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Issue 282
March 2015
EDITORIAL
I hope you all have managed to ‘winter’ well and with the
daffodils beginning to show a little movement in the
garden, it would seem that Spring is on the horizon.
However before leaping forward to Spring, may I just jog
all the way back to Christmas. With a combined issue for
January and February which has to go to print in the middle
of December (I hope you are still with me!) it was remiss
of me not to mention a couple of thank-you’s.
Firstly to Matt , Charlotte and the family for the
magnificent village Christmas tree (without doubt the best
to be seen in the whole of West Somerset!) and to everyone
who supported the village carol singing.. With the monies
donated for the ‘alternative Christmas card,’ I was able to
forward a total of some £325 to the Children’s Hospice.
In conclusion may I just draw your attention to the article
on the next page regarding the Defibrillator.
It could be life saving!.
Robbie
Contact the Editor on telephone 01278 741594
or e-mail at davidandrobbie@talktalk.net
KILVE VILLAGE WEBSITE
www.kilvevillage.co.uk
RON FOYLE
It is with much sadness that we have to record the passing
of one of Kilve’s Octogenarians , Mr Ron Foyle.
Ron who resided in Sea Lane, passed away at the end of
January shortly before his 91st birthday. He was a popular
figure within our village and despite his frailty still
managed most months to attend both the Gents Luncheon
and the Village Hall lunch club.
He will be sadly missed and on behalf of the village we
extend our sympathy to Alison and the rest of the family.
WELCOME, WELCOME.
This month it is our pleasure to welcome two couples to
Kilve. Eugene and Wendy Brandon have moved in to 2 Old
Ham and Karen Hutchins and John Cobb have moved in to
Overlands in Pardlestone Lane.. We hope, very much, that
you all have a long and happy stay in Kilve.
EASTER LILIES
There has been a long tradition in Kilve, whereby a display
of lilies has been included in the Easter flower
arrangements in the church. If you would like to purchase a
lily or two in remembrance of a loved one, you are asked to
contact Margaret Pinn on 741358. The normal donation is
£3-50 per lily.
ANTIQUES FAIR
from the PCC
As you will all know so well, the Antique and Collectors Fair is
the main fund raising event of the year for St Mary’s church.
Over the past couple of years, with so many people within our
village helping out on the day, donations from the proceeds have
also been given to other village organisations. However, the bulk
of the money raised is used by the church as without it our lovely
little church here in Kilve would never survive.
We are now appealing for your generosity in helping.
Anyone who could possible spare and hour or two on the day for
various duties such as helping out in the kitchen, stewarding, car
parking, helping out on the village stall etc. etc. is asked to kindly
contact Pam Cuff on 741229.
If you have any ‘collectables’ which would be suitable for the
‘Village Stall;’ and would like to donate the same, please contact
Robbie Rutt on 741594 and he will arrange collection.
Books too for the ‘Book Stall’ would also be gratefully received
as would any donations of cakes. (If you are able to give a cake,
Pam once again is your contact.)
Apart from Pam and Robbie, other members of the PCC who
may be contacted for any offers of help etc. are Arthur and Mair
Williams (741429), Alan Hopper (741349), Frances Mayor
(741268), and Time Edmunds (741285).
Thank you.
The much acclaimed annual
ANTIQUES
AND
COLLECTORS
FAIR
EASTER MONDAY
APRIL 6th
10 am to 4.pm
At
KILVE COURT
Entry £1 per person
Morning Coffee
Refreshments
Light Lunches
Afternoon Teas
Forthcoming Events
This list is a summary of the events listed elsewhere in Kilve
News and relates to the whole District of Kilve, Holford
and East Quantoxhead.
