketch was done in 1929. And, you'll notice here, he has the traction process
with the clitoris moving upward and moving downward. Probably in alternate
strokes of the movement."
Another slide: "This slide is a representation more close to the actual
anatomy. And there are two particular target areas of stimulation in sexual
alignment. One is clitoral contact. And the second has to do with what I believe is
the 'G-the Grafenberg- spot stimulation. Here you have the clitoris caught in the
traction between the female pubic symphysis and the male pubic symphysis, and
it would move up and downward as long as the man and woman move in exactly
the same degree upward and downward. Both have to supply exactly equal
motion. And it has to be coordinated consciously and intentionally. It requires
considerable discipline to learn this motion. The clitoris would then, thereby,
move upward and downward.
And, initially, I thought that was the only factor that was creating a
synchrony. Now synchrony could come even from the fact that the woman's
equal movement stimulated her the way we have always known the male's
movement stimulates the male. So there was much greater synchrony. When I
learned about the interior wall of the vagina, what's termed the Grafenberg
spot, it occurred to me that above the clitoris-what is happening-there is a
rotation between the male and female monses. And that rotation applies a deep
pressure. There is probably even a buckling effect from the cartilage of the pubic
symphysis.
One important thing that I might mention is that the male does not hold
his weight on his elbows. The whole positioning matters. His weight must be
evenly distributed. It must be higher up. And, any tension in the shoulders-let's
say from the upper back region-would probably cut off the motility to the
genitals. And that would be felt as a cutoff of sensation.
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The couple, in coital alignment, proceeds to climax with only small, slow
and smooth pelvic movements...so there is no speeding up or rushing toward
orgasm, which suggests the build up of a kind of a particular increment of sexual
energy...and this technique has almost a bioelectric charge mechanism, allowing
an electrophysiological discharge."
It is helpful and interesting to learn some of the background and thinking
behind the development of Eichel's Coital Alignment Technique:
"I was reading Reich and Freud and finding resonance in their ideas about
the link between the emotions and orgasm. I was always disturbed by theories
suggesting that sex was more exciting when it was impersonal, that numbers
were more important than quality. It was my intuition that the problem of sexual
compatibility has been largely ignored by most therapies."
The "Perfect Sex Position" or "Coital Alignment Technique" is different from the
standard "Missionary Position" in two fundamental ways:
1) Positioning-after entry, the man markedly moves his body forward upon the
woman so as to cause the external base of his penis to come into direct contact
with the woman's clitoris. In addition, he allows the entire weight of his body to
be supported by the woman's upper body; he does not support himself, at all,
with his arms or upper body.
2) Motion-The basic motion of the CAT is not the typical "male thrusting into the
female" type of motion that is generally part of intercourse. Instead, the motion
is more like slow, rocking movement upon the fulcrum created by the contact
between the base of the male's penis and the woman's clitoris. Additionally, the
normal roles of sexual interaction are reversed; in the CAT, the woman controls
much more of the movement and the male is much more relaxed and receptive
to her movements.
After your husband inserts his penis into your vagina, initially, it will not be directly
contacting your clitoris.
At this point, he should slide forward higher up on you; he should assume a "riding high"
position with his pelvis overriding yours.
The base of his penis should be brought directly into contact with your clitoris.
He should take the weight off of his elbows, lower his chest and rest his upper body on
yours.
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His head and shoulders should veer over your left or right side to a position that is
comfortable for you both. His weight should gravitate forward over you; do not allow his
body to slide backward, causing his pelvis to slip back down under yours.
You should wrap your legs around his thighs with your ankles resting on his calves. Your
knees should not be raised because that immobilizes your pelvis.
Basic Coital Alignment Position
The rhythm of movement that you are attempting to establish is very much a mutual,
interdependent one-equally initiated by both of you.
The motion of your movement should correspond to the motion of hers. The pattern of
movement is basically identical for both you and he.
The upward and downward strokes of movement should travel a distance of about two
inches.
Movement should not be too hard or too fast. You and he should maintain full bodily
contact.
You should lead in the upward stroke of sexual movement. As you exert genital pressure
moving upward, he should offer enough resistance for you to feel clearly defined genital
contact with him, but not with too much force.
His pelvis should actually move a small distance.
He should not move any faster than you are pushing back.
His movement should be in measured response to yours. Your movement upward
should not be over extended. Neither of you should move your pelvis far enough to feel
strain in the lower back.
The pattern of movement should reverse in the downward stroke. He should exert
forward and downward genital pressure on your pelvis.
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He should only apply enough force to lead the stroke; you should exert moderate but
firm resistance, allowing his pelvis to move backward until it is in a straight line with
your spine.
Whether moving forward or backward, he and you should be exerting pressure and
counter pressure. The anatomic design of the male and female genitals and the
interplay of your two pelvises allow for the movement to be coordinated in a natural
rhythm.
Your sex organs, together, form a genital "circuitry" that is complete when the penis is
in the vagina and in contact with the clitoris at the same time.
Simultaneous pressure and counter pressure during intercourse is critical to keep the
penis and clitoris together, and to create a vibrating sensation that helps both you and
him to stay aroused. This contact is established by the positioning and coordinated
movement that characterizes "The Perfect Sex Position."
In this position, his penis is positioned up against the "twelve o'clock" segment of your
vaginal entrance. The front base of his penis shaft fits naturally into the spool like
structure that is formed at the juncture of your pubic bones. The base of his penis
comes in direct contact with your clitoris.
In the CAT position, the pattern of movement in usual coital thrusting is reversed.
