1. society
2. gay life

Hastings Pride
Special Thanks to
ACON MNC, Port Macquarie-Hastings Council,
Coastal Lynx
& the GLBT Working Group members.
A directory of gay and
lesbian friendly services,
websites and events in the
Hastings and beyond.
Index
Introduction
• Who is this for?
• What is it?
• Why a lesbian and gay book & guide?
Exploring Sexuality
• Is it OK to have feelings for a person of the
same sex?
• Being proud
• Coming out
• Thinking about sex
• Safer sex
• Where can I find out more?
Gay & Lesbian Relationships
• Meeting other gays & lesbians
- Groups; Events; Venues + Media; Internet
• Same sex relationships and the law
• Abuse in relationships
• Breaking up
Discrimination & Vilification
• What is discrimination?
• When is discrimination illegal?
• What is vilification?
Violence
• Reporting violence
• Victims compensation
• Getting protection
• Getting support
Alcohol and Other Drugs
Accommodation
Asking For Help
• Suicide
Dictionary
Bibliography
Services Directory
Introduction
Who would benefit by from reading this guide?
This guide addresses issues that may affect people in the
Hastings region who identify as gay or lesbian, bisexual or
transgendered.
It can be used by lesbians, gay men, bisexuals, queer
identified people, young (and not so young) people
questioning their sexuality, as well as by those seeking
service providers. Transgender is a term used to include
Transsexual, Transvestite –“Cross-dressers”, Intersex and
people who do not identify with the gender they were born
with.
What is The Hastings Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and
Transgender (GLBT) Guide?
This guide is a directory of gay and lesbian friendly services,
websites and events in the Hastings and beyond. The guide
contains information on issues that confront many young
lesbians and gays including ‘coming out’ and dealing with
discrimination.
Phone numbers and addresses for services that provide
support or information are included. There is also a
bibliography and dictionary of words and terms. This guide
can be used as a resource for workers in the community.
Why have a GLBT guide?
In our society being attracted to the opposite sex is promoted
as the ‘norm’. People are usually presumed to be
heterosexual; despite research showing that 1 in 10 is lesbian
or gay. People from minority sexualities can find it hard to
find information specific to their issues, such as coming out,
dealing with discrimination or simply knowing where to meet
other gays and lesbians.
This can be an isolating experience leading some lesbians and
gays to feel that they are alone or there is something wrong
with them. Gays and lesbians rarely see their own issues
reflected in the general community-except for stereotypes
that are often negative. Providing easy access to information
enables gays and lesbians to find friendly non-judgmental
services, meet each other, and to make informed decisions
about their lives.
Transgender people are often exposed to physical,
psychological and emotional cruelty by the rest of the society.
Intolerance is often experienced by transgender people at all
levels in our communities. This attitude can trigger chains of
events that result in the destruction of ones self-esteem,
isolation and in many cases suicide.
Most of the helping hints in this booklet apply for transgender
people as well. If there are issues of a more serious nature
and you don’t know how to deal with them try to contact the
following organisations: ACON Mid North Coast or Gender
Centre (See Services Directory).
Exploring Sexuality
Often young gay and lesbian people hide their feelings and try
to conform to social pressures and society’s presumptions of
heterosexuality.
Exploring sexuality is a part of life and something that many
young people do regardless of gender or sexual preference.
Discovering your sexuality is a process of learning, decision
making and of tuning in to your:
•
body’s physical responses
•
mind’s desires and fantasies
•
feelings and emotional responses.
People explore and embrace their sexuality in their own way,
in their own time and at all ages.
When people ‘come out’ they usually find out how much
society can discriminate against them. This can add to the
need for a young person to find a venue or group that gives
them pride in their sexuality. This is one reason why events
like the Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras festival, parade
and party happen, and why the PRIDE Centre in Sydney has
wide community support. Gays and lesbians are part of
society, and are ordinary and extraordinary people just like
everyone else.
Is it OK to have feelings for a person of the same sex?
Being attracted to people of the same sex is as natural as
being attracted to the opposite sex. No one knows what
causes our sexual attraction: some think we are born
bisexual, gay or straight, others think we become lesbians,
straight, bisexual or gay, but like being left or right handed
our sexual attraction is neither right or wrong. It simply is.
(AFAO fact sheet: Coming Out)
Gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered people have an
extraordinary network that operates globally. Being part of it
gives you opportunities to travel, find employment, excel in
your given field or passion, be educated or simply feel the
security of being part of a global community.
About 10% of our population are thought to be lesbian or
gay. However there are many lesbians and gays who do not
tell people of their sexuality because they fear discrimination,
so the true numbers are not known. We do know that
lesbians and gays have existed in most cultures in most ages
and that many amongst them have been extremely talented
and valued individuals in our society.
Being proud
From the second we are born we receive messages from
society, our parents and friends that being heterosexual is
normal (or at least common). The expectation is that young
people will grow up, date the opposite sex, get married and
have children. That doesn’t always happen!
Your friends quite often become your family and service that
role in a way that can be more supportive and understanding
than the real thing. Everyone is different and has different
needs. Find what works specifically for you.
Besides giving some advice to help you with problems you
may encounter in this process, the information contained in
this guide will also help you access regional, national and
global networks.
Coming out
Coming out is the term used when a person tells another
person, a group of people or the world that they are gay or
lesbian. Some young people identify as gay or lesbian from
an early age. For others exploring sexuality is an experience
filled with new and confusing feelings and may take longer.
Since sexuality is not an either or thing, some people enter
into same sex relationships at different times in their lives.
