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THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 13, 2014
FREE NUTRITIONAL SEMINAR, this Friday,
Nov 14, from 6PM-7PM, Ava Fitness Spa (in
Fig Tree Plaza). Personal Trainer and Nutri%onal Coach Angela Laird will explain how
to incorporate be,er ea%ng habits to reach
ﬁtness goals through a healthy ea%ng lifestyle. For info, call Ava Fitness Spa at 6653828
TRI-TIP DINNER
TAKE OUT FUNDRAISER, this Saturday, Nov 15, from NOON
– 2PM, Wilson Cafeteria.. Dinner $10/
person, includes Tri-Tip sandwich, chips &
drink. Fundraiser for 8th Grade graduation
dance & trip! For info, call Nancy Sitton
(559)474-7249
CHOWCHILLA POLICE REPORT for NOVEMBER 2—8, 2014
has been posted to our website. Go to: www.thechatterchowchilla.com
33rd Annual HARVEST FEST- Fundraiser Dinner, Saturday, Nov 15, at the
Chowchilla Fairgrounds, Eastman Hall. Join us for a wine & cheese social
hour, steak dinner, and dessert. $35/person. Social Hour 6pm, Dinner 7pm.
Dessert Auction, Live Auction, and Silent Auction, too. Proceeds benefit
community projects, scholarships, youth activities, seniors, eyeglasses for
children and many other projects. For tickets, call 706-3693.
Sponsored by CHOWCHILLA LIONESS LIONS CLUB.
SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 15: FALL BAZAAR, 9AM-1PM, Ava Fitness Spa,
1505 E. Robertson Blvd. Enjoy shopping for holiday gift giving & help
support Relay for Life, too! Over 11+ vendors, raffle, & more!
MARK YOUR CALENDARS! CHOWCHILLA LIONS CLUB CHRISTMAS TREE LIGHTING CEREMONY, Saturday, December 6, 5:30PM, Veterans Memorial Park.
1982 - The Vietnam VetHow do we know global erans Memorial was
warming isn’t just
dedicated in WashingPerﬁdious adj. Decei@ul
Mother Nature
ton, DC.
and untrustworthy. “A
having a hot ﬂash?
perﬁdious rela%onship.”
A cop is staking out a bar for drunk drivers.
At closing %me, he sees a guy stumble out of
the bar, trip on the curb, and fumble for his
keys for ﬁve minutes. When he ﬁnally gets
in, it takes him another ﬁve minutes to get
the key in the igni%on. Meanwhile, everybody else leaves the bar and drives oﬀ.
When he ﬁnally pulls away, the cop is
wai%ng for him, pulls him over, and gives
him a Breathalyzer test. The test shows he
has a blood alcohol level of 0.0. The cop
says, "How is this possible?" The guy says,
"Tonight I'm the designated decoy."
Q: Why did the mother of twins name both
of her sons Edward?
A: Because two Eds are be,er than one.
I asked my wife, 'Where do you want to go for
our anniversary?' It warmed my heart to see
her
face
melt
in
sweet
apprecia%on.
'Somewhere I haven't been in a long %me!'
she said. So I suggested, 'How about the kitchen?' And that's when the ﬁght started....
Two blondes were going to Disneyland . They were driving on the Interstate
when
they
saw
the
sign
that
said Disneyland LEFT. They started crying
and turned around and went home.
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were siRng
on a bench talking, and one blonde says to
the other, 'Which do you think is farther
away... Florida or the moon?'
The other
blonde turns and says 'Helloooooooooo, Can
you see Florida ?????'
BETCHA DIDN’T KNOW…..
DID YOU KNOW?
In an average life%me,
the average human will
produce in excess of
6,250 gallons of saliva
(that’s also known as
spit).
According to Metropolitan
Life Insurance, major league
baseball players live signiﬁcantly longer than the average male – especially if you
are a third baseman.
Tuna ﬁsh swim at an
average speed of 9
miles per hour.
They also never stop
moving.
GeRng older is like visi%ng an All-YouCan-Eat buﬀet. What should be hot, is
cold…what should be ﬁrm, is limp …and
the buns are bigger than anything else on
the menu!
WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE
WILL BREAK-IN AND CLEAN THEM?
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't
run, my wife kept hin%ng to me that I should
get it ﬁxed. But, somehow I always had
something else to take care of: ﬁrst, the
truck, the car, playing golf, always something more important to me. Finally she
thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her
seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away
with a %ny pair of sewing scissors. I watched
silently for a short %me and then went into
the house. I was gone only a minute, and
when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, 'When you ﬁnish cuRng the
grass, you might as well sweep the driveway.' The doctors say I’ll walk again, but I’ll
always have a limp.
