1. family and parenting
2. children

An ancient folk tale tells the power of gathering our individual gifts to create community ...
The First Parish in Portland, Maine
Unitarian Universalist
A Welcoming Congregation in the Heart of the City
March/April 2015
Save the Dates for Spring!
by Reverend Christina Sillari
Hi Everyone,
Please mark your calendars now for Friday, May 29, 7PM, Sacred Stories, See Page 6
these awesome events at First Parish! FMI, please see the weekly
Sunday, May 31, 11:30AM, Annual Meeting
bulletin or your Friday E-blast.
Sunday, June 21, 10AM, Last Service of Church Year
Blessings, Reverend Christina
Sunday, August 2, 10AM, First Summer Service
Friday, March 20, 6PM, Equinox Service
SHINE!
Wellness Event Fundraiser
Saturday, March 21, 1-4PM, SHINE! Wellness Event
Sunday, March 22, 11AM, Religious Education Forum
Saturday, March 21 | 1-4PM | Meeting House &
Parish Hall
Support First Parish and purchase a ticket to SHINE!
Saturday, March 29, 5PM, Racism Documentary Viewing
The Main Event Pass ($20) includes all events in the
Meeting House: Crystal Bowl Meditation, Kirtan
Monday, March 30, 5PM, Portland’s Future Forum
Chanting, and Shamanic Journeying.
The
All-Access
Pass ($35) includes the above AND
Sunday, April 19, 2-5PM, New to UU Class
Massage, Acupuncture, Tarot, Improv Dance, Tai Chi,
and Yoga.
Tuesday, April 21, 6PM, Climate Change Public Forum
www.portlandshine.eventbrite.com
Sat/Sun April 25/26, End of Life Class, See Page 8
Saturday, March 28, 10AM-Noon, Clothing Giveaway
Sunday, May 17, 10AM, New Member Ceremony
We worship together every Sunday at 10:00AM. Join us!
First Parish Portland
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March/April Stone Soup
An ancient folk tale tells the power of gathering our individual gifts to create community ...
The First Parish in Portland, Maine
Unitarian Universalist
A Welcoming Congregation in the Heart of the City
March/April 2015
A Note from the Minister
by Reverend Christina Sillari
Hi Everyone,
It sometimes is daunting to write
these articles for Stone Soup. I never know what to write about. When
I do choose a topic it feels like I am
writing a mini sermon and it is quite
a bit of work. I wonder how many
people even read my articles or anything else in this newsletter. If you have not yet noticed,
we are sending out Stone Soup every two months. The
goal of this newsletter is to communicate information to
the members and friends of First Parish. Typically the
staff and leaders contribute articles. I would like to know
from you if you would like Stone Soup to continue and
why. It would also be great to know your ideas about
how it can better serve you. The staff is thinking about
changing the format. It would be great to have input from
those of you who appreciate the work that goes into it.
Please contact Gretchen or me with any suggestions or
feedback. Or perhaps just letting us know if you would
like it to continue.
to reschedule things. The snow felt like an obstacle I was
always trying to navigate around. I kept wishing it would
end. Then I met with my weather shamanism circle
where we go on journeys, perform rituals, and create
ways to heal the land and her creatures with the help of
weather spirits. We journeyed to the heart of weather
and I met the spirit of snow. Snow was sad that we have
not been appreciating her. She said she has been very
generous with us…helping to clear away old energies that
are no longer of use. She hopes that her abundance has
allowed us to journey a bit deeper inside to reflect on
what is important in our lives and has supported us in
spending more time with loved ones. She asked me to
share this with people and to create a ritual to honor and
thank her. So at the equinox service on March 20th at
6:00 PM we will honor snow before we welcome spring.
I hope to see you there.
I spent some time away from First Parish in February. I
participated in a workshop with Reverend Michael Piazza
called Preaching for the 20th Century and Beyond during
The snow has been a big part of most of our lives for the
the Institute for Excellence in Ministry in Monterey, Calipast two months. As it intensified, I found myself getting
fornia. It was not about preaching at all, rather about how
irritated…difficulty driving, delayed flights, wondering
to grow and sustain your congregation: a good database
whether a meeting or worship was going to happen, my
and media in the worship space. I am hoping we can
daughter home yet another day from school, and having
We worship together every Sunday at 10:00AM. Join us!
