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3. hotel

32nd Annual
Jimmy Buffett Invitational
June, 6 2015
(Mike Porter) -- So how did you get in so much trouble with the wife?
(Brian Couture) -- I got drunk in a bar last week and threw up all over myself. When I told the bartender
how much trouble I was in he stuck $20 in my shirt pocket and said: “Go home and tell your wife that a
drunk threw up on you and gave you $20 to get your shirt cleaned.” When I got home, she yelled: “You
good for nothing piece of shit! You’re so drunk you threw up on yourself!” So I explained that this drunk
threw up on me and he put $20 in my pocket to clean my shirt. Then she reaches in my pocket and pulled
out $40. When she asked “What’s the other $20 for?” I told her that he shit my pants too!
........ and here I am.
Brian Couture to Mike Porter at the 16th Annual Jimmy Buffett Invitational
32nd Annual Jimmy Buffett Invitational
It’s that time of year again! Time for all hackers to unite for a single weekend of the most pathetic display of
golf on the planet. For one weekend Kalamazoo, MI will play host to the highest concentration of earth
hammering, shit golfers in the world. Still, like when we hear the words “Jim Steffes” and “fence”, muttered in
the same sentence, it’s like a train wreck. We just can’t turn away. Words fail to describe the scene as grown
men, some covered in last night’s vomit, wedge themselves ass to elbow into golf carts & attempt to play golf.
What you’ll see before you is a teeming pit of hopelessness, despair, & misery as men, who aren’t able operate a
toilet brush, blindly stub and blade shots everywhere but in the fairway. Just about the time you think that it
can’t get any worse than this, some moron hits a stunningly awful shank into the parking lot & hits your car.
Yes my friends it is time to gather once again as friends & family for a weekend of camaraderie in
Margaritaville. This is your personal invitation to join in on the fun and mayhem.
On June 6, 2015 the 32nd Annual Jimmy Buffett Invitational will take place at The Prairies Golf Club in
Kalamazoo, MI. On that weekend, with all the lack of genius and grace you might have hoped for, bewildered
hackers will show up for 2 days and try to golf. Shouts of “long & wrong” and “fore” will echo through the
fairways like a gentle breeze. It takes genuine talent to see greatness in yourself despite your absence of
genuine talent. Sometimes, the most important lesson one can learn is that they just aren’t very good. Most
are so bad they only come to build up stories for the retirement home. However, one thing is for certain……once
you’ve played in the JBI, as most can attest, you’re stuck to it like dingleberrys on a sheep’s ass.
Last year’s notes: Mike Horn drove a hunk of cheese off a tee and Ken DeHart caught it in his mouth – is he a
dumb ass or talented? Jim Steffes was pulled backwards over a 3-foot high hotel fence by 4 men because he
was too drunk to walk around it; Aaron White fell over the same fence; Rookie Dave Karschnick claimed a JBI
first by not only winning the Puke Trophy but shitting himself at the same time; Stuart Bishop hit such a robust
90o shank, he knocked the hubcap off his golf cart; The Gagnon brothers made a habit out of losing their
wallets; Rich Starcher & Kevin Kosmyna were abruptly awakened by the maid at noon on Sunday & told to get
the hell out; Jim Shearer was shown the door at Up & Under for passing out ON the bar;
What will happen this year? Will Kurt Hofner start dancing again & think that the people are clearing out of the
way to encourage him? Is Ralph Dernberger still the answer to the question, “What kind of idiot pukes in a
bidet”? Do Tom Male & Jim Compeau still sleep with their cherished Bigfoot Garden Yeti? Does Joe Chun still
whistle when he’s down simply because it makes the neighbor’s dog run to the end of his chain & gag himself?
The only way to know for sure is to participate in this year’s ineptness.
Entry into this year's spectacle includes the following:
Two Nights At The Comfort Inn & Suites
Continental Breakfast Each Morning At Hotel
Greens Fees For 18 Holes Of Golf At The Prairies Golf Club
Golf Cart (Shared With Another Hard-Luck Hack)
A 32nd Annual JBI Commemorative Golf Shirt + Prizes/Awards
Nine Beers/Soft Drinks Of Your Choice, On Ice
BRING YOUR OWN COOLER!
 Post Golf Party & Awards Presentation Featuring:
 BBQ Ribs, Fried Chicken, Pulled Pork on bun
 Tossed Salad, Red Skin Potatoes, Mac-n-Cheese
 Additional Beer/Soft Drinks Can Also Be Purchased
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Prizes / Rules / Format
PRIZES:
 1st (3rd), 2nd (2nd), and 3rd (1st) Place Prizes
 Longest Putt(2), Longest Drive(2), Closest To Pin(2), Shortest Drive(1)
 The Prestigious “Puke Trophy”, CASH, Plus Other Prizes & Awards
TRADITIONAL RULES APPLY:
 NO WOMEN!