The process of coming out is determined by individual
feelings, so the act of coming out is a personal choice. You
are never too old to come out. As people are different there
are many ways of coming out. Some may choose to share
their feelings only with a few close friends, while others may
choose to tell everyone. There is no right way of coming out.
Coming out can occur at any time of life and may continue as
you meet new people, through work, social and family events.
The important thing to remember is that coming out is a
choice. One thing for sure is that your life will be full of
adventure and excitement. If you come out you will need to
be prepared to brave its ups and downs just like everyone
else. Know where you can get help and support if need be.
I was 13 when I told my Mum and was thrown out of the house.
She still loves me as a mother but finds it impossible to live with my sexuality.
My mother was shocked at first but because she loves me she has been very
supportive and has read up on the subject. This makes it easy for me to talk
with her about things that happen in my relationship.
To tell or not to tell?
When you decide to tell someone that you are gay or lesbian
be aware of the risks. Some people may be happy for you but
some may be disappointed and unaccepting. Some people
may choose to ignore your coming out statement. When you
tell people, it may feel like a big weight is lifted from your
chest, but at other times it may not feel so good. Reactions
can vary from loving acceptance through to outright rejection.
So be aware of all the pros and cons.
Only you know when you are ready to tell people. Remember,
it’s your life and only you can choose whom you tell, how you
tell them and why you tell them.
The way some people react when they find out that a family
member or friend is lesbian or gay has been compared to
bereavement. Some people may go through several stages of
‘grief’ including: shock, denial, blaming, guilt, shame,
questioning and (hopefully, eventually) understanding,
acceptance and appreciation.
This may take a long time, with a slow series of
improvements. People may need time to realise it is not their
daughter, son, friend, parent or workmate who has changed,
just how people perceive them. Some lesbians and gays leave
home by force or choice when they come out to their parents.
I am separated from my husband and am in a same sex relationship. I have a son
and two daughters in their late teens and early twenties. When I came out to them
my son took it in his stride. My daughters rejected me and my partner, although
one has since come around and we now have good relationships with my son and
daughter. Relationship with the other younger daughter is very strained.
It helps to make plans when you first come out, so you can
make good choices based on helpful information and knowing
where to get support. Preparing for the worst often means
the worst doesn’t happen or that it is much easier to make a
positive out of a potentially negative situation.
It may be best to tell another gay or lesbian friend first, or a
very close friend whom you feel comfortable with. This will
make it a little easier to talk about. When telling people do so
on your own terms. Try being in a relaxed and comfy
environment. It’s not good to blurt it out in the heat of an
argument as this could backfire and the person could become
abusive or even violent.
Keep in mind the person you are telling will need time to deal
with the news in their own way, so allow them time to go
through their own process.
Parents
When a parent learns that their child is gay, lesbian or
bisexual he/she many go through something similar to a
grieving process. There may be feelings of shock, denial,
anger, guilt and/or a sense of loss. Given social attitudes to
homosexuality, this is understandable but since you love your
child you owe it to him or her – and to yourself – to move
towards acceptance, understanding and support. You may
feel you have lost your child. You haven’t. Your child is the
same person he or she was yesterday.
You are not alone in being confronted with a gay, lesbian, or
bisexual child.
According to statistics, one in every ten
people in this country and across the world is homosexual.
This means that approximately one in four families has an
immediate family member who is gay, lesbian or bisexual and
most families have at least one member in their extended
family who is gay, lesbian or bisexual.
When same sex
couples use good communication, their skills and talents,
access the community and support each other they have the
capacity to live long and happy lives. Indeed, many gays,
lesbians, bisexual and transgendered people have made
notable contributions in variety of fields, including sports,
science, music, art, literature and film.
Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbian and Gays (PFLAG)
exists to help parents, families and friends understand
homosexuality. Membership consists of parents, families and
friends of gay, lesbian and bisexual people. Many will, most
likely, have been through much of what you are now feeling.
PFLAG offers support, education and resources. Visit their
web site http://www.pflag.org or contact 6585 2791
Thinking about sex
Being sexual with someone else is a personal choice. It’s
important that sex is consensual, that means both of you
want to engage in sex. It’s also important that you do it
safely. Being in a sexual relationship can be very enjoyable
and rewarding when that relationship is negotiated and
agreed by both people.
If you are not ready for sex, wait. The timing is not the same
for everyone and people have different expectations and
values around when it’s OK for them. Take the time to think
about it. It’s OK to say no until you are ready.
Negotiating Sex
If you feel pressured into being sexual, it’s important that you
talk to your partner about this. You need to be open with your
partner about what sexual activities you are willing to take
part in and your choices on how you intend to protect
yourself during these activities. If you don’t feel OK or safe to
talk about this with the person you are thinking about being
sexual with, then chat to someone else you trust or any of
the services listed in this guide.
If you have a regular partner you may both be wanting to
negotiate latex free sex. This can be done by talking with
each other about your sexual health and the terms of your
relationship. If you are both HIV + then the issues that may
effect your decision could be the possibility of infection with
another strain of HIV, or the transmission of Sexually
Transmitted Infections (STIs), such as herpes. If you do not
know your HIV status, or were tested a while ago and have
since engaged in risky behaviour, you need to have an HIV
antibody test.
Before you go ahead with this, it is important to think
about and discuss how you would deal with either of
you testing positive.
If your test results show you are both negative, then you
need to be completely safe for 3 months, this means latex
and/or new injecting equipment. After this period you will
need to have another HIV antibody test. If both tests come
back negative and you reach a clear agreement not to have
sex outside the relationship, or only to have safe sex
regardless, then you can throw away the latex.
