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Southern Humor
The Funniest Paper
in Town!
931-668-7377
Celebrating 13 Years
P.O. Box 7335
of Laughter!
McMinnville, TN 37111
FREE
February 2015
Volume 14, No. 54
"Advertising in Southern Humor has tripled our business!
Thank you so much for a job well done."
Maria
Retirement Specialty Group
Funny Story about a Mobile Phone
George wants to get his beautiful wife, Jane, something nice for
their first wedding anniversary. So he decides
to buy her a mobile telephone. Jane is excited,
she loves her phone.
“We Make It Personal”
George shows her and
We Specialize in:
explains to her all the
Sympathy
different and varied feaHome Décor - Weddings
tures on the phone.
On Monday Jane
119 West Court Square, McMinnville, TN 37110
goes shopping in the
Formally “Flowers on Main”
local supermarket. Her
Pam Hodges
Owner
phone rings and it's her
husband, "Hi ya, Jane,
"he says, "how do you
like your new phone?"
IT ALL MAKES SCENTS
Jane replies, "I just love
Now & Then Gift Shop
it, it's so small and light
Specializing in Essential Oils,
and your voice is clear
Dried Herbs , Florals,
as a bell, but there's one
Sympathy Baskets & Soy Candles
feature that I really don't
understand though."
Kristin Ann Beedle
Owner
"What's that, Jane?"
112 North Spring St
asks the husband.
Downtown McMinnville,
"How did you know
McMinnville TN 37110
that I was at Walmart?"
1-931-224-3758
Triple W Livestock, Cookeville Tennessee
1050 W Cemetary Rd
MARCH 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th
IF NOAH HAD IT ON THE ARK YOU MIGHT SEE IT AT
THIS SALE
McMinnville Flowers & Boutique
SALE ORDER CHANGE ON THURS, & SAT
WEDNESDAY March 4, 2 pm
ANTIQUES OF ALL KINDS,
FURNITURE, GLASSWEAR, COLLECTABLES, ONE OF A KIND ITEMS
6 PM INDIAN ARTIFACTS FOLLOWED BY TAXIDERMYSKULLS, HIDES, HORNS, ANIMAL RELATED ITEMS.
931-509-7673
FREE ADMISSION & FREE SEATING WED ONLY
$5.00 minimum commission and/or No Sale fee per item on a Wednesday night
THURSDAY March 5 th 9AM
MAIN SALE RING 9AM
•
FRIDAY, March 6th 9AM
OUTSIDE SALE
Trailers, Tents, Feeders
Farm Equipment
Tractors,4-Wheelers
Exotic Cattle,
Zebu, Minis, Watusi, Highlanders,
Belted Galloway, Long horns, etc.
•
•
•
•
•
Yak, Water Buffalo,
Bison, (Buffalo)
Elk, Deer & Antelope
Hogs & Swine
All Trophy Sheep and Goat
stock (Big Billys, Big Rams)
2ND SALE RING NOON SHARP
IN THE ALPACA / LLAMA BARN
•
•
•
•
•
•
Registered Alpacas
All other Alpacas
Registered Llamas
All Other Llamas
Registered Sheep and goats
All other non registered
Sheep and Goats. (Pygmy,
Fainters, Nubian, Boer, Brush
Goats etc.)
$5.00 Minimum sale / N/S
On Outside
•
•
•
•
Main Sale Ring 10am
Peacocks & Pheasant
Swans,
Fancy Waterfowl,
Warm Room
Pet shop & Exotic birds, Macaws
Pocket pets, Monkeys, Wallaby,
Kangaroo, Fur bearers, Reptiles.