It's a Hard Life! If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race,
you're a male chauvinist. If you stay home and
do the housework, you're a pansy. ++If you work
too much, you're avoiding spending %me with
her. If you don't work enough, you're a good-for
-nothing lazy bum. ++If she has a boring repe%%ve job with low pay, this is exploita%on. If you
have a boring repe%%ve job with low pay, you
should get oﬀ your bu, and ﬁnd something
be,er. ++If you get a promo%on ahead of her,
that is favori%sm. If she gets a promo%on ahead
of you, it's equal opportunity. ++If you cry,
you're a wimp. If you don't, you're an insensi%ve. ++If you try to keep yourself in shape,
you're vain and self-absorbed. If you don't,
you're a slob. ++If you buy her ﬂowers, you're
aWer something. If you don't, you're not
though@ul. ++If you're proud of your achievements, you're conceited. If you're not, you're
not ambi%ous. ++If she has a headache, she's
%red. If you have a headache, you're a complainer and don't love her anymore. And that's the
whole truth and nothing but the truth. So help
my wife.
A girl was visi%ng her blonde friend, who
had acquired two new dogs, and asked her
what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named
Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend
said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming
dogs like that? ‘HELLOOOOO, answered the
blonde. 'They're watch dogs'!
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE
POLITICALLY CORRECT: She is not a 'BABE'
or a 'CHICK'
ED
- She is a BREAST-
AMERICAN.'
She
is
not
a
'DUMB BLONDE' - She is a 'LIGHT-HAIRED
DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.'She does not 'NAG' you - She
becomes 'VERBALLY REPETITIVE.'
NOW, HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN: He
does not have a 'BEER GUT' - He has
a
'LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.' He is
not a 'BAD DANCER' - He is 'OVERLY CAUCASIAN. He does not 'GET LOST ALL THE
TIME' – He 'INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.'
Girlie Wisdom!
1. A friend of mine confused her Valium with
her birth control pills... she has 14 kids but she
doesn't really care.
2. One of life's mysteries is how a 2-pound box
of chocolates can make a woman gain 5 lbs.
3. My mind not only wanders, it some%mes
leaves completely.
4. The best way to forget your troubles is to
wear %ght shoes.
5. The nice part about living in a small town is
that when you don't know what you are doing,
someone else does.
6. The older you get, the tougher it is to lose
weight, because by then your body and your
fat are really good friends.
7. Just when I was geRng used to yesterday,
along came today.
8. Some%mes I think I understand everything,
and then I regain consciousness.
9. I gave up jogging for my health when my
thighs kept rubbing together and seRng ﬁre to
my pan%es.
10. Amazing! You hang something in your closet for a while, and it shrinks 2 sizes!
11. Skinny people irritate me! Especially when
they say things like...'You know some%mes I
forget to eat!' .....Now, I've forgo,en my address, my mother's maiden name, and my keys,
but I have never forgo,en to eat. You have to
be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat!
Inner Peace
If you can start the day without caﬀeine,
If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches
and pains,
If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,
If you can eat the same food every day and
be grateful for it,
If you can understand when your loved ones
are too busy to give you any %me,
If you can take cri%cism and blame without
resentment,
If you can conquer tension without medical
help,
If you can relax without alcohol,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,
Then You Are Probably The Family Dog!
Interes8ng Ques8ons Why do we put suits in
garment bags and garments in a suitcase?
Why is it that bullets ricochet oﬀ of Superman's chest, but he ducks when the empty
gun is thrown at him?
Why do tourists go to the tops of tall buildings
and then put money into telescopes so they
can see things on the ground close-up?
AWer ea%ng, do amphibians have to wait one
hour before geRng out of the water?
Why do we press harder on a remote control
when we know the ba,eries are geRng weak?
I swung my front door open and placed my Remington 870 right in the doorway. I gave it 6
shells, then leW it alone and went about my business. While I was gone, the mailman delivered my mail, the neighbor boy across the street mowed the yard, a girl walked her dog
down the street and a few cars stopped at the stop sign near the front of our house. AWer
an hour, I checked on the gun. It was s%ll siRng there, right where I had leW it. It hadn't
moved itself outside. It certainly hadn't killed anyone - even with the many opportuni%es it
had been presented to do so. In fact, it hadn't even loaded itself. You can imagine my surprise, with all the media hype about how dangerous guns are and how they kill people. Either the media is wrong or I've got the laziest gun around. Well, I'm oﬀ to check my
spoons. I hear they're making people fat.