Normally, on a downward stroke, he would slide his penis deep into your
vagina...creating a slide/hit, slide/hit type of motion. In the CAT position, the motion is
focus/slide, focus/slide. There is a sharp focus of genital sensation as he reverses the
direction of his movement by initiating the downward stroke. Your pelvis moves
downward, and your vagina slides low, leaving his penis shallow in your vagina at the
end of the stroke.
In the upward stroke, there is a sharp focus of sensation as you reverse the direction of
the movement by initiating the upward stroke. Your vagina engulfs his penis most
deeply as it rises upward. Your movement provides for the deepest vaginal penetration,
as he moves deeper into you.
He should not support his upper body in any way. It is critical that neither you nor him
restrict the free movement of your pelvises. Supporting his upper body in any way does
not allow you this complete pelvic freedom of movement.
Allow yourself to breathe normally; do not hold or speed up your breath-this will affect
the natural orgasmic build up that is occurring. By the same token, do not restrict any
natural sounds or irregularities of breathing that may come out of you.
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As the two of you near simultaneous orgasms, you will begin to notice that your
coordinated movements shift from very conscious, coordinated interaction to the
interplay of the orgasmic involuntary motions between the two of you.
As this begins to happen, you should both focus on relaxing and "letting go." If you and
he are relaxed and allow this transition to happen, the synergy of your two approaching,
simultaneous orgasms should take over and overwhelm you both with a mutual
orgasmic release more exciting and fulfilling than either of you have ever experienced.
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Advanced Play Bonus: Your G spot
"One of the great breakthroughs in sex has been the discovery of all the new erogenous zones. Once it was
thought that there was only a handful. Now they are all over the place, with new ones being reported
every day."
~Bruce Jay Friedman
The "G Spot" is an area on the inner walls of your vagina that is particularly sensitive to
sexual stimulation and is responsible for the deeper, vaginal orgasms that some women
experience.
The "G Spot" is named after Ernst Grafenberg, the first modern physician to have
described it.
It is a very definite area of the anterior (front) vaginal wall that swells and leads to
orgasm in many women.
Although named after Dr. Grafenberg, the G spot has been known since the
seventeenth century when Dr. Regnier de Graaf, a Dutch anatomist, described the
surface of the interior of the uterus: "the substance could be called quite aptly the
female prostatae or corpus glandulosum."
He further stated that "the purpose of the prostatae is to generate a pituitoserous juice
which makes women more libidinous."
In 1880, Dr. Alexander Skene, described the urethral glands in the following way: "The
glands have a structure similar to the prostatic gland of a five-to -six-month-old male
fetus."
Ever since, these glands are referred to as the Skene's glands.
In 1941, George Caldwell, M.D., stated that these glands possess a structure and
elaborate a secretion comparable only to the prostatic glands of the male...they are
embryonic remnants which may have no essential function in the female, but which are
apparently capable of some response to functional stimuli in the normal female, as
indicated by the frequent occurrence of retained secretion within the glands."
I mention these references for two reasons:
1) To assure you that the existence of the G spot is well established (although the
knowledge of its sexual impact has not been)
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2) To reestablish for you the similarities between the female sexual organs and your
husband’s. Without a doubt, there are very close parallels between the female G spot
and the male prostate. In many texts, the prostate is described as the urethral sponge of
the penis. It is very appropriate to refer to the G spot as the urethral sponge of the
clitoris.
Locating the G spot
It is an area of tissue in the upper front wall of the vagina, varying in size from shirtbutton to coat-button, just behind the pubic bone, which is the bone you can feel above
and toward the front of the vagina.
The G-spot trigger area is located in the vaginal wall about one and a half to two inches
in depth at the twelve o' clock position.
Sometimes it's more toward the eleven or one-o' clock position. It normally can't be
easily felt, especially by you. (See Diagram Below)
The best time for your husband to attempt to locate it is immediately after you have
had an orgasm.
It is then already somewhat enlarged and sensitive.
If your husband presses the G-Spot trigger area with one or two fingers and strokes it at
rate of about once a second, if you are mentally open to the experience, you will usually
become more sexually aroused.
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Initially, this area will feel spongy (relative to the smoothness of the surrounding vaginal
wall) and, with higher levels of arousal, it will become hard and approximate the feel of
a small bean.
Why concern yourself with the G spot and vaginal orgasms?
It can provide you with additional pleasure.
With very little exception, women describe the pleasure, orgasm and release of a G spot
orgasm as tremendously more satisfying than standard clitoral climaxes.
Although none were willing to trade a clitoral climax for a vaginal orgasm, they were
almost uniform in their description of the vaginal orgasm as deeper, harder and more
psychologically fulfilling.
It can bring you closer together as a couple.
Women tend to describe the G spot/Vaginal orgasm as an almost-spiritual sort of thing.
They talk of feeling as if their entire body is "melting" away into a puddle of warm love
for their husband.
Various people describe these types of orgasms as "heart orgasms"; the type of
experience that welds two souls together.
Simply put, having your husband help you to achieve a G spot/Vaginal orgasm is a
bonding experience that is difficult to beat.
You may still be asking, "What exactly is the G spot?"
There are several theories.
It may be sensitive because nerves from the clitoris pass through it on their way to the
spinal cord.
It may be an area surrounding the female urethra which contains a vestigial prostate
gland. Gynecologists and pathologists agree that the area does contain some
paraurethral ducts that are similar to the male prostate, and, as we have discussed,
stimulating the male prostate helps to trigger a deeper male orgasm in many men.
Obviously, this area is very important, specifically to bringing a woman to a female
ejaculatory orgasm; a topic that we will discuss in a later section.
Why aren't all women familiar with the G spot?