2nd sale ring--Barnyard
Ducks, Geese, Guineas,
Chicken, Quail, Pigeons, Turkeys
• Ostrich, Rhea, Emu
SATURDAY March 7 th 9AM
9AM Wagons, Buggies &
Carts
10 am Sharp
• Zebra &Camels
• Zedonks & Zorses
Reg. Miniature Donkeys
All other mini Donkeys
Reg. Miniature Horses
All other mini Horses
Standard Horses &
Donkeys
Due to cost of hay there is a
$1.00 fee per head to buyer
and seller on all hoof stock
Barn open 8a-10p
931-808-0231; 931-4323355,
931-808-8848
•
•
•
•
•
Reserved seats 931-256-7825
Krissmith573@yahoo.com
All announcements made day of sale take precedents over all written material
FOR ADVERTISING INFORMATION PLEASE CALL…931-668-7377. Visit Us Online at: www.SouthernHumor.net
3450
$
3500
$
2000
GMC 2500 SL Sierra Pickup
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$
400
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Craftman Riding Lawn Mower
42” cut 19.5 hp
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2004 Cadillac Deville
Custom $2000 wheels
2000
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2000 Nissan Maxima SE
Automatic
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Custom wheels
2750
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Dodge Dually Bed
1990 Ford F150 XL Automatic,
New Tires, 4-wheel drive
5500
$
2006 Suzuki 540K6 Boulevard
652cc
500
400
$
2500
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1990 Ford F150 XLT
Limited Edition, 5-sp
2900
$
1800
1989 Chev. 3500 Flatbed pickup
4 sp. several new items. Metal Bed
$
2013 Murray Riding Mower 24’ cut
1986 Honda Gold wing Interstate
1200 New Bike cover & Helmet
2002 Dodge Ram 2500 SLT 4x4
Automatic, 4-door, lift kit.
7500
$
2007 Harley Davidson FHX 1584
Debt Consolidation • Auto Loans • Bills
Tennessee
CREDIT
Come see us today!
931-507-0111
“Home Owned & Operated”
482 N. Chancery St., McMinnville
2)
Brought to You By Our Loyal Advertisers. Visit us online at: www.Southernhumor.net
Mitchell’s Automotive
& Wrecker Service
For all your shopping needs come to downtown
Tullahoma at
Clayton Shoes
Storewide Sale! New Spring Shoes arriving daily
for your Sweetheart! Free Gift Wrapping
& Gift Certificates Available !
Clayton’s The Family Shoe Store in Downtown Tullahoma
Serving the area for over 100 years with service, quality & ﬁt.
Specializing in Slim - WW for Men, Women & Children.
931-455-2722
Phone: 931.507.4550
Fax: 931.507.4551
• Private Mailboxes
Mon-Fri 9:30 - 5:30; Sat 9:30-12:00
108 W. Lincoln Street, Downtown Tullahoma
“We are cheaper
than the rest. Call
us for an immediate
response.”
75
$
(In Warren County)
Anywhere!
Anytime!
Roadside Service
931-668-1789
Happy Valentine’s Day!
Elaine’s
HAIR DESIGN
Elaine Rains
Audra Campbell
85 Bratten St. • McMinnville
473-9647
Open: Tuesday-Thursday
Friday-Saturday
Frozen Crabs and the Blonde
Flight Attendant
A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked
a blonde flight attendant to take care of them
for him.
She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator.
He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for
them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he
was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out. Needless to say, she was annoyed by
his behavior.
Shortly before landing in New York , she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, "Would the lawyer who gave me the crabs
in New Orleans please raise your hand?"
Not one hand went up, so she took them home and ate them.
Know Your Apples
Here is the scene: The children were lined up in the cafeteria
of a Church elementary school for lunch.
At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun
made a note, and put it on the apple tray...
'Take only ONE. God is watching.'
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the
table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples.'
Definition of Old
I very quietly confided to my best friend that I was having an affair.
She turned to me and asked, 'Are you having it catered'?
And that, my friend, is the sad definition of 'OLD'.
This & That Gifts
25
99
Heart Necklace $
Chain & Locket
!
get one FREE
Buy 2 Charms,
rrings
Ea
&
es
lentine Necklac
Va
r
he
ot
ve
ha
We
$ 99
$ 00
8
from 3 to
s, Purses,
e’
rin
gu
Fi
ed
Discount
uch more.
m
d
an
h
us
pl
scarf, ty
Forever in my
Hours; 10 - 5 Tue.- Fri. Sat. 10-2
1-615-215-4438 • 1-615-838-7949
109 West Main Street, Smithville, TN 37166
New Patients
Welcome!
Hickory Creek Dental Arts
J. Russell Hamblen, D.D.S.
Megan E. Taylor, D.D.S.
