Letters From The MISS Mailbox... Dear MISS Foundation, ...I am profoundly grateful for the MISS Foundation. My daughter Luciana was born still Nov. 11. We found out that we lost her at routine prenatal visit - my last one actually. I was just 3 days from being induced. An umbilical cord accident claimed her life. Many of my neighbors and friends saw you on TV, just before National Children’s Remembrance Day, and told me that you started a support group in Arizona that I should look into. I attended a mass offered for Luciana a few days later and the gentleman that ran the story on you was there. Unfortunately, I didn’t get a chance to speak with him. I felt that I needed to explore a support group and I found the MISS Foundation website just before Christmas, and made the connection right away. It seemed like fate, like some higher power had helped lead me to MISS; I like to think that it was my precious angel Luciana. MISS has been my greatest source of comfort ever since, and your book “Dear Cheyenne” has been the most helpful, insightful, and comforting of all of those that I have read thus far..and (I have) reaped the benefit of the legislation you were instrumental in affecting. Luciana would have been 9 weeks old yesterday, and had she lived, we would have baptized her this past Saturday. While its so difficult for me to imagine a day where I can’t miss her without an uncontrollable stream of tears... You have both given me hope, and inspiration. I wish that I had known about MISS when I was in the hospital, and I had a copy of “Dear Cheyenne” in the hospital and the days following. I will be ordering a bunch of copies of the book and pamphlets about MISS to provide to my doctor’s office, the hospitals where he delivers...and the cemetery where Luciana is buried... I Volume 8, Issue 3 always get particularly sad when I visit Luciana and notice all the children around her, especially those that have recently arrived. I was fortunate in that the hospital provided many of the services you recommended in your book, but it breaks my heart to read the stories on NetPals and other sites of parents that weren’t so fortunate. I’m hopeful that your book, provided to them immediately, might help future parents suffering this horrible tragedy to cope in those first, awful days and find guidance to help them build memories of their precious child. Patrice Hedman and I have been emailing each other, and I feel so fortunate to have the opportunity to send her an email when I need to vent...She has been such a help as I’ve had to transition back to work. I’ve found that having to put on a brave face during the day has caused me to have a lot of difficulty in the evenings. All the repressed emotions seem to creep up on me...I just want to express my heartfelt thanks for the gift you have given other bereaved parents, the gift of you and your love and devotion... All my love, and appreciation, Carla Lopez-Hodoyan Dear MISS Foundation, My daughter was born stillborn at 23 weeks. We already had 2 sons, and were desperately looking forward to having our little girl. She died on April 7th, 2004. I started searching the internet for different support groups and mostly answers on why this happened... I met one woman in particular whose some Spencer was stillborn as well. She sent me the book (Dear Cheyenne) and even though I have only read the first 20 pages or so, I feel like I am reading my own words. I just wanted to let you know that the kindness of this woman and your book has helped me with some of the grief I am dealing with losing my little angel Piper. I just wanted to say Thank you for writing this book... Another Mother of an Angel Joni Sampel Dear MISS, My son Nicholas was still born on September 29, 1998. To this day I have yet to recieve a copy of his death let a lone his birth. Since Michigan has passed the MISSing Angels Bill, is it to late to recieve a certificate of his birth and death? If I can where would I go? Thank you for your help! Cindy VandenBosch To all parents of stillborn children, We express our deepest empathy and journey this grief road with you. For more information on the MISSing Angels Bill, please visit our website: missfoundation.org