If you decide to break this agreement or have an unprotected
fling, you will need to tell each other and renegotiate the
terms of your relationship.
Lots of issues arise when talking about the hot topic of your
relationship (trust, fear, rejection and honesty to name a
few). Clear and honest communication is a great place to
start a relationship, as an agreement early on is often easier
than trying to eliminate or introduce latex further down the
track. (The Informer)
Safer Sex
Safe sex is any sexual activity, which does not allow penile,
vaginal and/or anal fluid or blood to pass from one person
into the blood stream of another. Safer sex is everyone’s
responsibility, regardless of whether results to STI tests are
positive or negative.
An awareness of the different signs of STIs are important.
STIs range from mild genital irritation to diseases, which can
cause infertility and serious illness if left untreated. No matter
who you are, there is a risk of an STI such as Chlamydia,
gonorrhoea, pelvic inflammatory disease, genital warts,
herpes, trichomoniasis, syphilis, crabs, scabies, HIV and Hep
C infection. STIs can be transmitted between same sex
couples by mixing vaginal secretions or semen or any other
body fluids.
There also needs to an awareness of body fluids that may
come into contact with sex toys such as vibrators, bondage
materials or any other equipment that may come into contact
with bodily fluids. Safer sex means talking with your partner/s
to establish what is safe for each of you. It is always a good
idea to practice safe sex. This means you don’t risk catching
STIs (such as HIV/AIDS, herpes, Chlamydia, gonorrhoea etc)
or becoming pregnant unless you want to.
As different STIs are passed on in different ways it is
important you find out correct information to protect yourself
and your partner. There’s a heap of information around about
safe sex and STIs. Locally we have a number of services that
are there to assist you with information on the choices
available. They can provide information on the types of
contraception available and what protects you from what. You
can buy products and some places provide some stuff for
free. Services can also assist you with information about the
types of STIs, symptoms and testing and the range of
treatment available. These services are free and confidential.
Community Health – 65882 882. ACON 6584 0943.
Where can I find out more?
To find out more about various issues that would help you
deal better with your life circumstances you could contact the
Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgendered (GLBT) Working
Group or ACON Mid North Coast. These organisations would
help you with any type of information you might need
(Support, health, legal matters, social events etc.) or will
direct you to services that have specialised programs and
trainings which are designed to meet the needs of GLBT
people of all ages.
(See Services Directory for GLBT Working Group, ACON
Mid North Coast or other services that you think are
appropriate for your particular need.)
Books (and some videos) can be found at public libraries and
ACON. Support and information lines are run by several
services and some have websites and chat lines.
(See Services Directory for Libraries, GLBT Working
Group, ACON Mid North Coast, Youth Services and
others).
Lobby Groups Some groups lobby our governments for legal
changes such as full recognition of lesbian and gay
relationships. Some lobby the United Nations for full human
rights for lesbians and gays worldwide.
(See Directory for Gay and Lesbian Rights Lobby or
Coalition of Activist Lesbians – Australia (COAL).
Gay and Lesbian Relationships
Relationships are as different as the people who are in them
and come in many forms. They can be casual or committed,
short or long term, monogamous or open. Some people in
relationships live together, others do not. Some people make
decisions to parent or co-parent, others may decide this is not
for them.
The most important relationship is the one you have with
yourself. Being single is a fabulous opportunity to take
yourself seriously as a lover. Treat yourself as you would like
to be treated.
Exploring relationships and what is right for you is an
important part of expressing your sexuality.
Meeting other lesbians and gays
Coastal lynx is a social group that organises dances on an
almost monthly basis. Some groups and individuals organise
social events and such occasions are regularly advertised
through Coastal Lynx website and newsletter. You can give
your email address to Coastal Lynx and you will be regularly
updated on the coming events.
The GLBT Working Group has a website that directly links the
Hastings Council organised community events with the GLBT
community.
ACON Mid North Coast runs periodical programs for young
people under 26. GLBT people of any age or interest who
would like to form a frequent casual group would be gladly
supported with a venue and other reasonable necessities by
ACON.
Although not in the Hastings region but in close proximity, the
Macleay Valley Lesbian Women’s Social Group runs regular
brunches, outings and dances.
(See Services Directory for contact details).
Venues
The Hastings area does not have any specific places where
gays and lesbians can meet regularly except at the organised
dances and individual events. Some restaurants and coffee
places are more gay and lesbian friendly than others.
ACON Mid North Coast provides a place where everyone can
drop in (on Tuesdays) and have a chat with the staff, pick up
gay and lesbian magazines and condoms or, ask for help with
various issues. You can ring any day to ask for an
appointment to discuss urgent issues.
Hastings Area does not have any visible transgender social
groups and since there were no submissions by any
transgender person for the preparation of the last Hastings
Council Social Plan it is hard to estimate how many
transgender people live in this area.
No doubt there are some living in our community and if you
are one of them than please feel most welcome to join the
rest of us at the dances and any other functions organised by
the Coastal Lynx, ACON, Hastings Council or other GLBT
organizations
The GLBT Working Group encourages people to participate in
the social events organised through the Hastings Council for
the entire Hastings Community. To find out about the group
visit the Hastings Council website www.hastings.nsw.gov.au
Media
The following are some of the magazines specifically
published for gays and lesbians that could be picked up at the
ACON office:
• Lesbians on the Loose (LOTL) – a Sydney based
lesbian magazine, published monthly and FREE.
• Sydney Star Observer (SSO) - a FREE weekly,
Sydney based gay and lesbian newspaper.