MARCH 2015
Monday March 2nd
GENTLEMEN'S LUNCHEON CLUB
Hood Arms 12.30 pm
Monday March 2nd (and all Mondays in the month)
SHORT MAT BOWLS
Kilve Village Hall 7.00 pm
Tuesday March 3rd
READING GROUP
Hood Arms 7.15 pm
Thursday March 5th (and all Thursdays in the month)
TABLE TENNIS
Holford & District Village Hall 7 pm
Monday March 9th
SECOND MONDAY
Kilve Court 10.30 am
Saturday March 28th
COFFEE MORNING
Kilve Village Hall 10.30 am
Tuesday March 31st
CRAFT CLUB
Kilve Village Hall 2 to 4pm
IMPORTANT
from Robbie
What are you doing on the morning of April 18th? This
could be the most important half an hour you spend for
a very long time!
As you all probably know we have in the village a
Defibrillator and hopefully we shall never have to use
it, but if the event does happen are you fully aware just
how it should be used?
I have been in touch with the South West Ambulance
Service and they are very kindly sending an officer
along to give us all a ‘Defibrillator Awareness
Session’. All it will cost you is just about 30 minutes of
your time.
REMEM,BER TO PUT IT IN YOUR DIARY NOW!
Wednesday March 11th
VILLAGE LUNCH
Kilve Village Hall 12 .30 pm
Wednesday March th
PLAY READING
Holford 2.30 pm
DEFRIBILLATOR
AWARENESS SESSION
KILVE VILLAGE HALL
SATURDAY APRIL 18TH 10.30 AM
Thursday March 12th
KILVE & DISTRICT WOMEN’S INSTITUTE
Kilve Village Hall 2.30pm
Tuesday March 17th
HOLFORD GARDENERS CLUB
Holford & District Village Hall 7.00pm
FILM NIGHT!
‘MR TURNER’
THURSDAY
MARCH 26th
Thursday March 19th
‘BRING ME SUNSHINE’
Holford & District Village Hall 11 am
Thursday March 19th
SUGARCRAFT
Kilve Village Hall 7pm
Every month….
Saturday March 21st
VILLAGE MARKET
East Quantoxhead Village Hall 10. am
‘Bring me Sunshine’
Thursday March 19th
at 11 am
Holford Village Hall
SATURDAY March 21st
KILVE CRICKET CLUB ‘RACE NIGHT’
Kilve Villge Hall 7.30 for 8 pm
Thursday March 26th
FILM NIGHT
Kilve Village Hall 7 for 7.30 pm
KILVE & DISTRICT W. I.
The March meeting will be held Thursday 12th in Kilve
Village Hall commencing at 2.30 pm
The speaker for this meeting will be Mr Newbold with a talk
entitled ‘Food for thought’.
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An opportunity for an hours chat with
coffee, tea and usually a guest speaker.
Fun and informal.
Any Kilve residents who would like to
come along please contact Robbie who
will be pleased to arrange free transport.
KILVE NEWS
If you would like to have any further information about the
W.I. please contact the Secretary Mrs Sue Ayshford on
741215
THE FOOD CUPBOARD
Renewed thanks to all who are still contributing, especially
during these colder months when demand is really at its very
highest..
ST.MARY’S KILVE
SUNDAY SERVICES
MARCH 1st
11 am EUCHARIST
MARCH 8th
11.00 am FAMILY SERVICE
MARCH 15th
9.30 am EUCHARIST
EAST QUANTOXHEAD MARKET
SATURDAY MARCH 21st
10 AM
ALL WELCOME!
QUANTOCK
SUGAR CRAFT
Thursday March 19th
‘Have a go Easter Ideas’
The meeting will be held in
Kilve Village Hall starting at 7.00pm
Visitors are always
welcome!
Further information from Anne Horsey
01984 633860 or
Margaret Baker
741647
KILVE READING GROUP
from Sue Hares
What a contrast! The read for the
previous month “The Last
Runaway” proved to be the most popular book we had read
to date and this month’s book “The Graft” by Martina Cole
was the least popular ever. As one member described the
thriller “It was all in the title”. However the meeting was
much enjoyed as it was our Winter Supper Meeting and we
were very well served by the staff at The Hood. The next
book looks more promising “Instructions for a Heatwave”
written by Maggie O’Farrell.
Contact for the group is Sue Hares 741360.
