33333 The Weekly + Thursday, October 23, 2014 We are an Open and Affirming & Just Peace congregation welcoming all of God’s children into our community of faith. Cresskill Congregational Church, UCC 85 Union Avenue Cresskill, NJ 07626 201.568.0608 bo@cresskillucc.org www.cresskillucc.org www.facebook.com/cresskillucc Dear Members and Friends — I am continuing our sermon series on Aha: Awakening, Honesty, Action. This coming Sunday, I will be preaching on the benefits of brutal honesty and how it will determine whether our aha-moments can successfully change us or not. I had a moment of brutal honesty this week when my cardiologist said rather plainly that I needed to lose weight. I knew I was overweight. It was a moment of clarity. He recommeded a particular diet (South Beach) and wants to see me in a month to see how I am progressing. He also increased my medicine. In a very real way, he was brutally honest with me. He wasn’t mean about it—just very matter of fact. So I went home, grabbed an old tattered copy of the diet he recommended (I’ve actually tried it before) and began reading up on it. A part of me remembered how tough it was getting started on it. I really hate cooking for myself—I love ready made foods. This will take some will power—since I know how tough it’ll be. I am sure I can do it. I just have to set my mind to doing it. What happened to me through my doctor isn’t at all like the Prodigal Son discovered his aha-moment. In his story, he comes to a realization on his own. Usually when that happens, it’s a powerful motivation to change. What happened to me was that my doctor had an aha-moment about me. This is a different movitation and it doesn’t feel as inspiring had I come to the realization myself. Still, the song is familiar. Many of you who know me know that I have struggled with my weight for years (and in truth, for decades). How is it that you are motivated to change? Is it because someone threatens you or when you realize what you need to do? Can someone else nag you until you decide to change? Or, are you hard-headed? I have a tough time changing—this will be a tough 2 and hard experience. I am confident that I can make a dent—but honestly, I need to do more than that. This coming Sunday, I will be preaching about the power of brutal honesty and how any effective change, from an aha-moment, needs it in order to be successful. We’ll look at Scripture and consider our own ways of succeeding, when at other times, we’ve failed. This will be a good lesson for us. I hope you can attend. This is our last Sunday of Daylight Savings Time. I’ve also heard that next week is supposed to be extraordinary. Let’s make sure we get outside, enjoy the weather, and soak up the sun. With fall here and winter peaking around the corner, we’ll miss these days soon enough. See you on Sunday, Yours in Christ, the Rev. Dr. David C. Bocock, Pastor Community News + Events If you would like to receive our free weekly eNewsletter called The Weekly, please send an email to our Pastor, David Bocock at: bo@cresskillucc.org and we'll sign you up. We promise not to clutter your inbox with emails. The church office hours are Monday through Thursday, 10:00 AM - 5:00 PM. If you would like to speak with the pastor at a different time, he is available by appointment. Facebook Church is an online faith study and liturgy. Every Wednesday by 12:00 Noon, a new liturgy is uploaded for your faith journey. It is a time of spiritual refreshment. You are encouraged to participate at your leisure. Help us provide a quiet time in the sanctuary before worship. At around 9:45 AM, we invite everyone to enjoy a few minutes of mediation and prayer in the sanctuary. If you would like to fellowship, talk, and be celebratory, we invite you to enjoy some coffee in the parlor and get acquainted with your friends there. Thanks! 3 Mark your calendars for the NJ Association’s Fall Gathering on Saturday, November 1 from 8:30 AM - 1:00 PM. We'll be meeting at the Old First Church in Middletown, NJ. This is not a formal meeting but rather a special spiritual experience. We will be learning about the gentle art of forgiveness from a troupe of nuns out of Philadelphia. Lunch will be served. If you are interested in attending, please contact the church office. Beginning in November, we will be starting a new Bible study on the book of Revelation. If you've ever had any questions or curiosities about the book, you are invited to join us at 7:30 PM at the River Edge Diner, River Edge, NJ. All you need to do is bring your favorite Bible. Help us Pack the Pew on November 2! Invite your friends to visit our Sunday worship. The person who invites the most guests will receive a prize. You and our community are invited to join us on Saturday, November 