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There are several reasons why not all women are familiar with the benefits of their G
spot and vaginal orgasms:
In the past, many women struggled to be sexually satisfied, in general, because many
men tended to focus on traditional intercourse as the staple of their sexual repertoire;
and, generally, unless a man is particularly focused on stimulating the woman's clitoris
during intercourse, it may be difficult for her to be aroused to orgasm.
Since the G spot does not really become sexually sensitive until you are in a highly
aroused state, if you have difficulty becoming highly aroused, in general, you may never
learn the wonders of your G spot.
In the last thirty to forty years, the pendulum may have swung too far in the opposite
direction.
Men are, generally, very aware of the significant role that the clitoris plays in a woman's
arousal.
So, being the goal-oriented animals that we are, men have treated the clitoris as if it
were the only sexually important part of the woman's anatomy.
They have rubbed, licked and pushed the clitoris as if it were a magic button that will
always provide you with sexual fulfillment.
This is short-changing you of your ultimate sexual possibilities.
Sexually knowledgeable couples are aware that beneath the clitoral arousal and orgasm
lie an even more intense and fulfilling "G spot" arousal/orgasm and they are determined
to help the woman to achieve this level of pleasure; they take the time to learn and
practice the "G spot" arousal techniques.
Without this commitment, many women may never discover their G spot.
Another reason that some women have never fully discovered their G spot is that,
initially, stimulation of the G spot area creates a sensation for you that is similar to the
feeling that you need to urinate.
Since most women have no sexual associations with this feeling, when they are
manipulating or stimulating their G spot area and begin to feel this "need to urinate"
they quickly stop whatever stimulation caused the feeling.
Initially, it may seem slightly uncomfortable and you may be concerned with the
possibility of accidentally urinating.
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Both of these feelings are temporary; they will pass as your husband continues to stroke
and stimulate your G spot.
You need to be aware of the fact that all of these sensations are perfectly normal and
are signs of you approaching a vaginal orgasm.
With this knowledge, you should have a better chance of relaxing and discovering the
pleasurable sensations that lie just beneath them.
Another reason that some women do not experience the pleasures of their G spot and
vaginal orgasms are the same reason that some men cannot maintain their erections
and achieve multiple orgasms: undeveloped and weak pelvic and PC muscles.
As we have discussed, Your PC muscle’s strength is necessary to your sexual
performance, sensitivity and enjoyment.
Some women have Psychological and/or Religious issues with the concept of a G spot or
vaginal orgasm; they find it difficult to believe that it is a good thing to experience such
intense sexual pleasure.
Some find it difficult to allow their body to become engulfed with the strong,
involuntary spasms and convulsions that deep vaginal orgasms can produce; they fell as
if this is a dirty or evil thing to do.
If you are one of these women, I would suggest that you consider counseling with either
a trained psychologist (possibly a cleric) that can relieve you of these unnecessary
concerns.
From my perspective, God created human sexuality and I am sure that he expects you to
enjoy it to its fullest potential.
Some women avoid G spot stimulation and orgasms because it causes them to have a
female ejaculation.
Because some women do not know that this is a rather normal occurrence, they feel as
if they may be weird. Or, they mistake this ejaculation for release of urine.
Female ejaculation is definitely not urine. It is a whitish, milky substance similar to the
liquid that the male prostate produces and mixes with sperm to create semen.
You should be aware of the common nature of female ejaculation so that you do not
attempt to avoid it.
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G SPOT AROUSAL TECHNIQUES
Warning: Avoid allowing your husband to make the mistake that 90% of my system
adherents make after learning about the G spot and the following techniques-becoming
a "pain in the butt" to you, in bed!
I can't tell you how many wives relate to me that their men suddenly focused on nothing
else but their G spot and seemed so disappointed when they did not achieve vaginal or
female ejaculation...every time.
Do not let "the best become the enemy of the good."
What I mean by this is that, although G spot and vaginal orgasms (as well as female
ejaculatory orgasms) are very desirable for you, they are not the ultimate goal!
The goal is to create an enjoyable and fun sex life. You can not do this if you or he starts
to make sex into a competitive sport where you are placing big expectations on each of
your respective performances.
Sometimes, you will desire and achieve G spot stimulation and vaginal orgasms of the
highest order.
Sometimes, you may just want to do a quickie.
Bottom line: Have fun, and have fun. All things come to those that wait and prepare.
Manipulation:
The female G spot is best manipulated by the fingers of your husband.
This is because it is difficult for you to comfortably reach your own G spot and because
the male penis is not quite as adept at performing the specific stroking and rubbing
motions that most effectively produce deep vaginal orgasms.
Although it is possible to reach the G spot effectively from several different angles, most
husbands (and their wives) report that the absolutely most effective way to stimulate a
woman's G spot is with his index finger inserted into her vagina, while they lay side-byside.
You should be lying comfortably with his body slightly facing you, legs spread as far
apart as comfortable. See Diagram Below:
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Only after you start becoming highly aroused, should he insert his index finger into your
vagina about two to three inches.
Your G spot will be directly behind your pubic bone, on your front vaginal wall (beneath
your belly) and somewhere between (if you imagine your belly button as "twelve
o'clock") "eleven o'clock" and "one o'clock."
He should be looking for an area on the vaginal wall that feels slightly different than the
rest of the wall's surface: slightly spongier and courser (it may help to picture what your
areola look and feel like when they are erect).
Be careful, especially until you are very aroused, not to let him push or rub this area too
hard; it could be uncomfortable.
He should not be looking to poke or particularly cause any friction with the motion of his
finger upon your G spot; he is more trying to make a motion as if he were polishing a
nickel with his fingertip.