• SX – a FREE weekly, Sydney newspaper.
These publications often contain personal columns where
people advertise for friends, housemates or sexual partners.*
Other magazines available by subscription are: Lesbiana and
Lesbian Network. (See Services Directory for details).
Internet
Chat rooms can be useful form meeting others and discussing
issues that are important to you.* You can remain
anonymous (not give your true name, address or phone
number), which can be a good idea because not everyone on
the net is who they say they are. Some people use the
anonymity of the net to build a false sense of trust, which
they then abuse. Others make lasting friendships and form
happy relationships.
*Safety tip: Do not give your name and address when you
advertise in a personal column, enter an internet chat room
or when you first respond to an ad. When meeting people
that you have met on the net or through an ad. Make sure
you meet in a public place. Let a friend know where you are
and do not give the person a lift afterwards, at least for the
first few times. Take a mobile, with support numbers entered
in your telephone book, with you on a date. Give yourself a
chance to get to know more about the other person first
before placing yourself at any risk.
Same sex relationships and the law
In Australia, laws are made either by the federal or state
governments. Laws made by the federal government apply
all over the country, whereas state or territory laws apply
only in the particular state or territory.
In NSW there have been a number of changes to the law over
the last 20 years. These have meant that lesbians and gays
now have the same rights as heterosexuals in many areas.
One of the most important changes was in 1999 when people
in same sex relationships were given equal rights in the areas
of:
Property division – if a gay or lesbian relationship breaks
up, the couple can now go to court to work out how property
(assets) should be divided.
Medical decisions – if a lesbian or gay man loses their
mental capacity as a result of accident or illness, the partner
can now make decisions about their medical treatment.
Compensation - Compensation – lesbians and gay men can
now make a claim for compensation if their partner dies in an
accident at work, or is killed or injured in a motor vehicle
accident.
Despite these changes, gay men and lesbians still do not have
the same rights as heterosexuals in a number of important
areas. For example, in New South Wales, the age of consent
for male homosexual sex is still higher than for everyone else.
For a male to have sex with another male, both have to be
over 18, whereas for a male to have sex with a female, or a
female to have sex with a female, they only have to be over
16.
behaviour that is violent and abusive. Listen and believe when
a friend confides in you. Ask how you can help. Respect their
confidentiality.
(adapted from Lesbian DV Action Group Inc, Noarlunga
Centre, SA)
Same sex relationships are also not recognised in most areas
covered by Federal laws, such as family law, superannuation,
taxation and social security.
Breaking up
Unfortunately, not all relationships work the way we want. If
your relationship breaks up, you may feel hurt and lost. You
might find that you need some extra support during this time.
See the list of contacts for services, which provide support,
counselling or referrals to other organisations and
information, which might be able to help you.
The information contained here is general information only
and should not be relied upon as a substitute for legal advice.
If you would like advice about your situation or a specific
problem, you need to speak to a solicitor. (See Contacts)
This information is based on laws as at August 2001.
Abuse in relationships
Violence and abuse within a relationship or after a
relationship has ended is a crime. Violence is any behaviour
by a partner or ex partner, which tries to control you, cause
you physical, sexual or psychological damage and causes you
to live in fear. Biting, hitting, pushing, punching and using a
weapon are all forms of violence. Threats are also a form of
violence including threatening to ‘out’ you to your family or
workplace. Forcing you to participate in sex against your will
is also a crime. All violence has a psychological effect. Your
belief in your self-worth and your sense of having rights and
choices are eroded when a partner constantly abuses you.
Violence is unacceptable. You deserve to live with and love
your partner - free from violence or abuse. You are the best
judge of how safe you are. If you feel scared and unsafe in
your partner’s presence, something is wrong. Never think the
violence is your fault! You have the right to be safe.
Get support from a counsellor who is aware of the effects of
violence in gay and lesbian relationships. Tell a friend.
Organize a safe place to go. Depending on your circumstance,
consider changing your phone number, using an answering
machine and changing the locks on your door. If you are a
friend show your support! Pass comment if you witness
(See Service Directory for: Acts of Passion, Dymphna
House, Gay and Lesbian Counselling Service, Rape
Crisis Centre, Reach Out.)
•
•
•
•
Discrimination & Vilification
Although lesbians and gay men now have the same legal
rights as heterosexuals in many areas (see section on Gay &
Lesbian Relationships), members of the gay and lesbian
community still experience prejudice and discrimination on a
day-to-day basis in the workplace, schools, shops and
restaurants, and on the streets.
What is discrimination?
Discrimination is when someone treats you unfairly, or
harasses you, because you are different in some way (eg.
because you are gay or lesbian, because of your cultural
background, or because you have a disability). Discrimination
can be direct or indirect. Direct discrimination is when
someone is obviously being treated unfairly because of their
sexuality. For example, if when applying for a rental flat the
landlord says “we don’t want the likes of you.”
Indirect discrimination is when a particular group is unfairly
disadvantaged by a rule or condition that applies in general to
everyone. For example, if an employer offers paid parental
leave with parent’s name on birth certificate as proof, lesbian
co-parents will experience indirect discrimination as the nonbiological parents name is not on the birth certificate.
When is discrimination illegal?
In New South Wales, it is against the law to discriminate
against someone on the grounds of sex, pregnancy, race,
disability, age, marital status, homosexuality, transgender,
and disability (including HIV/AIDS status) in the areas of:
•
Education – eg. when studying in a public school,
college or university.
Employment – eg. when applying for a job or in
relation to promotion.
Goods and services – eg. in a shop or restaurant, or at
a bank.