8 for a vegetarian potluck dinner, discussion, and screening of the climate change movie, "Chasing Ice." The documentary tells the story, in time-lapse photography, of the tremendous changes occurring in the Arctic ice fields due to climate warming. To RSVP, please contact Kathy Lindner by calling (201) 928-1787 or email her at kathylindner123@yahoo.com. Our Small Groups have begun to meet. Join one today! Their schedules are: Women’s Group: Sundays at 2:30 PM at the church Men’s Group: Alternate Saturday mornings at 9:00 AM at the church Bible Study: Wednesdays, 7:30 PM at the River Edge Diner Sophie’s Porch: Thursday Nights, 8:00 PM at Griffin’s Bar and Eatery. Confirmation for 2014 & 2015 has begun! This year, we are partnering up with the First Congregational Church of Haworth and Pastors Bo and Pastor Rett Zobriskie along with Jeanne Martin (a volunteer at Haworth) will be tag-teaming the teaching sessions. We will take turns meeting at each other's churches. This year we are excited to have four youngsters from our church participating: Isabella and Katie Schmidt and Isabella and Mikey Placentia. Haworth will have five kids. Our next meeting is Sunday, October 26 at 1:00 PM and we'll meet at the First Congregational Church, Haworth. Please keep all the Confirmands in your prayers as they learn about the Christian faith. If you are interested in promoting your Church event or project to the community through local newspapers, feel free to contact Carole Lotito, using our new online PR Request Form. The link is also posted on our website. http://bit.ly/CresskillUCCPR. Carole will create a flyer (and send you the file), register your event on MyBergen.com 4 and NorthJersey.com (and other sites where appropriate), and/or create and distribute a press release based on your request. Please continue to submit your internal promotion requests (CUCC website, newsletter, bulletin, Facebook) to Theresa Muti. More comfortable with a pen and paper? Hard copies of the PR Request Form are available in the church office. Please complete and mail to Carole Lotito, 67 Pierce Avenue, Cresskill, NJ, 07626. To speak with Carole directly, please call (201) 294-7309. One ministry we provide is to offer you the opportunity to bring one can of food per person every Sunday to be donated to the Cresskill Food Pantry, which benefits nearly 50 families in our borough of Cresskill who are in need of assistance. You can bring in your donations to the church during the week or on Sunday. John and Dot Pontician take the donations to the pantry at the beginning of every week. THIS COMING SUNDAY You are invited to join us for worship on October 26, 2014 at 10:00 AM. We'll continue with our sermon series, "Aha: Awakening. Honesty. Action." Our Scripture lessons are 2 Corinthians 13:5-7 and Luke 15:11-19. The sermon title is, "Brutal Honesty." The lay leader for the service is Mary Mayer. COFFEE HOUR Following our morning service, you are invited to get acquainted and catch up with new and old friends alike during our Coffee Hour. If you would like to help serve and provide light refreshments during our time of fellowship, please locate the signup sheet in the Social Hall. Joys + Concerns of the Congregation Starting your day with a prayerful devotion can provide added spiritual strength for what lies ahead. We recommend the daily devotions found online at the UCC's Daily devotional webpage. Every Sunday morning, we collect prayer requests and lift them up during the service. We also post those requests here including their name, for you to pray for them. If you would like to submit a prayer request now, you may send an email to Pastor Bo at bo@cresskillucc.org and it will be posted shortly. 5 These prayers are posted as of October 19, 2014. Please pray for: General prayers of faith and well-being The family and friends of Billy Brenneiser who passed away Judy Russell Margaret Brenneiser Prayers of joy for Laurie’s test results Don Crabtree to let go of his fears Emma's mommy Emma's baby sister, Layla Emma's friend Joe Praise that Kathy's test results came back negative For peace for the family of Joe Wagner, who passed away Family and Friends of Nina Benzoni, who passed away Joel Rosengrantz to find a job and handle stress Nellie Hutchinson, stress in her life Bless our country and our leaders. Eric, whose mother was killed in a boating accident All who are troubled and need God in their lives Healing between Cheryl and Susan Lynn Gotler, Howard's sister, to find an apartment Robert Smith Carla, Kathy's daughter, for safety as she works in Africa Emily, safety in Mongolia, during a teaching job The Kassing family as they deal with familial mental illness Kurt Horvat John Lupardi, for comfort and peace in his life Robert O'Dell