or missingangelsbill.org or email our National Legislative Liasion, John Nevels, at legislation@missfoundation.org. We are working to understand the effects of stillbirth and the clinical aspects of this modern day mystery. The MISS Foundation Board of Directors 19 continued from page 11 In Memory of Charles hospital the entire day, so I had to listen to other babies cry. My Mom and I didn’t say much to each other that day. She wasn’t mad at me or anything like that...we were simply speechless over what had occurred. I’m thankful that she was there for me. Just having her at my side was more than words could ever express. I was told that I could check myself out of the hospital after 10pm that night or I could stay until morning. I opted to leave that night. Before I left the hospital, my nurse, who was a great help to me all day, gave me some literature on grief along with some keepsakes. I was given a little handmade angel along with a small memory box with a beaded bracelet with my son’s name on it. I was also given a beautiful small handmade quilt. The nurse gave me her number and told me to call anytime. She also called me a few times at home that first week after losing my son. The hospital chaplain, has also been a wonderful supportive friend since the day I lost my baby. She helped me with the funeral arrangements and baptized Charles Christopher the day of his funeral and cremation. The first time I was truly able to hold my son and view him was at his funeral. It was a very private and intimate ceremony with just my Mom and I. After the funeral at the church, we took him back to the funeral home. I sat and held him for a few hours before his cremation. Leaving him there and seeing his body for the last time was the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to do in my life. All I really wanted to do was wake up from this nightmare and take my beautiful baby boy home. I wanted him to be alive...not dead! I hated myself for not knowing about my pregnancy and I’ve blamed myself for his death for many months. A 20 MISSing Angels Newsletter by Katie D. Irby, IN MISS Co-facilitator part of me still does blame myself. The autopsy report concluded that my car accident caused a placental abruption which induced labor and lead to his immediate death before birth. The death certificate listed the cause of death as meconium aspiration, which was wrong. There was no meconium found in Charles. Due to the errors on the death certificate and my unwavering persistence, I was able to get a true certified birth certificate from my county health department one month after Charles’ stillbirth. The MISSing Angels Bill had not been passed in Indiana at this point. The personnel at the health department reluctantly gave me a certificate, when they knew I was not going to back down or leave until I received it. I kept telling them that you can’t have a death without a birth, so where is his birth certificate. My Son deserved that recognition of his existence. A week after Charles’ funeral, I went through the phone list of bereavement support given to me by the funeral director. I was feeling really bad and was desperate to talk to someone that would understand. I was able to get support from a local organization. Without this organization and others such as the MISS Foundation, I do not feel that I could have survived the loss of my precious Son, Charles. I have been able to keep my Son’s spirit alive in my heart by doing things in his memory. By supporting other families that have experienced the tragedy of losing a child at any age, I have been able to help others survive such heartbreak. Neofight Incorporated, Kota Press, and The MISS Foundation have been there for me since losing Charles. I plan to help these amazing and much needed organizations as long as possible. Without such compassionate organizations, bereaved parents like myself would not be able to find a safe haven for support. To the families of these children, our sympathies for your recent loss... Jordan Ridge Matthew Beatty Gilberto Jose Villalobos Jr Xander Aiden Mora Nickolas Karl Koons Christian Tyler Nicholson JulieAnna Bakken Adam Christopher Hansen A message from Joanne, the MISS