Accommodation – eg. when renting a flat.
Registered clubs – eg. when joining or visiting a club.
What is vilification?
Vilification is when someone does something in public (eg.
writes graffiti, makes a speech or puts up posters) that could
encourage other people to hate or make fun of you or a
particular group of people.
The information contained here is general information only
and should not be relied upon as a substitute for legal advice.
If you would like advice about your situation or a specific
problem, you need to speak to a solicitor.
(www.lawlink.nsw.gov.au)
This information is based on laws as at August 2001.
Violence
Everyone has the right to safety and protection, regardless of
their sexuality. However, statistics show that lesbians are up
to 6 times more likely than other women to become victims of
violence, and gay men are up to 4 times more likely than
other men (Out of the Blue, A Police survey of violence and
harassment against gay men and lesbians, NSW Police
Service, 1995).
Violence against gays and lesbians is an extreme form of
homophobia and lesbophobia. It can range from verbal
abuse, to threats of violence, to physical or sexual assault. It
can also happen anywhere – in a public place, at work, at
school, or even in the home.
In order to reduce your risk of violence, you should remember
these basic safety tips:
•
Travel in groups, especially when going out at night.
•
Stay alert and avoid potentially dangerous situations
(eg. don’t go down a dark alley instead of walking along the
main road, even if the alley is a short cut to your house).
•
Be confident – this will make you less vulnerable.
•
Take up a self-defence course.
•
Use a whistle.
•
Get to know or be known by people you feel safe
around, and may be able to approach for support.
Violence, or threatening violence, is against the law. If you
experience violence, there are things you can do to report it,
get protection, and get support. If someone harasses or
verbally abuses you because of your sexuality, then this could
be against the law – see section on Discrimination &
Vilification.
Reporting violence
“You have the power to choose to live in a world without
violence. HOW? By speaking up against it. Speaking up
against violence names it and shames it.” (Lesbian and Gay
Anti-Violence Project). If you witness, or are a victim of,
violence or threatened violence, you should report it to the
police.
Lesbians and gay men are often reluctant to report incidents
of violence to the police because of concerns about how they
will be treated and whether their complaint will be taken
seriously. Fortunately, Port Macquarie Police station now has
Gay and Lesbian Liaison Officer (GLLO – often called ‘glow’ )
whose role is to act as the contact point for members of the
gay and lesbian community and to ensure that the police
provide an appropriate response.
If you choose to report an incident to the police, you will need
to make a statement. The police will then carry out
investigations. If they find the perpetrator (the person who
attacked or threatened you), they may charge him/her and
the case may be taken to Court.
If you are a victim of violence you should also report it to the
Lesbian and Gay Anti-Violence Project (AVP) and/or
community workers in your area. The project keeps a record
of attacks against members of the gay and lesbian
community and uses this information to get the Government
to take action towards reducing violence. The AVP can also
refer you to appropriate counselling, legal or support services.
Victim’s compensation
If you are a victim of violence, or if you witness a violent
incident taking place, you may be eligible to apply for victim’s
compensation. This is compensation paid by the government
for physical or psychological harm suffered as a result of
violent crime. Although the incident must first be reported to
the police, the perpetrator does not need to be found guilty in
order for compensation to be paid. A claim for victim’s
compensation must be lodged within 2 years of the act of
violence.
Getting protection
If you have been assaulted, harassed, intimidated or
threatened by another person, you can apply for an
Apprehended Violence Order (AVO). An AVO is a Court order
that prohibits someone (eg. a partner, ex-partner, neighbour,
work colleague or relative) from doing certain things, such as
intimidating, stalking, assaulting, threatening or harassing
you. It can also prohibit the person from contacting or
approaching you, or going to your house, your workplace or
any other place that you regularly attend.
An AVO application can be made on your behalf by the police,
or by yourself through the Chamber Magistrate at your
nearest Local Court. If you are under 16, then only the police
can apply for an AVO for you. In order to get an AVO, the
Court has to be satisfied that you have a reasonable fear of
future violence, intimidation or harassment. The person that
you are taking the AVO out against will not have a criminal
record. However, if they breach the AVO after it has been
made, then they may be charged and convicted of a criminal
offence. You should report any breach of an AVO to the
police.
The information contained here is general information only
and should not be relied upon as a substitute for legal advice.
If you would like advice about your situation or a specific
problem, you need to speak to a solicitor. This information is
based on laws as at August 2001.
Getting support
If you experience violence, you may need some support or
counselling. See the Contacts list below for services that
might be able to help you. As mentioned above, the AntiViolence Project can also refer you to appropriate services for
advice and assistance.
(See Services Directory for: Gay and Lesbian AntiViolence Project, Rape Crisis Centre, Port Macquarie
Gay and Lesbian Police Liaison Officer (GLLO), Gay and
Lesbian Rights Lobby).
Being treated unprofessionally
If you experience unprofessional treatment by any of the
services listed in this booklet you should contact the GLBT
Working Group and let them know of such instances. The
GLBT Working Group interacts with many services and
organisations and it will lobby for improvement in any
problem area within those.
Alcohol and Other Drugs
This is an issue that affects a lot of gays and lesbians for
many different reasons. For young lesbians and gay men,
drugs and alcohol may be used as a way to escape from
problems and pressures that they are experiencing. Like
many communities, drugs and alcohol are involved in some
queer, lesbian and gay sub-cultures, and are used
recreationally when people go out socially. People accessing
these sub cultures for the first time may feel that in order to
fit in they should use drugs and alcohol too.