for comfort, healing, and recovery Julie Schweitzer for healing and God's favor Ellison for mental health, job opportunities, and happiness Those who struggle with addictions that they won't give up Angie Pontician, suffering with depression Health & Healing Elena, for relief from head and neck pain Axa Duran's medical issues Dana Lyons Jeremy, who is temporarily blind from an accident Tatiana Logan, who was badly burned Gloria Hermo, healing from a herniated disc Chip Maurer, for healing from an accident Naomi Deeo, fighting cancer Mr. Marshall, for his recovery Gil Panganiban, suffering from Vertigo 6 Lucille, having heart surgery Judy Russell Linda Spadavecchia, diagnosed with breast cancer Terrie Clark as she recovers from knee surgery Christine Elder, a 3-year old battling cancer John Pontician Joel Rozenkrantz Robert Smith Billy Jean Crabtree's healing Nellie Hutchinson's health problems Phil and Donna for good health Pat O'Brien for health concerns Devotion + News + Tidbits UCC Daily Devotion from http://www.ucc.org/feed-your-spirit/daily-devotional/ What's Your Big Idea? October 23, 2014 By Lillian Daniel "I will pour out my Spirit on every kind of people. Your sons will prophesy, also your daughters." - Joel 2:28 When David Christian was a young professor at Macquarie University in Sydney, he grew frustrated by the rigid categories and divisions in scholarship. Teaching a class in Russian history, he wanted to examine his subjects from a number of unconventional angles. For example, when he looked at the 19th century, he realized that on average, 40 percent of Russia's revenues came from vodka sales. In a New York Times article, he explained, "So what I realized is that if Russians stopped drinking vodka, you can't pay for the army, and the superpower collapses. Here's a modern government building its power by selling a mind-altering substance. I was looking at it at the fiscal level, at the treasury level — but also in the village and also in the tavern." You couldn't look at that from only one angle. Everything was connected. Could he apply this "everything-is-connected" idea to an even larger scale? This 7 prompted him to ask himself, "Could I teach a course not of Russia but of humanity?" That question drove him back in time to the Big Bang and a wildly popular "History of Everything" course that debuted in 1989. His lectures then spread through the Internet to a broad audience of learners. One avid, long-distance student was Bill Gates, who watched the lectures from his treadmill. Gates was so inspired that they are now using the Big History Project with high school students. Don't be afraid to think big. You never know who will be affected by your big idea. Prayer Expand my dreams and ideas, God, and let the limits of my small thinking fall away. Amen. About the Author Lillian Daniel, author of When "Spiritual But Not Religious" is Not Enough, has a chapter in the new anthology, What My Mother Gave Me: Thirty-one Women on the Gifts That Mattered Most. Follow her on twitter @lillianfdaniel. Commentary: Race Matters: The U.S. Narrative Continues Written by the Rev. Bentley de Bardelaben October 23, 2014 More than two months have passed since the shooting of unarmed teen Michael Brown in Ferguson, Mo., and no indictment has been issued against Officer Darren Wilson despite recent testimony before a grand jury. During this period there has been elevated talk of U.S. race matters populating all media platforms. For some, the volatile subject of race/racism has become nothing more than white noise to be ignored. For others, it may finally be the opening needed to achieve a deeper understanding of the sociological, economical pathology which underlie the issue. While for many there is a palpable sense of déjà vu it just feels like another day in North America where the media exploits a hot button issue, peddling fear to sell papers, catch eyeballs, and/or improve ratings. Regardless of where one falls it is abundantly clear that a healthy discussion on race matters is much needed. But who can lead this national conversation? How can we begin? 