All meetings take place in ‘The Hood’ and commence at
7.15 p.m. for 7.30 p.m. on the first Tuesday of the month.
SECOND MONDAYS
from Malcolm Jones
In January, Pete Hares spoke on Buen Camino – Walking to
Santiago de Compostella, a walk which he and Sue
undertook last year. Tales of the many people they met on
route, along with many colourful slides illustrating the
countryside and the architecture captured the atmosphere of
the pilgrimage route, culminating in the pilgrim’s Mass in
the Cathedral.
In February, Richard and Margaret Morse engaged us in
their experience of Service Life with Richard’s 20 years
service in the Army. Eleven successive postings around the
world and four children provided many amusing anecdotes,
including the re-enactment of the Wooden Horse and
Spotlight TV.
Many thanks to Pete ,Richard and Margaret for two very
interesting talks.
Our speaker in March is MikeDixon, so please come and
join us on Monday 9 March in the Cooke-Hurle Room at
Kilve Court, commencing at 10.30 am.
The cost is only £1 per person to include tea/coffee.
Any queries, give me a call on 741107.
PLAY READING
from Doreen Jones
In January we read “Ladies who Lunch” by Tudor Gates.
Gentleman watch out as the ladies are adept at forming
hedge funds all in a good cause to benefit a charity. The
husbands fortunes went down as the wives fortunes went
up. An amusing read and well casted by Kathy who hosted
the afternoon.
In February, it was Northanger Abbey by Jane Austen,
dramatized by Paul Williamson. A difficult read as speech
in a period drama is much more complicated than our
discourse today. Very enjoyable though as we envisaged
ourselves in our bonnets and taking tea in Bath. In reality
we were at Putsham Lodge where Alison treated us to a tea
better than any we would have had in Bath.
Our next reading will be on Wednesday 11 March hosted by
Sue Aysford. Would members of the group please let Sue
know if you are unable to attend.
KILVE NEWS
From your Village Agent:
Yvonne Bulman
GENTLEMEN’S LUNCHEON CLUB
Hello everyone. By the time you read this hopefully spring
will be just around the corner and we will be beginning to
enjoy daffodils and other flowers that make this time of year
so joyful.
Once again I urge you to be aware of scams that seem to
target people. At the present time there is one purporting to
be from HM Tax office, telling people that there is a mistake
in their on line declaration. Please if in any doubt about any
communication you receive check it out first; the same goes
for telephone calls supposedly from your bank, whatever you
do do not agree to transfer money – unless of course you
know the caller personally.
Unfortunately I am going to be out of action for the next
two/three months [March/April/May]. However I am not
abandoning you, if you do need help that a Village Agent
can supply please get in touch with CCS (Community
Council for Somerset ) on 01823 331222 or contact
jinny@somersetrcc.org.uk .
Jinny is our line manager and
she will make sure that you receive the help you need. In the
meantime take care of each other and remember there is no
charge for a Village Agent’s help and the service is
absolutely confidential. I look forward to joining you all for
coffee and a chat when my indisposition has given way to
good health again.
LOOKING AHEAD
Attention organisers!
We have been advised of the following arrangements
Saturday April 18th
BEETLE DRIVE
Kilve Village Hall 7.30 pm
Saturday June 6th
COFFEE MORNING
‘Grantchester’ Kilve 10.30 am
Saturday June 20th
CONCERT
St Mary’s Church Kilve 7.30 pm
The gentlemen will be meeting at the Hood Arms for their
monthly gathering on Monday 2nd .
The co-ordinator for the lunch is ARTHUR WILLIAMS
(Tel:- 741429) If you would like to attend please contact
Arthur as soon as possible. Visitors are most welcome!
TABLE TOP SALE
Saturday 30th May 10.30am – 5pm
Holford & District Village Hall
A team of people in Holford have put forward some excellent
plans for improvements to the village hall, which of course if
agreed and funding awarded by EDF, will be a golden 'once
in a lifetime' opportunity that will benefit all who use this
facility - not just short term, but for the future of the village
and its' activities.