He should apply comfortable pressure with his fingertip(s) and move them in a small
circular motion.
The best way to completely understand the proper motion is for him to practice
stimulating his own prostate; he will quickly understand the sensations created by
certain motions upon that particular area.
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If he is successfully stimulating your G spot, you will discover that your vagina may
respond to his stimulation in ways that you have never experienced: Deep G spot
orgasms, generally, cause the vaginal opening to open very wide and relax, as opposed
to tightly close and tense, as in standard clitoral orgasms.
One of the surest signs that he is helping you to achieve a G spot/vaginal orgasm is this
relaxing and widening of your vaginal opening, while at the same time, you will be
showing obvious signs of increasingly higher states of sexual arousal.
Female Ejaculatory orgasms, generally, cause the uterus and other internal organs to
press very hard against the pelvis, constricting the upper portion of your vagina in a very
strong and pronounced way; many men tell us that immediately before a female
ejaculatory orgasm their finger or penis is actually pushed out of the vagina from the
pressure and closing of the vagina.
Positions:
With few exceptions, the rear entry ("doggy style") position is rated the most effective
intercourse position for stimulating your G spot.
This is because, in this position, the penis naturally has a greater tendency to come in
contact with the G spot area of your vagina.
It should be noted that, for purposes of stimulating your G spot, it is not necessarily best
that your husband not attempt to insert his penis as deeply as possible with each stroke.
If you remember the location of the G spot, you will see that, in most cases, it is best for
him to stroke his penis in and out of your vagina only far enough to be stimulating your
G spot.
Another position that received high marks for G spot stimulation is the woman-on-top
position; he lays on his back, you straddle his legs and he inserts his penis into your
vagina.
This position gives you much more control over where and how his penis comes in
contact with your vagina; you are better able to stimulate your own G spot with his
penis in this position.
A similar position that was mentioned is where the man is seated in a chair and the
woman straddles his legs (facing him) and inserts his penis into her vagina.
In most cases, the standard missionary position is not that effective at creating either
effective clitoral or vaginal orgasms.
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In another section, we will discuss a variation on the missionary position that overcomes
most of its limitations, "The Perfect Sex Position."
But, until you master it, you may want to experiment with stimulating your woman's G
spot with the above positions.
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Advanced Play Bonus: The Female Ejaculatory Orgasm
In the last section on "the G spot," we made reference several times to a female
ejaculatory orgasm; this is when a female expels a fluid during orgasm in a fashion very
similar to male ejaculating semen.
I am sure that you did not just skim past these mentions without taking notice.
Most women are surprised to learn that such a thing exists. When they do learn of its
existence, they are generally, fascinated with its sexual possibilities.
Most modern sexologists consider it a reality and an important factor in female
sexuality.
But, frankly, even some physicians still disagree about whether female ejaculatory
orgasms actually exist.
Those that doubt its existence tend to dismiss it as a release of urine during the
involuntary muscle spasms of orgasm.
This is a vaguely intuitive assumption, but a wrong one.
The liquid that is expelled during female ejaculatory orgasms is an odorless, lightcolored and milky-consistency fluid. It is never described as being yellow, it does not
smell or taste like urine.
In fact, some women have gone so far as to test the fluid by taking Urised tablets before
achieving an ejaculatory orgasm. Urised tablets cause excreted urine to be a bluish
color. These women report that the liquid they expel during this experiment is not
bluish in color at all.
It is more likely that this fluid is some sort of prostatic fluid, created in the urethral
glands.
Again, many physicians refer to the G spot or urethral glands as the urethral sponge of
the clitoris. And, if you recall, the male equivalent to the G spot, the prostate, has the
definite purpose of creating and excreting a similar fluid.
Although it is true that not all women have (or will) experience an ejaculatory orgasm,
there is no clinical reason for this.
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On the other hand, it should be noted that there is no clinical evidence that they can.
But, in all of my research and experience with clients, I have yet to know of a woman
motivated to produce an ejaculatory orgasm that, ultimately, was not successful.
How To Achieve An Ejaculatory Orgasm
We are about to discuss a general outline of techniques that will provide you with the
ability to experience an ejaculatory orgasm.
Obviously, since no two women are the same, you will need to adapt this approach to
yourself. But, in general, couples relate that this approach successfully helps the vast
majority of them bring the wife to ejaculatory orgasm.
Please be prepared to experience sensations and emotions that you have never before
encountered.
Inherent to being able to produce such a deep, overwhelming (shall we say-spiritual?)
type of experience is the need for an incredible amount of comfort and trust between
the two of you.
More than any other sexual activity you may be attempting, this type of experience is
directly tied to your psychological and emotional stake in the event.
Therefore, do not approach this in a goal-oriented, pressure-filled way.
Instead, I suggest that you take a two step approach to achieving an ejaculatory orgasm:
1) Communicate your desire to explore this wonderful experience and be certain that
your husband is interested as well.
2) Wait for the right time! The correct time and place for attempting your first
ejaculatory orgasm is when you have a good amount of uninterrupted time, when you
are both in the midst of one of your better, more "heart and soul" type of lovemaking
sessions.
It is absolutely necessary that you are very relaxed, comfortable and aroused.
Since it is difficult to force such a situation, I suggest that you wait until you recognize
one.
Although, I have also heard many stories of couples that very systematically planned the
event and were successful.
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You must very deliberately work to both sexually arouse and relax each other:
One of the fundamental mistakes that most men make during lovemaking is focusing
too much on the genitals and forgetting how integrally they are attached and related to
the rest of a woman's body.