8 Recently PBS' Point of View (POV) series televised a provocative series titled, "The Whiteness Project: Inside the White Caucasian Box." It offers rare, bold, brave, and insightful perspectives. According to their website, "The Whiteness Project is a multiplatform investigation into how Americans who identify as "white" experience their ethnicity." While my experiences, teachings, and cultural lenses are radically different to those persons featured, this program is worthy of viewing by all. In one of many snippets shown, a male doctor discusses his views. He asserts that "color means absolutely nothing" to him, all people are "human beings", and "discrimination is nonsense because we are all equal." In a word, he declares himself to be "colorblind." Each segment ends with a statistic. The one following the aforementioned doctor's POV reads, "73% of Whites believe Blacks should receive 'no special favors' to overcome inequality." In another segment, a woman who labels herself as "friendly" discusses "black men in general". She shares that we are "very beautiful people." However, it is clear her experiences have trained her to fear African American men. She further states that her "smile is not an invitation to follow [her] home." The stat following her piece declares, "More that 40% of White Americans say 'many' or 'almost all' Black men are violent." There are several vignettes shared and each provides a hearty starting point for a conversation on race. The takeaways range from "I have never come across anything that made me aware of my race" to "I don't get the 'white person' treatment" to "because slavery happened, does that mean we owe black people something?" This documentary clearly underscores the reality that people of color and whites view the world through vastly different lenses. The United Church of Christ developed a "Sacred Conversation on Race" tool kit to help further the dialogue in our congregations. While the first step is often the hardest, the learnings gleaned could greatly advance the debate (and perhaps even our society). At least, that is my hope. For additional information visit: ucc.org/sacred-conversation/ and whitenessproject.org/checkbox. The Rev. Bentley de Bardelaben is Executive for Administration and Communications of the UCC's Justice and Witness Ministries. WCRC secretary Chris Ferguson grateful for UCC witness Written by Anthony Moujaes October 22, 2014 Chris Ferguson made it a point to stop at the national offices of the United Church of Christ this week. Ferguson, the newly-elected general secretary of the World Council of 9 Reformed Churches, wanted to extend his gratitude and support for the church’s bold, public voice—particularly for racial justice and inclusion. "The U.S. churches are a key for us, and the UCC plays a key role in leading the understanding between faith and justice, and how that ties into its ministries," Ferguson said. "We want to learn from the U.S. churches, and we want to let them know we value and appreciate their leadership in our family." Ferguson and the Rev. Karen Georgia A. Thompson, the UCC’s ecumenical officer, believe that working with ecumenical organizations can be mutually beneficial. Thompson arranged for Ferguson to meet with UCC national leaders and staff during his visit to Cleveland, helping familiarize him with the work of the church and to see how the UCC and the WCRC can collaborate in the future. "It was a way to get people to learn about the work of the WCRC, and for him to learn about the UCC in his new role," Thompson said. "The WCRC has historically been interested in justice issues." "When the denomination takes a stand and does its ministry, we want them to know the WCRC family is with you," Ferguson said. "I think his visit was very well received by the staff and elected officers," Thompson said. "I think there was a good exchange of information and ideas, and points to places for future engagement between the WCRC and United Church of Christ." The World Communion of Reformed Churches, the largest association of Reformed churches in the world, has more than 230 member churches in 109 countries. With a combined 80 million members, the WCRC is the third largest Christian communion in the world behind the Roman Catholic Church and the Eastern Orthodox Churches. "The defining identity, our banner, is a call to communion and a commitment to justice," Ferguson said. "By strengthening each other through our justice work, we can make a better contribution to the ecumenical movement and make a better impact in the world." It’s been a busy month since Ferguson took office in September as the new general secretary. He has upcoming trips to visit the national offices of three other denominations (Presbyterian Church USA, Reformed Church in America and Evangelical Lutheran Church in America), as well as overseas trips to Egypt and Cairo. "The work of the Communion happens around the world," Ferguson said, "as we make connections between our churches." One example of connecting churches Ferguson alluded to was an upcoming witness in 2015 that focused on human trafficking. "We can learn from the UCC’s work on that, given its strong stances on human rights and immigration in this country," he said. 10 Ferguson is from the United Church of Canada, which is working with the UCC on a communion agreement to be voted on by General Synod in 2015. Ferguson is a fan of that