Founder, to all our mothers— ”Motherhood is an eternal place within your heart...a sacred place that belongs to you. Deep within your very essence of existence, you are all mothers, whether you have living children or not— you are all beautiful and good mothers. And while you may not be able to care for your child/ children on earth, that sacred place of motherhood remains within you. Remember always that the love of a mother is stronger than any other force in the universe. The love of a mother transcends death.” May/June 2004 Remembering Tyler It has been almost three years…… On the morning of May 21, 2001 I woke to a new day. We had just moved into a new home….a home built for our growing family. So many memories are wrapped around those moments – so many dreams. I remember the first light of the day coming through the window and recalling that the bed would definitely need to be moved because the sun woke me up too early on a sleeping in day! I remember patting my growing belly, feeling so full of love and excitement. I remember taking a deep sigh, getting up from bed and beginning my morning routine. As usual things began, as they did each and every day before. I had class that morning and realized that I hadn’t yet completed my paper, but passing by Tyler’s beautiful room diverted my attention, called to my very spirit, and beckoned me in. I sat in the chair, looking at the walls and all the things which made this wonderful space. The only thing missing was my precious boy. I remember thinking of the day when I would awaken to realize it was the day that you were going to arrive, safe and happy…. filling our home with such joy and life. I had no idea that day would be so soon. I had no idea that it would be anything but a safe and happy arrival. Within a few hours I was thinking something was wrong, but it was all going to be o.k…. right? Nothing could happen now… we had come too far for this. Almost 6 months. These are normal weird feelings… this is normal concern…this is normal……this is not normal. Within hours we were in the emergency department, faces of strangers coming Volume 8, Issue 3 in and out. Faces of “don’t worry” turning to solemn quiet. When they spoke, I saw moving mouths but heard no voices. Slow motion…. unbelievable cruelty. Not me. Not us. Not our son. There was nothing that could be done… heartbreak. Sent home, waiting for the cruel beginnings of labor to bring our precious boy into the world. Then comes May 23, 2001…. The emergence of a new life into this world. A world with tears of sorrow instead of tears of joy. A world of silence instead of one filled with the sound of the first screams of a new life. by Melissa Delgado remembrance and some sighs of healing. I never thought I’d write those words. I never thought that I’d feel that presence. The times of tears alternate with my new found ability to talk about my precious little one without crying uncontrollably. The periods of intense heartbreak have been replaced with periods of pain mixed with the joy of knowing that I have been touched by an angel and that I will never been the same. I have been changed. It has been almost three years…. A reflection of the past seconds.. making up the minutes, hours, days, weeks, months and… can it be? … the years since Tyler death and birth. Just writing that statement alone.. the pain behind that statement… death then birth??? That is not how it is supposed to be. That is the reality. I am a mother. I am a mother without a child on earth, but this has given me a new challenge. Instead of being overcome by the overwhelming loss which has dictated my life for so long now, Tyler has given me yet another in a long line of gifts. He has given me the gift of honor. Because of him, I am a parent who is able to truly honor one of the most precious souls to grace the face of the earth. Tyler – I will honor you forever. It has been almost three years…. It has been almost three years… As I approach my precious boy’s birthday, I am filled with such mixed feelings. Such longing to see my little one running about the house, getting into everything… a longing to hear his sweet voice say “mommy.. kiss my owie”. Hearing him say his sweet prayers at