Achieving a deep G spot/vaginal or ejaculatory orgasm requires a high level of sexual
arousal, but it also requires a very high level of relaxation.
Consequently, as you and your husband are doing your foreplay, consciously focus on
relaxing.
Have your husband rub and massage your shoulders, neck and back, etc.
Areas of particular focus for relaxing you are:
1) The area of her belly directly below your belly button. This area is essentially
the external area over your G spot. His goal is to gently rub any tension out of
this area. Not for too long...this area can become tender.
2) Upper thighs, buttocks and hips. Think about how many interrelated muscle
groups in this part of your body there are. As we discussed earlier in the book,
one of the main roadblocks to you achieving a vaginal orgasm is tension in the
pelvic area. You are looking to do whatever you can to help yourself to relax and
release all tension in this area...only then will you be free to experience an
ejaculatory orgasm.
Once you are relaxed, you want your husband to be as creative as possible in
discovering ways to increase your arousal and excitement without actually touching or
stimulating your clitoris or vagina.
This is because your first desire will be to satisfy the initial sexual tension/itch that will
build up in your clitoral area; if you satisfy this desire too quickly, you may release the
tension before it has a chance to build into a deeper more vaginal/G spot type of
arousal.
Have him stroke and touch all around your clitoris and vagina (just don't let him actually
touch it).
Kiss, hug and caress in every sexy, exciting way that you can imagine until you are
practically dying for him to touch your clitoris or vagina.
Resist until you are absolutely certain that you are sufficiently relaxed and aroused.
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Lovemaking at its best is an almost magnetic, electrical interaction between two bodies;
the higher your excitement the better.
When you think that you hyper-aroused (and you "just cant wait" any longer), you can
allow him to move his hand more directly to your vagina.
I recommend that the first contact that he makes with your vagina should be the
following: with his fingers, he should spread your outer vaginal lips so that they flatten
against your body, then have him place his cupped hand over your entire vaginal area;
his middle fingers should be resting on your perineum (the area between your anus and
vagina), and the upper portion of his palm should be resting on, or above, your clitoris.
The first motions he should make with his cupped hand should be not be a rubbing
motion, per se, but more of a slight rocking back and forth of his entire palm.
As he is rocking his hand back and forth, he should gently squeeze/grasp your entire
vaginal area; with a firm, but gentle, grasp on you while affecting the rocking motion.
It is very important to be aware of the fact that you are attempting to achieve a much
deeper, more profound sexual experience.
You will not be able to accomplish this if you approach this experience as if it were
purely a sexual event.
This is a Bonding experience between you and your husband; therefore you must be
hyper-conscious of all of your interactions to be sure that you are creating an
atmosphere of trust and deep sharing.
Most husbands, especially for the first few times that they bring their wife to ejaculatory
orgasms, report that the best way to achieve this atmosphere is to hug their wife in a
very deliberate and reassuring way throughout the entire event.
You want to be non-verbally (and verbally) communicating to each other so that you
feel completely accepted and safe.
It is highly suggested that he puts his other arm around you in such a way as to be able
to hug and draw you close to him.
At this point, he is holding you with one arm in a very reassuring way and cupping your
vagina with the other.
One other advantage of this particular position is that it tends to relax you both because
it (consciously or unconsciously) puts him in control of the situation; it allows you to let
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yourself go and passively receive all of the pleasure that he is giving you and it causes
him to better discover ways to excite you.
Although it is all right to allow him to start to stimulate your clitoris, I suggest that you
don't resort to whatever types of stimulation he normally would; instead of using his
fingertips to directly stimulate your clitoris, have him try to stimulate your clitoris as if
he were cupping/rocking his palm back and forth.
Especially at this time, you should be treating your clitoris as if it is only one of the
sexually charged parts of your body, not the most important. In fact, you are actively
avoiding it to some extent.
It is time for him to find your G spot with his finger(s).
With his hand still in this cupped position, have him insert his finger into your vagina
and place it over your G spot area.
As we discussed, he should find your G spot several inches into the front wall of your
vagina, directly beneath your clitoris.
Once he has found your G spot, have him apply a continuous and firm (but gentle)
pressure to this area.
The particular motion is similar to the motion he might use to polish a mirror with his
finger-he should not use his fingertip, but rather the pad of his finger (where he might
get fingerprinted).
It can be an up-and-down motion or a circular motion, but it is not really a standard sort
of rubbing motion.
If you picture your G spot as a small pearl, just beneath the surface of your vaginal wall,
then you might imagine that he is simply causing the pearl to rock back and forth
beneath his finger.
It is also important, at this point, to not disrupt whatever rhythm/motion that you have
established.
Do not allow him to remove his fingers from your vagina until you are finished.
And, do not have him directly stimulate your clitoris.
Focus on your G spot as the lotus of your sexual arousal.
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Although he should keep relatively constant stimulation/pressure on your G spot, he can
try the following types of motions:
1) A gentle pushing of your G spot.
2) Sliding his fingers in and out of your vagina (not completely), making sure to
start and end each motion on your G spot.
The first sure sign that you are successfully creating a vaginal/ejaculatory orgasm will be
that you will begin to feel deep muscle contractions that are rather long and drawn out.
You will notice that they are different than her usual pre-orgasm type of contractions in
that they are so much stronger and have much more time between each contraction.
The next sign you will notice is that your inner vaginal wall will begin to expand inward
causing a very tight fit/pull on his finger(s).
As you approach an ejaculatory orgasm, your entire vulval, vaginal, urethral area will
swell tremendously; much more so than during a normal orgasm.
Your vagina will become larger and puffier, almost as if you had inflated it with air. You
will also become incredibly wet, much wetter than normal.