Bring Your Valentine to See Us! Total Family Dental Care
Insurance Welcome
Gentle Dentistry
• “Care Credit” Financing
• Cosmetic Dentistry
• Emergency Care
• Porcelain Crowns
• Bridge Work
• Root Canals
• Extractions
We Cater to Our Patients!
668-4184
2681 South Chancery at Hickory Creek
Near the High School in McMinnville, TN
Thank the Advertisers for the…FUNNIEST PAPER IN TOWN! Visit us online at: www.Southernhumor.net
(3
Eight year old Sally brought her report
card home from school. Her marks were
good, mostly A's and a couple of B's. However, her teacher had written across the bottom: "Sally is a smart little girl, but she has
one fault. She talks too much in school. I
have an idea I am going to try, which I think
may break her of the habit."
Sally's dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back: "Please let me know
if your idea works on Sally because I would
like to try it out on her mother."
We Have Hometown Services with
Everyday Low Prices!
Stewart’s Pharmacy
Plaza Shopping Center • McMinnville
Beautiful jewelry, purses & lots more
for your perfect Valentine’s gifts.
We have Regular & Sugar Free
Valentine Candy!
Happy Valentine’s Day!
All American & Nostalgic
Come by Stewart’s Lunchette
for great dowm home cooked meal!
473-3183
Mention
this ad
for
10% off
Don’t Let Your
Check out our purses & Jewelry for your
Sweetheart and Accessorize your “Little” Valentine.
We’ve moved to a new location!
Memory Lane Again
COME CHECK US OUT!
Check
us out on
Facebook
Embroidery & Gifts
554 North Chancery St. McMinnville, TN •931-474-7789
Kids say the cutest things
After a church service on Sunday
morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother, "Mom, I've deon
cided to become a minister when I grow
Consignments
up."
2039 Beersheba Hwy., McMinnville, TN 37110
"That's okay with us,
April & Billie
LaLiberte 931-474-4443
but what made you decide that?"
"Well," said the little
boy, "I have to go to church
on Sunday anyway, And I
Do skunks celebrate Valentine's Day?
figure it will be more fun
Sure, they're very scent-imental!
to stand up and yell, than
What is another way of saying Happy to sit and listen."
Valentines day!
S.A.D, Singles Awareness Day!
Welcome Estate Sales!
25%
• Sell Furniture
• Consignment
• Antiques
& Glassware
• Used Furniture
& Collectibles
• Refinishing
& Repair
Happy Valentine's Day!
FURNACE
go
COLD
this winter!
If you’re relying on an old furnace
to keep you warm this winter, think
ahead! Call now to schedule a preseason furnace check, before
the winter weather arrives.
Heat Pumps & Gas Furnaces
Sales & Service
O.K. HEATING & AIR
TVA Approved
601
Sparta
St., McMinnville
507-6393
Southern Humor
The Funniest Paper in Town!
What did the man with the broken leg
say to his nurse?
"I've got a crutch on you!"
Advertise
here and help
me bring
laughter
to the world.”
Pamela Hartman
Executive Sales
Call me today to place your ad!
pamelahartman2011@hotmail.com
Mt. 6:33 Seek first the Kingdon of God and His righteousness
4)
931-808-0299
Brought to You By Our Loyal Advertisers. Visit us online at: www.Southernhumor.net
Creative Paradise
Going Out Of Business Sale
Come and check us out!
Happy Valentines Get your Valentines
order in early . Call us today!
7623 Manchester Hwy.Morrison, TN
931-668-8334
“We’re the
best place in
town to take
a leak!”
Judy Copeland • Owner
ONE DAY
SERVICE!
New & Rebuilt
Radiators In-Stock,
Gas Tanks Cleaned,
Repaired & Coated
ALL WORK IS
GUARANTEED!
The quality remains long
after the price is forgotten.
Radiator Shop
435 West Broad Street, Cookeville, TN 38501
eville
Cook
Howard
Mayberry
931-526-9409
931-260-8438
Cell
Since
1935
931-526-2013
Husband & Wife Goes to Counciling
A husband and wife came for counseling after 15 years of marriage. When asked
what the problem was, the wife went into
a passionate, painful tirade listing every
problem they had ever had in the 15 years
THE PROPANE COMPANY
they had been married.