First Parish Portland
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March/April Stone Soup
An ancient folk tale tells the power of gathering our individual gifts to create community ...
A Note from the Minister continued …
by Reverend Christina Sillari
create both. I also had the opportunity to
preach at two other UU congregations to
ensure pulpit supply for my sabbatical. It
was a good experience for many reasons
but mostly it helped me love and appreciate
our community even more.
Worship Committee Notes …
Last Sunday Worship Theme Discussion Groups
If the monthly sermon theme speaks to you and you would
like to speak back, join members of the Worship Committee on the last Sunday of each month following service in
the Meeting House for a discussion group. It will be an
opportunity to continue the theme, make connections, and
share ideas with others in the congregation.
As most of you know, March is Stewardship Month, and
we need significantly more money in the next church year
for the budget. Most of this is staff related. As volunteerism decreases in congregations, staff takes on more and
more responsibilities; although we were very impressed
with the turnout for the Community Engagement Fair
August Services
where some new folks made commitments to serve in variWe are starting to plan our August services. If you have
ous ways. Thank You! First Parish does not only serve our
suggestions or thoughts please let us know. Who would
members and friends but serves the greater community.
you like to hear from in the pulpit? Perhaps you have
Weekly and daily meetings, special events, rights’ of passomething to share as a ‘sermon’? Would you like to be
sage, our historical place in the city, and our justice work
involved in a worship service?
all contribute to our outreach and ministry in the public
sphere. The staff helps make all of this happen. So when
we pledge to First Parish we are not simply supporting our
We Need Your Input!
membership, but also the ministry and presence of First
The worship committee is here to serve the congregation to
Parish in the greater community. I hope you will consider
the best of our abilities. It helps when we hear from you.
pledging or increase your pledge this year so we can contin- How are we doing? What would you like to see more, or
ue to do the work First Parish needs us to do.
less, of? Ideas for future speakers and topics? Interest in
being part of a service or speaking from the pulpit next
My job is impossible. I have accepted this fact and realize
year? Feedback for Reverend Sillari?
that I am bound to miss things and make mistakes. My biggest concern is that I am not there for you when you need
me most. Please know that I am your minister first and
Please feel free to contact any one of us, anytime:
foremost and my roles as head of staff, teacher, justice leader, preacher, and so on come second. If you need me as
Jen Caswell
your minister, please do not hesitate to reach out.
Sheila Cook
Mary Gelfand
Elizabeth Chapman
Noel De Young
Tori Lillie
Mary Wheeler
Israel Buffardi
Lynne Beasley
I am looking forward to the spring and seeing people come
back to church who have been absent for various reasons.
There are many faces I miss seeing on Sunday mornings.
I hope to see yours soon.
In loving service,
Christina
First Parish Portland
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Capture the Spirit!
From the Stewardship Committee, Bill Adams, Chair
Being the oldest standing church and congregation in Portland is an indelible part of along with about 30 volunteers, will conour identity here at First Parish. From the tact each member or friend to talk about
drafting of Maine's Constitution to the abo- what First Parish means to you, what you
litionist lectures of William Lloyd Garri- think about where we are as a faith comson, our church has housed much under its munity, and about why we pledge. When
a Stewardship Volunteer contacts you after
roof during its storied years of service to
March 15th, please take the time to respond
Portland and its congregation. This year,
our Stewardship Campaign aims to Cap- in kind. It’s your chance to connect, speak
ture the Spirit, both of our past, the pres- one-on-one to another caring member of
ent, and our hope of First Parish's as well the church and to make a pledge for the
future of First Parish. You’ll hear more
as the congregation's future. To be a part
about Capturing the Spirit this month.
of our 2015 Stewardship Campaign not
only means supporting our current vision, What do you cherish about our past? What
do you hope to instill for the future? With
it helps to ensure that future generations
a promise of financial support for 2015have a still yet more storied past to look
2016, help us to capture the spirit of what
back on with warmth and pride.