In order that funding is granted, we have to be seen to be
raising funds ourselves, as well as using the hall as much as
possible. With this in mind, I am going to organise a 'table
top' and a ‘good quality boot sale’, to include local crafts, art
and produce.
In the past these events have raised an excellent amount of
money, not only for the hall but for individual organisations
and charities of choice.
The only cost involved to those participating, will be the hire
charge for space or table(s) and a donation of a decent raffle
prize!
Hire Charge:
Large tables 6’ x 2’ - £12 each (or two for £20)
Small table £8.00
Stage and Outside areas - costs to be discussed depending on
requirements! (Please note outside stall holders will need to
provide their own table, canopy etc.,)
If you are interested, PLEASE contact me as soon as
possible, thank you.
This is open invitation to all outside of Holford - and your
support is greatly appreciated.
Mo Plomgren
01278 741152
Email: plomdove4145@googlemail.com
If you would like to give advance warning of up-coming
events , just drop a ‘quick’ e-mail to the Editor!.
ANY SPARE WOOL?
The Kilve Craft Club (details below) have asked if we may
enquire of Kilve ‘folk’ if they have any spare wool. They
have at the moment a charity project in hand and any spare
balls of wool would be most appreciated. If you are able to
help please contact Jennie Mundy on 741649
KILVE CRICKET CLUB
‘RACE NIGHT’
SATURDAY MARCH 21ST
KILVE VILLAGE HALL
7.30 for 8.pm
KILVE CRAFT CLUB
KILVE VILLAGE HALL
2.00 pm to 4.00 pm
TUESDAY
March 31st
*Licensed Bar*
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KILVE NEWS
THE HOOD ARMS KILVE,
Telephone (01278) 741 210
ESCAPE TO THE HOOD ARMS
Mothers Day Sunday Lunch
Free ’fizz’ for all Mums
Easter Sunday Lunch
Three Roasts and ‘veggie’ options
and a fabulous locally sourced specials board.
‘Doggie’ Easter Treat Hunt
In the garden.
Starts at 11am
Treats for all dogs!
KILVE NEWS
Next issue..... PLEASE NOTE!
Our next issue will be for APRIL Contributions as always,
please, to Robbie, Olaf or to the Village Stores (marked
Kilve News) no later than March 15th.
If you have reports, adverts or contributions to hand before
the 15th please let us have them early as it greatly helps
having them in advance.
KILVE NEWS IS INDEBTED TO
HINKLEY POINT ‘A’
ENERGY SOLUTIONS
FOR THEIR CONTINUED SPONSORSHIP
HOLFORD GARDENERS
GROUP
THE HOOD
ARMS KILVE
TUESDAY
MARCH
01278 741
210 17th
7.30pm
info@thehoodarms.com
www.thehoodarms.com
Escape to the
ArmsVillage
for our true
Holford
& Hood
District
Hall
Somerset hospitality!
Excellent new Autumn menus
Chris Yates
Real Ales Wonderful
‘Roses
old andWines
new’
Dogs always welcome.
All welcome
TWENTY FIVE
YEARS AGO
From issues 26 Mach 1990
Beverley Heard, then Editor of
‘Kilve News’ gave quite a few column ‘inches’ to the atrocious weather which we had experienced here in Kilve.
‘This morning I went down to the sea at Kilve Pill and found
myself alone battling to stand upright against the wind that
was blowing off the sea. The Pill had completely changed
with the pool area filled with pebbles and boulders, and the
filed strewn with debris for a distance for over 50 yards.’
Bev added a post script. to her editorial. ‘Today after writing
the main editorial I went back to the beach area. The waves
were enormous and my car which I left by the cricket field
was covered in sea spray. Watching the storms along our bit
of coast is exciting and spectacular but we should spare a
thought for those whose homes have been devastated by the
weather’.
PARDLESTONE LANE
Mrs Jo Marshall who lives in Pardlestone Lane made some
enquiries re Fire Service access and we thought it would be
of interest to all in the lane.