growing partnership. "I’m excited to see it happen," he said. "It strengthens that justice with an ecumenical vision as we make stronger contributions together." You Teach Others How to Treat You You can't control how others treat you, but you can control how you respond. By Debra K Fileta October 22, 2014 Debra K. Fileta is a Licensed Professional Counselor specializing in Relationship and Marital issues. She is the author of the new book True Love Dates (Zondervan, 2013). Visit www.truelovedates.com and follow her on Twitter to get your dating questions answered and to learn more! She walked into my office looking a little nervous. This was her first counseling appointment, and I could tell she didn’t quite know what to expect. “Should I lie down on the couch?” she said, with a nervous laugh. I could tell she was only sort of joking. “Well, you can,” I said. “It is pretty comfy. But most people just sit.” She sat down in front of me, and began sharing her story. Life had not been easy for her by any stretch of the imagination. And through the challenges of her adult life, she had 11 come into contact with some really cruel people. “People have just been so mean to me. I feel like I’ve been bullied my whole life.” The truth of the matter is that her feelings were true. She felt bullied. She felt attacked. She felt like she had no control in the world around her. No one could tell her those feelings didn’t exist. But as a counselor, my job isn’t merely to listen to feelings—it’s also to challenge behaviors. Through the course of therapy, I was able to explain to her that no matter who you are or what kind of people you are surrounded by, you teach people how they can and can’t treat you. That phrase has ruffled some feathers in my counseling practice, and throughout my life in general. It’s a phrase that’s hard to hear—because it puts the responsibility back on us. I meet so many people who cling to what I call the “victim mentality,” believing they have very little control in their lives. They feel controlled by the world around them, like little pieces on the board game of life, being moved around without their permission. And the thing is, maybe that was once the case. Maybe there was a time in their childhood when they had little control, when life was unfair, when people were cruel and unloving. Maybe there was darkness and fear; confusion and pain; abandonment and insecurities. Sometimes, life is hard. And sometimes, we are the victim. But hear me on this: being a victim once, twice, or more doesn’t mean we’re victims for life. There comes a pivotal time in our adult life that we have to say no to the lie that we are a victim. You see, we are in our most vulnerable place when we feel like we have no control, because that is when we allow ourselves to be controlled. When we surrender to the actions, decisions, and behaviors of others—we let them take the reins of our lives and lead us wherever they please. Being healthy individuals means that we realize that we have some (although not total) God-given ability to control our lives, our decisions and even our relationships. We can’t control the behaviors of others, but we can always control how we respond to those behaviors, how we interpret those behaviors, and how we allow those behaviors to impact (or not impact) our lives. We teach people how they can and can’t treat us based on what we allow them to do. Your actions and beliefs about yourself speak so much to the world around you about how they can or cannot treat you. What you will and won’t allow. You have the ability to walk away when someone is speaking to you cruelly. 12 You have the choice to reject the lies that are spoken about you and to see them for what they really are. You have the power to recognize unhealthy patterns of behavior in a relationship and distance yourself from those people. You have the freedom to say no to doing something that is not in your best interest. You have the wisdom to define yourself by who God has made you to be not by the things people say, think, or believe about you. You owe it to yourself to respect and take care yourself as much as God loves you. You are called to love yourself in order to be freed to truly love the people around you. Teaching people how to treat you begins with what you believe about yourself. You can teach yourself to believe good things, because of a God who believes good things about you. Because of a God who saw that you were worth everything. Because of a God who gave His very life just so that you could live, and breathe and move. So live, breathe, and move in a way that shows people that you are His beloved, and for that, you are worth being treated well. Teach people how they can and can’t treat you. And teach them well.