First Parish means to us all. Please contact
ByLindaShr EkRusley
Bill Adams at 207-883-9934 or at
Each Spring, First Parish’s Stewardship
wadams1@maine.rr.com
Campaign asks us to make a promise,
known as a pledge, as to how we will support our congregation in the coming fiscal
year. It’s the only way our Governing
Board can predict how we’ll cover our financial obligations (including minister and
staff salaries, programs, and ongoing operations). This year, First Parish is running a
“spirited” Every Member Canvas. What’s
that, you ask? Well, the Stewardship Team,
First Parish Portland
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An ancient folk tale tells the power of gathering our individual gifts to create community ...
Children’s Religious Education
By Liz Kramer, First Parish Director of Religious Education
This has been a good year for the RE Program. We have
a strong core of families who have been here for years,
and most weeks we have at least one or two new families
who are interested in exploring First Parish. We have a
wonderful group of teachers who are deeply committed
to our children. We are offering OWL, we are having
Children's Chapels, we have a Youth Group with a wonderful Youth Advisor. And, of course, in our RE Program we have kind, wise, curious, compassionate and
wonderful kids. In short, we are busy!
As a staff person, I probably see First Parish in a different way than most of you do here. I see all of the pieces
that comprise it, symbiotic and interdependent. It is a
community with many hands, clasped together, reaching
out, striving to shape and build the world. And it is from
this perspective that I would like to consider the RE Program. When we think about things programmatically, it
is easy to compartmentalize, seeing certain parts of the
church as, “over there.” But this is an illusion. If one
program is lacking, or is not as robust as it could be, that
affects the whole body of the church. It affects everyone.
From this perspective, we see that the children, and indeed every person who comes to First Parish on a given
Sunday, is central to the health and well-being
of the
ByLindaShr EkRusley
church. There is no person and no aspect of the church
that is separate or outside. There is only what is central;
everything and everyone here is the heart of the church.
In this community, there is a focus on Social Justice and
inclusion. The way that we view the people in our community, including the children, speaks to the way that
our values are or are not being lived. Inclusion is a political issue. The way we understand and define what is important is a political issue. What we see as "other," as
"over there," shows us what values live in us and how we
live our values.
integrated and inclusive our community is, the more intimately we are able to know that which is both among us
and beyond us. It is through worshiping together that we
can hope to come into communion with whatever it is
that our hearts seek. The children are needed for this.
And they need us for the same reason.
It seems, historically, that supporting the RE Program
has been a role taken on by the parents of children who
are in the program and I want to continue to encourage
parental involvement. However, I also want to encourage folks who do not have children in the RE Program to
be involved. The RE Program, like everything else
about First Parish, is the church. It concerns you. This
is your community.
I love that I get to help shape the RE Program. But I also
know that no RE Program should belong to the DRE.
The raising of the community's children belong to the
community. Ultimately, the health and vitality of the RE
Program and therefore of the church as a whole, cannot
be left to staff. We need you to be involved.
Please consider becoming a leader in the RE program.
Please attend the RE Forum March 22nd at 11:30.
We will be discussing these issues, and more. Lunch
and childcare will be provided. See you there!
You can reach Liz anytime at:
Dre@firstparishportland.org.
In this community, there is a focus on sanctity. The way
that we view the people in our community, including the
children, is a theological issue. The more multiplicitous,
First Parish Portland
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Save the Date for Spring Safe Harbor Events!
By Kitty Coughlin, Friends of Safe Harbor Leader
March 28, 2015—Monthly Give Away
Beginning in January our monthly Give Away
has become a collaboration of the three area UU
churches. Our friends at Yarmouth UU and Allen Avenue UU have been collecting and delivering warm coats and clothes to add to our
inventory so that folks without cash can still acquire things they need. (Folks receiving Gen. Assistance may not have cash. Folks waiting a
work permit are forbidden to work!) On Give
Away Saturdays, the scene is a happy, informal
party where old and new friendships merge. We
welcome our guests and help them look for what
they need. We offer them a cup of tea or coffee
and cookies. (On March 28 enchanting youth
from Yarmouth UU will bake them on-site!) We
listen to their stories. We introduce them to folks
who will help them make connections and build
a foundation for their new life. They need mentors who will call them, take them out for coffee,
answer questions about our culture, help them
practice English, psych them up forByLindaShrEkRusley job interviews, invite them over for a meal or for tea-- all
the little steps that make them feel accepted and
affirmed.
she has started a new and remarkable life here,
and she has been giving back to us all in ways
few people could. If you want to see how Claudette works her magic, join us on March 28 from
10AM-12 Noon at our next Give Away.