night. How does that go? Now I lay me, down to sleep. I pray the lord my soul to keep…. Oh. Yet another problem on this journey. How could God take my little one, so sweet and innocent?? That, I fear to say, has not been answered in my soul. Tears, death, sadness, pain, heartache, love, honor, life, renewal…. It has been almost three years….. It has been almost three years… Happy Birthday precious little Tyler. Happy Birthday my beautiful big boy. Mommy loves you so much and will honor you with every breath that I take. XOXOXO It has been almost three years….. There have been so many deep sighs these past months. Deep sighs of 21 MISS Foundation Chapters & Global Peer Contacts California, Arcadia 3rd Thursday of each month, 7:00 p.m. Church of the Good Shepherd, Lounge 400 W. Duarte Rd. (Holly & Duarte) 626-963-9120 Kristin Jared kristin@missfoundation.org California, Huntington Beach 1st Thursday of each month, 6:30p.m. 8161 Taylor Drive, Huntington Beach Facilitator, Katie Hodge 714-585-3614 Katie@missfoundation.org California, Merced 1st Tuesday of every month, 7:00p.m. St. Luke's Episcopal Church, 350 W. Yosemite Ave. Facilitator: Kim Lotz 209-7259241, Kim@missfoundation.org California, San Diego For information on this group contact Keny Marie Leepier at keny@missfoundation.org 619-374-9531 California, West Hills Contact Heather Lipari for location and details at 818-999-5888 Heather_Lipari@missfoundation.org Connecticut Group Coming soon! Heather@missfoundation.org Colorado, Denver 1st Tuesday of each month, 6:30p.m. Stonegate Community Center, Parker Leslie Clemenson 303-841-4152 Leslie@missfoundation.org Florida, Trenton 2nd Tuesday of each month at the Trenton Public Library, on U.S. 129. 7:00 p.m. Valerie 352-463-3986 vlgsml@missfoundation.org Florida, Palm Beach 2nd Thursday of the month, St. Lukes Methodist Church in Worth (exit 93 off Florida Turnpik) 7:00 p.m. Rusti 561-6426464 or email rusti@missfoundation.org Idaho, Boise 1st Monday of month, 6:30p.m. (except for January & July) at New Heights Christian Church, 9950 W. Ustick Road. Contact Nancy & Peter Grayson to confirm dates at: 208-861-2407 Nancy@missfoundation.org 22 MISSing Angels Newsletter Illinois, Roselle 1st Monday of each month. St. Walter Parish House Basement, 130 W. Pine Street, Roselle, IL. Contact Mary at 630582-0874. Mary@missfoundation.org Minnesota, Alexandria 2nd Tuesday of each month 6:30-8:30 p.m. First Congregational UCC Church 221 7th Ave., West in Alexandria Heidi Ciepielinski 320-859-5660 Illinois, Sandwich Email Angie Farley for more information at: Angie_Farley@missfoundation.org 815-786-6873 New Jersey, Somers Point Call Kathy Evans for more information at 609-601-0563 or kathy@missfoundation.org Illinois, Wheaton 3rd Monday of each month, Central DuPage Hospital, Danada Convenient Care Center, 7 Blanchard Circle, Wheaton, IL. Contact Mary at 630-852-0874 or Mary@missfoundation.org Indiana 3rd Wed. of each month, 7:00p.m. IU Campus, Ruth Lily Medical Research Library, 4th Floor Atrium. Contact Crissy Tohm & Katie Irby crissy@missfoundation.org or katie_irby@missfoundation.org Kansas, Wichita *NEW* 3rd Thursday of each month at 7 p.m. Gloria Dei Lutheran Church 1101 N. River Blvd., Wichtia, KS 67203 Contact Alan & Karen Wondra at 316-7218284 or wondra@missfoundation.org Kentucky 1st Thursday of each month, 6:30p.m. Heartland Worship Center 4777 Alben Barkley Drive, Pacucah Kelly Nicholls 270-395-7668 Knicholls@missfoundation.org Maryland, Westminster 1st Monday of month, 7:00p.m. Church of the Bretheren in Westminster Lisa 443-677-5904 or 410-833-2592 Lisa@missfoundation.org Massachusetts, West Medford *NEW* 1st Thursday of the month 6:30 p.m. - 8:00 p.m. (if meeting falls on a holiday or there is inclement weather, please call for alternative meeting date.) Congregational Church of West Medford, 400 High Street, West Medford, MA (Use entrance on Allston Street, next to the office.) Facilitator - Lynne Barberian 781-488-3546 lynne@missfoundation.org New York, Yonkers Call or email for times/dates Jennie@missfoundation.org Ohio, Liverpool 1st Thursday of the month, 7:00 p.m., 16195 State Rt. 170, East Liverpool, OH. Contact Kym Smith 330-385-8774 or