‘I am a resident in the above village & Pardlestone Lane is a
narrow single track lane leading up to a small amount of
residential dwellings & farm buildings. The lane proves to be
a regular challenge for some larger vehicles.
It is my understanding that due to the restricted accessibility
on Pardlestone Lane the local fire station regularly practiced
routine exercises, this highlighted that overgrown hedges/
trees could be a potential problem for swift accessibility,
therefore this needed to be maintained by the local council. It
is also my understanding that this routine exercise has not
been actioned for quite some time.
As a resident of the lane I am inquiring as to what facilities
are currently in place should such an unfortunate event
happen & would like assurances that you can get a fire
tender up the lane.’
The Fire Service replied:‘Dear Mrs Marshall
Thank you for your enquiry reference access to the properties, including your own, at the top end of Pardlestone lane.
Firstly, can I put your mind at rest and explain that besides a
standard size fire appliance that Nether Stowey station have
a smaller 4x4 appliance that would easily access your lane.
This would enable crews to deal with any incident in this
area.
Secondly, as part of our ongoing commitment to community
safety I will, when passing, ensure that I take the occasional
look up the lane to identify if we would have a problem.
Of course the best outcome of this is that the appliances
would not need to access the lane as we would never have an
incident to deal with. Therefore I will speak to our
Community Safety department with an aim of undertaking
some appropriate interaction to make your community a
safer place to live. This of course will be risk based but will
probably consist of a postal drop of appropriate literature.
I hope that this has answered your questions and please feel
free to contact me should you have any other queries.’
KILVE NEWS
Village Hall News
from Alison Eyley
KILVE LUNCH CLUB
WEDS MARCH 11th 12 for 12:30pm
Chicken / Veggie casserole ~ Apple & Damson Crumble
All are welcome, though numbers are limited to 25. Please
order and pay for your ticket before the Friday previous.
Any cancellations must also be received by Friday previous.
This is because ingredients are ordered and paid for in
advance.
Tickets are £5 per person, all ages welcome, and tickets
are available from coffee mornings or from Alison on
741317.
KILVE COFFEE MORNING
28th FEBRUARY, 28th MARCH
10:30AM – 12 NOON
Come and meet your friends and neighbours whilst you
buy your tickets for village hall events and stock up from
Margaret’s cake stall and Cathy’s card stall. 10% of takings from stalls go to Hall funds. Would you like a table
at coffee morning? Please ring Alison on 741317 to book.
There is no set charge, we just ask for 10% of takings towards hall funds, so if you have any items you wish to sell
please either book a table or let Margaret Morse have
them to sell on the community stall. We ask that unsold
items are taken home by the supplier!
If you have any unwanted books or DVDs in good condition to donate to our book stall please bring them along.
All proceeds go to hall funds. Any unsold books and
DVDs will be taken to a charity shop after 2 months.
Secretary needed!!
Do you have admin skills and can you spare a few hours a
month? The village hall needs a meeting secretary to produce agendas and minutes for the management committee.
We are a friendly bunch of volunteers who meet monthly
usually on the first Tuesday morning. We have not got a
secretary at present, so if you would like to volunteer
please speak to Alison Eyley on 741317
AGM – please note this will be held before the coffee
morning on May 30th at 10am. All user groups are entitled
to have a representative on the Village Hall committee.
User groups need to nominate their representative and notify the KVHMC Chair (Alison Eyley) of any changes to
representatives before 30th May 2015.
FILM NIGHT
Thank you to all that supported the February film night
which was a great success. What We Did on Our Holiday
was a comedy drama telling the story of three young children, a granddad’s 75th birthday party and complex family
relationships. Set in the stunning Scottish highlands it had
us laughing and crying throughout.
Our next film is on:
THURSDAY 26TH MARCH
7 for 7:30PM
MR. TURNER
Starring Timothy Spall, MR. TURNER explores the last
quarter century of the great if eccentric British painter
J.M.W. Turner (1775-1851).