She went on and on and on: neglect,
8444 Manchester Hwy.
(931) 635-2995
lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness,
Morrison, TN 37357
(888) 208-5050
feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire
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www.lamptonlove.com
laundry list of un-met needs she had enDid you hear about the romance in the
dured over the course of their marriage.
Finally, after allowing this to go on for tropical fish tank?
a sufficient length of time, the therapist
It was a case of guppy love.
got up, walked around the desk and, after
asking the wife to stand, embraced and
What do you call two birds in love?
kissed her passionately.
Tweethearts!
The woman shut up and quietly sat
down as though in a daze.
What did the chocolate syrup say to the
The therapist turned to the husband
and said, "This is what your wife needs ice cream?
at least three times a week Can you do
"I'm sweet on you!"
this?"
The husband thought for a moment
What did the paper clip say to the magand replied,.. "Well, I can drop her off here
on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fri- net?
"I find you very attractive."
day's, I fish!
White County Lawn
& Tractor
Sales & Service
2705 Old Fort Parkway,
Suite L
Murfreesboro, TN 37128
0%
Judith C. Winters
for
48 month’s
with approved
credit!
615-295-2998
Financing
Available
Instance
$
500
savings
on all in-stock
units!
115 Dibrell St., Sparta, TN 38583
Email: wclt@blomand.net
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Authorized Dealer
931-837-8746
(5
FOR SALE BY OWNER
Come and check out…
Classy Closet
• Knives
• Swords
• Boots
• Phone Covers
• Rugs
• Jewelry
Come in and check out our gifts for
your Sweetheart, like Heart Rings
& Necklaces and Purses.
Ask for Gary
615-289-5644
Commercial
Building with 5 Acres or more.
more
info.
185 Trousdale WayFor
- Hartsville
TN 37074
call
931-607-4093
Open 7 Days a Week
Crossville Outlet Center,
Suite 120.
931-787-1599
the
Personal
Loans/
Auto Loans
Cookeville 931-526-3886
Murfreesboro 615-867-0551
Smithville 615-597-9930
Tullahoma 931-455-8095
Winchester 931-962-3323
6)
What did the bat say to his girlfriend?
"You're fun to hang around with."
What did the painter say to her boyfriend?
"I love you with all my art!"
What do single people call Valentine's Day?
Happy Independance Day
What is the difference between a calendar
and you?
A calendar has a date on Valentine's day.
My One And Only
Roger,
who was 19 years old, was buying an
www. STUFF4MYTRUCK .com
expensive bracelet, to surprise his girlfriend on
Valentine's Day, at a very smart jeweler's shop in
Victory Truck Lighting
LED & Incandescent Vehicle Lighting & Accessories & More
Hatton Garden, London.
Shipped to Your Door
The jeweler inquired, 'Would you like your girlfriend's name engraved on it?'
Phone
615 - 289 - 5644
Limited Lifetime W arranty on LED Lighting
Roger thought for a moment, grinned, then
PayPal / Visa / Master Accepted
Romans 10:9-13 Confess • Believe • Turn • Follow
answered, 'No, instead engrave "To my one and
only love".'
The jeweler smiled and said, 'Yes, sir; how
How Long Have You Been Married?
very romantic of you.'
When a woman on the staff of the school
Roger retorted with a glint in his eye, 'Not exwhere I worked became engaged, a friend and actly romantic, but very practical. This way, if we
colleague offered her some advice.
break up, I can use it again.'
'The first ten years are the hardest.'
'How long have you been married?' she asked.
Voted Best
'Ten years', he replied.
of
WantCallCash Today?
What did the elephant say to his girlfriend?
"I love you a ton!"
Bes
t 10
Years!
Happy Valentine’s
Day
Toliver’s
specializing in gold, silver & diamonds
Top Prices Paid! Let us buy your gold!
We Buy…
Gold • Silver • Coins
We Cash Income Checks! See store for Details!
No check to large or to small.
Storewide Inventory Reduction Sale!
Large Selection of Diamond Jewelry for your Sweetheart.
110 N. Spring St. “On The Square”
Manchester, TN 931-728-2360
Accidents Happen
Even to You!
Give us a call
Hoover & Son
FRI & SAT
11AM TO 3PM
Bring the
Family!
