“What Your Child Needs to Thrive” with David Benzel Author & America’s Sport Family Coach How to Help Your Kids Win at Life Copyright © 2013, Growing Champions for Life “THRIVE” A Guide to Happiness and Well-Being Develop Character Create Well-Being Potential Realized & Value Added • • • The Two Sides of Family Life Sport Side/School Side Conversations about: • • Focus on: • • Intentional about: • • Character Side Conversations about: • • Focus on: • • Intentional about: • • From “The Only Way to Win” by Dr. Jim Loehr What do the people in each category have in common with others in that list? What’s the criteria for success in your home? A. B. 1. Were you always truthful? 2. Did you play fair? O.J. Simpson Roger Clemens Jose Canseco Marion Jones Floyd Landis Michael Vick Mark McGwire Chad Johnson Sam Bradford Monica Seles Arthur Ashe Payne Stewart Grant Hill Tim Tebow Tony Dungy John Wooden 3. Were you respectful of others? 4. Did you compete with honor? 5. Were you positive and constructive with team members? 6. Were you humble in victory? How can we teach our children to win at life? From “The Only Way to Win” by Dr. Jim Loehr Step 1 - Circle Your Top Ten Effort Investment Hope Seeking Challenges Competitiveness Perseverance Love of Learning Self-Discipline Creativity Resiliency Punctuality Constructiveness Critical Thinking Self-Control Decisiveness Hard Work Humor Ambition Mental Toughness Optimism Focus Resourcefulness Bravery Determination Energy Investment Reliability Patience with Self Concentration Commitment Positivity Diligence Responsibility Love for Others Truthfulness Justice Loyalty to Others Care for Others Integrity Fairness Patience with Others Kindness Humility Generosity Respect for Others Honesty Gratefulness Compassion Honor PERFORMACE CHARACTER STRENGTHS STRENGTHS STRATEGIES To Show Perseverance To Take Responsibility To Learn New Skills To Enjoy SelfDiscipline To Invest Effort & Energy I wonder how I can help my child learn to overcome setbacks? I wonder how I can make it safe for my child to admit mistakes? I wonder how I can create opportunities for my child to love learning new skills? I wonder how I can teach the benefits of selfdiscipline ? I wonder how I can demonstrate genuine enthusiasm and also accept my child’s passions? 1. 1. 1. 1. 1. 2. 2. 2. 2. 2. 3. 3. 3. 3. 3. Copyright © 2012 Growing Champions for Life MORAL CHARACTER STRENGTHS STRENGTHS STRATEGIES To Care for Others To Show Humility To Express Gratefulness To Be To Be Patient with Respectful of Others Others I wonder how I can teach my child a caring spirit? I wonder how I can help my child overcome pride? I wonder how I can create an attitude of gratitude? I wonder how I can teach the benefits of patience? I wonder how I can demonstrate genuine respect for all? 1. 1. 1. 1. 1. 2. 2. 2. 2. 2. 3. 3. 3. 3. 3. Copyright © 2012 Growing Champions for Life Character Scorecard Build a list of your top six character strengths. Half or more should come from the “Moral” list. Next, give yourself a grade on each one based on 1) how strong you are at it, and 2) how much energy you invest in improving that character strength. Priority Character Strength Grade #1 ___________________ __ #2 ___________________ __ #3 ___________________ __ #4 ___________________ __ #5 ___________________ __ #6 ___________________ __ From “The Only Way to Win” by Dr. Jim Loehr Invest Energy in Your Character Muscles Choose your highest priority character strength that you wish to grow for the next two weeks (just one at a time). Determine how you will make energy investments in that character muscle and keep a daily log of your activities. Think of these as training deposits much like lifting weights to grow physical muscles. Here are some ways to invest energy in your growth. From “The Only Way to Win” by Dr. Jim Loehr Eight Activities that Develop Character Strengths 1. Create a character scorecard of the top six traits you’re working on. 2. Help your children create their own character scorecard. 3. Praise energy invested and progress made. 4. Reinforce that every choice has character consequences. 5. Teach your children that character “muscles” must be built up. 6. Model the character traits you want your children to learn. 7. Promote the idea of performing acts of kindness and reporting back. 8. Use winning and losing as opportunities to teach character lessons. Adapted from “The Only Way to Win” by Jim Loehr What Creates Well-Being and Happiness? From: www.authentichappiness.com Your Score 1- 5 1. __________ Emotion •The “pleasant” life; emotional pleasures, warmth and comfort; 2. ________________ •Realization of worthwhile goals; to exert mastery of one’s environment; 3. ________________ •Being “in the flow”; adapting life so you can use your highest time-stopping strengths; 4. ________________ •Long-lasting, secure relationships in which you know others care, and you care for them; 5. ________________ •Knowing your strengths and using them in the service of something bigger than yourself; What’s not on the list? -------------------- “________” Eight Activities that Create Well-Being 1. Create a Personal Strengths list; 2. Assess your strengths at www.authentichappiness.com and compare; 3. Keep a daily record of 3 “Golden” Moments; (“What went well today”) 4. Keep a Gratitude Journal (make 3 daily entries) 5. Write a “Forgiveness” letter to let go of a grudge; 6. Practice an optimistic explanatory style when misfortune strikes; 7. Create a 5:1 Environment – 5 positive emotions for every 1 negative; 8. Set aside a specific time for prayer/meditation daily; Adapted from “Flourish” by Martin Seligman Our Family Scoreboard 1. What makes our family unique? ___________________________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________ 2. What is our top priority – our rallying cry – right now? 3. Action Items The Frantic Family by Patrick Lencioni www.growingchampionsforlife.com “Sport Family Advantage” Personalized coaching for your family with David Benzel Contact: david@growingchampionsforlife.com “Sport Parent Hot Button Cards”(24 situations with 72 strategies for $19.95) “5 Powerful Strategies for Sport Parent Success” ($5.00 each, & discounts for teams) 14