May, 29, 2015 “Sacred Stories”
Jenn McAdoo, the Volunteer Coordinator for
Furniture Friends, which collects and delivers
furniture to people in need, is bringing us a great
honor and privilege: On Friday, May 29, from
7-9 PM, First Parish Faith in Action will host the
annual celebration and sharing of sacred stories
for The Color of Community of Southern Maine
Community College. “The Color of Community
strives to open people’s minds and hearts, to accept the gifts that each of us offers to the world,
and to create a space to listen to the sacred stories that we all have to tell.” Past press accounts
of these storytellers have been stirring regarding
their powerful depictions of how life on other
shores propelled them here, and what we can
learn from their journeys. Our Meeting House is
the perfect scared space for this, and the Parish
House will be made lovely to receive us all later.
Together we can help Jenn prepare a beautiful
Our own Governing Board member Claudette
reception so that we may thank the speakers for
Ndayininhaze is the magic in the room. When
their gifts and become more in community with
people see her, they exclaim in sheer delight.
them. To help make this a wonderful event, conThey have already met her, and she makes them tact Jenn at Jmcadoo@maine.rr.com (207-829feel stronger and full of hope. As a highly visible 3645).
staffer at the Parkside Center and as the VP of
the Burundian Association, my FOSH Co-Chair FMI about Friends of Safe Harbor, contact Kitty
is invaluable to me as an ambassador of good
Coughlin at catherine.m.coughlin38@gmail.com
will, a source of practical solutions, a visionary or 207-767-4614.
planner, and a dear friend. In a few short years
First Parish Portland
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Join Us for 4th Sunday Peacemaking Circles
By Fred Van Liew, Restorative Justice, Faith in Action
The 4th Sunday of every month Fred will be offering a Peacemaking Circle following Coffee
Hour upstairs in the Youth Room. All are welcome! Join us!
Over three days we immersed ourselves in the
wisdom of the Circle. We experienced that individuality is not lost in the Circle process; that the
voice of each is important but that no voice is
more important than another; that in a Circle,
where everyone has a voice, the group won’t allow one person to take over.
I first trained as a mediator in 1985. In 1991 I
received training to facilitate victim-offender
dialogues. But it wasn’t until five years ago
when I trained with Kay Pranis in the Peacemak- Peter Block says the conventional thinking about
ing Circle process that I began to understand that communal transformation is that the focus
we are wired to come together in Circles.
should be on larger systems, better leaders, clearer goals, and more controls. He urges us, howevPeter Block says the challenge in transforming
er, to move beyond this conventional thinking
fragmented communities is to “transform the
and come to an understanding that “transformaisolation and self-interest into connectedness and tion occurs when we focus on the structure of
caring for the whole” and to identify how this
how we gather and the context in which the gathtransformation occurs:
erings take place”.
“We begin by shifting our attention from the problems of community to the possibility of community. We need to acknowledge that our wisdom
about individual transformation is not
ByLindaShr EkRusley enough
when it comes to community transformation.”
That is the magic of meeting in Circle.
I’ve had the honor of facilitating Circles in
schools, jail and prisons, with community groups
and in work places, and in churches. Here at
First Parish we are embarking on a journey to
To attend a Kay Pranis training is to begin to un- introduce the Circle process to interested memderstand the possibility of community. A year
bers of the congregation. Two informal trainago twenty of us met, with Kay as our guide, at a ings have been held and two will follow. We
church in Des Moines – teachers, ministers, so- hope there will be more.
cial workers and justice workers, community
activists, retired folks. Common to each of us
As Kay Pranis says “When we meet in a Circle
was a belief that Restorative Justice offers a vi- there is always another chance to do right.”
sion for how communities might respond when
people make mistakes and come to the attention Fred Van Liew,
of the authorities.
Restorative Practices Coordinator
The Portland Center for Restorative Justice
First Parish Portland
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An ancient folk tale tells the power of gathering our individual gifts to create community ...