Kym@missfoundation.org Pennsylvania For more information contact Jessica Finnegan at: jessica@missfoundation.org Tennessee, Memphis *NEW* 2nd Thursday of the month, 6:30 p.m., 1st meeting November 11th, 2003 at Highland Street Church of Christ, Room National Peer Contacts: Connecticut Heather Farrier 203-895-2138 Maryland Lisa D'Argenio 410-833-2592 Indiana Crissy Tohm 317-826-7913 Katie Irby 317-878-4937 California Kim Lotz 209-725-9241 Kristen Jared 626-963-9120 Keny Leepier 619-801-1726 Katie Hodge 714-585-3614 or 714-442-3669 (Experience with Accidental Toddler Death) Kim St.Laurent 714 965-8883 Minnesota Heidi Ciepielinski 320-859-5660 Trina Charles 320-763-6317 Missouri Gregg Carder 816-690-6273 May/June 2004 128, 443 S. Highland Street, Memphis, TN. Contact Rex & Laura Butts 901-523-7549 or Laura@missfoundation.org or Rex@missfoundation.org Virginia, D.C. & Maryland Metro Area 1st Wednesday of the month, 7:30 9:00p.m. Fairfax County Government Center, 12000 Government Center Parkway Conference Room 8. Fairfax, Virginia Co-Facilitators: Tara Pitts tara@missfoundation.org (703) 583-1503 & Dionna Williams dionna@missfoundation.org (301) 797-9155 Virginia, Gordonsville Coming Soon! For more info contact: Elizabeth@missfoundation.org Virginia, Richmond 3rd Monday. St. Matthew’s Episcopal Church, Forest and Patterson Avenues. 7-8:30 p.m. For more information contact Twyla Powell at Twyla@missfoundation.org Washington, West Seattle *NEW* Delridge Library Meeting Room 5423 Delridge Way, S.W., 1:00to 2:30 pm Contact Kara Jones for dates at 206-2516706 or ladyh@kotapress.com Washington, Vashon Island 3rd Monday of each month, 7:30 p.m., Library meeting room or Member Household, call Kara Jones for more info at 206-251-6706 or ladyh@kotapress.com International Contacts: Mexico City FUNDACIÓN ESPERANZA’s Support Group, 2nd Tuesday of each month, 9:30a.m. Contact Carla at (5255)5579 1327 for location carlah@missfoundation.org Ireland Sinead Williamson email sinead@missfoundation.org London England 2nd Sunday of each month, 1:30 p.m. Room 4, Northfields Community Centre 71A Northcroft Road, London W13 Phone: 07932 812931 Contact: Cathie Shipton 07932 812931 cathie@missfoundation.org more to come... Volume 8, Issue 3 Arizona MISS Foundation Chapters Phoenix Monthly Meetings 3rd Thursday of each month, Community Church of Joy 21000 N. 75th Avenue Portable 6 behind the chapel 6:30 p.m. 623-979-1000 (24 hours) Peoria - MISS - Inner Peace Support Group - Interfaith based 2nd Thursday of the month, at Peace Lutheran Church, in the church library 18265 N. 89th Ave., Peoria, AZ 6:30p.m. Contact: Deborah Brooks Deborah@missfoundation.org (623) 487-4275 Tempe - East Valley Support Group 1st Monday of the month, DaySpring United Methodist Church, 1365 E. Elliot Rd, Room #201, Tempe, AA 6:30 p.m. Contact: Lee Ann Morlan Leeann@missfoundation.org 480-963-9844 Child Drowning Support Group 1st Thursday of each month, 7:00 p.m. St. Francis Xavier Church Parish Office Building, 4715 N. Central Ave., Phoenix, AZ, Contact: Asena 602367-4626 Asena@missfoundation.org Arizona Peer Contacts: If you need one-on-one support and friendship contact one of your Peer Contacts. Angela Iverson Lee Ann Morlan Debra Brooks Linda Schmidt Ed & Robin Kennedy (Kids) Anne Rumps (Tucson) Heidi & Doug Cass Mindy Runyan (Kingman) Joanne Cacciatore 623-572-0334 480-963-9844 623-487-4275 623-362-8838 602-547-1244 520-795-4712 928-778-2528 928-757-2348 623-979-1000 Tempe - East Valley Subsequent Pregnancy Support Group First Saturday of each month, 2:00 p.m. DaySpring United Methodist Church 1365 E. Elliot Rd, , Room #201 (on Elliot, between McClintock and Rural), Tempe, AZ. Contact: Patrice Hedman, 480-857-9792. Babies are welcome! Phoenix - KISS—Kids In Sympathy & Support For Kids in Grief - Northwest Valley. Please email us for time/dates Community Church of Joy, 21000 N. 75th Avenue, Peoria, AZ. Portable 6 behind the chapel. Contact: Robin and Ed Kennedy at 602-547-1244 or email 123believe@msn.com Spanish-Speaking Support Group Contact Roberto@missfoundation.org Phoenix - Central Valley Support Group 1st Thursday of each month, Saint Francis Xavier Church 4715 N. Central, 7:00 - 9:00 p.m. Will meet in the