 Tourney Play Is By Invitation Only! If You’ve Got A Friend Who’d Like To Play,
He MUST Be Cleared 1ST By The JBI Board of Directors (Bribes Are Accepted)
 Only 2 Suck Golfers Per Cart/1 Set of Clubs Per Player Required (Rental Available)
 I Don’t Expect Everyone To Know The Rules Of Golf But Please Do Your Best With What
You Do Know. Most Importantly, Please Count ALL Your Strokes. The Prizes For Winning
The Outing Aren’t Significant Enough To Warrant Cheating, So Please Don’t.
 The Prairies Has Its Own Liquor License, They Do Not Allow Alcohol To Be Brought In.
 Have A Great Time, But Please Behave. ANYONE Abusing The Prairie’s Property Or
Policies Will Be Asked To Leave Without A Refund & Will Not Be Invited Back.
TOURNAMENT FORMAT:
 4-MAN SCRAMBLE = A scramble format comprises a round of golf with
4-somes competing as a team for the lowest golf score. Each team member
tees off & the best drive is chosen. Each of the players then hits their 2nd
shot from the selected 1st shot. This process continues until the hole is
completed. The team records one score & moves on to the next hole.
 For those 4-somes whose moments of extreme ineptitude last an entire round:
All teams begin by teeing off at the white tees. If you par the hole, Play
next hole from the white tees. If you birdie it, go to the championship tees.
If you bogey it, go to the red tees.
 Cash prizes for the top three foursomes:
3rd Place = 1st Place | 2nd Place = 2nd Place | 1st Place = 3rd Place
In other words, if you come in 3rd, you win. If you come in 1st, you
finish 3rd. The tiebreaker will be a review of scorecards starting at
1st hole until a team LOSES one outright. The worst 3rd place team
WINS! This should ensure we have a new winner each year. The
JBI is about getting together as friends for a weekend of fun & not
who wins the tournament.
Fun Fact: The JBI is the
world’s only tournament for
professional bad golfers
Friday, June 5:
4:00 p.m. – 7:00 p.m.
JBI Schedule
JBI hacks with rooms check in at Comfort Inn. This is the best you’ll feel
all weekend. Soon you’ll be trying to rid the world of booze - one drink at a
time only to fall later like an axed tree. Pace yourself & finish strong
knowing that your last drink of today is really your first drink of tomorrow.
7:00 p.m. – 2:00 a.m.
Walk across the parking lot from the hotel to "Up & Under" for the all
important pre-tourney “meeting”. They have a full-service restaurant &
the food is great. If you get here early enough you might be one of the
lucky owners of a signed 8x10 photo of Bruce Mischley when he was in
Little League that he plans on handing out.
2:00 a.m. – 3:00 a.m.
You suddenly wake up & discover that you’ve been held up by two men……
all the way home. Luckily, all you had to do is stumble a couple hundred
feet over to the hotel. You figure that not finishing that case of beer in your
fridge is right on par with your father watching you get your ass kicked by
a mime so you polish it off. Some guys (Dean Peppel) go out to eat again.
Be wary of this guy & trying to keep up with him, he’s a professional. The
last time I ate with him he was told “I’m sorry sir, that’s a serving spoon,
not an invitation to eat all the macaroni salad”. You’ve been warned.
Saturday, June 6:
8:30 a.m. – 9:00 a.m.
9:00 a.m. – 10:00 a.m.
It seemed like such a great idea last night. Before you open your eyes you
remember standing in line at the grocery store flu clinic because they were
giving out free shots. Then slowly you can sense what feels like 5 midgets
wrestling behind your eyeballs. Life sucks…your head is throbbing, eyes
are bloodshot, & you still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your
mouth. You shave only one side of your face because it hurts too much.
You’ve guzzled 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas, & a diet
soda – yet you haven’t peed once. The greasy breakfast you had at 3am
isn’t helping either. Up & at ‘em cowboy! It's time to drink again.
Eat! Free @ hotel or local eatery. There are dozens of people waiting in line
behind you. Remind Tim Lane to show his pals photos of his dog wearing
costumes somewhere else instead milling around the buffet & filling up on
water like a camel while starving people droll over his plateful of food.
10:00 a.m. – 11:00 a.m.
Go to Comfort Inn & prepare for 32nd Jimmy Buffett Invitational
Be sure to EAT LUNCH on the way or at the course so you have a base.
11:30 a.m.
Be AT The Prairies: Go to clubhouse & register at the registration desk.