Having Your Voice to the End of Life Seminar April 25-26
By Mark Peterson, ED.D.
decisions for participants are invited to attend the second
and third session when documents are prepared.
FACTS AND QUESTIONS ABOUT
END OF LIFE PLANNING
Four two hour sessions:
April 25: 10-12 and 1-3
April 26: 12:30-2:30 and 3-5
1. Did you know that only 10-25% of adults have
legal documents with end of life care instructions?
2. In a number of surveys 80% to 90% of responWhat others have said about the seminar:
dents said that they would like to die pain free, at
1. Students uniformly rated the seminar: "excellent
home with their loved ones. Only 10%-20%
in organization, manner of presentation, enthusiachieve this aspiration.
astic, scholarly, clear, and a great facilitated discussion."
3. If you are unable to make decisions for yourself
2.
An unsolicited letter from an doctor who took the
do you have someone legally designated to do
class:
so?
4. If you have an Advanced Medical Directive (also
called a Living Will) are you sure that it provides
sufficient detail and clear guidance as to your
wishes?
“… thank you again for the Advanced Directives Course
(aka “Having Your Voice”). It was so informative and
eye-opening. I had previously thought I knew a little
about the issues involved, but came to realize my knowledge of the nuances and actualities was quite limited.
5. Family members have more prolonged and serious grief reactions when they don’t
ByLindaShr EkRusley know their
loved one’s wishes. Would you want this legacy?
The amount of research you did to document and supplement your ideas was really astounding. Plus the fact that
you really put your heart into the course and were so
committed to making sure that your lucky students got
the important points and learned what they had to do to
take care of themselves.”
END OF LIFE PLANNING
WORKSHOP/SEMINAR
SEMINAR LEADER
Mark B. Peterson, ED.D. is a retired psychologist, conThis seminar will address all of the issues above and illu- sultant, and educator with many years of experience. He
minate in detail the complex choices that confront us as has helped individuals, couples, and families make complex decisions. View his work on his web site:
well as those who are asked to care for us. Participants
will prepare documents to provide to their doctor, attor- www.havingyourvoice.com. REGISTER at 215-763ney, and family members and develop strategies for com- 0838 or peterson19130@gmail.com. He is a member of
the First Unitarian Church of Philadelphia and has been
municating their choices. The proxies who will make
involved with Unitarianism for almost 50 years.
First Parish Portland
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March/April Stone Soup
An ancient folk tale tells the power of gathering our individual gifts to create community ...
Growing Together: Knowledge for Effective Parenting
By Ross and Kathleen Fields, Results Parenting
Time Out - Worn Out:
One of the Worst Parenting Tools Ever
The use of “time out” is relatively new and
has its share of critics and supporters.
Originally, “time out” was intended to isolate or separate (socially exclude) a misbehaving child for a short period of time,
usually 5 to 15 minutes, as a calming
down time and to discourage inappropriate
behavior.
will ultimately play professional hockey,
and you want him or her to understand
what the “penalty box” is all about.
Bottom line, “time out” doesn’t teach
much of anything other than initiating a
cycle of revenge.
But don’t you want to teach a lesson? So
you say, “You just sit there for 15 minutes
and think about what you just did.” Fifteen
In our own parenting experience, and also
minutes, really? Have you ever tried to
in working with our clients, we realized
meditate for 15 minutes?
that time out was used pretty much exclusively in an attempt to discipline (replaced
Do you actually believe that when in “time
by “you’re grounded” with older kids).
out” your child is thinking . . .
Instead of stopping to assess theByLindaShrEkRusley situation,
then deciding on the best approach or soluClick to Continue Reading
tion, parents habitually press the “time out”
button. Most likely, this is due to the fact
by Ross & Kathleen Fields,
that unless people deliberately learn effecCPE’s ResultsParenting.com
tive parenting techniques, they have extremely limited options in their “toolbag”.
We strongly suggest you remove the use of
“time out” (“grounding” if your child is a
teen) from your parenting toolbox, unless
you’re 100% sure that your two-year-old
First Parish Portland
9
March/April Stone Soup
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PORTLAND, ME 04101
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