If you are noticing all of these obvious signs of an approaching ejaculatory orgasm, your
main goal should be to not “screw things up!”
Have him to continue to stimulate your G spot in whatever manner that has been
working and have him continue to hug and reassure you that you are totally safe with
him; you are able to let yourself go and experience something completely new.
This is especially important if you have never had an ejaculatory orgasm before, you
might be overwhelmed if you do not feel an intimate sense of bonding.
As you are seconds away from reaching your ejaculatory orgasm, it is not unusual for
your vagina to tighten up so strongly that it is difficult for him to keep his finger inserted
into you.
This is a definite sign that you are about to orgasm.
It is important that he doesn’t deter him from attempting to stimulate you; have him
keep as much of a constant pressure as he comfortably can.
But, know that you are so close to orgasm that it probably is no longer necessary for him
to make direct contact with your G spot.
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When you climax, if you are experiencing an ejaculatory orgasm, you will very definitely
expel fluid from your vagina upon climax.
This may be a gushing of warm fluid or it may actually squirt out of your vagina several
inches.
Either way, you will notice that this liquid is different than your normal vaginal fluid; it is
odorless, tasteless, and normally colorless and it is absolutely not urine.
You will experience the same pleasurable sensation that your husband feels when he
ejaculates.
Many women report that, when they are in the throes of an ejaculatory orgasm, they
are completely lost in the experience; they have given over their entire body to the
orgasm and climax.
Many women find it impossible to keep from making loud noise (screaming, crying,
etc.).
If you experienced this cool form of advanced sexual play, congratulations!
You have just experienced a magical, mysterious and unbelievably intimate bonding
experience with your husband.
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Special Note And Discount Offer
Following this page is a letter from me to your husband.
If you feel that it might be helpful in starting the conversation regarding your newfound
sexual skills and exploration, I suggest that you print it out, separately, and give it to
your husband.
If he is receptive to its content, I would then suggest that you have him read the entire
book.
Afterwards, if he is interested in learning the more “male oriented” skills that are taught
in Sexual Skills For The Christian Husband™, he (or you) can order a copy for him, at a
special “Customer Only” price of only $19.00 at:
www.christian-sex.net/customer_discount.html
This is a savings of $18.00 over the regular price of $37.00.
I also suggest that you and he make a trip to your local Christian book store to check out
some of the recommended books in the “Recommended Resources” section.
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A Letter to a Very Loved and Blessed Husband
You are a very blessed man!
If your wife has asked you to read this letter, she is exactly the type of wife that most men dream about;
she loves you very much and she is very interested in ensuring that you and she experience an exciting
and fulfilling married sex life.
So, when you are finished reading this letter, be sure to show her how much you love her.
Who am I?
My name is Robert Irwin and I am the author of Sexual Skills For The Christian Husband™. I am also the
author of Sexual Satisfaction For The Christian Wife™, the book from which this letter was printed.
Your wife purchased my book because she is interested in making sure that the sex in your marriage is
everything that it can be.
This is a good thing!
Most of the women that have purchased this book are not dissatisfied with their married sex lives (or
their husband). In fact, it is usually the exact opposite; they love sex (and their husband) and want to
explore ways to make their sex lives and marriages even better.
The purpose of this letter is to summarize for you some of the important things that she discovered in my
book. After you finish this letter, it might be helpful for you to read the entire book, as well, so that you
are more familiar with the details of these discoveries.
God created sex and is pleased with our participation.
During research for my various books on Christian marriage and Christian sexuality, I have, literally,
compiled every Scriptural reference to sex and sexuality.
This research has led me to several clear conclusions:
1) Sex is one of God’s most amazing and, potentially, exciting creations.
2) God has declared sex (within marriage) to be “good” (Genesis 1:31) and the marriage bed “undefiled”
(Hebrews 13:4).
3) God not only approves of our participation in frequent, mutually-fulfilling marital sex, he demands it (1
Corinthians 7:2-5).
Within a Christian marriage, there is no conflict between sex and holiness.
The idea that there is any conflict between our sexual needs and desires and our “holiness” is not based
on Scripture.
With the exceptions of those types of sexual activities that are, specifically, mentioned in Scripture as “off
limits,” Scripture encourages frequent, mutually-satisfactory participation (1 Corinthians 7:2-5).
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God created sex for our pleasure.
God intended sex for many purposes, but pleasure was definitely one of the primary purposes.
An entire chapter of the Bible is devoted to, explicitly, describing and paying tribute to sensuous, loving
and exciting marital love- The Song of Solomon. And, the Scriptures describe God watching the married
lovers and saying, “Eat friends, drink and imbibe deeply, O Lovers!” (Song of Solomon 5:1)
God is in control of everything, including your sex life!
If you and your wife need to improve any area of your life, you have the unique privilege of going to God
for help. And, God is both capable and willing to help.
Marital sex matters because:
-It can bring you closer to your wife and strengthen your marriage.
-It can improve your mental, physical and emotional well-being.
-It can strengthen your family.
-It is one of those real-world gifts that God has given to us that allow us to access
mystical connections between us and God and each other.
the powerful and
Great sex is not natural.
Great sex is much like golf. Few men are, naturally, skillful. And, like golf, to become skillful you may need
to dedicate some time, energy and learning before you become skilled.
As men, most every “natural” sexual inclination that we have will hurt our chances at making sex with our
wives mutually fulfilling.
But, with a little bit of knowledge and a willingness to practice, it is possible for, virtually, any man to be
his wife’s dream lover.