INSURANCE
931-473-2200
Brought to You By Our Loyal Advertisers. Visit us online at: www.Southernhumor.net
…Friendship is the thread that
keeps us all connected.
Gray Barn
for Valentine’s Day
from Morrison’s Florist
QUILTS & FABRIC
Come and check us out!
Beautiful Roses!
60
$
Notions, Aprons , Quilts for Sale,
Material & Embroidery Floss
Jennifer Grove, Owner (931) 474-6038
106 Jackson St., McMinnville, TN 37110
A Division�
of�
Preferred Hospitality Services, Inc.�
Stacy Redmon
&
Jeff Redmon
Valentine Special
Thurs. & Fri. 9am-5pm
Sat 8am - 12pm
After Hours - Call for Appt.
BARGAIN�
WAREHOUSE�
We Specialize in Making
Our Customers Happy!
Give Her Butterflies
Custom
Machine
Quilting
a doz.
they
While t!
las
Morrison’s Florist
931-473-3003 Day or Night
100 Clark St., McMinnville, TN
Owners: Carl & Nell Morrison
We also have Jewelry, Music
Boxes, Singing Stuff Animals,
Balloons and Valentine Candy.
Warehouse�
Sales�
Cell Ph * 870-751-0342�
liquidation
Hotel Furniture & Estate Liquidation�
* Selling to the• general
Comfortpublic
Chairs–* Certified and Insured
• Decor*�Pictures
Website:�
www.warehousetn.com�
3 Styles
to choose from
• Computer Chairs
E-mail: jsmith@volstate.net�
• Night Stands
• Lamps–Floor & Table
• King & Queen Beds
• Wardrobe
• Armoire • DVDs • TVs
819 W. Broad St.,
Cookeville,
38501 * 931-646-4880�
• Sofas
& SleeperTNSofas
• Tables, End Tables, Coffee Tables
Lower Prices
Bulk Order Discounts & TTU Discounts Available
819 WEST BROAD STREET, COOKEVILLE | 931-646-4880
SEE OUR INVENTORY: warehousetn.com
500 Valentine Cards Sent by Desperate Man Funny
valentine cards
Mike walked into a post office just before Valentine's day, he couldn't help
noticing a middle-aged, balding man standing in a corner sticking "Love"
stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. Then the man
got out a bottle of Channel perfume from his pocket and started spraying
scent over the envelopes.
By now Mike's curiosity had got the better of him, and so I asked the
man why he was sending all those cards. The man replied, "I'm sending out
500 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"
"But why?" asked Mike.
"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replied.
Love is Blind?
Phil, a smart and handsome young man, dressed in the latest fashion,
walked into this local pub. He noticed a woman gazing at him without blinking her big eyes. Phil felt flattered so he walked up to the woman and said in
his deepest voice, 'I'll do anything you wish, beautiful lady, for just $10 but
on one condition.'
The woman appeared to be trapped in the moment and asked as if in a
trance, 'What's your condition?'
Phil answered, 'Tell me your wish in just three words.'
There was a long pause, the woman opened her purse, counted out the
money and handed it to the man along with her address. She then looked
deeply into his eyes and whispered, 'Clean my house.'
Classic Bus Driver Joke
The driver was just about to press the button to close the doors,
'Is everyone aboard the bus?' asked Dave the driver. 'No,' called
Mavis, 'please wait until I get my clothes on.'
Well, all the passengers turned their heads towards the door.
What they saw surprised them, a young woman was wrestling a bag
full of laundry up the bus steps.
Phone: 931-668-4900
Fax: 931-668-3015
Out of the mouths:
Mother: "Why are you home from school
so early?"
Son: "I was the only one who could answer a question."
Mother: "Oh, really? What was the question?"
Son: "Who threw the blackboard duster at
the teacher?"
Hotel Furniture &
Estate
Kurt Smith�
• Computer Desks
Redmon’s Carpet
2512 Nashville Hwy.
McMinnville, TN 37110
The reason why a Woman's mind is cleaner than a Man's
mind is because she changes it so often.
Have You Heard?
It's better to advertise in
SOUTHERN HUMOR!
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Ads As
Low As
35
Per Month
That's only $8.75
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Call Margie today!