Profoundly affected by the death of his father, loved by a
housekeeper he takes for granted and occasionally exploits
sexually, he forms a close relationship with a seaside landlady with whom he eventually lives incognito in Chelsea,
where he dies. Throughout this, he travels, paints, stays
with the country aristocracy, visits brothels, is a popular if
anarchic member of the Royal Academy of Arts, has himself strapped to the mast of a ship so that he can paint a
snowstorm, and is both celebrated and reviled by the public
and by royalty.
CLUB
The December 100 club was drawn on 3rd January and
was won by Sheila Sharp; second prize went to Charlotte
Taylor. The January draw, the first of the new session,
was made by our village agent Yvonne Bullman. It was
won by Bruce Eyley and second prize went to Larry Bacon. Congratulations to them and thank you to all members for their support.
If you wish for more details about the 100 club please
speak to Ed on 741654. Ed will be collecting payments at
coffee mornings for the new draw session that started at
the end of January. It is £10 for 5 months membership.
You may also pay at Kilve Stores. When paying at Kilve
stores please put your payment in an envelope with your
name address and contact number.
BEETLE DRIVE – SATURDAY 18TH APRIL
£2.50 PER TICKET – BYOB
Whether you are 8 or 88 come on down for an evening of great fun and fierce competition. Never played
before? Never mind, we will show you how; it’s
easy! Shake those dice and get drawing your beetles.
Fancy dress or decorated antennae are optional! Fantastic prizes … well some kind of prizes anyway! All
proceeds to Village Hall funds. Tickets from Coffee
Morning/ Kilve Stores/Alison 741317
Tickets are £5 from coffee morning, Kilve Stores or
telephone Alison on 741317. Don’t forget that tea and
coffee are provided but you can bring a bottle of wine
along if you like! We must sell at least 20 tickets just to
pay for the film licence! Therefore, if advance ticket sales
are low, we may need to cancel, so please leave contact
details when purchasing your ticket. It really helps us if
you purchase your ticket before the night, ideally by the
weekend before. Thank you.
6
KILVE NEWS
‘LETTERS TO THE EDITOR’
It is not often that we get ‘letters to the Editor’ and being a
village ‘newspaper’ I certainly try to ‘steer clear’ of any that
might be described as being rather contentious. The following
from Nicky Sibley is far from contentious, in fact it echoes, I
am sure, the sentiments of so many here in the village.
Robbie.
‘ I would like to take the opportunity to say a big thank-you
to Matt and Charlotte for the extraordinary service that they
provide for the community in Kilve Stores. At ‘Christmas
time’ (hard to rember I know), I had ‘Christmas’ delivered to
my door by Matt and Charlotte but unlike Margo Leadbetter
(the Good Life), I did not need to send my ‘Christmas’ back
as everything, without exception, was most excellent and
with the added bonus, of course, was that I didn't have to
queue or drive for miles to get it! Friends and family were
very impressed by the outstanding quality of ‘my fayre’ from
the meat, fish, pates and pies through to the fruit veg and
Matts mum’s exquisite cake—all of it very fresh.
I am impressed and amazed that our village ship is able to
offer such a comprehensive range of food from local
producers and suppliers and that Matt will endeavour to
source individual items that are not stocked. In addition how
wonderful to have a post office that can be used as an
oversized cash point is invaluable.
Thank you Matt and Charlotte, et all not only for my ‘fab’
Christmas but for your continual hard work in providing such
a ‘gem’ I don’t know what we’d do without such an asset.’
KILVE CRICKET CLUB
The 2015 season is already on the horizon and Kilve cricketers have begun their winter net sessions in earnest. New players of all ages and abilities are
always most welcome – please do get in touch
on the number below. This year the 1st XI will
be again be competing in Div 2 of the Shrubbery Hotel Cricket League; the second team will play in the
fifth tier of the West Somerset League and the midweek Last
Man Stands side will hope to regain their title as Somerset
Champions having graciously conceded it in 2014. Those
anxious to watch some live cricket at the Kilve Beach ground
will want to note we have three pre-season friendlies scheduled this year with the first taking place on the 18 th April
against Bagborough, do please come along and support (the
bar will be well stocked).