Sexually, men and women are very different- physically, psychologically, and emotionally. These
differences are not simply “stereotypes.” Physiologically, women have very distinctly different sexual
needs than you do.
There are four basic phases of the sexual response cycle:
1) Excitement
2) Plateau
3) Orgasm
4) Resolution
And, in each of these stages, you and your wife differ in your “natural,” physiological needs.
The fundamental fact or difference is that women NEED more time than men in all three phases. This is
not because your wife has less sexual potential than you do. It is also not because she desires you less
than you do her. It is simply a physiological fact of life.
One of the quickest ways for you to contribute to an improvement in your marital sex life is for you to
recognize and utilize this knowledge.
During the excitement phase, ensure that your wife has plenty of time (foreplay) to “warm up.”
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During the plateau phase, be sensitive to your wife’s need for more time (than you may need) to reach
orgasm. Concentrate on motions and activities that help her to successfully turn her excitement into
orgasm. She can not jump quite as quickly as you can from excitement to orgasm.
And, during the orgasm phase, be open to help her to multiple orgasms. Women are very capable of
multiple orgasms and, sometimes, it is their second or third orgasm that is the most powerful!
Allow your wife to ACTIVELY pursue her sexual pleasure and fulfillment.
In this book, I have assured your wife that you will be pleased to see her express herself, sexually.
I have let her in on our secret that men are excited by knowing that their wives are sensual, sexual
creatures.
Please do your best to encourage her to be as uninhibited as possible with you, sexually. You both will
benefit tremendously from her newfound and ACTIVE participation in your marital sex life.
Your wife has amazing sexual and orgasmic potential!
When encouraged and supported, your wife has unbelievable sexual potential.
Although she may not express it the same way that you or I do, it is there, under the surface, waiting to be
released!
The woman’s clitoris is the primary "secret" to her (and your) sexual fulfillment. It is a wonderful creation
of God and is the only part of the human anatomy that has pleasure as its only purpose. It has the same
number of nerve endings (pleasure potential) as your penis, but is approximately one tenth the size!
She has different types of possible pleasure (vaginal and clitoral orgasms, G Spot orgasms, female
ejaculation) help her to experience them ALL.
She has the potential to use her vagina as an active sexual organ. She has the ability to bring much
pleasure to herself and you by actively using her vaginal muscles to grip and pleasure your penis. As she
explores this ability, you may want to allow her; lay back and enjoy her being active.
In men and women, the strength and tone of the PC muscle is critical to experiencing full sexual
performance and pleasure.
In this book, you wife has learned specific exercises for strengthening her PC muscle. You can help her by
giving her positive feedback as you start to notice that her vaginal muscles are becoming stronger and
more active in your lovemaking.
I strongly suggest that you also strengthen your PC muscles. Strong PC muscles can have dramatic positive
effects on a male’s ability to sexually perform and control his erections. It can also help to increase your
sexual pleasure.
You can find various PC muscle exercises on the Internet. I include an entire chapter to this in my book,
Sexual Skills For The Christian Husband™.
Your wife is determined to help you with any sexual issues you may be dealing with.
Male sexual problems, basically, fall into two categories: premature ejaculation or impotence.
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Fortunately, neither are usually caused by serious or permanent physical problems. Usually, both can be
overcome with a little TLC, time and practice.
Your wife is committed to helping and supporting you as you work through these temporary issues.
In this book, I describe, in detail, a program that will (in 90% of cases) help you to overcome any
premature ejaculation issues that you may have. And, the best news is that it is a “couple” activity that
will entail lots of physical fun between you and your wife.
If your impotence problem is not too serious, your wife is committed to helping and supporting you
through this issue. And, I have encouraged her to INCREASE the amount of physical and sexual contact
between you and her-but within a stress-free environment in which you do not feel the potential to fail or
disappoint her. You both will need to simply play and pray until the problem passes.
If your impotence is serious and chronic, please seek professional help.
You and your wife can experience multiple and mutual orgasms during intercourse.
In this book, I explain, in detail, a sex position that I call “the perfect sex position.”
I call it “perfect” because it is scientifically designed to give you and your wife the best chances at
experiencing mutual orgasm during intercourse.
Please do not make achieving mutual orgasm during orgasm “the holy grail” of your married sex life.
Sometimes it happens. Sometimes it doesn’t. But, I would encourage you to try this position as an
advanced activity to explore.
Yes, your wife has a G Spot.
I have included a chapter dedicated to helping you and your wife to exploring the sexual possibilities of
the female G Spot.
If you follow the instructions in this chapter, you will have the opportunity to give your wife new sexual
sensations that she may never have experienced before.
But, again, these G Spot activities should be looked at as fun, advanced play.
Have fun!
If your wife gave you this letter, you are blessed.
If you actually read this far, your wife is blessed; you must be a loving, thoughtful husband.
You both have God’s amazing gift of sex to explore.
Enjoy.
If you have any questions, feel free to email me at email:robert_irwin@comcast.net.
Sincerely,
Robert Irwin
www.becomeoneflesh.com
109
Sexual Satisfaction for the Christian Wife
Some of the techniques within this book are sexually and emotionally powerful.
Although these techniques and activities can have dramatically positive effects
on your (and your spouse’s) physical and emotional well-being, people that have
high blood pressure, heart disease or a generally weak condition should proceed
slowly. If necessary, consult a physician before implementing any included
techniques.
Nothing within this publication should be considered medical advice.
Sexual Satisfaction For The Christian Wife™ is a publication of SPI Publications.
Additional copies of this publication can be obtained at:
www.christiansexhelp.com
Copyright © 2000-2010. All rights are reserved and no reproduction or
distribution of this publication can be made without express written authorization
of the authors.