931-212-7952
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(7
2002 Nissan
Altima
Why did the stupid boy put clothes on the valentines he was sending?
Because they needed to be ad-dressed!
What is the true purpose of Valentine's Day?
To remind single people they are single.
an
2003 Niss
Altima
Mitchell’s Automotive
SALES • SERVICE • TOWING
204 Morford St. • McMinnville
931-474-1789
ROCK ISLAND MARKET
&
RESTAURANT
Live Bait & Tackle
Open 7 Days | Hunting & Fishing Licenses
Live Bait Minnows, Crickets, Night Crawlers & Red Worms
Artificial Bait - Picnic Supplies - Gas - Ice
1 mile from Rock Island State Park
I love to eat at
Rock Island Market
and Get Worms
Great Home Cooking & Desserts
Eat Here & Get Worms!
931.686.2007
1237 Rock Island Rd (Hwy 136)
Rock Island, TN 38581
Why is Valentine's Day the best day for a celebration?
Because you can really party hearty!
• Why are wives more dangerous than the Mafia?
The mafia wants either ur money or ur life... The wives want both !
• Marriage is like a public toilet. Those waiting outside are desperate to get in & Those
inside are desperate to come out.
• Compromising does not mean you are wrong and your wife is right. It only means that
the safety of your head is much more important than your ego!
• Whisky is a brilliant invention. One double and you start feeling single again.
• A friend recently explained, why he refuses to get married.
He says, "The wedding rings look like a miniature handcuffs".
• It takes thousand workers 2 build a castle, Million soldiers to protect a country, but just
One woman 2 make a Happy Home --------- A Good Maid!
The SMART HOME
Kubota
More Power to You!
Sales Event
Ronnie J. Gunter
Construction
Rock Island, Tn
931-607-3587
“ Building Dreams one
Anything
in your
that uses electricity
Home
Athome
A Time”
can be put on the home network and at your
command. Whether you give that command by
in
voice,Specializing
remote control or computer,
the home
reacts.* Most
applications
relate to lighting,
“Off
Grid
“
Homes
home security, home theater and entertainment
* Smart
Homes
and thermostat
regulation.
Call Ronnie
GunterPower
today for all your
* Green
Smart Home needs!
Power your baling with Kubota’s BV Series round balers.
$
0 Down, 0.99% Financing for 60 Months
*
A.P.R.
Offer ends 3/31/15.
Tennessee Valley Tractor &
Equipment, LLC
532 Harrison Ferry Rd.
McMinnville, 37110
(931) 474-1201
kubota.com
8)
*$0 down, 0.99% A.P.R. ﬁnancing for up to 60 months on purchases of new Kubota ZP, BX, B, L, M, DM, DMC, RB, RA,
TE, K008, KX, U, TLB, SVL and R Series equipment available to qualiﬁed purchasers from participating dealers’ in-stock
inventory through 3/31/2015. Example: A 60-month monthly installment repayment term at 0.99% A.P.R. requires
60 payments of $17.09 per $1,000 ﬁnanced. 0.99% A.P.R. interest is available to customers if no dealer documentation
preparation fee is charged. Dealer charge for document preparation fee shall be in accordance with state laws. Inclusion
of ineligible equipment may result in a higher blended A.P.R. Not available for Rental, National Accounts or Governmental
customers. 0.99% A.P.R. and low-rate ﬁnancing may not be available with customer instant rebate offers. Financing is
available through Kubota Credit Corporation, U.S.A., 3401 Del Amo Blvd., Torrance, CA 90503; subject to credit approval.
Some exceptions apply. Offer expires 3/31/2015. See us for details on these and other low-rate options or go to
www.kubota.com for more information. Optional equipment may be shown.
© Kubota Tractor Corporation, 2015
Specializing in
• “Off Grid “ Homes
• Smart Homes
• Green Power
Solar Fields
Solar Fields
Email us at : joleegunter@gmail.com
“ Building Dreams One Home At A Time”
Brought to You By Our Loyal Advertisers. Visit us online at: www.Southernhumor.net
!
e
n
i
t
n
Be MyVale
Crystal Wright
2-10
Bryan Wright
2-4
Happy Birthday to
Mattie Helen Basham
2-10
My Favorite Son in law
Aaron Barrett 2-9
Happy Birthday to All!