The Kilve Cobras – our under 13’s outfit – are continuing to
grow in both numbers and talent, helped enormously by their
training nights that take place on Fridays, once the season has
started. Again new players are always very welcome.
The Club’s first fundraiser of the year is our annual Race
Night, which will be taking place on Saturday 21 st March at
Kilve Village Hall, doors will open at 7.30pm with the first
race setting off at 8pm. Once again, there will be a licensed
bar and all the excitement of a real tote where punters can
have a little flutter on their favourite horse. Horses will be
available to own in advance of the night itself with prizes for
the winners and the Secretary will be visiting local businesses
to ask if they will kindly help us out again with sponsoring a
race and naming their horses.
Peter Stone
Chairman, Kilve Cricket Club
(741149)
SEA LANE SPIRIT
from Olaf Chedzoy
At my international email writers group a few years ago,
we were given a challenge to write a cliff-hanger in a
maximum of 300 words. It didn’t need to be an incident on
a cliff – just a short story with an ‘;emergency crisis’
ending.
As it happened, we were in Old Cleeve parish in Somerset,
and I picked up a copy of the ‘Five Churches’ Benefice
magazine. There I saw a humorous article exploring the
idea of a telephone call centre established in Heaven. It
didn’t take much imagination to use it in a cliff-hanger.
CLIFF-HANGER
Like his priest, Jack loved cliff-top walking. But his priest
had insisted that he put an emergency number on his
mobile phone, should he ever need it. It was excellent
advice.
Jack set out striding happily along the deserted cliffs of
Exmoor enjoying the world, when the unexpected
happened. The ground gave way under his feet, and he
desperately grabbed at anything he could see as part of the
cliff fell. As he looked around, he saw that he could grab a
small bush: he locked his left arm around it to hang on in
the hope of salvation.
Then he remembered the emergency telephone number –
and he managed to draw out his mobile phone from his
right pocket, and found he could operate it with one hand.
He scrolled down to the emergency number and dialled.
The answer came quickly.
Thank you for calling Our Father’s House. Please
select one of the following options.
1. Thanksgiving
2. Repentance
3. Complaints
4. Any other matters
Jack quickly pressed 4
If you would like to speak to:
God – press 1
Jesus – press 2.
The Holy Spirit – press 3
If you would like to hear King David sing a Psalm
press 4.
For reservations at Our Father’s House, press 5.
For answers about the age of the Earth, and where
Noah’s Ark is, please wait until you arrive.
If you need a miracle, press 6.
At this point the shrub moved threateningly, so Jack
wasted no time, and pressed 6.
I’m sorry, but all our angel advisors on miracles are
busy at the moment, so please hang up, and try later. Be
aware that our offices will shortly be closing for the
weekend, but if you do need assistance urgently, you
may find it helpful to consult your local priest.
There’s no moral to this story – just a realisation that
technology and religion do not make easy partners at
times.
(Yet another Olaf ’masterpiece’ Thank you—Ed)
KILVE NEWS
IMPORTANT
KILVE NEIGHBOURHOOD WATCH
CRIME PREVENTION ADVICE
from Tracy Gorman
PARISH COUNCIL NEWS
from Shirley Rushent
GENERAL MESSAGE TO LOCAL RESIDENTS
There has been a general increase in the number of thefts from
motor vehicles recently. Some of these are occurring in shopper
car parks, some in residential areas and an increasing number in
rural car parks.
These rural car parks are often in beauty spot areas and
predominantly used by walkers during daylight hours. Vehicles
have generally been left secure and access has been gained by
breaking windows. Items left on display in such vehicles have
been targeted – such as personal items, satellite navigation
accessories and small change left in central consoles. Remember
this type of crime is carried out by opportunists. Make sure you
leave your vehicle secure and remove any temptation by
ensuring you do not leave any items on display; No matter how
inconsequential you think the item may be.