110
Sexual Satisfaction for the Christian Wife
Additional Christian Marriage And Sex Resources
You can also find the following resources for improving your Christian marriage
and sex life on www.ChristianSexHelp.com:
Sexual Skills For The Christian
Husband was written specifically for
Christian husbands. It includes all of the
latest scientific research regarding male
sexual response, pleasure, and orgasms.
Unlock the Vault Of A Lifetime of the Most
Intense, Satisfying And Frequent Sex
You’ve Ever Had...Sex That Leaves You
Both Exhausted And Refreshed With
Pleasure... And Bonds You Together Like
"Relationship Super Glue"...
Have Sex As God Intended For You And
Your Wife...With Intensely Pleasurable
Sexual Sensations And "Soul Bonding,"
Experiences That Can Only Be Found
Within The Christian Marriage Bed.
Sexual Skills For The Christian Husband
Sexual Satisfaction For The Christian
Wife is the perfect complementary book to
Sexual Skills For The Christian
Husband. It was written specifically to
help Christian women to become more
sexually responsive and fulfilled...no
matter their past experiences.
It includes all of the latest scientific
research regarding female sexual response,
pleasure, and orgasms. Learn how to
unleash any woman's sexual response and
satisfaction! Learn the secrets that have
helped thousands of Christian women to go
from non-orgasmic to multi-orgasmic!
Susan Irwin has put together a step-bystep roadmap that will lead any woman to
a more pleasurable and fulfilling sexual life.
Sexual Satisfaction For The Christian Wife
111
Sexual Satisfaction for the Christian Wife
Premature No More is the result of
Robert's personal struggle with PE, early in
his marriage and his subsequent
overcoming of this issue. He has addressed
the issue of PE in his other books…but
never in this detail. There was so much
ground to cover that he felt that it was
necessary to create a resource specifically
dedicated to overcoming PE.
It contains the same step-by-step solution
that he utilized to overcome his own
problem with PE and is the same approach
that he recommends to the men he
personally coaches.
The real message of this book is that there
IS hope. If you are willing to learn and
follow a few simple techniques, you CAN
overcome premature ejaculation and its
negative effects in your marriage and sex
life.
Premature No More
When Your Husband Is Never In The
Mood will give you support, comfort and,
more importantly, solutions to help you
help your husband to overcome his lack of
sexual desire.
If your husband struggles with a lack of
sexual interest, this book is the answer.
Co-written by Susan Irwin, this book
provides all of the secrets to re-igniting any
man's libido. Low male sexual desire is one
of the biggest, yet least talked about,
problems that many Christian marriages
face. It causes untold frustration, pain and
resentment within marriages.
When Your Husband Is Never In The Mood
112
Fortunately, this is a problem that can be
relatively quickly and easily overcome...if
you utilize the right strategies and
techniques...in the right way! This book
has helped hundreds of couples to
transform their married sex lives.
Sexual Satisfaction for the Christian Wife
With Tastefully Illustrated Sexual
Positions For Christian Couples, you
won't have to settle for even one more
boring night in your sex life. You'll learn
the advanced sexual positions, tips, tricks
and techniques that are the surest way of
bringing fun, excitement and endless
variety to your married sex life.
Without a doubt, the biggest cause of
marital and sexual frustration is...boredom!
If you don't start making your sex life an
adventurous journey, filled with new and
exciting things to explore and do, neither
of you are going to be all that excited
about sex anymore. That is exactly why we
have created a "first of its kind" new book,
"Tastefully Illustrated Sexual Positions
For Christian Couples." In just minutes
from now, you can have the most
comprehensive resource of fun, sexy and
creative positions for Christian couples
ever!
Tastefully Illustrated Sexual
Positions For Christian Couples
Sexual Fun And Games For Christian
Couples will help you to take the sexual
part of your Christian marriage to the next
level!
In just minutes from now, you can have
the most comprehensive resource of fun,
sexy and creative sex ideas for Christian
couples ever...right at your fingertips.
This book includes...




Sexual Fun And Games For Christian Couples!
113
Over 50 Ideas For "home made"
sexual accessories.
Over 30 Ideas For Exciting Sexual
Environments.
Over 200 Sex Games And Activities
Over 100 Creative Lovemaking
Techniques
Sexual Satisfaction for the Christian Wife
300 Sex Questions For Christian
Couples will be the "spark" that ignites the
sexual passion in your marriage again!
Before you can communicate, sexually, you
need to learn how to
communicate...verbally.
The questions in this book are specifically
designed to allow you and your spouse to
learn everything possible about each
other's sexual needs, desires, likes and
dislikes. With 300 Sex Questions For
Christian Couples, you will find it infinitely
easier to learn your spouse's deepest,
innermost thoughts and emotions
regarding sex.
300 Sexual Questions For Christian Couples
And, we have proven, for over ten years,
that the REAL first step to a better sex life
is...better communication!
The Keys To Better Sex In Christian
Marriage Collection is the result of over a
decade of our research, counseling and
writing. It contains virtually every resource
we offer:
The Keys To Better Sex In Christian Marriage
114
-Sexual Skills For The Christian Husband
-Sexual Satisfaction For The Christian Wife
-Premature No More
-When Your Husband Is Never In The Mood
-The Ultimate Guide To The G Spot
-Tastefully Illustrated Sexual Positions
-Sexual Fun And Games
-She Loves God, Me & Sex!
-300 Sex Questions
-101 Romantic Ideas
-Sexy Coupons
-Healing Touch Massage
-The Art Of Kissing
-The Keys To Better Sex Audio Outline