For many people drugs and alcohol have become an addiction
that has caused relationship break up, financial disaster, poor
health and very short life span. If you use drugs, no matter
which drugs you may use, always ensure that you are in a
safe environment and that you use safe practices. However,
there are lots of alternative ways of having fun or working out
problems that are affecting you.
If drugs and alcohol are a problem in your life, or if you are
concerned about a friend, talk about it with someone you
trust or, alternatively, you can contact Alcohol and Drug
Information Service (ADIS) or Lifeline. (See Services
Directory for details).
Accommodation
When gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered people are
looking for accommodation - be selective and choose wisely a happy home leads to inner peace and security.
Nevertheless, not having anywhere to live is another major
issue that can confront young gays and lesbians. Young
people often leave their current place of residence because of
family conflict, families have moved, or safety issues.
Homelessness can be defined broadly as not having a
permanent, safe place to live in. So young lesbians and gays
who move from one friend to another, live in care or refuges
or who live on the street may identify as being homeless. For
some people this situation may be short term while for others
it is a long-term issue.
While we don’t have any specific housing services for gay or
lesbian young people in the Hastings region, there are a
number of services that are gay or lesbian safe, friendly and
accessible. So if you are at risk of homelessness or you
already have nowhere to live the following may be of help:
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Department of Housing
Community and Youth Housing
Mc Cosker House refuge
Hastings Women and Children’s Refuge
Christo Youth Services
Emergency Accommodation Hotline
ACON Mid North Coast
Homeless persons Information Centre
Birpai or Bunyah Local Aboriginal Lands Councils
Lifeline
Gay and Lesbian Youth Support
(See Services Directory for details).
Asking for Help
Suicide
Suicide rates for young lesbian and gay men are unacceptably
high. Experiencing discrimination or worrying about being
different can bring much emotional turmoil. Remember, same
sex attraction is normal. Just because heterosexuality is
common does not mean it is the only form of relationship.
Sometimes the reaction of family, friends and society can be
devastating. You may find yourself isolated and
misunderstood by those you love. If you fell isolated,
depressed low or like harming yourself (or if someone you
know is feeling suicidal), you need to reach out and ask for
help.
Lack of appropriate counselling and specialised services are
evident in the Hastings area. Suicide prevention strategies,
for dealing with transgender and transsexual people in
particular, do not exist. The available mental health services
are not educated well to address these issues despite the
availability of theoretical and practical resources. We hope
this will soon change and up till that time we should all be
willing to help each other as much as we can.
When feeling suicidal
Talk to someone you feel safe with and who you trust
• Ring a gay and lesbian counselling line/service
• Ring a mainstream counselling service
• Seek out venues and services that are gay and lesbian
friendly
• Seek out books and magazine that a written by gays
and lesbians.
Talking to other people is really important - it may help you
to know that there are things you can do to feel better about
yourself. You may know people you feel safe with and trustmaybe parents, teachers, and friends - talking to these
people might help. If you want to talk to someone else, there
are lots of services around who are set up to listen to gays
and lesbians and support you through the hard bits.
Kids Helpline - for children and young people between 5 and
18. They operate 24 hours a day, 7 days a week at no cost.
Call 1800 551 800.
Lifeline - a counselling service for people of any age, 24
hours per day, 7 days per week at the cost of a local call. Call
131 114.
Gay and Lesbian Counselling Service - 1800 805 379
open 4pm to midnight, 7 days at the cost of a local call from
Sydney or free call from Wollongong.
Alternatively, you may prefer to check out a website and ask
questions via E-mail.
Reachout - a national website for young people. Heaps of
information is available on lots of different issues. They have
a whole section on sexuality and lots more stuff about
depression, drugs and alcohol, suicide, grief and more. They
also have an Australian wide database on services for young
people. So if you move and you are not sure about the
services in the new area, you can check out the website and
find out what is around you.
Take a look at www.reachout.com.au . If you don’t have
access to the internet all of the local libraries in the Hastings
area have a free connection.
Some indications that a person is suicidal
People who have an intention to suicide often start giving
some warning signals about their intention beforehand. Risk
of suicide is higher in people who: have frequent thoughts of
suicide and talk about not having reasons to live; continually
listen to songs about death or read such literature; have
made a suicide plan and/or choice of lethal methods; start
giving away personal possessions; make a new will; show
sudden unexplained improvement after periods of depression
and suicidal feelings. There are other small clues given by
suicidal people and if you are concerned but not sure about
such signals you can ring services that are specialised in
those matters.
Who has a higher risk of committing suicide?
There are many circumstances that cause people to organise
and execute suicide plans. However, people who live in the
following circumstances have a much higher risk: teenage
and mature homosexuals living in discriminating
environments; living alone and having a lack of support;
experiencing loss of partner, family member, job, possessions
or important opportunities; have had previous suicide
attempts; feel depressed, helpless and despairing; have a
history of psychiatric illness; financial problems; severe
medical problems; alcohol and drug abuse; have suffered
traumatic events or experienced abuse; changes in lifestyle.
(For help, counselling or information see Services Directory
– Gay and Lesbian Counselling Service, Lifeline, Mental
Health Intake).
Dictionary
Bisexual: describes a person who is attracted to and enters
romantic, or sexual relationships with people from both sexes.
Coming Out: a phrase that has to do with developing awareness
that you are gay, lesbian or bisexual. This often leads to being
more open with others about sexual identity. (Yes You Are)
Dyke: means lesbian and can be used as an insult or as a
reclaimed word when used by lesbians.
Faggot: is a word that has been used to insult gay men. It
originated from the Middle Ages, where a faggot, (a small bundle
of sticks), was used to burn people thought to be witches
including gay men. Faggot can also be a reclaimed word.