GENERAL REMINDER REGARDING CALLERS AT THE
DOOR - please remember not to have dealings with any
unsolicited callers whether they are at the door, calling by phone,
sending Emails or writing to you. They may be offering to buy or
sell items; perhaps offering to provide crime prevention advice,
repair guttering or cut trees down; or they may ask to gain access
inside the property. Whatever the excuse do not have dealings
with them in any form. Remember all suspicious activity or
callers should be reported as soon as possible to the police on
101 or in an emergency 999.
MONTHLY CRIME STATS UPDATE - DECEMBER
1. Anti-Social Behaviour (ASB) 7 reports.
2. Crime Statistics - there were 34 calls made to the police from
your beat - 7 calls were to report crimes,
If you would like to continue to be a member of Kilve
Neighbourhood Watch (and have not already let me know) or
want to join the scheme for the first time please complete the
form below and return it to Tracy Gorman as soon as possible.
The form may be sent to Tracy at The Old Post Office, Kilve,
Bridgwater TA5 1EA, left at the Village Stores in an envelope
clearly marked NEIGHBOURHOOD WATCH FOR THE
ATTENTION OF TRACY GORMAN, or the details emailed to
nwatch@kilvevillage.co.uk
Neighbourhood Watch co-ordinators are kept informed of all
crime related incidents via email. To enable me to advise you of
those that would affect us here in Kilve please include your
email address. Only relevant emails will be circulated, general,
non-sensitive updates and advice will be available on the Kilve
Village website which can be found at www.kilvevillage .co.uk
TITLE: _____SURNAME _____________________
ADDRESS _____________________________________
POSTCODE ______________
TELEPHONE NUMBER __________________________
E-MAIL ADDRESS ______________________________
8
At the last meeting we were pleased to welcome Barry
Whitehead as a member of the PC, a full complement at
last. The potholes in Sea Lane have been repaired, and
the replacement sign for Quantock View should be in
place soon, all the yellow grit/salt bins should all have
salt in, just in case just to remind you that it is for use on
the roads and not driveways. County Councillor reported
that the Director for children’s services had gone, work at
Washford Cross should have started and will take
approximately 6-9 months to complete, all young
mothers to be offered flu jabs, new Anti-Social
Behaviour, Crime and Policing Act 2014 was passed by
Parliament in March 2014. This Act has introduced a
range of new ‘tools’ and powers for tackling anti- social
behaviour that will replace existing methods. New
Williton Carer Support Group for unpaid carers who look
after family or friends, held on the 2nd Monday every
month from 2.00 pm – 3.30 pm, meet other carers and
find out about FREE support and training available in
West Somerset, for more info contact Ann Hope 01984
633058 or Compass Carers 01823 255911. District Cllr
reported that annual audit of the finances was ok and the
accounts team were congratulated by the auditors.
HPc works are continuing under phase 2, lots on the base
for jetty NW section, Holford Stream Valley, working
7 to 7, 5.5 days week, 40 apprentices have been employed, the Intermediate Waste may not end up being
stored at HP. Lots of CIM applications have been
received many of which did not meet the criteria so were
rejected.
Kilve Village Hall Committee and Kilve Cricket Club
will be putting in CIM applications in 2015, letters of
support have been written from the PC. There is a strong
possibility that the Mobile Library services will be
reduced to divert money to regular Libraries, the PC has
replied to the Consultation.
All Parishioners are welcome to attend the Parish Council
meetings. Please contact any Councillor or the Clerk if
you have any problems they we can help you with.
All contact details for Councillors and the Clerk are on
the Parish Notice Board
RETIRED PERSONS HEALTH MESSAGE
As I was lying around, pondering the problems of the
world,
I realised that at my age I don't really give a rat's arse
anymore.
If walking is good for your health, the postman would be
immortal.
A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, but is
still fat
A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years, while
a tortoise doesn't run and does mostly nothing, yet it lives
for 150 years.
And you tell me to exercise?? I don't think so.
Just grant me the senility to forget the people I never
liked, the good fortune to remember the ones I do, and
the eyesight to tell the difference.