Parish office which is two story building next to main church. Facilitators: Angela Iverson and Asena Nicolosi. Email: Angela@missfoundation.org or 623-572-0334 for more information. Flagstaff Contact Karin Atkinson for more info at karin@missfoundation.org Prescott 1st Thursday of each month, 5:30 p.m. Prescott Public Library, 3rd Floor Meeting Room, 215 E. Goodwin St. (At the intersection of Goodwin & Marina Streets) Contact: Heidi and Douglas Cass. Email: Cass@missfoundation.org (928) 778-2528 Subsequent Pregnancy & Family Planning: Anna Kennedy 602-439-9025 Patrice Hedman 480-857-9792 Gennie Contreras 602-999-0226 Drowning/Accidents: Asena Nicolosi 602-367-4626 23 Gift of time by Jane Clifford My husband asks me this week: "Honey, what do you want for Mother's Day?" Hmmm. I think a week on a sailboat in the Caribbean would be appropriate, a nice reward for mediating endless sibling rivalries, delivering forgotten lunches and homework assignments, washing a load of clothes at midnight after finding the uniform skirt balled up in the backpack. Breakfast in bed, a bouquet of flowers, dinner out, diamonds, all those things the ads suggest as appropriate gifts, would be welcome acknowledgments, as mothers all over the country enjoy being queen for a day, right? Yet, as it draws closer, I think of all the mothers who would answer, simply, "I want my child back." Mothers of soldiers, mothers of brokers and chefs and clerks and firefighters and police officers caught in the World Trade Center, mothers of passengers on doomed plane flights, mothers of missing children, mothers of children found dead. I've watched a friend struggle for many long months following the loss of her son in a tragic accident. He was 25, father of two. Another friend finds this day a bittersweet reminder of several failed attempts to have a child. Another is fighting cancer, determined to be around for many more Mother's Days but never really sure. We all know mothers whose situations are fragile. And it makes the rest of us feel oddly guilty that things are going the way they should. So we avoid these women's reality. When they join our conversation, we stop talking about our children. We make happy talk M.i.s.s. Foundation P.O. Box 5333 Peoria, Arizona 85385 Phone: 623-979-1000 Fax: 623-979-1001 Email: info@missfoundation.org ♥ Because all the Children Matter ♥ “Gr ie ving Mo ther” “Grie ieving Mot Mother” by Thais F. Henry She clings to the hand of God, to keep from going wild. And in His presence comes to know His other hand . . . Holds Her Child with them because to face their loss scares us. For some reason, we pretend that if we don't dwell on what happened to them, we'll be safe from similar tragedy. And in the process, we lose an opportunity to do what mothers do best: give a hug, wipe a tear, offer encouragement, help the pain go away, if only for a moment. It's said that the worst thing for a parent to do is bury a child. So maybe the best thing we can do for those mothers is to be there for them this Mother's Day. Mothers who have lost their children are themselves sometimes lost...lost in remembering, in trying to get through the day, especially this day. So, sometime between now and the end of tomorrow, maybe we can write that note and get it in the mail, call and have that awkward conversation, make a date for that long-overdue brunch or lunch and a promise to just listen. After all, we know better than anyone about the joy – and pain – of mother love. It's what makes the job bearable during a toddler's tantrum, after a lousy report card comes home, when a grown child lands in trouble. Mother love doesn't die with a child. It lingers, forever. Just as it stays tucked away in the hearts of women who wanted to be mothers, but aren't. When I recall my husband's question, the sailboat, the diamonds, the dinner out seem far too extravagant and far from the point. What do I want for Mother's Day? To reflect on the gifts I already have. To sit and hold my children, even though all four are way too big for my lap. To cherish the moments I have with them since it's become painfully clear how quickly we can lose them. Non Profit Org U.S. Postage Paid Phoenix, AZ Permit 4081