There you'll receive your shirt & info. There is a putting green but no
driving range. Pick up your drinks & coolers in the designated area. Hang
out until we've been given clearance to begin losing our balls. Everybody
already knows you suck so don’t bother warming up. Be sure to watch for
grimace-inducing duck hooks from all directions as other hackers arrive.
12:00 p.m. – 5:00 p.m.
32nd ANNUAL JIMMY BUFFETT INVITATIONAL
5:00 p.m. – 7:30 p.m.
Buffet, awards presentation, door prize drawings.
7:30 p.m. – 8:00 p.m.
8:00 p.m. – ???????
Back to hotel to clean-up/Snooze
Free ball it or poker in hotel lobby
Sunday, June 7:
9:00 a.m. – 9:30 a.m.
Meet in hotel lobby for breakfast. Bid farewell to other hack golfers.
Then go home & prepare for the 33rd Jimmy Buffett Invitational in 2016.
Directions To The JBI Venues
DIRECTIONS TO “COMFORT INN AND SUITES” (269) 384-2800
739 W. Michigan Ave., Kalamazoo, MI 49007
 From I-94 take Exit #74B North on U.S. 131
 Then take Exit #36A (Stadium Drive) toward Kzoo
 Drive about 2.3 miles and hotel will be on RIGHT
DIRECTIONS TO “RUGGER'S UP AND UNDER” (269) 373-1412
711 W. Michigan Avenue, Kalamazoo, MI 49007
 Even a JBI Golfer should be able to see the bar
from the hotel.
DIRECTIONS TO “THE PRAIRIES” (269) 343-3906
5303 West Main Street, Kalamazoo, MI 49009
 From Comfort Inn and Suites
 Turn RIGHT out of parking lot onto W. Michigan Ave.
 IMMEDIATELY get into far LEFT lane!
 Go THRU the intersection
 Turn LEFT onto Elm Crossover
 Turn RIGHT onto Elm St.
 Turn LEFT onto W. Kalamazoo/M-43W and go .3 miles
 Stay in LEFT lane and continue onto Douglas Ave.
 Turn RIGHT onto M-43 W/W Main St. and go 2.8 miles
 Turn LEFT just before Office Max
 The entrance isn’t easy to see & not marked well but this IS the JBI
 After turning LEFT drive about .25 miles & you will be in
The Prairies parking lot
Sign erected in
St. Joseph MI,
near Dean
Peppel’s home.
Contact Info & Entry Form
PLEASE MAIL THIS FORM & CHECK FOR APPLICABLE FEES, NO LATER THAN
May 9th TO:
Brian Mischley
CELL:
(615) 772-1547
100 Masters Way
EMAIL: jbitourney@yahoo.com
Hendersonville, Tennessee 37075
JBI Website = www.jbitourney.com
I will verify that I’ve received your entry via email. I’ll do my best to keep the site updated.
Only the 1st 60 entries or those received by May 9th will be accepted (whichever is first),
unless you’ve made special arrangements with me. You WILL get a full refund if there are no
spots left OR you miss the deadline date. To my discretion, I may add golfers after the deadline
to fill out foursomes. Website will be reactivated soon & I will let you all know when that is.
You can pay by check or PayPal once I get the website up. Keep checking website
It's IMPORTANT that you get this done on time. The hotel is holding my feet to the fire for the
number of rooms I hold. That means on May 9th, I'm calling to release unused rooms. It will be
VERY hard for you to get lodging at a reasonable rate, if at all for that date.
PLEASE FILL OUT THE ENTIRE FORM BELOW
“OFFICIAL” 32nd ANNUAL JIMMY BUFFETT INVITATIONAL ENTRY FORM
NAME:
STREET:
CITY/STATE/ZIP:
CELL#:
WORK#:
HOME#
EMAIL:
Check Room Type

No Room $156 ea
Night(s) You're
Staying at Hotel
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Thursday
Add
$89/room
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1 Night (for 1) $245 ea
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1 Night (for 2) $200 ea
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2 Man Room $245 ea
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Friday
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1 Man Room $333 ea
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Saturday
EXTRA Golf Shirt?
$33
Golf Shirt Size(s)
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Small
Medium
Large
X-Large
Leroy Sized (2XL)
Terry Sized (3XL)
Louie Sized (4XL)
The Kaiser (5XL) Moo
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Small
Medium
Large
X-Large
Leroy Sized (2XL)
Terry Sized (3XL)
Louie Sized (4XL)
The Kaiser (5XL) Moo
EXTRA Golf Shirts are $33 each IF you want one.
Please indicate your drink choice(s) (9 total - DOMESTIC only):
Total Amount Enclosed: $
LIST ROOMATE(S) & FOUR-SOME IF KNOWN – OTHERWISE, I WILL ASSIGN THEM:
ROOMATE(S):
FOURSOME:
COMMENTS/SUGGESTIONS:
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