Feminism: is a belief in the equality of women. The feminist
movement is the global effort of activists to end discrimination
against women. Some feminist issues are: ending violence against
women, the unequal distribution of wealth and resources,
reproductive rights, lesbian human rights and representation.
Gay: term for homosexual, a person who identifies their sexuality
as being homosexual mostly refers to men.
Gay and Lesbian Rights Movement: this political movement
lobbies for the human rights of gays and lesbians. Some of the
issues are discrimination, homo/lesbophobia and violence.
Heterosexism: Heterosexist people and cultures are those that
believe heterosexuality is inherently better than other sexual
orientations and /or omit references to and representations of
other sexualities. (Yes You Are)
Homophobia: this is the irrational fear and hatred of gay men
and lesbians and is a form of discrimination.
Lemon: is used as an insult to lesbians. It refers to
something that doesn’t work properly. For example, when
some one buys a used car and it doesn’t work they would call
it a ‘lemon’. This is also a reclaimed word and the image of
lemon is often used in association with lesbians.
Lesbian: is a woman who identifies her sexuality as being
attracted to other women.
Lesbophobia: this is the irrational hatred and fear of
lesbians. It refers to a double level of discrimination for
lesbians: one of being a woman in a patriarchy and the other
of being a lesbian in a heterosexist society.
Queer: this is a word that has been reclaimed by some gay,
lesbian, transgender, bisexual people and other people who
do not identify as heterosexual. It refers to a range of nonstraight sexualities.
Poof: meaning gay man, this word is considered an insult
when said in an offensive manner, but is also a reclaimed
word used by gay men and the queer community.
Reclaiming words and expressions: to take back words
that have been used as putdowns and use them as positive
expressions.
Sexual identity: this is how people identify their sexuality,
some of the words that people use to describe their sexuality
are lesbian, gay, straight and queer. Sexual identity is not
just about whom you sleep with, but about who you feel you
are.
Straight: heterosexual, having romantic and sexual relations
with people of the opposite sex.
Transgender: people who do not identify with the sex or
gender with which they were born. This has to do with the
feeling of not being born into the right body. (You’re Not
Alone)
Bibliography
HIV + Gay Sex
AIDS Trust of Australia
Out There – a sexual health guide for young gay men
Simon Donohoe; Australasian College of Sexual Health
Physicians & AFAO; 1998
An Intergalactic Guide to Relationships
Central Coast Area Health; 2000
Sexually Transmissible Diseases and Their Prevention
NSW Department of Health
Yes You Are
A guide to educating young people and adults about healthy
relationships, sexual diversity and anti-homophobia
NSWFPA Health; 2000
Wanted
AFAO/NAPWA Education Team
Out For Action Enhancing Lesbian Lives
3 part training manual
Coalition of Activist Lesbians, Australia (COAL); 1998
PO Box 424, Thirroul 2515
Coming Out
Fact Sheet, Australian Federation of AIDS Organisations
You’re Not Alone
If you are young and attracted to people of the same sex this
book
is for you!
Here for Life; Western Australia AIDS Council; 1998
Celebrate the Difference
Anti Discrimination Board of NSW Annual Report 1997-1998
Fact sheets: Discrimination; Harassment; Vilification; HIV or
AIDS
Anti Discrimination Board NSW
HIV & AIDS Youth Work & The Law
NSW Health Department; 1996; ph 02 9391 9010
Anti - Violence Project
1800 063 060 or 9206 2066
avp@acon.org.au
www.stophomophobia.org
Directory
Acceptance – Sydney Gay and Lesbian Catholics
Tel. 9568 4433
www.gaycatholic.com.au
acceptsyd@yahoo.com.au
AIDS Council of NSW (ACON) – Mid North Coast
Outreach Project- Care, support and education. CSN carers
available. Vitamin service, retreats, gay men’s services,
referral, advocacy, practical and social support, transport,
fundraising, Indigenous services, PFLAG, Me Young and Proud
group (for under 26, same sex attracted youth).
1/4 Hayward St. Port Macquarie NSW 2444
Tel. 6584 0943 / 1300 658 878 Fax. 6583 3810
ACON - Sydney
1800 063 060
acon@acon.org.au / www.acon.org.au
ACON- Mid-North Coast
6584 0943
1300 658 878-Local call cost
mnc@acon.org.au
Alcoholics Anonymous
Hotline- 6583 3478
Services-6588 2882
Alcohol and Drug Info Service (ADIS)
1800 422 599
Anti – Discrimination Board (NSW)
1800 670 812
Arts Mid-North Coast
Richard Holloway
66593360
Australian Federation of AIDS Organisations
1800 803 806 or 9281 1999
www.afao.org.au
mail@afao.org.au
Australian Lesbian Medical Association
Provides information about lesbian doctors
www.almas.net.au
Beyond Blue
www.beyondblue.org.au
Birpai Local Aboriginal Lands Council
Aston Street
birpailalc@,midcoast.com.au
6584 9066
Bunyah Local Aboriginal Lands Council
214 High Street
bunyahlalc@westnet.com.au
6585 2550
BYP-Be Young & Proud-Youth Support Group for Under
25 years S.S.A.Y.