Lily Anne Wright 1-28
Janice Turner 2-2
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(9
Moving Day
One morning as Professor Thompson was
leaving for the college his wife told her absent-minded husband, “Don’t forget we are
moving today. If you come to this house this
afternoon it will be empty.”
Predictably he didn’t remember until he
found the house vacated that afternoon. He
mumbled to himself, “And where was it we
were moving to?”
He went out in front of the house and
asked a little girl, “Did you see a moving van
here today, little girl?”
“Yes,” she replied.
“Can you tell me which way it went?”
She looked up at him and said, “Yes, Daddy, I’ll show you.”
Wedding Day Speech
Father Henry was planning a wedding
at the close of the morning service. After
the benediction Father Henry had planned
to call the couple down to be married for
a brief ceremony before the congregation.
For the life of him, he couldn't think of the
names of those who were to be married.
'Will those wanting to get married
please come to the front?' Father Henry
requested.
Immediately; nine single ladies, three
widows, four widowers, and six single men
stepped to the front.
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God is Never Wrong
A king, who did not believe in the goodness of God, had a slave
who, in every and all circumstances, said: My king,do not be discouraged, because everything God does is perfect, no mistakes!
One day the king and his slave went hunting, and along the way
a wild animal attacked the king. His slave managed to kill the animal, but could not prevent his majesty from losing a finger.
Furious and without showing his gratitude for being saved, the
nobleman said, "Is God good? If He was good, I would not have
been attacked and lost my finger."
The slave replied: "My king, despite all these things, I can only
tell you that God is good, and he knows "why" of all these things.
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What God does is perfect. He is never wrong!"
Outraged by the response, the king ordered the arrest of his slave.
Later, he left for another hunt and was captured by savages who
made human sacrifices.
On the altar, ready to sacrifice the nobleman, the savages found
that the victim had not one of his fingers, so he was released. According to them, he was not complete so he could not be offered to
the gods. Upon his return to the palace, he authorized the release
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"My King, if I had gone with you on this hunt, I would have been
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sacrificed for you, because I have no missing finger; therefore remember, everything God does is perfect.
Mt. 6:33 Seek first the Kingdon of God and His righteousness
He is never wrong."
10)
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$
Joyce Argo
Executive Sales
35
931-808-2271
Car Keys
Several days ago as I left a meeting at a
hotel; I desperately gave myself a personal
TSA pat down. I was looking for my keys.
They were not in my pockets. A quick search
in the meeting room revealed nothing.
Suddenly I realized I must have left them
in the car. Frantically, I headed for the parking lot. My wife has scolded me many times
for leaving the keys in the ignition.
My theory is the ignition is the best place
not to lose them.
Her theory is that the car will be stolen.
As I burst through the door, I came to a ter-
rifying conclusion.
Her theory was right. The parking lot was
empty.
I immediately called the police. I gave
them my location, confessed that I had left
my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.
Then I made the most
difficult call of all, "Honey," I
stammered; I always call her
"honey" in times like these.
"I left my keys in the car,
and it has been stolen."
There was a period of
silence. I thought the call
had been dropped, but then I
heard her voice.
Joyce
Argo,
Realtor
John Argo, Realtor
Jane Wright, Broker
"Idiot", she barked, "I
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dropped you off!"
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“In God We Trust!”
Now it was my time to be
silent. Embarrassed, I said,
1400 Neal St., Cookeville, TN 38501
"Well, come and get me."
Office: 931-520-6450 E-Fax: 931-221-0807
She retorted, "I will, as
soon as I convince this policeman I have not stolen
your car."
Yep it's the golden years.
MLS 166966 This single wide mobile home has lots of add ons.
Each office is independently owned and
operated. Equal housing opportunity.