Doug was describing a 30 pound bass he'd caught recently aWer ﬁgh%ng it for three hours.
Bill interrupted the story saying, "I saw the picture you took of that ﬁsh. You're lucky if it
even weighed 10 pounds." Doug replied, "Well . . . a ﬁsh can lose an awful lot of weight
during three hours of ﬁgh%ng."
Interested in
Learning More
About Healthy
Eating?
Ava Fitness Spa will be
hos%ng a FREE nutri%onal seminar on Friday November 14th
from 6:00pm – 7:00pm. Personal Trainer
and Nutri%onal Coach Angela Laird will
explain how to incorporate be,er ea%ng
habits so that you can reach your ﬁtness
goals through a healthy ea%ng lifestyle.
For info, call Ava Fitness Spa at 665-3828
or stop by 1505 E Robertson Blvd in the
Fig Tree Plaza. Ava Fitness Spa is next to
SaveMart.
BINGO
fundraiser
for
CPCD-TRIBE
(Chowchilla's most talented ALL STAR
CHEER TEAM) to be held Saturday, Dec
13th from 2-5pm at Farnesi's Steakhouse.
20 games for $20! Raﬄe, door, and grand
prizes available too! Help us get them to Las
Vegas for Na%onals.
Info: Crina Bass 580-247-8281
Kendra Rogan 209-819-2067 or
Tiﬀany Kennedy 559-223-1606
The CHATTER is printed every Thursday, courtesy of
Central California Public Service Broadcasters and
our adver%sers. Oﬃce: 46174 Skyline Ridge Road,
Coarsegold, CA 93614 (559)665-9470
E-mail: chowchillacha,er@gmail.com
www.thecha,erchowchilla.com
FRIDAY, NOV 14: FREE NUTRITIONAL SEMINAR, 6PM-7PM, Ava Fitness
Spa, 1505 E Robertson Blvd (in Fig Tree Plaza).
SATURDAY, NOV 15: FALL BAZAAR, 9AM-1PM, Ava Fitness Spa, 1505 E.
Robertson Blvd. Shop for holiday gifts & support Relay for Life!
HARVEST FEST- Fundraiser Dinner, Chowchilla Fairgrounds,
Eastman Hall. $35/person. Social 6pm, Dinner 7pm. For tickets,
call 706-3693 Sponsored by CHOWCHILLA LIONESS LIONS CLUB
TRI-TIP DINNER TAKE-OUT, Noon – 2PM, Wilson Cafeteria. $10
Dinner, includes sandwich, chips & drink. For info: Nancy Sitton
(559)474-7249. Funds for 8th Grade Graduation Dance & Trip.
NO SENIOR POTLUCK in November. Next Potluck 1/17/15.
TUESDAY, NOV 18: CITY COUNCIL MEETING, 7PM, CIVIC CENTER.
WEDNESDAY, NOV 19: PLANNING COMMISSION MEETING, 7PM.
FRIDAY, NOV 21: 4th ANNUAL “UNDER THE BARN” WINTER GYMKHANA
SERIES, Chowchilla Fairgrounds. Registra%on 6pm; event begins at 6:30pm. Third Friday of each month thru Feb
WEDNESDAY, NOV 26 THRU FRIDAY, NOV 28: CITY OFFICES CLOSED.
FRIDAY, NOV 28: NO WIDOWS & WIDOWERS LUNCHEON, Next 1/30/15
SATURDAY, NOV 29: GEORGE PORTER ROPING, Chowchilla Fairgrounds.
FREE to spectators!
SUNDAY, NOV 30: PICKERS AUCTION, Setup 6AM, sales start 9AM, Chow
Fairgrounds – New Pavilion. Buster Hewle, (209)761-4218
GEORGE PORTER ROPING, Chowchilla Fairgrounds. FREE to
spectators!
FRIDAY, DEC 5: OPEN HOUSE – Valley Pistachio Country Store, 9AM-5PM,
20865 Avenue 20 at FWY 99, Info: 559-674-0020.
SATURDAY, DEC 6: CHOWCHILLA LIONS CLUB CHRISTMAS TREE LIGHTING
CEREMONY, 5:30PM, Veterans Memorial Park.
OPEN HOUSE – Valley Pistachio Country Store, 9AM-5PM,
20865 Avenue 20 at FWY 99, Info: 559-674-0020.