1300 658 878
byp@acon.org.au
Coastal Castaways
GLBT Social Group
Mark
0401 880352
Christo Youth Services
6584 9666
christohouse@priority1.com.au
Gay and Lesbian Counselling Service
1800 805 379 or 9207 2800 4pm – midnight 7 days
COAL – Coalition of Activist Lesbians, Australia
PO Box 424, Thirroul 2515
02 4296 7077
www.coal.org.au
jackd@womenshealthcentre.com.au
Community and Youth Housing
6583 6717
chhyhs@midcoast.com.au
Gay and Lesbian Health Victoria
The GLHV website and clearing house. This site provides news
and information of particular interest to the health and
wellbeing of gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and intersex
people in Victoria.
www.glva.org.au
Dayenu – Jewish Lesbian and Gay Group
0425 266 649
Department of Housing
6582 9222 – Port Macquarie
13 15 71- Emergency
Domestic Violence Crisis Line
1800 656 463
Dymphna House
Provides services for abused women and children.
(02) 9797 6733
Emergency Accommodation Hotline
1800 424 830
Provide information on current refuge vacancies statewide.
Feminist Bookshop
Tel. (02) 9810 2666 Fax. (02) 9818 5745
feministbookshop@iprimus.com.au
Shop 9, Orange Grove Plaza, Balmain Rd, Lilyfield 2040
Extensive range of material and will do mail orders.
FPA Healthline
1300 658 886
Gay and Lesbian Rights Lobby
9360 6650
Po Box 9
Darlinghurst NSW 1300
www.glrl.org.au
Gay and Lesbian Solidarity Choir
Mark Ashdown – 8399 1965 / 0400 400 323
galsquoir@hotmail.com
Gay and Lesbian Youth Support:
BYP-Be, Young and Proud – Mid North Coast
For same sex attracted youth under 25.
1300 658 878
byp@acon.org.au
20/10 Gay and Lesbian Youth Support
1800 652 010
info@twenty10.org.au
www.twenty10.org.au
Gender Centre
9569 2366
Hastings Council - Port Macquarie
Maya.Spinnari@pmhc.nsw.gov.au
65818 545
Hastings Suicide Prevention Network
www.suicideprevention.org.au
Hastings Women and Children’s Refuge
6583 2155
Homeless Persons Information Centre
1800 234 566
Human Rights and Equal Opportunity Commission
1800 021 199
Kids Helpline
1800 551 800
www.kidshelp.com.au
Kickstart Youth Health Service
Free Medical service for young people. No Medicare or Health
Care Card required. Contact: 6584 0430 or 0438 671 920.
Lawstuff – National Children’s and Youth Centre
www.lawstuff.org.au
Lawlink
www.lawlink.nsw.gov.au
1800 684 449
Lesbian and Gay Legal Advice Service
9332 1966
Lesbians on the Loose (LOTL)
8347 1033
www.lotl.com
lotl@lotl.com
Hastings Libraries:
Port Macquarie 6581 8755 or 6581 8752
Wauchope 6586 1063
Laurieton 6559 7116
Lifeline
131114
24 hours, 7 days
LINC (Lesbians Inc)
9519 3870
PO Box 503, Glebe NSW 2037
A Lesbian grants program
Make a Noise
www.makeanoise.ysp.org.au
Youth health site
McCosker House – Crisis Accommodation
6584 2630
North Coast Area Health Service
A full service, free and confidential Sexual Health Clinic,
providing screening and treatment for all STI's including HIV
and Hepatitis. Services also include education and counselling
for sexual health and sexuality, needle syringe program,
monthly HIV Specialist Clinic and
Hepatitis C information and support. Team includes a
Counsellor, Nurse and Doctor.
Contacts :
Counsellor 0418 116 749
Nurse 0418 207 939
Population Health, Morton St, PMQ 65 882 750
NSW Police Gay and Lesbian Liaison Officers (GLLOs) –
Port Macquarie
Domestic Violence officer Karen Bleasdale
Email: blea1kar@police.netnsw.gov.au
6583 0199
Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG)
6585 2791 – Mid North Coast
9294 1002
www.pflag.org.au
PLWHA-People Living with HIV/AIDS
1300 658 878
port_plwha@msn.com
Address: PO Box 9150 Lighthouse Beach Port Macquarie 2444
Victims of Crime Bureau
Victims support line - 1800 633 063
Rape Crisis Centre
1800 424 017
24 hours, 7 days
Women’s Library – Newtown
9557 7060
Reach Out
www.reachout.com.au
Tropical Fruits – Lismore
6622 6440
www.tropicalfruits.org.au
Trouble in Paradise
Coffs Harbour region dances
www.troubleinparadise.com.au
Sex Workers Outreach Project (SWOP)
1300 658 878
Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras
9557 4332
www.mardigras.org.au
Sydney Star Observer
9380 5577
www.ssonet.com.au
mail@ssonet.com.au
Telephone Interpreter Services
131 450
Women’s Health Clinic – Port Macquarie
6588 2731
Friendly Establishments
INNER VISION SURF ‘N’ SKATE
80 William Street
Port Macquarie 2444
02 6583 7790
Port Piazza
Settlement Point Road
Port Macquarie 2444
02 6584 2020
RESTURANT SPLASH
3/2 Horton Street, Town Green
Port Macquarie 2444
02 6584 4027
TOMMY’S BY THE BEACH
4 Flynn Street,
Port Macquarie 2444
02 6583 5477
For all types of accommodation,
www.takeabreak.com.au
Acknowledgement
This directory was revised in 2005 by the Hastings GLBT
Working Group and reflects the issues identified as priorities
at that time. Services and programs change, so while every
effort has been made to ensure the accuracy of content, it
can be good to check things out by phoning a local service.
Thank you too to the Port Macquarie-Hastings Council for
their support of the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and
Transgendered community, which has made this booklet
possible.