You hardly know you are in a mobile home. Large bedroom &
livingroom. Attached & detached garage. Wonderfully landscaped. 8X26 covered front porch. $72,000. Cookeville
Nestled on 1.8 AC. out of the city limits, you’ll find this handyman special
listed at below tax appraisal. Do it your way and feel pride in the finished
product. Owner has relocated. 4 yr. old CH&A unit, fenced in garden area,
a wet weather creek meanders on the side of property. Nice outbuilding
and trees on the 1.8 acres.ONLY $94,900 Cookeville
Feature: MLS 167125 : THEY SAY A PICTURE IS WORTH
A 1000 WORDS!!! Be prepared to be enchanted as
you scroll through the magnificent beauty of this,
one of a kind estate, with every conceivable luxury,
cradled in one of the most spectacular settings you
can imagine. Offers the finest in craftsmanship &
care. Presented with pride, at a below appraised value, of only $550,000. Livingston
MLS 167582 Ready to move in condition, with new flooring & paint. Only 4
miles to I-40. 4th BR could be used as an office. Screened in porch & wood
fencing makes this a private haven when you get home after work. The
separate gathering room and living room is great for entertaining. Large
eat-in kitchen & dining room combo gives you lots of cabinet storage.
ONLY $159,900 Cookeville
MLS 159268 41.86 acres wooded property perfect for hunting & outdoor activities. Minutes from Cookeville. Build permanent secluded home or weekend
retreat. Reduced $65,000.
MLS 168431 Hunters Paradise! Rustic 12 ac. tract
of Tennessee rural property. Just 1/4 mile from
Roaring River & only 10 minutes from Gainesboro
& Cumberland River. All information taken from
tax records & must be verified. Buyer is responsible for verification of all info of property lines
including survey. Agent does not know where
boundaries are. ONLY $12,000. ( $1,000.) per acre
MLS 168002 20 acres highly desirable flat property with septic &
well, lots of road frontage. This property is private only 3 miles off
of Hwy 55 in Morrison. A real fine. Call today. $98,900 Morrison, Tn
MLS 166405 Located between Sparta & Cookeville, this ready to move into
3BR, 3B, brick home is just the right size for a growing family. Partially finished basement with full bath could be guest quarters. $179,900
MLS 168679 Horse & cattle farm on 161.5 acres. Gently rolling hills w/ 140 acres cleared. Partially fenced 4 ponds, 1 is
spring fed. Was sowed in beans last yr. Large barn & equipment shed. 2BR/1BA cottage. Only $3,715.16 per acre, priced
to sell. $599,999 Warren Co.
MLS 166904 This cozy log cabin will wet your appetite to retreat to the country for some R&R. Nestled on a wooded lot you can sit back on the full length
porch, or the back screened-in porch, and enjoy quiet mornings and evenings watching the abundant wildlife. Impeccably maintained this custombuilt cabin features a large master bedroom w/ vaulted ceilings made from
knotty pine. Master bath has separate jet tub and showers. Sit by the gas log
fireplace and enjoy the quiet evenings. Knotty pine floors and ceilings with
beams. Enjoy backyard BBQs, or cooking in the immaculate kitchen with all
appliances and hard surface counter tops. A MUST See!$199,900 Sparta
MLS 168680 228 ACRES This property is a beautiful cattle farm.
Land is flat to gently rolling. Numerous ponds for your cattle.
Fenced and cross fenced. House needs repairs. ONLY $859,999
($3771.93) per acre. Property is in both Warren Co & Dekalb Co.
MLS 167205 Below Appraisal!! It’s the bargain you’ve been waiting for. Open & airy 3BR, 2B, nestled on 2 wooded acres with
view. 3rd bedroom does not have a window but does have a
closet. $99,900 Sparta
MLS 168196 2 BR, 1 bath mobile home 14X52, w/ large covered front porch with view of lake. Carport, storage shed, 1/4
acre lot. Home has been remodeled w/ new floors, paint &
counter tops, fixtures & lighting. Central heat & cooling with
washer, dryer, stove & refrigerator. ONLY $79,900 Baxter
Grandma on the
Plane
For two solid hours, the
lady sitting next to a man
on an airplane had told him
about her grandchildren.
She had even produced a
plastic-foldout photo album
of all nine of the children.
She finally realized that
she had dominated the entire conversation on her
grandchildren.
"Oh, I've done all the talking, and I'm so sorry. I know
you certainly have something to say. Please , tell
me.... what do you think of
my grandchildren?"
"But, my dear," protested
the henpecked husband, "I've
done nothing. You've been
talking for an hour and a half
and I haven't said a word."
"I know," the wife replied.
"But you listen like a wise guy."
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(11
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